Choices
by mik109
Summary: What could break Jayne? Rayne
1. Chapter 1

Title: Broken

Series: Choices

Author: mik109

Rating: NC17

Pairings: River/Jayne

Disclaimer: Whedon, et al. owns. Not me.

Spoilers: After the series and BDM

A/N: I've gone dark in this fic. If you aren't looking for angst, don't stop here.

Broken

"Do you know why we're being held?" Zoe asked River as soon as the guards slammed shut the cell door and walked away.

Zoe, Inara, River, and Jayne had been in the marketplace when the town police had suddenly begun rounding up all the shoppers. Before they knew it, their weapons had been confiscated and they'd been hustled with the others into the jail. The only advantage they'd gained today was a cell at the far end of the building, where they could hopefully see what was happening before it reached them.

River tilted her head to the side as if listening to something too soft to be heard by anyone else. "The guards don't know. New power in town. Just following orders. Corral the shoppers at the market. Lockdown small close knit groups in the jail."

"So they're not after anyone in particular?" enquired Inara.

"Like us?" demanded Jayne.

River shook her head. "No wanted posters. Waiting for someone. An arbiter."

"Alliance?" Zoe straightened, her mind already working on possible escape scenarios. The only way out of the cell was through the metal barred door. The window was barred, too high and too small for even River to fit through. The walls were solid concrete.

River shook her head again. "No. A uniform but she is uncertain of its significance. The details are blurry."

Jayne grumbled, "Ruttin' mind-reading ain't no help at all then."

"Can't read without the light." River rolled her eyes.

"Huh."

Inara explained, "She said they didn't know. She can't know anymore than they do."

"Still don't help us none," groused Jayne as paced the small room. He hated bein' stuck in this place when he hadn't even had a chance to fight to keep out of it.

Zoe didn't like it any better than Jayne did but she'd been in this position too many times to overreact. Without specific knowledge of why they were locked up or by whom, she knew the best thing to do was nothing. "We wait. Stay calm. Don't do or say anything rash."

The women's gazes all turned to Jayne.

He took offense. "Why ya'll lookin' at me? Li'l loon's liable to lose it anytime. Gorram girl gits techy in tight places."

"She is better now."

Jayne leaned down, getting in River's face. " i She /i can't even speak for herself."

"Does too." River pouted, glaring up into his face.

"Does not."

"Does too."

"Does not."

"Not helping." Zoe put her foot down.

"Sorry." They both mumbled and moved as far apart as the cell allowed.

Inara placed a hand on Zoe's shoulder, steering her toward the small shelf along the side wall. "You should sit down."

Zoe sighed as she tried to make herself comfortable. "Simon says I need to relax. Thought a nice shopping day would do the trick. We get out of this, whatever this is, Mal's not going to let me off the ship." She patted her rounded abdomen. "At least not for another few months."

Inara took Zoe's free hand between both of hers. Mal had been extremely overprotective of Zoe since Wash's death and news of her pregnancy had increased it exponentially.

"They're coming." River's announcement startled the others.

"They? I thought you said it was just one."

"More now. Something's changed." Shivering, River wrapped her arms around herself and backed into the corner. "Dark. Cold. Hungry."

"Bluehands?" Zoe stood back up, she couldn't confront anything sitting down.

Inara asked, "Do you know who they are now?"

River shook her head in answer to both questions. Eyes closed, searching under her lids.

Jayne wasn't so concerned about who at the moment. He latched onto her last word. "Hungry?"

"Hungry for what?" Zoe's stomach tightened at the thought. Her hands protectively covered her child.

"She doesn't…" River choked on the words as the dark thoughts hit the light.

Her eyes burst open. She swallowed a scream as one hand clawed at her throat. Sliding to the ground, she pushed farther into the corner, trying to disappear.

The others held their breath. The last time they saw her like this was…

"Reavers?" Jayne reached for the weapons they took from them at the round up.

River shook her head but wrapped her arms around her knees and began rocking like she used to when she first came out of the box. Her eyes slammed shut and tears crawled down her cheeks.

Inara knelt in front of River. Carefully touching the shaking girl's arm, she asked, "_Mei mei_, who's here? What do they want?"

"They want the girl," whimpered River.

"I thought you said…"

"They do not want River Tam. They want the girl. Girl fits the parameters. They want the girl." Her voice broke as she dropped her face onto her knees sobbing.

"What parameters? Who are they?" Zoe asked as she bent down next to Inara.

River cried their name into her dress.

"Honey, we can't hear you. We need to hear you so we can figure a way out of this."

River's red-rimmed eyes peeked over her knees. Her sad dark eyes frightened the two women. The hopelessness made them swallow their questions for a moment.

"No way out." River said as she rested her head against the wall.

"Of course there's a way…" Zoe'd survived the war for independence, she firmly believed there was always a way out. They just had to find it.

"Children of the Rise."

Inara gasped, her hand tightening on the girl's arm. Zoe's back straightened but she managed not to make a sound as she laid a hand on the girl's knee.

Jayne just looked confused.

"You're 'fraid of some gorram kids?"

The looks Zoe and Inara shot at him shut him up right quick. Had to be something else going on here. They didn't look much better than the moonbrain.

"Are you sure?" Zoe needed final confirmation.

River nodded, looking straight into her eyes. "She is certain."

Trying to clear their minds of the first flush of futility, Zoe and Inara took deep breaths. They still needed a plan. They reached for clarity.

"Maybe someone else will fit the parameters first." Zoe said with distaste. She had to concentrate on getting her crew out. She'd help gladly help others but her crew came first.

"No. She checked. Wouldn't matter. They keep all eligible candidates for later… use." River stated in a low, dead voice. She stared sightlessly at the concrete wall.

Inara and Zoe flinched, their free hands clutching.

Zoe ordered, "You can escape. Fight them."

"Can't. Too many." River had already discarded that possibility. She'd already discarded every possibility but one.

"Too many? You killed ruttin' Reavers with their own gorram weapons." Jayne didn't like this conversation one li'l bit. Crazy girl wasn't defenseless even without weapons. He was missin' somethin' and he didn't know if he even wanted to know what that was.

"If she does not submit, others will pay." River's eyes darted down to Zoe's bulge. "She will not endanger the others. She does ask that they return her body to Simon."

"Body?" Jayne really didn't like this turn in the conversation. The only bodies he liked were the ones he made dead and the live ones loaned out by whores. He did not like dead bodies with faces he knew, even the moonbrain's.

River earnestly entreated, "They will harm her companions if she is killed rather than forced to submit. But the girl knows how to die accidentally."

"Accidentally?" inquired Zoe.

"If she has a seizure and chokes to death on her own tongue, no foul play will be called. All will go free." River explained.

"All would be short one. We won't do that." No one wanted to ask why River could kill herself 'accidentally.' And, they certainly didn't plan on watching her accomplish another seemly impossible task.

"The girl could escape but the others would not make it. She will not endanger them. She will submit first." If she had too, she would knock them all out. No one else on the crew would die because of her.

"There will be no submitting," ordered Zoe again.

River begged them to understand. "The girl fits the parameters. She does not have other options."

Zoe and Inara's eyes met. Their clasped hands squeezed tighter.

"Then, we make sure you don't fit the parameters."

The women's eyes turned to Jayne. His eyes narrowed and he took an involuntary step backward. Although he didn't know why, the tiny prison cell had suddenly gotten even smaller.

River breath caught in her throat. She shook her head vehemently. "No. She will not break him."

"I don't think you could break Jayne. Not this way, at least." Inara patted the girl's arm. Cold comfort she knew but it was all she had to offer.

"No. She will not break him," reiterated River.

"Break me how? And why?" Jayne finally demanded.

Zoe stood and commanded. "Keep your voice down. We don't want to draw attention."

"Attention to what?" Jayne asked through clenched teeth.

They tensed as they heard the muffled clank of the main doors being opened. They didn't have much time.

"How long do we have?" Zoe turned to River. River didn't respond. "River, how long until they reach us?" commanded Zoe. She'd found a way to control the outcome. It was an ugly plan but it was all they had.

River's eyes beseeched Zoe and Inara, but they held firm.

"Twenty minutes. They have others to examine first." River turned her gaze back to the wall.

"Examine?" Jayne really, really didn't like this.

Inara stood next to Zoe and quickly explained the situation. "The Children of the Rise are a vile pseudo religious sect. They are cruel misogynists who use religion to bolster their depravity."

Jayne's face scrunched. "Miso-whats?"

Zoe answered. "Women-haters."

Jayne didn't understand. Why would anyone hate women? Sure, there were a few bad apples but that was no reason to hate all of 'em, they were warm and soft.

Inara continued, "Every three years they elect a new leader. We have the misfortune of being here in an election year."

Jayne waited for the shoe to drop.

Inara took a deep breath and plunged through the graphic details. "The new leader is selected in a perverted ceremony loosely based on divine right and survival of the fittest. A virgin is tied naked and spread-eagled to an altar. The twenty high bishops each rape her then she is placed in a secret, heavily guarded underground chamber until it can be determined if she is pregnant. If pregnant, she is kept there until she gives birth; if she survives childbearing, she is returned to the altar and killed. If impregnation does not occur, the girl is returned to the altar and killed. Then a new girl is taken and the process repeated until a child is born. The father of that child is determined to be chosen by God to be the new leader."

Jayne blinked. He'd stopped breathin' several sentences ago. No one deserved to be treated like that. And there was no way in hell he was lettin' anyone touch the crazy girl like that; she was crew. But, if they weren't gonna fight, what did they want him to do 'bout it? A light brightened in his mind. Zoe had said somethin' about parameters. What parameters?

Jayne's eyes bulged and he tried to step back again but hit the wall. "NO." If he could've breathed properly, he would have yelled. His eyes darted between the girl, the companion, and the former soldier. He tried again. "No." They needed a new plan; one where he killed a whole lotta people with his bare hands.

Inara and Zoe approached Jayne warily. He looked ready to do something stupid. What they were suggesting was ugly but it wasn't stupid. Their plan would get them all safely back to Serenity where they could deal with the repercussions of the action. However, first, they needed Jayne and River to agree but time was running out.

Since Mal wasn't there, Zoe gave the rousing speech. "We don't have time for any attacks of conscience. We either make certain she's not acceptable or we fight." She watched River slowly stand up. She knew what was on the girl's mind. "And no you couldn't knock us all out or accidentally kill yourself before someone yelled for the guards. Besides, you forgot to mention that at the first sign of trouble the guards stationed outside will begin shooting people in the streets, starting with the children." River stared into Zoe's eyes. "I saw too many atrocities in the war. I won't stand by and let one happen to my crew. What kind of mother would that make me?"

"We don't have a good option," added Inara. "This is the only choice which returns us all to Serenity alive. Therefore, it is the only logical choice."

Jayne tried one last time. "I don't have no protection with me. Besides, I'm a big guy, _dong ma_? I ain't designed to go breakin' no one in."

"Sadly, both of those reasons are beneficial to this scheme." Inara shuddered.

Jayne's brows furrowed.

River explained, "The girl will be obviously unacceptable."

Those were the first words she spoken in a while and they sounded like consent. Her next words made it clear.

"She is not in the most advantageous stage of her cycle for fertilization to occur."

Jayne wasn't certain he understood River's statement.

Zoe clarified for Jayne. "She's not likely to get pregnant."

Jayne didn't know what to say. This situation would've been funny if'n it weren't so deadly serious. He seemed to have been out voted when River flipped sides. But, Jayne wasn't sure Mal or the Doc would see it that way. However, they'd told him more than once to do whatever it took to protect the women folk; though, he highly doubted they'd meant this.

"I could order you if that would help." Zoe tried to ease his mind.

Jayne threw back his shoulders; he didn't need to be coddled. He was the hired muscle who did what he was told no questions asked. "I don't need no new orders. I'm already followin' 'em." Jayne walked over to stand in front of River. He apologized in advance. "This is gonna hurt."

River looked deeply into Jayne's eyes. She reached up and cupped his cheek. "She knows." When he flinched, she dropped her hands to her sides.

"We've only got about fifteen minutes. You need to hurry up. Inara and I will cover you." With that said, Zoe and Inara arranged themselves in as broad a covering position as possible in front of the door. The sizes of Inara's dress and Zoe's coat helped quite a bit. They began discussing the market stalls.

Jayne took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and, for once, tried to push his body to react to the nearness of a woman.

River reached up to the buttons on the front of her dress. "Would some skin help?" She whispered the question.

Jayne's eyes snapped open. His hands shot out to stop hers. He responded in hushed tones, "NO." He released her hands as if they burned. "Ya ain't takin' anythin' off. They could walk in at anytime. I don't need no help. I can do it myself."

River nodded. She didn't wish to make this any more difficult but… "She will have to remove her undergarments."

Jayne swallowed heavily. He nodded briefly and turned his face away from her.

River quickly pushed the elastic away from her waist and stepped out of her panties. When they fell to the ground, she nudged them aside with her bare toe.

At her stillness, Jayne turned back to River.

"Don't look at me. I can't… If ya… Just don't look."

River obediently closed her eyes.

Rubbin' his hand across his face, Jayne struggled to excite himself in this completely uninspirin' situation. Checkin' to make sure River didn't peek, he unbuttoned his pants and pulled himself out. The cold air of the jail cell didn't help at all. Time was tickin' too quickly, so Jayne licked his right palm and began to stroke himself to a minimal hardness, knowin' the spit would also provide a little lubrication when the time came.

Covering the slight sounds, Zoe and Inara continued to chat amiably about the days shopping.

Jayne wiped his hand on his pants, and inhaled desperately. He was as ready as he was gonna get in this situation. He stared at the top of River's head. "You're too short. I'm gonna hafta lift ya up."

River nodded and raised her hands.

Jayne calmly placed her hands on his shoulders, and then leaned down. He cautiously reached under the hem of her skirt, carefully leavin' as much fabric as possible over her legs. He shuddered slightly as his palms slowly slid up the sides of her bare thighs to stop on her hips, the cotton bunchin' up on his wrists.

Jayne still refused to look at her body as he gently lifted River into his arms until her face was slightly above his. Pressin' his chest against hers to hold her to the wall, his left hand slid back down her thigh to bend her knee and wrap her leg 'round his waist.

Fingers clinging to his shoulders, River raised her other leg and locked her ankles behind Jayne's back.

Jayne rested his chin on her shoulder but stared at the wall behind her. He whispered, "Put your arms 'round my neck." River dutifully did as commanded. "Now, bite down on my shoulder." Finally, River couldn't control her shivers. She buried her nose under Jayne's coat and opened her mouth against his shoulder.

Carefully, he cupped River's thighs to hold her steady. Takin' a tremblin' breath, Jayne guided himself to her entrance and after tightly squeezin' his eyes shut, he thrust quickly into River.

River strangled the scream in her throat, and tasted Jayne's blood on her tongue as she reflexively bit into his flesh. She couldn't prevent the tears from escaping under her closed lids.

Inara and Zoe's conversation stuttered to a halt briefly before resuming at higher, faster pace.

Jayne paused for a moment, tryin' to control his breathin'. Only the feel of River's tears and the pain of her bite helped him move. He needed to get this over as quickly as possible. Focusin' only on the movement, the same old movement he reminded himself, Jayne thrust fast and hard and as silently as possible.

When he realized his fingers were diggin' into River's legs, Jayne forced his fingers flat. He didn't wanna bruise her. His conscience laughed at him, yeah, like that was gonna be her biggest problem. Jayne pushed the voice to the back of his mind and concentrated on finishin'.

Ignorin' the distinctive smell of River's hair, the sounds of Zoe and 'Nara's conversation and the distant noises of cryin' and yellin', he closed his mind to ev'rythin' except the movement. All he needed was the poundin' of his heart and the racin' of his pulse and the friction of his thrusts. Bitin' his own lip to stop any wayward sounds, Jayne fought his private demons and came.

River's thighs flinched but she managed to remain quiet. She cautiously unclenched her teeth from Jayne's shoulder, took a deep breath, and waited.

Breathin' heavily, Jayne rested his forehead against the concrete wall, tasted the metallic tang of his own blood from where he'd bit his lip, and tried to steady his shakin' knees. When he felt strong enough, he tried pullin' away from River's body but her locked legs prevented him from movin'. He released one of her thighs to reach 'round to lift her calf and break her deathgrip. Jayne pulled out of River, bent his knees, and carefully lowered her legs to the ground.

River hadn't removed her arms and face from his shoulders and her legs shook uncontrollably so Jayne supported her with his chest as hastily stuffed himself back in his pants and refastened the buttons. He wiped his hand on the back of his t-shirt underneath his coat. Turnin' his face away from hers, he opened his eyes to see if the world was still there. As he glanced 'round the cell, he spotted a flash of white on the floor next to his boot.

Bendin' slowly, slidin' his shoulder down River's chest until she nearly rested across his broad back and his face had dropped under her arm, Jayne picked up her panties. As if in a dream, he gently lifted one of her barefeet then the other into the legholes. He closed his eyes and barely touched the sideseams as he methodically drew the cotton up River's legs. Jayne dropped his hands as soon as he reached her waist. He opened his eyes and tried not to notice the heavy scent of blood and sex as he unconsciously tried to smooth the wrinkles out of her skirt.

River breathed deeply then slid her hands to Jayne's biceps, allowing him to stand up. She laid her left hand over his pounding heart. She gazed up into his eyes and said, "Thank you."

Jayne just stared into the sincerity of her eyes. He wasn't certain he'd ever find the power of speech again so he placed his hand over hers and squeezed.

"They're nearly here." Zoe's voice cut through their haze.

Jayne's head jerked 'round towards the door.

River quietly stepped around Jayne's bulk. He still held her left hand but she reached out for Zoe with her free hand. River forced Zoe behind her body and Jayne's. "The arbiter won't take kindly to God's will being thwarted. He will lash out. We shouldn't react physically." She laced her fingers through Jayne's for strength and to keep him from hitting back.

Inara grasped River's hand firmly and stepped to her other side to further block Zoe from harm.

Normally, Zoe would have been appalled at such treatment but River's defensive stance instead filled her eyes with tears. She placed one reassuring hand on River's back and the other on her unborn child. She knew no one in the 'verse would be more ferociously protected.

They composed their faces and waited.

The unmistakable sounds of several heavy footed and clothed men approached.

A man said in a highly superior tone, "So far no one has fit the requirements."

A different man humbly suggested, "Good Sir, if we had been made aware of what you required perhaps we wouldn't have had to waste your time."

The first voice recommended, "You are told what you need to know, Sheriff. Do not make me regret keeping you in that position."

"Of course not, good sir. Perhaps, you will find someone in these last two cells."

The footsteps paused momentarily.

"No. Obviously, no one there will suffice. Send them home."

A cell opened and muffled sounds of people shuffling down the corridor faded.

The original footsteps moved closer and suddenly the men appeared outside the cell door of the crew of Serenity. The sheriff, the arbiter and the arbiter's flunky stared into the cell.

An overfed man in a highly ornamented black coat and overly large hat smiled smugly at the occupants of the cell. No one other than Inara returned the gesture.

"It looks like I may not have wasted my day after all." He peered closely at River as the sheriff opened the door.

Inara spoke clearly as a woman befitting her station. "May I ask what is going on here? My servants and I were purchasing supplies at your market when we were unceremonious forced into this prison at gunpoint. The Guild does not take kindly to Companions being--"

"You are a Companion? Your filth begrimes me with its presence, kindly leave."

Inara raised her eyebrows and looked down her nose at the arbiter. She stepped forward holding tightly to River's hand. "My servants and I will not be returning--"

The arbiter raised a heavily ringed hand. "You may go." Glancing over Zoe and Jayne, he said, "You may all go." He leered at River. "She must stay for an examination."

River held determinedly to Jayne's struggling hand as Zoe latched onto his other clenched fist.

Inara worked an affronted expression onto her face. "What kind of examination? My apprentice has no need of--"

The arbiter's head snapped up from his inspection of River. He glared menacingly at Inara. "Your apprentice? You called her your servant."

"While she is in her training, she does as I direct therefore she is my servant," replied Inara in a tone that conveyed her disdain for this conversation.

The arbiter's beady gaze returned to River for a closer inspection. She did not dress in the same manner as the Companion. Her hair fell in tangles around her shoulders. She wore no make up and her feet were bare. She could not possibly be a Companion of any kind. However, before he could open his mouth to dispute the claim he noticed something odd.

A small red pool resided on the ground between the girl's feet and a corresponding trail led over the side of her foot and up her leg underneath her flowing skirt.

Without further ado, the arbiter stepped into the cell around Inara and yanked up River's skirt. He noted the blood trail went all the way up her leg to mix with a milky liquid and the stain spreading across her white underwear as well as the smell of recent sex. Enraged, he dropped the fabric and backhanded River, splitting her lip.

River remained silent as the blood trickled down her chin. She gazed vacantly at the cell door, as if nothing had happened. At the same time, she and Zoe leaned their weight into their holds of the ready to erupt Jayne.

Inara's shocked voice conveyed her outrage. "I will not have my servant treated in such a manner. If she requires discipline, only I may do so. You…"

Ignoring the Companion, the fuming arbiter pointed a fat finger into River's tranquil face. "You have thwarted God's Will today. Your impiety will be remembered." With a swish of his coat, the arbiter stomped out of the cell and down the corridor. His flunky followed at respectable distance.

Neither the sheriff nor the crew of Serenity moved until they heard the main doors slam shut.

The sheriff stepped away from the open cell door and motioned for the others to step outside. He looked away from their accusing glares. "If you'll follow me, I'll see that your weapons and supplies are returned. Then, you'll be free to go."

River couldn't prevent a harsh laugh from escaping.

The sheriff kept his head bowed in shame as the group walked past him.

Not willing to believe the ordeal was over until they reached the haven of Serenity, the crew closed ranks around Zoe with River at the lead as they marched through the jail, picked up their belongings, and left the prison proper.

As soon as she stepped off the sidewalk into the busy street, River's legs gave out beneath her. Jayne plucked her falling body out of the air and began carrying her to the docking port.

The ferocious grimace on Jayne's face quickly parted the crowds.

"I liked the people who wanted to burn me at the stake better," whispered River into the side of his neck.

Jayne's grip tightened as he carried her back to Serenity.

River cried harder. Just as the Academy had broken her, she had broken Jayne.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Consequences

Series: Choices

Author: mik109

Rating: NC 17

Pairings: River/Jayne

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

Spoilers: the series and BDM

Consequences

Mal met them at the top of the cargo ramp.

"What the hell happened?" demanded the Captain as his hand dropped to the gun at his hip. He uneasily noted the protective grasp Jayne used to carry the clinging River and the heavy set expressions on his crews' faces. His sharp eyes scanned the crowded port to try and detect what might have caused these reactions by his crew.

Zoe uncharacteristically brushed his questions aside. "Not now, Sir." She and Inara thrust the shopping bags they'd acquired before the detour through the jail into Mal's arms.

As the unusually solemn crew members swept by him, Mal closed the cargo bay doors and reached for the intercom. "I'll get Simon."

River's head snapped up. "NO! Don't want Simon!" She hid her face back in Jayne's neck. She cried, "Please, not Simon."

For a moment, Inara's beautifully manicured hand smoothed the crying girl's tangled hair. "It's okay, _mei mei_. Zoe and I will take care of you."

Mal's stance stiffened at the quick view of River's tear-drenched eyes and split lip. Upon closer inspection, he also spotted a trail of blood on her leg. Inhaling deeply, Mal carefully asked, "Take care of what?"

His crew never even paused in their trek through the cargo bay. Mal agitatedly followed them.

"Just get us off this gorram rock." Even though this was the first time Jayne had spoken since the jail, his voice sounded overused and hollow.

Mal noticed how the three women flinched when Jayne spoke. What the hell was that about? Before he could ask, Zoe interrupted him.

"Please, sir, we need to leave." Zoe laid a firm hand on Mal's arm, forestalling any more questions.

Inara queried, "Where are Simon and Kaylee?"

Maybe some humor would lighten their expressions, Mal mused. "In the engine room, where else? For once, he's actually helpin' her with repairs." When no one even cracked a smile, Mal thought, nope, that didn't help.

Inara demanded, "Make sure they stay there, while you're on the way to the bridge."

Mal bristled. "I don't like--"

"Nothing likeable about today, sir. But we'd appreciate getting the hell off this moon." His normally stoic first mate's gaze conveyed urgency.

Inara broke away from the group and headed up to her shuttle. "I need a couple of things. I'll meet you in the infirmary."

Mal had a whole list of questions someone was gonna hafta answer soon. He wasn't certain where it'd begin, but one of them was definitely: what the hell could 'Nara need from her shuttle to bring to the infirmary?

Mal trailed Jayne and Zoe into the infirmary. The disturbed Captain watched the scene in front of him unfold.

Jayne gently set River on the medical table, but, even after he removed his arm from underneath her knees, she continued to clutch his broad shoulders with her face buried in his chest. Jayne left the supporting arm around River's back and awkwardly patted her shoulder with his free hand.

Mal still didn't know what had happened, but whatever it was that caused Jayne Cobb to comfort River Tam could not be good. The world could stop turnin' at the very thought.

Zoe took off her coat and washed her hands in the infirmary's sink then reached for a pair of gloves.

Mal put a hand out to halt Zoe. "Just tell me, will the law be chasin' us into the sky?"

Her jaw tightened. "No, Sir, already dealt with the law."

Mal rubbed a hand down his face. "That doesn't inspire confidence, Zoe."

"It shouldn't, Sir," replied his first officer. Her somber eyes met Mal's wary gaze. "We won't be followed. No one will try to shoot us down. We just need to leave." Zoe saw Mal's quick glance at River. "You can't do anything more here. Inara and I will take care of everything. Keep Simon and Kaylee away and get us in the air. Sir, we'll explain as soon as possible, but now isn't the time."

Mal nodded shortly and released her arm.

Zoe put on the gloves and an apron as Inara strode into the infirmary carrying a box with some jars and tubes containing stuff Mal didn't recognize. Inara placed the box on the tray and moved to wash her hands too. Zoe motioned for the Captain to leave as she stepped to the side of the bed opposite Jayne.

Mal moved toward the door, but his eyes never left the scene at the table.

"_Mei mei_, it's okay. You can let Jayne go now." Zoe tenderly touched the girl's arms to carefully pull her away from the silent man.

River nodded. She slowly slid her hands across Jayne's shoulders and down his chest before allowing them to lie listlessly in her lap. Her chin tucked into her chest, River did not look up as the merc backed away.

Jayne hovered for moment then joined Mal at the door, until Inara, donning gloves and an apron, ushered them out.

Mal allowed himself to be ejected from the infirmary but still had to ask, "Is she gonna be okay?"

The Companion opened her mouth to speak but River answered first.

"She will be fine, Captain."

Everyone tensed and looked cautiously at the girl. She held her chin up and fixed them all with a steady gaze.

"She will be fine." River's reserved countenance cracked only momentarily as Jayne turned away. Her hand unconsciously lifted, reaching for him, before she drew it back in.

Inara closed and locked the doors to the medical bay, shutting the men out.

Jayne seized Mal's elbow and marched him past the infirmary windows. As soon as they were past, Jayne dropped Mal's arm and headed toward the crew bunks.

"Jayne," said Mal as he attempted to halt the mercenary from leavin'.

Jayne shrugged the Captain's hand off and continued on his way.

Mal was in no mood to be thwarted again today. He wanted some gorram answers and Jayne was gonna provide 'em. Mal suddenly realized he was still carrying all the shoppin' bags. He hastily dropped them in the common room and hurried after Jayne.

"What the hell happened, Jayne?" yelled Mal to the retreatin' merc's back.

Jayne whirled 'round. He hissed, "_Bee-jway_. Don't want Simon and Kaylee ta hear ya. If'n ya gotta yell at me, do it all quiet like."

Mal blinked. His hired gun was takin' things way too seriously for his likin'.

The Captain confronted Jayne. "I trusted ya to keep 'em safe."

A muscle jumped in Jayne's jaw. "I did."

"Well, they didn't look too shiny to me," challenged Mal.

"They ain't."

Mal blinked again. Jayne wasn't supposed to agree. He was supposed to yell and defend himself therein tellin' his captain what the hell happened. So, Mal pressed harder. "Then, how the hell can ya tell me ya did yer job?"

"Can't. Ain't my place to tell."

Jayne tried turnin' away from the Captain, but Mal had other ideas. He seized the merc's jacket collar and tried to force the big man to look at him. As Jayne refused to look Mal in the eye, all Mal got was a fist full of fabric and the less than pleasant sight of Jayne's t-shirted shoulder covered in what looked like blood.

"Is that blood?"

"Yeh."

Mal looked closer at a darker ring in the bloodstain. That couldn't be?

"Is that a bite mark?"

"Yeh."

Mal got a better grip on Jayne's jacket and pulled the uncooperative man around to face him. "Jayne, what the hell--"

Finally goaded beyond endurance, the furious merc shoved the Captain against the wall, his feral blue eyes challenging Mal. "I ain't gonna tell ya what happened. If'n ya wanna know, ya'll have to wait until the others are ready cuz I ain't discussin' it more'n once."

Jayne ripped his jacket free and pushed Mal one more time to amplify his point. Then he kicked open his bunk, dropped down into it, and slammed the lock into place.

Mal stood alone in the corridor and knew he was gonna regret understandin' whatever had caused his crew so much suppressed rage. He threw back his shoulders and headed to the engine room to keep Simon and Kaylee occupied. While he didn't know what exactly had occurred, he trusted his crew enough to keep whatever this secret was a little bit longer.

"Okay, _mei mei_, they're gone," said Inara as she watched the men walk down the corridor. She turned, smiled at River, and walked over to the table.

Inara pulled a couple of pills from her dress pocket and offered them to River. "It hasn't been that long and you said it wasn't the right time but these should prevent…" Her voice trailed off as River plucked the pills from her palm and abruptly swallowed them.

River had taken so many medications at the Academy and on Serenity she no longer required anything with which to wash the pills down. Her simple action demonstrated almost more than the former soldier and the Companion could bear.

"Why don't we take this off?" Zoe asked, touching the girl's dress.

River blanched. "Don't need to. He didn't… He never… Just need to lift the skirt."

Inara smiled kindly, "That's fine."

Zoe carefully maneuvered the teen into a reclining position as Inara bent River's knees and placed her feet flat on the end of the table.

"Do you want a smoother?" asked Zoe.

"No, thank you. She'll be fine," replied River in a tone that suggested she'd just been offered a dish at the dinner table.

The Companion and former soldier exchanged a glance but did as bid.

Zoe handed Inara a pair of scissors from Simon's always prepared medical tray. Then she took some cleansing cloths and a chemical ice pack from a cabinet and pushed the waste can closer to the Companion.

River stared composedly at the ceiling as her dress was lifted over her knees to rest just below her waist. Inara carefully sliced the girl's underwear up the sideseams then laid the scissors aside. River raised her hips slightly to allow the material to be removed and thrown away.

Zoe handed Inara cloths with one hand and gently swabbed River's split lip with the other. After cleaning the wound, the first mate activated the ice pack and arranged it on the girl's face. River reached up to secure the pack across her mouth. Then, Zoe picked up and firmly held the teen's free hand.

The Companion tenderly wiped away the blood and semen, then checked for any damage that would require more advanced medical treatment than she could offer. Finding none, Inara took some of her companion supplies from the box and calmly applied an antibiotic cream to the tears then a gel to facilitate faster healing. Inara pulled the dress back down and lowered River's knees to indicate that she was done with that task.

As Inara pulled off her gloves and apron, River sat up, continued to hold the cold pack to her face, and dropped her legs over the side of the table. They all breathed a sigh of relief as they felt Serenity soar into the sky.

Inara lifted a jar and a tube from her companion's kit. "You will be uncomfortable for a few days but if you apply this lotion it will decrease any unnecessary sensitivity. Apply this cream to the affected areas every morning and night and you will heal without any residual problems. If you are concerned about anything, anything at all, please come to me in my shuttle. I can examine you again and perhaps offer you an alternate treatment."

River took the remedies from the Companion then said, "Thank you. Both of you." River locked gazes with the older women. "Right now, she'd just like to take a shower and change her clothes before the meeting."

"_Mei mei_, I don't think you need--" Zoe didn't know how easy the discussion would be with the girl in the room.

"She does need to be there," River firmly stated, disagreeing with the first officer. "No one will believe she's okay unless she attends. She is the one who read their minds." River shivered. "She saw what would happen. She made the choice. No one else is at fault but her." She dropped her eyes. "She broke Jayne. She won't let him face Simon and Captain Daddy without her."

Inara assured her, "Honey, you didn't break Jayne. He'll be fine. What happened wasn't your fault. Those deranged psychotics are at fault."

Zoe agreed, "If those perverts hadn't managed to become so powerful, you'd have never been forced to make the decision you made. And Inara's right Jayne's a tough guy. Tough guys are hard to break."

"The harder the surface the greater the damage if hit in the right location," recited River.

The two women fell silent for a moment before Inara reassured her, "I'm sure he'll be fine. You both will."

River just nodded and stared at her feet. She didn't want to argue. They'd find out soon enough.

River stood up on shaky legs. Inara and Zoe reached out to support the girl but she tried to wave them away. "She has to do it herself. She has to return to normal."

The older women placed firm hands under the girl's elbows. Zoe soothingly tucked a strand of tangled hair behind River's ear and reminded her, "You are not alone anymore, River. We're family. We are here for you. Always."

River smiled and blinked back the tears that always came when she remembered how much had been sacrificed on her behalf. She wasn't with people who only wanted to use and hurt her. This was her family--her parents had merely been surrogates who brought her into the world. River smiled again, a little brighter this time.

The Companion told her, "I'm going to walk you to the shower and then get you some clean clothes from your room."

Zoe explained, "I'm going to restore order to your brother's infirmary." The women laughed lightly. "Then I'll meet you in your room."

Inara picked up another tube from the box. "This is a special soap, the herbs are blended to calm--" She stopped speaking when River placed a hand over the tube.

"Thank you, but she needs to be normal. To feel normal. To smell normal. Her soap will calm her." River words allayed some of the women's fears for her sanity. She knew they were afraid she'd revert to how she was when she first came aboard Serenity, but she knew she wouldn't. She couldn't go back, only forward. And River understood if she tried to change anything now, the others would notice and worry. She also realized if she smelled differently Jayne would recognize it immediately and experience even more guilt. So, nothing new for now. All the changes she been slowly integrating into her routine would be put on hold until the world righted itself.

River smiled at Zoe and allowed Inara to lead her away from the infirmary.

Mal stood in the hatchway to the engine room, listenin' to the laughter and light banter of his mechanic and doctor. He realized something had happened that would dull the brightness of their day, but he still didn't know what had occurred and he had promised to keep them occupied until the others were ready to talk.

"Hey, you two decent in there?"

Kaylee giggled and poked her sunny face 'round her engine. "Yes, cap'n."

Simon leaned around the engine too, but he had a blush stained across his cheeks. "Did you need something, Captain?"

"I just needed to make sure we could take off even with whatever you two are workin' on."

Kaylee nodded vigorously. "Sure, cap'n, ain't no problem. This don't affect take off, only keeps us warm in the black."

Mal raised an eyebrow. "Will it be capable of doin' that soon then?"

"Another half'n'hour or so should do it," assured the mechanic before enthusin', "Simon's been all manner of helpful, cuz he's good with his hands."

Simon's blush darkened as Mal laughed. "You just get that workin' then. The others are done with their shoppin' and already back onboard so we'll be breakin' atmo in about ten minutes."

"Oh, I should check on River and Zoe." Simon moved toward the door.

The Captain waved him back. "No need. Ev'rythin's taken care of. You need to finish helpin' li'l Miss Kaylee get my heaters back workin' cuz, unlike some people on this ship, I ain't got no built in bed warmer."

Kaylee giggled again. "Sure thing, cap'n. Come on, Simon, we don't want the cap'n to get cold. He gets awful tetchy when he's cold."

Simon nodded and followed Kaylee back around the engine. He'd follow that smile anywhere in the 'verse.

After assurin' himself that those two would stay outta the way for what he hoped was long enough, the concerned Captain turned away from the engine room and headed to the bridge. Mal's laughin' countenance slid away to be replaced by uncertainty and anger. He didn't know who to direct his anger at yet, but he knew someone was gonna pay. He just didn't know what the accountin' would be for yet.

Inara and River nearly collided with Jayne as he stepped out of the shower room. They all jumped back a bit while warily glancing at one another.

Jayne simply pushed the door behind him back open and nodded at the women before silently headin' back to his bunk.

River swallowed past the sudden tightening of her throat and bit her lip. She couldn't prevent herself from once again reaching out for his departing form.

Inara held her breath for a moment then let her companion training take over again. Calm, serene, soothing, her mere presence designed to put people at their ease. She gently lowered River's reaching hand and retrieved the ice pack and items she had given the girl from her limp grip. Smiling, she said, "You go ahead in. I'll pick up what you need from your room and hand them to you around the door."

River nodded shortly and allowed herself to be guided into the shower room. She heard the door close behind her and quickly shed her dress. They'd just broken atmo but she didn't know how much longer the Captain could wait for answers. She had to be there when Mal, Simon, and Kaylee were told. Kaylee would cry. Simon would scream. And, the Captain? River needed him to be calm, he'd had time to think, to process some of what he'd seen, but if the family unit was not to be torn apart, the Captain had to understand and not blame.

She stepped into the shower, expecting the water to flow to warm quickly because Jayne had only moments ago finished his own shower. But the water stayed cold, and as she glanced around the room she realized why. No steam impressions littered the room. Not on the walls, or the tiles, or the mirror. Nothing to suggest any warmth had recently been in the room. River's eyes teared again as she imagined the merc so desperate to cleanse himself of the day's events that he couldn't wait for the water to warm his skin.

River bit her lip to stop her imaginings and realized she could still taste Jayne's metallic blood mingled with the salt of her tears. She cupped a palmful of the cascading water then rinsed from her mouth the taste of their sorrow.

She heard the outer door open and reached out of the stall for her shower things. Inara handed her the basket then said, "I'll put your clothes here on the bench. What do you want me to do with your dress?"

River shuddered as she poured soap into her hand. "Get rid of it please. I don't--"

The Companion cut off the girl's speech, "That's fine. I'll take care of it. I'll be outside when you're done."

"Thank you." River nodded to the shower door and heard the outer door click as Inara retreated from the room. The girl quickly ran through her cleansing and barely patted herself dry before donning her clean clothes. She knew she didn't have much more time before Simon and Kaylee left the engine room and the Captain called them all to the mess for answers.

River suddenly opened the door, startling the waiting women. She rushed her shower basket and towel to her room, absentmindedly noticed her earlier purchases had been placed on her bed, and ran back to the women.

She said out of breath, "She's ready. The Captain can't wait any longer."

They all looked up as Mal's voice boomed over the comm system. "I want everyone in the mess in five minutes." The transmission ended as abruptly as it had begun.

River tried to smile reassuringly at the women but the expression did not reach her eyes. The moment of truth had arrived and she was a mass of nerves. She didn't know how well the others would take the revelation of the incident at the jail, but she wanted them to believe and understand that she was simply grateful to be alive.

Inara placed the cold pack back on River's face, until the girl calmly secured it.

As the women walked to the mess, River chattered anxiously, "Simon and Captain Daddy shouldn't sit near Jayne. No one should sit too close to Jayne, but not too far away either. He shouldn't be made to feel or look ostracized. Simon will yell and be mean to Jayne. Jayne will feel guilty and in turn be mean to Simon and the girl. The girl will not be upset. The girl does not blame Jayne."

Zoe halted River's speech. "We know Jayne's not to be blamed. Those i hundans /i pushed us into an ugly decision. I made the decision. I will make certain that the Captain and your brother understand that."

Bracingly squeezing Zoe's shoulder, Inara added, "We both made that decision. We knew what would happen if we didn't so we made the decision." The companion lightly touched River's arm and continued, "Neither you nor Jayne chose the path you were forced to take."

River's face scrunched. She didn't know how to make them understand what would happen. She opened her mouth to try again, but never got the words out when she realized that they had already arrived at the mess hall.

Mal was already waiting for them. With his arms crossed as he leaned against the counter, his somber expression suggested he was a man with a lot of questions who did not intend movin' until all of them have been answered to his satisfaction. The Captain noted the ice pack on River's face, her wet hair, and her change of clothes without comment. However, his stance did shift slightly as if he wanted to commit some action, but had not yet determined what kind. He took a deep breath and waited for the others to get their asses in gear.

The three women exchanged solemn looks with Mal.

"I'm going to make some tea for everyone," said the Companion to break the stalemate.

River closed her mouth. Her step faltered slightly as she dithered around the table unable to decide where to sit.

Zoe firmly maneuvered the girl into a chair toward the end of the table on the side opposite the captain. She patted River's back supportively when the girl smiled her thanks. The first mate, then, walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a full bottle of whiskey and some tumblers. She set the glasses on the table, poured a hefty amount of alcohol into one, and handed that glass to Mal.

He raised his eyes at the amount of whiskey, but didn't ask why. He merely held the glass tightly and waited.

Jayne stopped just inside the door to the mess. He looked around, but didn't take a seat or meet anyone's eyes.

Inara paused in her tea preparations to pull a chair out on the same side as River, but not right next to the girl. When the merc did not immediately sit down, the Companion motioned for him to take the seat.

Jayne reluctantly complied, but moved the chair farther away from the girl. He could smell her from here, usually the fresh scent just said girl, but today it reminded him of the jail, and made his stomach turn. He barely glanced at the abundant amount of alcohol Zoe placed in front of him.

Mal shifted again as he noticed the subservient manner of his normally irascible mercenary, the fact that the man had also showered and changed, and last, but not least, Jayne's disconcertin' avoidance of the whiskey. The Captain's eye began to twitch under the stress of waitin'.

All the eyes in the room turned toward the sounds of laughter as it wafted through the hatchway as the Doctor and the mechanic entered. The women exchanged apprehensive looks until River dropped her gaze to the table. Mal and Jayne tensed.

Kaylee fell into the room gigglin', but stopped immediately at first sight of the faces of the others. Simon still laughing stumbled into her back.

"Hey, why did you stop?" asked the Doctor as he steadied himself on the hatch frame. He smiled at Kaylee's profile until he noticed her wary expression and followed her gaze farther into the room. His breath caught in his throat as he too saw the looks on the others' faces. His brotherly instincts went into overdrive when he spotted the cold pack River held to her lip. Hastily moving the mechanic aside, Simon rushed toward his sister. "_Mei mei_, what happened?"

Zoe stepped in front of Simon and firmly grabbed his arm. When he tried to brush her off, she ordered, "Sit down."

"I need--"

Zoe affirmed, "Already taken care of, Doc. Right now, I need you to sit down."

"But, I'm her brother and her doctor. I should--"

"You should sit down, Simon," assured Inara.

Mal commanded, "Sit down, Doc."

When Simon attempted to move toward River, Inara pulled out a chair in the middle of the table on the side opposite his sister. Simon struggled briefly with Zoe's unrelenting grip as she steered him over to the chair, but he couldn't bring himself to shove the pregnant woman away. So he sat in the chair provided to him while his gaze never left River's downturned face.

Inara offered the chair opposite Jayne to Kaylee, who still stood dumbfounded at the mess entrance. Kaylee blinked back the tears she didn't know why were formin' in her eyes and took the chair chosen by the Companion. Inara smiled kindly at the mechanic and briefly patted her shoulder before returning to gathering the tea things onto a tray.

Zoe poured another sizeable amount of whiskey into a glass then handed it to the steaming doctor. She poured one last smaller amount of alcohol and set that glass on the table in front of River.

Before Simon could voice an objection, River downed the fiery liquid in one gulp then crashed the tumbler back onto the table. She never looked up.

Simon was too stunned to say anything.

Kaylee's eyes got real wide. She knew by the looks on their faces somethin' bad had happened, but she hadn't realized it was River drinkin' kinda bad. The mechanic looked at her friend and noticed that the younger girl's hair was drippin' wet, as if she took a shower, and she'd changed outta her pretty blue dress with the flowers on the hem. Kaylee glanced at Jayne and saw that he had showered and changed too. She wondered why 'Nara and Zoe hadn't.

Mal shifted uneasily. He knew Zoe would've clocked anyone else for givin' alcohol to the girl, but doin' it herself meant this was worse than he had thought.

Inara anxiously gauged the reactions of the crew, and was disheartened to see that it was going as expected which wasn't helpful at all.

When Jayne saw the small amount of whiskey Zoe had poured, he knew who the drink was for. He watched, as if in slow motion, as River's hand lifted from her lap, her slim fingers slid around the glass, she raised it, tilted her head back, swallowed the amber liquid, and nearly broke the glass on the table all without openin' her eyes. That had to have burned like hell down her slender throat, but she gave no outward appearance of discomfort. If'n it'd been any other day he'd've been right impressed, but, today, he only felt worse. The li'l crazy girl had been driven to drink when he couldn't even bear thinkin' about eatin' or drinkin' anythin'. His stomach roiled at the very thought. He stared at the whiskey, tryin' to remember why he had liked it before.

The first mate sat down at the end of the table next to Jayne. She placed the half empty bottle next to the merc's untouched glass and waited for Inara to pass out the tea. She'd given ugly orders before, and under normal circumstances she would have been rejoicing that no one got killed because of it. Zoe tried to take comfort in the fact that they were all alive. She rested her hand over her child and took a deep healing breath.

The Companion set the tray down on the table next to Simon, then poured out the tea and passed the full cups to Zoe, Kaylee, Simon, River, and lastly herself before taking a fortifying sip and sitting down. She was glad her training had helped in some small ways today. She had given River as much physical attention as she could, and she would continue to offer the girl emotional care as well. For now, Inara used her training to remain as calm as possible and appear even more so.

Mal commanded, "Okay, now that the niceties have been observed, I'd like some answers. Startin' with what in the ruttin' hell happened when you four were dirtside?"

The four in question visibly flinched at the Captain's unfortunate choice of words.

Zoe, as the highest ranked member of the group, began the tale, "We were in the open market when the police began rounding up the shoppers."

"You were picked up by the police? Did they recognize River? Is the Alliance after us?" Simon began to stand but Inara firmly pushed him back into his chair.

"No, they didn't recognize River. No, the Alliance isn't after us. But, yes, we were picked up by the _authorities_." The hatred Zoe infused into that last word was palpable. She continued, "We, along with the other shoppers, were forced into the jail for reasons none of us knew at the time."

While he knew Zoe wouldn't skimp on the important details, Mal decided to skip to the chase. He'd already been assured his crew was safe, relatively speakin' as he glanced at River and Jayne, but he needed to know why. "What were the reasons?"

His first mate answered honestly, "We were never officially told, sir."

An extremely confused Simon asked, "Never officially told? How did you find out then?"

Everyone in the room jumped slightly as River spoke. "The girl told them."

Simon asked, "Is that when you were hurt, _mei mei_?" Before River could answer, he implored, "Won't you please let me see what happened to you?"

River looked into her beloved brother's frantic face, and lowered the cold pack to the table. Kaylee gasped when she saw her friend's badly split lip and the surroundin' bruises. Simon again tried to move to his sister's side, but once again was calmly restrained by the Companion. Mal noticed what looked like the shape of the cross in the center of the wound as he took a swig of his whiskey and decided on a new question.

Simon gasped, "How did you get that?"

Overriding Simon's question, Mal demanded, "Better yet, who hit you?"

Simon gasped again. "Someone hit you? Why would someone do that?" The already overwrought young doctor turned to Jayne. "I thought you were supposed to protect them? Or do you not consider protecting my sister to be part of your duties?" Simon sneered at the silent merc.

The Captain didn't interfere because he was wonderin' the same thin'. He'd ordered his hired weapon to accompany the women on their shopping excursion, and Mal had, with a hand on his sidearm, clearly expressed to the man that he was to do absolutely ev'rythin' in his power to protect the women. He'd thought Jayne had gotten the picture. Now, it appeared his merc hadn't been listenin' and Mal didn't take kindly to this latest round of insubordination.

Jayne's head shot up from his contemplation of the whiskey. His lip curled as he glared at the doctor. Takin' a deep breath, the large merc bared his teeth and snarled.

To save Jayne from having to speak, River assured, "Jayne did protect the girl. He isn't the one who hit her."

Simon refused to back down. "But obviously he let someone else do it," blustered her brother.

"Only because the girl held his hand down," River told him fiercely.

"So, did I," agreed Zoe.

Mal took another swig of his drink.

Simon perplexed turned to the first mate. "You prevented him from stopping someone from hitting my sister? Why would you do that?"

When Simon eyes slid away, Jayne's gaze dropped back down to the glass of amber liquid. A muscle jerked in his jaw but he still refused to speak.

Zoe deadpanned, "Because I wanted everyone to walk out of that jail cell alive."

"She was hit while in the jail cell? Why? And by whom?" The astonished Doctor demanded of the former soldier.

River admonished her brother, "Leave her alone. So much stress isn't good for the baby. He needs more peace." Suitably chastised, Simon fell silent for a moment.

Mal agreed with the girl, "Zoe why don't you go to your room? We can handle this discussion without you."

Zoe was not about to leave, and said so, "No, Sir, I need to stay."

By the look in her eyes, Mal knew he wouldn't budge his first officer. "Fine." Then he reminded his crew, "I'd still like to know who hit River." The Captain wanted an answer to that line of thought, but he was rapidly becomin' more agitated by the girl's defense of Jayne and Jayne's apparent inability to defend himself. Mal also noted how the merc flinched ev'rytime River spoke, and, while the man wouldn't look at her straight on as usual, Jayne kept sneakin' peeks at her form under his lashes.

River rolled her shoulders then responded, "The arbiter hit the girl because she had thwarted God's Will."

"Arbiter?" Mal's faked nonchalance ended as he straightened and stood away from the wall. He'd heard that term before. He wasn't certain where or when but he remembered it hadn't been a good tale. And, exactly how did River thwart God's Will?

Simon was more confused and inquired, "God's Will?"

Following a fortifying breath, Inara guided, "I think the story is becoming confused with so many new questions. I think we should go back to the reason we were being held against our will."

Simon huffed, "Confused? My sister is the injured party. I have a right to know what happened to her."

The Captain had finally had enough of the younger man's constant interruptions, so Mal drained his glass, thumped it onto the table, and then leaned menacingly onto the end of table next to 'Nara. "You have a point there doctor. Your sister is the only one with a split lip, but she ain't the only one involved. In case you hadn't noticed, no one who went dirtside is lookin' too shiny. My first mate, my merc, and my…ah…Inara ain't visibly bleedin'," Mal remembered Jayne's bloody t-shirt, "like your sis, but they don't appear unscathed neither. And, while I agree you do have the right to ask questions to protect your own, I expect you to remember so do I. I have been assured my ship ain't in jeopardy, but I still don't know what happened. So, for now, Doc, I look forward to you sittin' there all nice and quiet like because from here on out I'm gonna be askin' the questions."

Simon seemed like he was about to dispute the Captain's claim when he recognized Mal's "I will gladly shoot you if you speak" look. The disturbed Doctor breathed deeply and drank his tea. Kaylee laced her fingers through those on Simon's free hand for mutual support. He smiled at her briefly and squeezed her hand. The mechanic didn't know exactly what was goin' on, but she was really startin' to get frightened.

Mal started the conversation back up, "Now let me get this straight, ya'll were shoppin' and then got locked in the jail with a bunch of other people."

Zoe clarified, "The group was separated at the jail, sir. Inara, River, Jayne, and I were placed in a cell together at the end of the bloc."

Mal stood straighter and waved a hand. "Okay, see, now we know more. Ya'll had your own cozy little place."

River described the cell without emotion, "Concrete walls. High window. Low light. Barred door."

That sounded like every prison he'd ever had the misfortune of bein' in, but the way the girl depicted it made the Captain shiver. Contrarily, he expressed, "Sounds lovely. So you had this room all to yourselves for reasons you were never officially told."

Zoe nodded, "Yes, sir."

"But our li'l albatross knew."

River raced through an explanation as if she expected to be cutoff at any moment. "She didn't know why when they were rounded up at the market, disarmed, and put in the jail. The sheriff and his deputies didn't know why, they were just following the orders of the new power in town. If they had known, she would have known and she would have slipped away before they could have taken her to the jail. She would not have endangered the crew. But they didn't know, so she didn't know until it was too late, until they were already trapped."

Mal leaned back down, resting his knuckles on the table top. From her hurried explanation, he got the distinct impression that most of what happened today would have been avoided if River had known somethin' earlier than she did.

While still unsure what had happened, Simon placated, "_Mei mei_, I am certain you didn't endanger anyone."

River shook her head negating her brother's soothing. "But she did. She endangered everyone," her voice trailed off, "She always endangers everyone."

Everyone in the room stiffened. The girl did have trouble swirling around her at all times but she hadn't brought it on herself. She'd been an unwilling victim of too many criminal acts, but she'd saved the crew more times than she would acknowledge.

Kaylee sniffed and tried not to cry. Inara's and Zoe's hands clenched around their tea cups. Jayne dug his nails into his palms.

Her brother rushed into the silence to rescue her again. "No, that's not true," argued Simon.

Mal confirmed, "It ain't true, li'l one," he shook his head to clear away the fog, "but at the moment I don't wanna know why ya think you endangered anyone. I want to know when did you know?"

Simon looked like he wanted to continue his argument but the Companion placed a gentle hand over his, warning him to remain quiet.

River calmly answered Mal's request, "When the others arrived at the jail."

Mal's head whipped around as peered more closely at the girl. "What others?"

River's expression clouded over and her voice faltered, "The arbiter and his…associates."

Associates? So, it was the arbiter and some pals? The memory of where he'd heard the term arbiter tickled the edges of the Captain's mind. He did comprehend that River, and therefore the rest of the crew, hadn't known the reason for their confinement until nearly the moment of…judgment? Not much time to plan or even react. Mal swallowed hard, but asked lightly, "So the arbiter knew?"

"Yes, the arbiter knew so the girl knew," replied River in a stronger tone.

Watchin' the girl narrowly, Mal asked, "Now what did the arbiter know?"

River blanched and tried to swallow the constriction in her throat.

Inara tried again to redirect the conversation, "The important part here isn't so much what the arbiter knew but who he and his associates were."

River's heart started to pound and her breathing became labored.

Mal tried not to panic. The girl used to have daily screamin' fits, but she'd been much better since Miranda. However, the Captain didn't think he'd ever seen her quite like this.

Struggling with his own panic, Simon began to rise but the Companion once again held him down. "River--"

The Captain closed his eyes. He still really didn't want to know but he asked because he still had to know. This would kick his memory into place. "Who were they?"

Zoe's broke in, "The Children of the Rise, Sir."

River began to shiver. She wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to still the tremors. Jayne tried not to notice.

The Captain didn't think he could breathe. Mal ground out through gritted teeth, "You were bein' held by the Children of the Rise?" He prayed his hearin' was goin' or this was all some nightmare because now he did remember where he'd heard the term arbiter before, and he wished he hadn't.

Zoe's eyes met her captain's. The hard glint told him the answer even before she said, "Unfortunately, yes, Sir, we were."

The Captain wanted to swear loudly and for a very long time, but all the Mandarin curses that came to his mind made him recoil. He looked at 'Nara and Zoe's deceptively passive countenances and the clenched jaws and the tightenin' 'round their eyes. He looked at River as she struggled for composure. Lastly, Mal looked at Jayne, the often unpleasant and rude merc who could seemingly say or do anythin' without a care, but who now couldn't meet his captain's gaze. The whole idea of what must have happened today made Mal boil, because he had heard about what happened at that group's ceremonies and he knew that the arbiter's job was to find the vessel, otherwise known as the virgin sacrifice. But, since his crew was on the ship, the arbiter had obviously not found one at the jail, which raised a lot of questions about River he wasn't sure he wanted answered.

Simon said, "I thought they were just campfire boogeyman."

Zoe reminded him, "You thought Reavers were campfire boogeyman too."

Not liking how the puzzle pieces were fittin' together in his head when he thought about River's leg, the bite mark on Jayne's shoulder, and the fact that they were talkin' about those damn_hundans_, Mal angrily demanded of Simon, "Ain'tcha figured out yet that life out here in the black is different from what you were taught in the Core."

Kaylee questioned warily, "Ain't they some nutty religious cult?"

Inara's beautiful face cracked for a moment before she responded, "More like disgusting psychotic misogynists, but yes they are a dubious religious sect."

Kaylee's face scrunched. "Misa-whats?"

Simon reflexively explained, "Women-haters."

Jayne gave a quick bark of laughter.

Simon glared at him.

Mal stared at his merc and took note of the lack of amusement in Jayne's laugh and the fact that Jayne had returned to his careful consideration of the table top. The only reason the Captain resisted the urge to haul the larger man outta the chair for an accountin' of what musta happened in that jail cell was because he recognized defeat in the way his hired muscle sat hunched over and perfectly still.

"Déjà vu, sir," Zoe clarified attempting to pacify the Captain and the Doctor.

Inara sighed, "Misogynist seems to be the word of the day because we've already had this conversation."

Kaylee's brows drew together as she searched through her memories for the talk 'bout avoidin' the crazy cultists. Her preacher had mentioned it after church one day at a parents' only meetin', but she and her friends had eavesdropped through the back door. He and their parents had been distraught over a wave about people bein' killed and girls bein' taken. She and her friends had giggled because they didn't meet the crazies' requirements since they had only wanted…Kaylee's eyes widened and she darted a glance at River, whose eyes briefly met hers. The mechanic bit her lip and tried not to cry.

Mal closed his eyes and prayed again. "So they were havin' a service or a recruitin' drive with speeches and pamphlets and such?" Please, don't let it be the ceremony. Please,_tyen_, the girl had already been through enough of hell in her young life for this to have been taken away from her, too.

Zoe calmly shattered her captain's hopes, "Unfortunately not, Sir."

Forcin' air into his lungs, Mal opened his eyes. He turned to the girl, his li'l co-pilot, and tried to soften his voice even as the rage was tearin' loose in his head. "River,_mei mei_, li'l albatross, why don't you go back to your room while we finish this talk?"

River looked him dead in the eye with immense sadness but without self-pity or defeat. She shook her head adamantly. "No, she's not leaving. She's not a child. She's at fault."

Mal's breathin' became uneven, and his knuckles whitened on the table top.

"_Mei mei_, you're not at fault. We've already discussed this. They are at fault. Not you. Not anyone here," Inara tried to reassure the girl again.

Simon's eyes grew wide. Something was going on that he had missed. He attempted to remember what those tales said about the Children of Rise. He queried concernedly, "Why should she leave the room? Does it have something to do with why she was hit by this arbiter?"

Tryin' to breathe, tryin' not to yell or shoot somethin' was drainin' Mal's reserves of civility, he needed the girl to leave so he could get the answers he didn't want to hear. "River, I really think it would be best if ya left now."

The slip of a girl, who appeared as if a mere whisper could knock her over, but who's eyes reflected great strength and hard earned wisdom, asserted with utter finality, "No."

"I'm the Captain and I order ya ta leave. Now." Mal's fists shook with barely controlled rage. He didn't want to do this in front of her. The Captain realized she'd been through enough today and obviously she didn't need the choices and actions dissected in her presence. Mal shuddered.

River knew what the Captain was thinking. She knew what everyone at the table was thinking, but also knew she wasn't going to be pushed aside. She jumped to her feet, hands clenched. "NO! She will not leave! She is the one who endangered the crew! She is the one who broke Jayne!" Her voice trembled as she met Mal's gaze, "She will not leave until Jayne leaves. He did not abandon her and she will not abandon him. She will stay."

Mal blinked, and didn't know what to say.

Jayne had watched the Captain's dawnin' comprehension. He'd felt the man's heated glares, and knew Mal wanted to kill somethin' pretty bad 'bout now. The merc agreed that River didn't need to see whatever the Captain would do. So, he shot to his feet and gestured toward the door. "Girl, ya git. I ain't broke and I ain't got no need for no protection by a bitty thin' like ya."

River turned to face Jayne when she yelled, "She's not leaving."

Mal watched warily as the two most dangerous people on his ship glared at each other. The Captain was fairly certain he'd figured out what happened in that cell, but he really hadn't expected Jayne to try shieldin' the girl by takin' the brunt of repercussions on himself. The cold-hearted mercenary didn't take to self-sacrificin', usually he preferred someone else sacrifice first. Mal was becomin' even more disturbed by this chain of events because somewhere along the line Jayne seemed to have developed a conscience. Now, the Captain didn't know what to do.

Jayne, clenchin' his fists, hollered back, "Yes, ya are. Ya ain't needed here."

Refusing to back down despite the merc's wrath, River continued yelling, "Yes, she is. She's the one who endangered crew because she's the one the arbiter wanted."

Before Jayne could respond, Zoe and Inara rose to their feet as well. As the Companion and the first mate guardedly tried to determine who would rupture first, Kaylee gasped and looked at Jayne like she'd never seen him before.

Simon spun toward the mechanic as she gasped and her hand still clutching his started to shake. Bewildered, the Doctor followed her gaze to Jayne, who still towered over his sister. What did the mercenary have to do with whatever happened to River? The Doctor remembered the cult had been in trouble for kidnapping and killing young women but River was here so they must not have wanted her. Why did they want those other girls?

Zoe tried to lay a calming hand on Jayne's arm, but he shook it off as he furiously tried to force River to leave. If given the opportunity the mercenary would rather have bitten off his own tongue than allow the rash words to escape, but he always acted first. "Don't make me remove ya. Cuz I've already had more than enough of you today." Jayne's eyes bulged as those last words thoughtlessly slipped out. He thought he might throw up as River's head flew back as it had when the arbiter slapped her.

For a moment, no one moved. In the split second of silence Simon remembered why those other girls had been taken, the young doctor eyes widened in revulsion as he looked between his sister and the mercenary, finally understanding what must have happened. Suddenly, Simon reared out of his seat and would have launched himself across the table at Jayne if Mal, Inara, and Kaylee weren't holding him back.

"What did you do?" screamed Simon.

Jayne couldn't bear anymore. He'd been pushed beyond the limits of his emotional endurance. Everyone but Simon stared at him with a mixture of anger and pity, and Jayne couldn't tolerate bein' pitied. He preferred to be hated, and he was good at makin' people hate him.

Throwin' on his well practiced mask of disreputable disdain, Jayne shrugged. "Nothin' I ain't done before. Weren't no big deal. She needed taken care of, so I took care of her. Too bad we didn't have a li'l more time so's I coulda really taken care of her." Cringin' inside, the merc smirked at the livid Doctor and downed his entire glass of whiskey. Then, seemingly unfazed he grabbed the bottle off the table, saluted River with the empty glass, and sauntered from the room to his bunk.

In the midst of the chaos of Simon's screeching and struggling, River stood on her side of the table all alone and unconsciously reached for Jayne's departing form. Her lip began to tremble as she silently remained motionless for a moment before her face crumbled. Great, shuddering sobs wracked her small frame as watched her hand flutter in the empty air where the mercenary had stood.

With tears streaming down her face, River looked back at the others and sobbed, "She broke Jayne."

Everyone stopped grappling and stared at the distraught girl. She appeared unconcerned about what the man had said before leaving the mess, as if Jayne hadn't spoken at all. Trying to control his rage, Simon wondered if she'd had another break from reality.

Simon demanded, "River, did Jayne hurt you?"

Shaking her head, River whispered, "They tortured seventeen girls at the last election. Once a month they preyed on someone new. The eighth sacrifice was impregnated, but they forgot to feed her so she died and then they had to start over. More death. More destruction. More blood." She had to make them understand the merc hadn't hurt her. She cried, "Jayne saved the girl, but she broke him."

The others stared at the crying girl in horror, even Inara and Zoe hadn't heard those details. Their grasping hands left the Doctor, and as one they all moved toward River.

The girl backed away from the others as they began reaching around the table for her. She called out in an impassioned plea, "He didn't want to hurt the girl. He didn't want to hurt her, but she hurt him." River brokenheartedly sobbed one more time, "She broke Jayne." Then she ran from the room.

"Why does she keep saying that? That she broke Jayne? Why?" Simon couldn't comprehend.

Inara began, "She's been saying that since the jail, since before--"

As the Companion searched for the proper word, Zoe continued the tale, "It was her first response to our suggestion. She said no, she wouldn't break Jayne."

In response to the former soldier's revelation, Simon raged again, "Your suggestion? You decided to let that untrained ape rape my sister? And when she said no you made her anyway?"

"Jayne did not rape River. She agreed--" argued Zoe.

"Because you made her!" screamed Simon.

Negating the doctor, Inara explained, "We made her see reason. We had fifteen minutes to keep everyone from getting dead. What did you want us to do?"

Unwilling to accept what had happened, Simon rationalized, "Surely there was something else that could have been done."

The Companion allowed the Doctor no quarter. "The Children of the Rise kill everyone in the vicinity when someone even tries to refuse. They maintain their power through acts of unconscionable violence. We were unarmed, jailed, and surrounded by innocents. We had no other options. None, Simon."

Zoe stated clearly. "It was an ugly decision. But, it was the only decision we had. River understood that. And eventually so did Jayne."

Simon sneered, "Yes, I could tell how difficult the whole situation was on him as he all but called my sister a whore."

"Whatever he may want us to believe now, that wasn't sex to him."

The Captained reminded everyone of his presence when he commanded, "Why exactly would you say that?"

His first officer answered, "Because he said no over and over. Jayne doesn't turn down sex with a pretty and willing young woman. But, even as I attempted to order him, he refused until he was forced to admit there was no other way to get everyone out of there alive."

Inara placed a comforting hand on the young doctor's arm. "Simon, he was as kind to her as he could possibly be under the circumstances."

"You watched!" Simon shook off the Companion's hand appalled.

Miserably, Inara explained, "We were locked in a cell, Simon. We didn't look but we couldn't completely tune them out as we blocked the door from the prying eyes of any guard that might have walked by."

Simon felt nauseous. "So, you just stood there while he--"

Zoe interrupted, "Saved your sister's life? Yes, we did. You think the arbiter backhanded River because he was happy? He barely needed to pull up her skirt to verify that River no longer fit the requirements for their perverted ceremony, and he was furious."

Simon gasped, "He pulled up her skirt? In front of you?"

"Yes, Simon, he would have examined her further in full view of everyone if she hadn't obviously just had sex. Did you think he'd take her word? Or perhaps a signed affidavit? They aren't nice people. They don't care how much embarrassment or pain they cause others," Inara cruelly asserted.

"But you could have done something!" Simon still denied.

Zoe demanded, "What?"

"Anything!"

"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" Kaylee shrieked covering her ears. She couldn't take anymore.

Everyone stopped arguing and stared at the mechanic.

"Stop it, all of ya. It ain't helpin'. It's over and nothin's gonna change that. All the yellin' and blamin' ain't gonna make this right. But it's prob'ly killin' River and Jayne and they ain't even in the room." Kaylee glared at each of them in turn. "Ya think Jayne can't hear us from his bunk? And River don't need to hear us at all, to know what we're sayin'. We have to be smotherin' her. She's a reader--whatever we're all feelin' she's gotta be feelin' too. That ain't fair, and today's already been unfair enough. We gotta stop all this_go se_ and move on before we kill her."

The mechanic turned to the former soldier. "Zoe, could ya have done somethin' differently?" Zoe didn't respond because there was nothing to say.

She whirled to the Companion. "'Nara?" Inara shook her head slightly.

Kaylee faced Mal. "And you, Cap'n, would ya have thoughta somethin' they didn't?" Mal rubbed a hand down his face and shook his head.

Kaylee wrapped her work worn hands 'round the doctor's shattered face. "And, Simon,_bao bei_, would ya rather your sister be dead or gang raped and held hostage? Cuz those are yer only other two choices." Simon visibly stiffened.

Standin' up straight and forcefully lookin' the others in the eyes, the mechanic stated, "Now, personally, I'm just glad she ain't dead. That no one got dead today on accounta those _hundans_. Do I like what happened? No. Do I wish it coulda been different in all sortsa ways? Yes. But, from this moment on, I'm gonna only keep the love I have for River in my heart cuz none of the other stuff matters, and I want her to feel only that, not sorrow or anger or pity, only love." Kaylee lowered her voice and held Simon's hand.

Tryin' to relax the clenched muscle in his jaw, Mal commanded, "Kaylee's right. The guilt, the anger, the pity, it all ends now."

The crew turned and faced the Captain with varied expressions of acquiescence. Everyone, that is except Simon.

"How can you ask me to do that? To sit in the same room with that man? To treat him the next time someone shoots him? To--"

The Captain interrupted the younger man and demanded, "Simon, you have to get yourself under control. If you want to continue bein' a help to your sister, you're goin' to have to let your hatred of Jayne go. Be happy your sister is alive, and here, and safe. Jayne didn't do anythin' I wouldn't have done if I'd been there," Mal told him, silently thanking fate that it wasn't him. He didn't want to imagine what Jayne must be going through right now.

Simon blinked. He hadn't thought about what would have happened if Jayne hadn't been there. Would he have hated Mal, or any other man, for doing what had to be done to keep his sister safe from those bastards? Being honest with himself, the Doctor felt ashamed as he realized he wouldn't. He had let his hatred for the mercenary cloud his judgment. The older man had followed orders and had protected his sister at all costs. And if Simon trusted River, which he did with all his heart, that meant Jayne hadn't left that jail in any better shape than she had. Simon slumped, grateful for Kaylee's loving hand wrapped in his.

Mal turned to his crew. "This day is the same as any other day when the plan went wrong. We survived and now we move forward. I got no recriminations for anyone here. It's been an unpleasant day and there will probably be unpleasant days to come because of it. Just keep your heads in the game, stay calm, and we can deal with anythin'. _Dong ma_?"

The Captain spoke to Simon, "Doc, you look like you're calmin' down. That's good because I'm goin' to need you to be calm and so will your sister. When you feel under control, you should go check on her, but not until you're calm. Don't try to drag her into the infirmary either. 'Nara and Zoe already took care of her and I know she don't want you to be involved. If she develops a problem, they'll let you know, so unless or until somethin' occurs leave that part of your sister's life alone."

Simon wanted to dispute the Captain's orders about River's health, but he realized he would probably only make her feel worse. Just like when she'd come out of the box, he'd have to find joy in her existence and damn the rest of it as unimportant. Because he had already managed it once, the doctor knew he could do it again. Besides Kaylee, his sister was the most important thing in his life, and he would cherish her as she deserved. Simon nodded curtly to Mal and squeezed Kaylee's hand.

"Li'l Kaylee, I owe you somethin' fierce for figurin' this out first. You take Inara and go see if River's up for company." Kaylee smiled at her Cap'n and nodded.

Mal queried the Companion for her acceptance of his order, "'Nara?" She too nodded her head and grasped the mechanic's free hand.

Kaylee squeezed Simon's hand one more time then kissed his cheek before pullin' 'Nara from the mess.

Standing alone and uncertain between the former soldiers, Simon resuscitated his ever-present politeness, faced Zoe, and sincerely said, "Thank you for saving my sister." He nodded to the Captain and followed the women from the room.

Mal and Zoe shared a moment of silence before he ordered, "Zoe, you're going to do as River requested and relax. No guilt. No blame. No regrets. Think happy thoughts for your child, and leave the rest to me."

She nodded briefly, but on her way out of the mess, Zoe asked, "What are you going to do, Sir?"

An extremely tired Mal said as he turned away, "I'm goin' to go up to the bridge and put as much space as I can muster between us and that moon. And then I'm goin' to send an anonymous wave advisin' travelers to avoid that place until it shrivels up and those i hundans /i blow away." He turned and left Zoe alone in the room.

Translations:

_Mei mei_little sister

_Bee-jway_shut up

_Hundans_bastards

_Tyen_god

_Dong ma_understand?

_Go se_shit

_Bao bei_sweetheart


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Preparations

Series: Choices

Author: mik109

Rating: R

Pairings: River/Jayne

Disclaimers: Still not mine.

Spoilers/warnings: after the series and BDM

Preparations

"He won't be mean to the girl," cried River as she stood on the bridge bawling into the chest of the Captain.

"I know," said the Captain, tryin' to comfort the girl.

"He won't be mean to her or Simon. He hasn't teased Kaylee, or made a suggestive remark to Inara. He hasn't even disobeyed you once," wept River.

It had been nearlytwo months since the incident at the jail, but things had still not returned to normal. Although River had bounced back remarkably well, Jayne retained the shrunken, unresponsive persona he had displayed at the meeting. The crew of Serenity tried to go about life as normal, however the merc's radical change in temperament had affected them all.

Suddenly, River threw herself away from Mal, and back into the pilot's seat. Making sure her hair covered her face, the girl stared at the controls with utmost concentration.

Before Mal could ask what was wrong, Jayne reappeared in the hatchway to the bridge.

"Should I bring Vera? Or do you not wanna scare 'em that much?" The merc asked his captain politely. The large man stood respectfully just outside the bridge, clearly unwillin' to venture forth any closer to the girl.

Mal looked at his hired weapon and wondered, as he had for the past eight weeks, how to help the man overcome his guilt over the incident at the jail. Jayne had changed little physically, although he may actually have been more fit than he used to be because he did little more than work out, sleep, and spend time his bunk, but the manner in which he carried himself disturbed the Captain greatly. The larger man no longer swaggered through life without a care in the world instead he tread as if he carried the weight of 'verse on his shoulders. Mal never thought he'd miss the merc's rudeness or insubordination, but now hoped daily to hear him tell an off-color joke or swear just for the hell of it.

The Captain realized he was staring as Jayne shifted uncomfortably. Rousin' himself from his thoughts, Mal said, "We won't need Vera on this run. These folks shouldn't be any trouble."

If the Captain hoped his mercenary would snort and comment upon the usual failure of such plans, he was once again sadly mistaken. Jayne simply nodded and said, "Yes, Cap'n."

Jayne looked suspiciously at Mal's shirt then at the girl sittin' in the pilot's seat, but remained stoically silent before departin'.

Mal looked down at his shirt and winced when he saw a wet spot on his chest were the girl had been cryin'. That certainly wasn't gonna help the situation any.

River glanced at the Captain through her hair. Her tears had dried but the heartbreak remained. She had broken Jayne, and, as of yet, hadn't been able to fix him. It was time to do something drastic. She needed some time alone with the mercenary.

"Hey, Jayne," chirped Kaylee as she passed the silent merc in the hallway on her way to the bridge. The large man grunted in return but didn't stop or smile. The mechanic grimaced slightly at Jayne's back before she continued on to the bridge.

Becoming even more concerned about the merc, Mal, Kaylee, and River shared an intense look. Kaylee noticed the tear tracks on River's face and said, "He still not being mean to ya?"

The younger woman sadly shook her head. She had hoped it wouldn't come to this because she didn't want to force the issue, and she wasn't certain if it would cause more harm than good. However, time didn't seem to have eased Jayne's mind any so more deliberate methods must be utilized.

While looking down at her hands as she prepared Serenity for landing, River told them, "If Jayne doesn't voluntarily go out for the evening after the run, she'd like everyone to leave the girl and him alone on the ship for the night."

The Captain tensed. He wasn't absolutely certain why she wanted to be alone with Jayne, but he had a pretty good idea, and he didn't like his idea. "I don't know if that's a good idea, li'l albatross."

"That sounds like a great idea. I've been tryin' to spend some quality time with Simon away from the ship for a while," assured Kaylee. The mechanic placed a supportive hand on the girl's shoulder and smiled encouragingly into her friend's face, before lookin' determinedly at the Captain.

Realizin' some arrangements had been made that he'd been left out of, Mal bit back his natural responses to such a plan, and cordially replied, "I guess it's a good thing that Jayne's favorite bar in all the 'verse is on this moon."

"And his favorite whorehouse," River calmly reminded him.

Not only had Jayne's attitudes towards his crew members changed, he had also stopped many of the rather cavalier choices for which he was renowned. Now, the merc did not go out for a drink after runs, nor did he partake of some of the other distractions normally found at bars. Or at least he hadn't since the incident at the jail.

Most of the crew Serenity had worried so much about River's reactions that at first they had not noticed the change in Jayne. River had noticed, but her despair for the mercenary had been misinterpreted by the others. Unfortunately, in their efforts to comfort the girl, they had only driven Jayne further into his shell. The crew only started to notice Jayne's changed behavior when he repeatedly refused invitations to satisfy his carnal urges. Several women had even thrown themselves at the large man after some big damn hero type rescues, but the merc had either ignored the come-ons or practically fled the scene to avoid the women. At that point, the others finally comprehended the reason for River's nearly constant crying when Jayne wasn't in the room.

The Captain looked at River's and Kaylee's set expressions and understood that whatever River had planned had not been decided upon without much consideration. Or on her own, the Captain thought as he watched Kaylee once again squeeze his co-pilot's shoulder. Bracing himself for whatever the consequences would be from these new actions, Mal agreed, "If Jayne don't go out here, he ain't goin' out anywhere."

Without looking up from her panel, River nodded curtly, and any possible arguments the Captain wanted to make to her were neatly shelved.

Decidin' to change tracks for the moment, Mal wondered what his mechanic was doin' on the bridge. "Did you need somethin', li'l Kaylee?"

"Cap'n, I was gonna ask if you could drop Simon and me off in town before the meet, but now I think I'll just wait until you get back," said Kaylee as she patted the younger girl's shoulder once more.

Mal nodded at his mechanic then rubbed a hand around the back of his neck. He really didn't feel comfortable leavin' Jayne and River alone without knowin' at least a few of the specifics. So he grabbed Kaylee's arm and said to River, "Well, you know where you're goin'. So I'm gonna head down to the bay and make sure the mule's packed." Mal clapped the younger girl on the shoulder with his free hand before exiting the bridge with Kaylee in tow.

"See ya when we land," called the mechanic over her shoulder to River. She barely had time to see the back of the girl's head nod before she was drug into the mess by the Captain.

After checking to make sure they were alone, Mal leaned down and whispered, "Do you think this is a good idea, what ever it is that River has planned?"

Kaylee looked at him solemnly and stated, "Well, nothin' else has worked, Cap'n. She ain't goin' into this lightly. We've all discussed it, and we think this may be our only option left." She grimaced as she said those last words because they were the same words that had gotten them into the trouble in the first place.

"Who is _we_?"

"Inara, Zoe, River, and me."

"And they are okay with this?"

Kaylee shrugged. "No one's happy with it, but we ain't got much choice no more. Jayne can't go on like this, and he won't talk to any of us."

The Captain nodded. He knew they'd all tried at different times to speak with the mercenary, but Jayne had steadfastly ignored all attempts at help, tunin' the crew out and often locking himself alone in his bunk.

"And none of you thought that maybe Simon or I would have an opinion?" asked Mal.

"Well, Cap'n, we knew y'all would have an opinion, but we didn't think it help us none. Bein' men, we didn't think you'd understand that sometimes a man and a woman need to talk about personal things without interference from others." Kaylee smiled to take the sting out of her words.

Mal raised an eyebrow. "Talk?"

Kaylee shrugged again and played with the strap of her overalls. "Yeah, talk. And maybe some other things too if necessary." She mumbled lookin' at her feet.

The Captain took a deep breath and said, "I take it those other things are really what Simon and I weren't wanted to voice an opinion on?"

Continuin' to play with her strap, the mechanic nodded slightly. Then Kaylee looked earnestly into Mal's face. "She doesn't wanna hurt him none, but it ain't like Jayne's gonna see a therapist. Simon's the only Doc he ever sees, and that's only when he's bleedin'. Besides, he can't exactly talk to him 'bout this."

Noddin' ruefully, Mal grimaced. Rubbin' his hand across his face, the Captain understood the reasons why River needed to confront Jayne alone, but he still wasn't certain there was no other way out. He wished he had more time, but it had already been two months and the merc was only gettin' worse. Still, Mal realized he had until late in the afternoon to help set Jayne on the right path without River's intervention.

The Captain looked sincerely into his mechanic's eyes and agreed, "If Jayne don't voluntarily go out this evening, I'll get the rest of us rooms at the hotel."

Jayne jumped down into his bunk, and automatically reached up to lock the hatch above him. He didn't used to always lock it when he was in his room during the day, but that was before people kept tryin' to talk to him. He didn't want to talk. He just wanted to forget, and he knew if he didn't talk about it for long enough, then eventually it would fade to the back of his mind where it would be easier to ignore.

The mercenary knelt on his bed and began pullin' some weapons from the rack on the wall. While he had always taken extremely good care of his guns and knives, Jayne had been rather a slob with the rest of his personal effects. However, since that day at the jail, he'd felt the need to clean every inch of space in his bunk, and to keep it clean. Everything in his room sparkled as if it were brand-new.

Everything that is except the stained T-shirt he kept hidden in a box under his bed. But Jayne didn't like to think about that so he shook his head, and continued what he was doin'.

Jayne methodically weaponed up. He carefully locked the holster around his waist and tied it down around his right thigh. He loaded Betty and Carlene then slid Betty into the holster and Carlene under the waistband at the small of his back. The mercenary pulled on his jacket, makin' sure Carlene was out of sight, before pullin' a bandoleer of shotgun shells over his shoulder. He tucked a knife into his combat boot, and picked up his shotgun Sylvia to load her.

The large man sat down on his bed as he cracked open Sylvia and began fillin' her with shells. When one of the shells slipped out of his fingers and rolled under the bed, Jayne laid the shotgun aside, kneeled down, and reached under the bed for the wayward ammo. He found the shell restin' against the box hidden deep beneath his bed. Sighin', the mercenary retrieved both the cartridge and the box before returnin' to his seated position on the edge of the bed.

Layin' the box aside, Jayne loaded the final cartridge into Sylvia and snapped her shut. The merc rested the loaded shotgun across his thighs and reached for the box.

It wasn't a very big box. It had no ornamentation, and had seen better days, but it was still sturdy and functional. He lifted the lid and pulled out the crumpled fabric within.

Jayne stared at the stained T-shirt, as he had almost daily since the incident at the jail. He had bled more before, and had always managed to launder his clothes spotless, after all bloodstains came with his job description. However, the mercenary had been unable to force himself to clean this shirt and remove, once and for all, any reminders of the day he'd rather forget.

Jayne could still see the imprint of River's teeth on the fabric. Hell, he could still feel them on his shoulder and when he looked in the mirror he could see the tiny scars. The mercenary could never bring himself to ask the Doc for medication when the bite became slightly infected. So now he'd have the marks on his skin forever. He had lots of scars from plans that had gone wrong in the past. He didn't mind them though, because they meant he had survived, and these physical reminders wouldn't matter either, if only he could wipe his soul clean.

River had thanked him that day, even though she hadn't wanted his help anymore than he wanted to offer it. Jayne could still feel her hand over his heart. She had looked and sounded so sincere, but the merc couldn't understand how she could forgive him for what he had had to do. She'd been a virgin, and he'd have to have hurt her plenty bad for her to have bled so much. He could still remember how the blood had dripped down her leg and onto the cell floor. He'd been right proud of how calm she'd been considerin', barely making a sound while he'd--

"Jayne! Jayne, you ready? Mules loaded so let's get out and make the deal," yelled the Captain from the corridor.

Jayne jumped, shoved the T-shirt back into the box, slammed the lid shut, and pushed the box back far underneath the bed. Takin' a safer grip on Sylvia, the merc glanced once more around his room as if afraid something had suddenly been displaced before climbin' out of his bunk and headin' to the cargo bay.

Zoe, Kaylee, and Simon stood at the side of the bay next to the control panel. They didn't have much to do with this job, but as always they felt the need to wish the others luck.

River stood with Mal next to the mule. She was checking her pistol as the Captain once again reminded her not to do anything stupid and get herself killed.

Jayne noticed once again that the girl looked the same as she did that day at the jail. Her hair still fell in long tangles around her head, and she still wore those flippery dresses that swirled around her when she walked. She even smelled the same. She still smelled sweet like girl, and every now and then, Jayne could almost forget how sick that scent made him sometimes.

River looked up at the mercenary as he walked across the cargo bay, even though she'd felt his gaze only moments before, he now steadfastly refused to meet her eyes. She felt like crying for him again, but knew that the time for crying was over. Tonight, she would be strong. Tonight, River would help Jayne whether he wanted her help or not.

River took a deep breath and hoped tomorrow would not be a new day for new tears.

"Keep your head down. There's not a lot of cover around here. Don't want any of you to get dead just because I'm not there to protect you," stated Zoe. The first mate would not give up her child for anything in the 'verse, but she still hated watching the others go on a job without her.

River smiled reassuringly at Zoe then climbed into the back of the mule with the cargo, leaving the seat in the front next to the Captain open for Jayne. She knew the Captain needed to try again to snap Jayne out of his depression before he'd feel remotely comfortable leaving the two of them alone on the ship overnight. She wished him success, but prepared for his failure. The merc was a stubborn fool sometimes, and the girl knew this time she'd have to force him to accept her help.

Mal and Jayne climbed into the front seat of the mule. And Mal asked, "Everyone set?"

As Jayne and River nodded affirmatively, Inara stepped onto the catwalk and called out, "Found your glasses." The Companion waved a pair of sunglasses at River.

The girl touched Mal on the shoulder and said, "Sorry, Captain. Just one more minute." Then vaulted out of the back of the mule and quickly climbed the stairs to reach Inara.

Under cover of handing the sunglasses to the girl, the companion whispered, "Do you have everything you need if--"

River nodded and looked Inara resolutely in the face. She smiled slightly and held up sunglasses. "She has everything she needs now."

The older woman supportively squeezed River's hand. "You'll be fine. You are a smart, wonderful girl and nothing will ever change that." The Companion realized she'd said that a lot over the past two months, but it was true nevertheless. And she knew too that if you told someone something often enough, someday they might actually believe it.

The younger woman squeezed back and smiled a little more brightly at the Companion. "Have a good night. And thank you."

"You're welcome, _mei mei_. And you have a good night too." Inara squeezed River's hand once more before the girl thrust on her glasses and bounded back down to the mule.

"You ready now?" Mal asked as River climbed back into the mule.

"Yes, Captain. Sorry, Captain." The girl waved goodbye to her brother and the women as Mal drove the mule out of the cargo bay.

Jayne stood in the front of the mule cradlin' his shotgun. The drop wasn't for another ten minutes so he had time to think. The merc grimaced. He had always hated havin' time to think. He'd spent the last two months tryin' not to think, and it was even harder to avoid when River stood only a few feet away talkin' to Mal.

The merc inspected the girl from under his lashes. The breeze blew her hair and dress 'round her slight form, and made her appear even more delicate than normal. Jayne knew it was only a false image though, because, while the only weapon anyone could see was the pistol she wore on a shoulder harness, he knew that wasn't her only weapon. He'd watched her check the knife strapped to her bare left thigh underneath her flowin' skirt on the ride to the drop. There hadn't been much room in the back of the mule with the cargo, and she musta dislodged the sheath strap tryin' to get comfortable.

Jayne's breath had caught in his throat as he hadn't been able to drag his gaze from the sight of her supple thigh. The merc could still feel her soft skin on his palms, and he reflexively gripped the shotgun in an attempt to remove the sensation. He had no right to know how soft the skin of her thighs felt, or how strong her legs were as they wrapped 'round his waist. The mercenary tried to swallow past the memories.

"Now, just stand next to the mule and look intimidatin'," ordered Mal.

The Captain looked at his hired weapon and his…slightly off-center, government trained psychic assassin of a co-pilot, and thought she needed a shorter title, and maybe she should stand a little farther behind the merc. Mal motioned with his hand for the girl to move over.

River raised an eyebrow at her captain, but did as he bid and stepped closer to Jayne. However, the distracted mercenary balked when he felt the girl move closer and he stepped to the side with her. She tried again, but he shifted away again. It was almost like a dance as they moved in unison away from the mule.

"You're supposed to be guarding the mule not the cactus," yelled an unamused Captain. His merc's refusal to stand near the girl made these runs more difficult than they already were due to Zoe's pregnancy. At times like this, Mal really missed his first mate's calmin', steady presence. She would know what to do about River and Jayne, and thinkin' back on this morning's conversations, the Captain realized she was already workin' on a solution.

Mal contemplated the larger man as Jayne stepped back over to the mule and grudgingly allowed River to stand closer to him. The merc was too tense, and Mal knew his hired weapon was gonna get them all killed if he didn't start payin' more attention to the job rather than to where the girl was standin.

Grindin' his teeth together, the Captain reflected on the deal he'd made with River that morning. Mal had spent the day prayin' he wouldn't have to follow through on his promise, but, as he looked at his preoccupied mercenary, the Captain realized at least one of his aspirations for the day wouldn't be fulfilled.

As a cloud of dust rose over the horizon, Mal fervently hoped his most pressin' desire to keep everyone out of the infirmary would be fulfilled. He'd go back to thinkin' about the other one after the drop.

Four men on horseback and two women driving a wagon approached from the direction of town. The town of Lambert was miles away from the drop area, so the only people around should be the ones Mal was supposed to meet. A Mr. Stands was the Captain's contact person, and the scrawny guy with the red braid down his back fit the description.

Mal didn't pay much attention to the other men on horseback, but he did find the women on the wagon interestin'. Both of them were mighty fine looking women, blond and busty just the way Jayne liked. The Captain glanced back at his merc to see if the man had any reaction as the women got closer. Mal noticed the larger man shift slightly, but the Captain got the impression it was less about excitement and more about runnin' away. Mal shook his head in exasperation as he tried to refocus on the task at hand.

Mal situated himself several feet in front of River, Jayne, and the mule. He usually had Zoe stand beside him, but she wasn't here and he couldn't trust Jayne not to say something stupid, even now, or River not to get recognized as she was still wanted by the Alliance. So the Captain stood alone to meet the buyers.

The group stopped about 10 feet from Mal. They all looked nervously at the crew of Serenity, uncertain as to how to deal with the odd assortment of individuals. They figured the man in the brown coat standing in front was the Captain, and the large scary man with all the weapons must be some kind of guard, but were confused about the teenaged girl in her billowy dress and pistol harness. It was especially disconcerting when the heavily weaponed man stepped in front of the girl with his hands clenched on the shotgun and his face set in a barely civil snarl, seemingly in response to their appraisal of her. The men were taken aback, but the women found the actions quite endearing and smiled at Jayne.

Jayne's expression did not change.

Mal noticed his merc's unresponsive attitude toward the women, but didn't have time to interrogate the man. Instead he went back to finishin' the drop. The man Mal believed to be Mr. Stands climbed down from his horse and cautiously approached the Captain. The two men sized each other up before either took a breath.

"Mr. Stands?" asked Mal.

The redhead nodded. "That'd be me. You got the stuff?"

"We brought you everything Mr. Lee said you needed," assured the Captain.

"How can I be certain of that?" The man asked.

Mal could tell these folks hadn't done this sort of thing before as they skittishly looked around and anxiously tried to keep their hands away from their guns. "Well, for one thing, I don't lie. For another, here's a sample," said Mal as he pulled a small drawstring bag from his pocket and tossed it to the redhead.

Mr. Stands released the drawstring and poured some seeds into his hand. As usual, the terraforming on this moon hadn't gone quite as expected, but the settlers had found enough extra water to begin growing some new plans and crops. They had to smuggle in these seeds to get started, but in the end they knew it would all be worth it. Caressing the fresh green seeds, the redhead smiled at Mal.

"So we shiny?" asked Mal.

"We're shiny," replied Mr. Stands as he pulled a larger drawstring bag from his coat pocket and handed it to the Captain. "Thank you. These are much-needed."

Clappin' the man on the shoulder, Mal smiled. "Always like to be of service to the community. We'll help you load up your wagon." The Captain motioned for Jayne to begin movin' the crates from the mule to the wagon.

Just as the merc began strappin' the shotgun to his back, a flurry of new clouds of dust raced toward them from all sides. He drew the shotgun back into his hands and looked between the people near him and the ones approachin' on horseback.

"Friends of yours?" inquired Mal of the redhead, as the Captain drew his own pistol.

Mr. Stands shook his head as he and his associates also pulled their weapons. "No friends of mine. But there are some less than savory folk in the neighborhood."

"Always nice to meet the neighbors. Maybe they'll bring pie," said the Captain as his crew and the buyers encircled the packed mule. He glanced out of the corner of his eye at Jayne and River to verify that they were prepared for a fight. River had her pistol pulled out and had taken up a fighting stance in front of the mule. Jayne had the shotgun braced and ready, and had taken up a fightin' position in front of River. The girl looked annoyed for a moment before stealthily shifting aside to see around the large merc.

As the clouds of dust coalesced into human forms, the ten raiders began firing on the crowd around the mule. The crowd fired back. River was cleanly picking off the men farthest away on horseback as Jayne blew holes in the ones closer. One of the buyers took a hit to the leg and went down. The other buyers crouched closer to the machine for cover. Luckily for them the raiders were bad shots, however, as the second to last one tumbled to the ground, the last one got off a good shot at Jayne, which would have killed the merc had River not suddenly shoved them both out of the way, barely keeping herself from being shot in the process.

Mal shot the last man before turnin' to assess his crew. When he saw them lyin' in the dirt, the Captain ran over to check for injuries, but halted when the two sat up.

River quickly stood up and re-holstered her pistol before turning to offer a hand to the glowering merc. Jayne ignored the girl's hand and stood up without her assistance, but never stopped glaring at her.

"What the hell you think you doin'?" roared Jayne.

River shrugged and began dusting herself off as she replied, "Keeping him from getting dead."

"I already done told you once I don't need no help from a bitty thing like ya." The mercenary steadfastly refused to think 'bout when he had told her that. Jayne grabbed River's arms and shook her. "Ya could've gotten yourself killed. I don't need yer help. I can take care of myself." He growled angrily down into the girl's face.

River just looked up for a moment at him with her wide dark eyes then said, "She will save him from himself if she has to."

Jayne blinked. He got the distinct impression she wasn't referrin' to what had just happened. Realizin' his hands must be bruisin' the girl's arms under his furious grasp, the large man quickly dropped her arms and stalked over to pick up his shotgun. Turnin' his back on the girl, Jayne reloaded the shotgun before strappin' it to this back then reached into the mule to grab a crate to move to the wagon. He wanted this gorram job done as soon as possible.

River composedly stepped aside and watched the mercenary unload the mule. However, the Captain could see the determination in her stance.

Sighin', Mal turned to check on the buyers. One man had a flesh wound on his arm, and the one who went down looked like he was gonna need some doctorin' to fix his leg. Nothing too bad for that many raiders.

Mr. Stands clapped the Captain on the shoulder, and said sincerely, "Thank you for all your help. Sorry about those guys. They're new to town, but someone must have blabbed down at the bar about the meet."

Noddin', Mal told him, "If you ever want to do something like this again, best pay attention to who you're talking to and who might be listening." Claspin' the other man's shoulder to pull him around to the mule, the Captain added, "Now, let's get you loaded so you can get back to town before any more neighbors come avisitin'."

When they had loaded the last crate, one of the women smiled at Jayne and brushed some dirt from his jacket. Gruntin' noncommittally, the mercenary shrugged her hand off his shoulder and stepped back to slowly draw his shotgun. The woman clearly got the message and turned away to thank Mal.

The Captain smiled tightly at the woman, nostalgically remembering better days when he would have had to settle the mercenary down for being overly amorous, but once more that day he was disappointed. He shared a quick glance with River, who hastily went back to dusting herself off before Jayne could notice her pause. Mal knew he was rapidly runnin' out of options. He'd promised to leave the tiny girl and the larger man alone on the ship if Jayne didn't go out, and while he was almost certain that was necessary, the Captain still cringed at the thought of what she had arranged and its possible repercussions.

"If y'all head to the bar tonight, drinks are on me," assured Mr. Stands.

When Jayne didn't immediately whoop or even pretend that he cared, the Captain sighed once more. Turnin' to the buyers as they climbed aboard their rides, Mal nodded and said, "Well, we've gotta get back to the ship. If we make it into town tonight, we'll definitely take you up on that offer."

"I certainly hope you do," replied the blonde as the woman once again smiled encouragingly at Jayne.

For his part, the mercenary just climbed into the back of the mule. Jayne didn't wanna talk to anyone so he spread out like he was gonna take a nap on the way back to Serenity.

"Good day, and thank you once again." The buyers tipped their hats and set off back to the town.

Mal stared at Jayne's closed eyes briefly before climbing in to start the mule. River too glanced momentarily at the reclining merc as she took the seat next to the Captain. Their gazes locked for moment.

Mal turned away from the girl. "I guess it's time we got back to our normal lives."

"Yes, Captain, it is," assured River as she stared out at the landscape surrounding them.

Mal resisted the desire to sigh yet again.

"So how did the drop go?" Zoe asked as the mule pulled into the cargo bay.

"Got shot at, but not by the buyers," responded Mal. Pullin' out the bag and tossing it to Zoe, he added, "We dropped off the goods and got paid. All in all not a bad day."

Grumblin', Jayne leapt out of the mule and began headin' out of the bay. Without stoppin' to turn 'round, he asked, "Ya gonna need me to do anything else? Or can I go back to my bunk 'til dinner?"

Mal shared intense looks with Zoe and River before respondin', "No, I think that'll be it."

The mercenary nodded curtly then made his way outta the bay, avoidin' Kaylee and Simon as they came in.

"Hey, Jayne, looks like it's been a good day. You didn't get shot or nothin'," chirped the cheery mechanic to Jayne's retreatin' form. He grunted in return.

Simon warily watched the large man leave. "I take it no one needs my assistance?"

"Not today, Doc." Mal looked at River as she climbed out of the mule. "I don't think there's anything more you can do for any of us today." Turnin' back to the younger man, the Captain added, "In fact, I think you should have the night off. Take li'l Kaylee out for a night on the town, and I'll even get you a room at the hotel."

"Well, that is very generous of you, but I don't feel comfortable--"

"I'm not suggestin', Doc. That's an order." Mal turned to Kaylee. "You take the Doc out and make sure y'all have some fun. This ship will be in safe hands without you for the night."

The mechanic returned her Captain's stare. "Yes, Cap'n, I'm sure I can find ways of keepin' Simon entertained for the evenin'." She turned and smiled at the Doctor as he blushed.

"How you two can go at it like bunnies, but the Doc can still blush I just don't understand," teased Mal.

Simon blushed harder as Kaylee giggled and smacked the Captain on the arm.

"Don't you go scarin' him off. I like him just the way he is. 'Sides, he's so cute when he blushes." Kaylee kissed Simon then ran over to River. "You wanna help me pick out a dress?"

The younger girl nodded so Kaylee clasped her arm and they set off for the crew quarters.

"I should check River--" began Simon as the women disappeared from view.

Zoe interrupted, "Your sister's fine, Simon."

Mal concurred, "She don't need your help today, Doc. Ain't got a scratch on her. She's an adult. She'd tell you if she needed anything."

The way the Captain said that make the younger man nervous. The Doctor looked the Captain in the eye, but couldn't tell what the hidden meaning was.

"You'd best get to your room to get all prettyfied for your date. She ain't gonna wait all day."

Simon nodded and rushed away to his room.

Once they were alone, Mal turned to Zoe. "Are you certain this is a good idea?"

His first mate looked him dead in the eye, her face more stern than usual. "I'm sure by now you've figured out we don't have any other choice, Sir."

"Ugly choices have made for a mighty unhappy crew lately."

"That's why they are ugly choices, Sir."

Mal and Zoe exchanged a long look before the Captain smiled and said, "Well, I guess I should go get all prettyfied myself or you ain't gonna wanna be seen with me at dinner."

"Don't think you can get that pretty, Sir."

As soon as they were locked in her room, Kaylee grabbed River's hands. "You don't have to do this if you don't wanna."

The younger girl smiled at her friend and squeezed her hands. "The variables have already been weighed. This equation has the best chance of succeeding." At Kaylee's concerned gaze, River added, "She is not afraid. She knows Jayne will not hurt her. Do not be afraid for her." She squeezed the mechanic's hands one last time. "Better hurry up. Don't want to keep Simon waiting."

Kaylee released River's hands and grabbed the dress off her bed that she had already laid out. Shruggin' out of her overalls, the older girl asked, "Did you get everything you needed from 'Nara in case…" the mechanic's voice drifted off as she waved a hand.

While pulling out some shoes and a hairclip, River assured her, "She has fully prepared for her conversation with Jayne." Handing the things over to Kaylee, the younger girl said, "These will look nice with that dress."

River smiled at Kaylee then stepped to the ladder. "She will make certain Simon is properly attired for the evening, and has packed an overnight bag."

"Simon, that jacket is not appropriate. It will shame Kaylee's pretty dress." River reached into her brother's wardrobe and pulled out a less formal jacket. "This will work."

Smiling ruefully, Simon took off his jacket and handed it to River for her to put back into the wardrobe. He pulled on the new jacket and turned to the mirror. The young doctor said over his shoulder, "You don't have to do this if you really don't want to."

The other members of Serenity's crew may have been surprised by the doctor's speedy catch up on the plans for the evening, but not his sister. She knew he would figure it out quickly. She knew too, that he would understand. He too had changed over the last two months. He had let go of some of his previously cherished views of the 'verse to finally see the world around him.

No matter what else he was, Simon was a doctor born and bred. He may be clueless when it came to personal matters, but he knew when someone was in pain. He realized he couldn't help Jayne, and he understood that his sister was quite possibly the only one who could.

Simon's solemn blue eyes met River's dark ones in the mirror. She smiled at him then giggled, "Top 3."

Rolling his eyes, the doctor laughed, "Says the one who's always skews the Bell Curve."

Simon returned to the seriousness of the situation as he turned to his sister. Gently clasping her hands, he said once again, "You don't have to do this."

"She broke Jayne. She must fix him." River squeezed her beloved brother's hands and smiled at him once more. Dropping his hands, she picked up his overnight bag and held it up. "All packed?"

Simon nodded and took the bag from his sister. Smiling reassuringly, the doctor clasped his sister's hand once more and pulled her from his room to walk hand-in-hand down to the cargo bay.

Zoe, Mal, and Kaylee already waited next to the mule for Simon. He smiled at them then walked over to put his bag in the vehicle. He kissed Kaylee lightly before turning to his sister one last time. "Do you have everything you need?" he asked.

The others tensed slightly.

River squeezed his hand, kissed him on the cheek, and assured her brother. "She will be fine."

She stepped away from the mule and smiled at all of them.

"She will be fine. And, tomorrow, so will Jayne."

The other members of the crew of Serenity returned the girl's solemn smile, then, climbed into the mule.

The Captain turned to the girl and said, "Be careful, li'l albatross."

"She will be."

They waved briefly at River as they drove away from Serenity for the night.

River hit the button to pull up the cargo bay ramp, closing her and Jayne off from the outside world. They were all alone for the night. He just didn't know it yet.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Truths

Series: Choices

Author: mik109

Rating: NC 17

Pairings: River/Jayne

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

Truths (Part 1)

River stood undecided in the mess hall.

Since the others had left, she had taken a shower and changed her clothes to remove the grime of today's crime. The shower had been soothing, relaxing her tense muscles and mind.

She had dithered over her meager wardrobe, trying to decide which outfit would be the most beneficial for tonight's conversation. She had settled on a pale green sundress; she wanted to wear a calming color, but was careful to avoid anything blue, like the dress she had worn that day at the jail. As were most of her clothes, the dress was a little too big and hung limply on her slight form, but there was very little time to find a proper tailor while evading secret government agencies and committing crimes out in the Black.

She had brushed her hair, and left it loose and long over her bare shoulders. As usual, River was shoeless because she could think more clearly when she was rooted to the ground and able to feel the floor beneath her feet.

The girl smoothed the dress down over her stomach trying to still her butterflies. She had been planning this evening for weeks, fine-tuning the conversation and actions in her head. However, River found that, while she could shoot people between the eyes without breaking a sweat, attempting to force a reclusive mercenary to open up about his feelings, and possibly seducing said mercenary, was quite nerve-racking. She was quite glad she had not had lunch.

She walked over to the galley trying to figure out what to prepare for Jayne, knowing he got very cranky when he wasn't fed on time. She needed him to be as relaxed as possible for her approach to work. Generally speaking, River was not allowed to cook for the others because she would often become distracted watching the chemical processes of the combining proteins, and she would often forget to remove the meal before it was burned beyond recognition. The Captain did not believe that they had the extra coin for such experimentation so the girl was usually left with the simpler tasks of piloting the ship and killing people. However, tonight she needed to prepare food, good food, to lull Jayne into a co-operative mood before they had their talk.

River took a loaf of protein off the top shelf and placed it on the counter. She removed the butcher's knife from the block, and was about to begin slicing the protein.

"What the ruttin' hell do you think you're doin'?" roared Jayne.

River jumped and swung around with the butcher's knife still upraised. Breathing shakily and with her eyes going wide, she clutched at her heart with her free hand. The girl leaned heavily against the counter for support. She had been so focused on her task that she had uncharacteristically not felt the man's nearing presence. She needed to pay more attention if her carefully constructed campaign was to succeed.

Jayne stood stiffly next to the table. Under different circumstances, the merc would've been right annoyed with himself for scarin' a little girl like that, but that same slip of a girl had already surprised him once with a slash across the chest from that same butcher's knife she was holdin'--a scenario he wasn't keen on repeatin'.

"Where the hell is your gorram brother?" growled the large man. He was mad at himself for not noticin' the girl sooner. Distracted, the merc had made it halfway across the room before he spotted her out of the corner of his eye as she raised the blade.

River lowered the butcher's knife self-consciously, and gently set it down next to the protein loaf. She explained, "Simon is out with Kaylee."

The mercenary rolled his eyes. 'Course the doctor was out with the mechanic, Jayne thought as he ridiculed himself for even thinkin' that those two could keep their hands to themselves for just one day. Frownin' heavily, the mercenary grumbled, "That don't excuse you for pickin' up that knife. If'n you're hungry, then, you can just wait till they get back to eat dinner."

The girl blinked uncertainly at the mercenary. "But they are already at dinner. She cannot delay sustenance until they return."

Jayne blinked back at the girl. No one had told him the Doc and Kaylee were gettin' some time off-ship. Suddenly, the merc looked carefully around the mess and cocked his head to listen intently to the sounds of Serenity. Where the gorram hell were Mal and Zoe?

Recognizing the large man's suspicion, River hastily picked up the loaf and smiling showed it to him. "She thought she would prepare something, but she was uncertain what he wanted to eat. What would he prefer?"

Brow furrowed, Jayne glared menacingly at the girl. He demanded, "Where are the others?" And when she lowered her eyes and placed the loaf back on the counter, his chest contracted and he added angrily, "When the ruttin' hell will they be back?"

The merc watched uneasily as River began wringin' her hands. When she did not look up or respond to him, he took a cautious step backward. Whatever this was it couldn't be good.

Detecting his movement, River's head shot up and she scrutinized the wary mercenary. So far the evening was going well--she had gotten him to swear and yell at her, but he was already starting to relapse and she needed to drive him forward, to help him move past the jail. She reached out and beseeched, "She can make him dinner. She does know how."

Jayne took another step away from the pleadin' girl. She hadn't answered his questions, which meant he really didn't wanna know the answers. "I don't need no dinner. I'm just gonna go back to my bunk." He began to turn away. The merc didn't understand exactly what was goin' on here, but he did realize that he needed to get out of this room. Now.

River dropped her hands to her sides and clenched her fists. She couldn't let Jayne go. He had to stay. He had to talk her. Tonight, she would not give him a choice.

"She would prefer him to stay."

Jayne stiffened at her tone, but continued on his way across the mess.

"She can make him stay."

The mercenary paused with only a few more steps to arrive at the door. He was a big guy who could more than take care of himself, but he also knew that tiny teen could whoop his ass if she took a mind to. She'd done it before at the Maidenhead, and Jayne really didn't need a reminder.

Without turnin' around, he steeled himself and asked, "Why?"

River took a shaky breath. This was not what she had planned. She had not expected to get to the crux of the matter so soon, but then nothing in her relationship with Jayne ever went quite as expected. If she were to succeed with her preparations, she needed him cooperative not angry, but, looking at his tense figure, she realized she would have to start off on the wrong foot.

The girl did not wish there to be any lies between them this evening. So she said with absolute honesty, "Because he can't go on like this."

If possible, the mercenary's body clenched even tighter at River's words. He was not goin' to do this, 'specially not with her. If Mal or Simon or any of the others wanted to take issue with his behavior, they could say so to his face where he could punch them or ignore them or just leave this gorram ship. But there was no ruttin' way the big man was gonna discuss his feelings with that li'l crazy girl. Grittin' his teeth, Jayne ground out, "I ain't got a problem."

The girl sighed. She didn't have to read his mind to know she was the last one the merc wanted to talk to, but River also knew she was the only one he could talk to who would understand. He just didn't comprehend that yet. "Yes, he does."

"Ya can believe what ya want. I'm goin' to my bunk." With that said, Jayne stepped forward closer to the door, intent on exitin' the room despite the girl's warnings.

River stopped him with the first thing she could access. The butcher's knife. With deadly accuracy, she threw it into the seam in the hatchway mere inches from the merc's face.

Jayne had halted as soon as he heard her pick up the knife. He knew that while the girl had no intention of permanently injurin' him, that didn't mean she wouldn't mind makin' him bleed just a little. When the butcher's knife zinged past his head to impale itself in the exit to the mess, the mercenary knew she meant business, and whatever River wanted to say to him she would say to him whether he wanted to hear it or not.

"She would like him to sit in his usual chair."

Jayne stared at his wobbly reflection in the blade of the butcher's knife as it swayed from the impact with the bulkhead. He stalled near the doorway unsure what to do. If he sat down as River ordered, he would be expected to open up and talk to her. If he didn't stay, the merc knew she would most likely hunt him down across the ship, across the gorram 'verse if necessary, and humiliatingly drag his ass back to force him into the chair to finally have this conversation, whatever this conversation was. Her next words confirmed his supposition.

"If she must, she will tie him to the chair."

Snarlin' at his mirror image, Jayne curled his hand 'round the hilt of the knife and, with a powerful heave, yanked it from the wall. Whippin' 'round with a feral expression on his face, the large man bared his teeth at the girl and stalked over to the table with the butcher's knife clenched in his meaty paw.

River remained unfazed by the mercenary's aggressive actions. Standing silently on the opposite side of the table from him, she waited passively for him to make his next move.

Jayne smacked the knife down onto the table top, and rocketed it across to the girl.

River casually collected the knife as it slid off the table by the hilt and benignly deposited it back onto the counter. She fingered the blade and said, "I'll have to borrow a whetstone from you later to resharpen the knife."

The mercenary growled at the ease with which the girl handled the weapon and him. Most people would've run screamin' if he'd so much as looked at them that way without even addin' in the blade. River hadn't even blinked. Jayne knew it was because of what had been done to her at that Academy place, but it didn't sit right to watch such a tiny little girl stare down a mean ol' merc like him.

His life would be a whole lot saner if she'd just have the common sense to be 'fraid of him. 'Course, her life would be a whole lot saner if those _hundans_ hadn't cut into her brain and removed her ability to have common sense.

Refusin' to dwell on things that couldn't be changed, Jayne threw himself down in his usual chair as the crazy girl had so politely suggested. He threw his feet onto the table, crossed his heavily muscled arms in front of him, and glared at her.

River continued to ignore his odious behavior and inquired, "What would he like for dinner?" She opened one of the cabinets to show him the selection.

"I'd like to git this over with so I can go back to my bunk. So, say what ya wanna say and leave me be."

The girl frowned. Nothing was going according to plan. He wouldn't eat and she'd had to threaten him into staying. Peeking at him over her shoulder, she comprehended he was most assuredly not in a cooperative mood.

Sighing, River closed the cabinet door and turned to face Jayne.

"If he does not want food, then she will accede to his request and commence the conversation."

Jayne raised an eyebrow at the girl's choice of words. This was gonna be a very long day if she kept speakin' in those kind of sentences, and he would probably understand only 'bout half of them. The merc growled at her in annoyance.

River frowned again. With her arrangements crumbling around her, she had reverted back to her normal abnormal speech patterns. She had practiced speaking in shorter, clearer sentences so as not to antagonize the large man, but she had slipped up and now she fell further behind her hoped for starting point.

The only way to rectify the situation was to offer up a portion of her self in apology to kick in the protective instincts he didn't admit to. The girl had expected to tell Jayne of some of the things she had endured at the Academy in order to help him understand why she didn't hate him and why he shouldn't hate himself, but she had not prepared for those revelations to arrive this early in the proceedings. She had expected some small talk first.

River sighed. She hoped all her plans would not simply have been in vain. It was time to begin. She should just get on with it.

Uncertain whether or not the merc would attempt to leave in the middle of the conversation, River reached into a drawer and extracted a handful of silverware. Confused by her actions, Jayne raised his eyebrows. The girl gave him a tight smile as she carried her fistful of tools with her as she abruptly but gracefully seated herself cross-legged in the middle of the table top at the far end from the large man.

She set the utensils down next to her and, patting them, said, "If he tries to leave without permission again."

Jayne's nostrils flared in anger and frustration. Here he was a grouchy, scary, not-at-all-pleasant, ol' mercenary who was actually armed with a pistol and a huntin' knife, but he was bein' held captive by a barely legal, barely sane, slip of a girl with a passel of kitchen utensils for weapons. Growlin' again, he knew he'd never live it down if this got out.

"She won't tell anyone."

Jayne scowled. "I told ya before. Stop readin' my mind."

River clarified, "She did not need to read his mind. It was written all over his face." She paused for a second before adding proudly, "She does not read minds unless she has to anymore. Now, the girl only hears the echoes of the crowd and unexpectedly strong emotions. She does not intrude upon the privacy of others unless committing crime."

Good for her, the mercenary thought. Maybe the things those Academy _hundans_ did to the girl could finally be worked 'round so she could have a semi-normal life. But he wasn't gonna tell her he was proud of her; he left that _go se_ to her pansy ass brother. Instead, he groused, "Just stay outta my head. It's no place for a li'l girl to be."

River tilted her head to the side and regarded him silently for a moment. "It's not so bad."

Startled, Jayne squinted at River unsure what parts of his mind she was talkin' 'bout. He didn't even want to imagine what thoughts she might have stumbled across. There were certain areas the merc prayed she'd never visited, but the girl's face betrayed nothin'.

"Don't rightly care what ya think of my mind. It's mine, and I don't wantchya to poke 'round it anymore than ya had too."

Nodding again, River assured, "She understands and comprehends."

"Shiny." Uncomfortable discussin' the inner workings of his mind, Jayne decided to change the subject. With sarcasm drippin' from his lips, he asked, "Does yer brother understand and comprehend that he abandoned his dear sweet li'l sis on this rusty bucket with the nasty ape-gone-wrong?"

"Yes."

Jayne blinked. He hadn't expected that answer. Now, he didn't know what to say.

River felt like she was transforming into one of those bobble-headed dolls as she nodded yet again. "Simon knows." Then she held up her fingers and ticked off the other crew members. "And Zoe, Kaylee, Inara, and Captain Daddy know too."

The merc's jaw dropped. "They all know?"

River nodded again. "Yes, the girl arranged for them to leave the ship for the night."

Jayne's feet hit the floor. Intensely disconcerted, the large man sat up straighter in his chair when he really wanted to jump to his feet. This day just got weirder and weirder. "You arranged for them to be gone for the night?" He looked askance at the teen. "Like sometime after midnight night? Or like sometime after breakfast night?"

"After breakfast night."

The merc's eyebrows practically disappeared into his short hair. He took a deep erratic breath and then shouted, "Why in the gorram hell would they do that? And why in the gorram hell would you ask them to?"

River ignored his raised voice and continued to speak sedately. "The girl needed to speak with the nasty ape-gone-wrong alone."

Jayne sneered, "There ain't nothin' you gotta say to me that'll take all the ruttin' night."

The girl shrugged. "She could not accurately calculate the length of time necessary for their dialogue so she padded the equation."

Astounded, Jayne questioned, "And they agreed?"

"Yes."

Jayne couldn't believe it. This whole escapade made no sense. Her brother hated him, for any number of good reasons. The merc just knew that the younger man would never have allowed his fragile li'l sister to be left at the mercy of a crass, rude killer-for-hire like him. "And the Doc agreed?"

"Yes, Simon agreed. They all agreed."

The mercenary's mouth hung open. He was absolutely flummoxed, completely dumbfounded that the rest of the crew would leave him alone with the crazy girl. Had he really become that toothless? Did they have no consideration for the girl? Jayne could do any number of truly wrong things to her durin' that time period. Sure she could usually beat the _go se_ outta him, but she still had bad spells when she collapsed back into a frightened child incapable of defendin' herself and in dire need of comfort. What if she had one of those spells now and he chose to take advantage? The merc was gonna hafta have a sitdown chat with her simpleton of a brother. It was days like today when he sometimes thought the good Doc really was worthless.

When it looked as if Jayne had possibly been rendered permanently speechless, River moved forward with her explanation. "They agreed to stay in town overnight and come back in the morning and never ask what happened." Since the mercenary was already angry, the girl figured she should just rip the bandaid off all at once. Then, while he spluttered, she could maneuver them into the serious discussion. Tilting her head again, she inspected the large man closely to see if he connected the dots properly.

Jayne was certain he'd gone insane. Perhaps there was some weird chemical leak in the kitchen and he'd been hallucinatin' since enterin' the mess. That would explain the absolute unreality of the situation 'cause nothin' else would. Why in the ruttin' hell would they stay away and then expect no accountin'?

His brows furrowed as he tried to put the pieces together. Then, Jayne's eyes got real wide, and he stared at River as if he'd never seen her before. He nearly choked as she calmly looked back at him as if waitin' for him to finally figure it out.

The mercenary breathed, "No ruttin' way." He winced perhaps that wasn't the best response. But she couldn't mean what he thought she meant. She just couldn't mean… and the rest of the crew couldn't have agreed--

Assured the merc had correctly connected all the dots, River guaranteed, "No accounting."

Jayne scowled. "I told you to stay outta my mind."

"He screamed. She couldn't help but hear."

So deep in shock that he could barely form words, Jayne snarled, "Well, I don't care what they think they agreed to. And I don't care what you calculated neither. I don't even want to talk to you." The merc angrily pointed at the girl. "Much less anything else. I ain't no cradle snatcher."

River's eyes narrowed. "She is not a child. She is an adult."

"She ain't all there. So she is a child," scoffed the merc in denial.

At that point, Jayne would have leapt outta his chair and fled the room, refusin' to take part in this farce anymore. However, just as the large man's leg muscles tensed to thrust him upright, River casually lifted a spoon from the pile of silverware next to her on the table. He wasn't that dumb. He knew a threat when he saw one, 'though he didn't know what she was gonna do with that rounded li'l spoon. Suitably stymied, the mercenary warily watched as the girl twirled the utensil between her slim fingers.

She knew the large man felt trapped and would spend the rest of the night sitting in that chair refusing to talk to her if she didn't approach him a little more patiently now that he understood the full ramifications of the conversation. Before they could discuss the incident at the jail, the girl needed Jayne to understand who she was, and to do that, she would have to reveal the parts of her past that she did not want Simon to know. She knew the merc would never betray her confidence, and she realized the revelations would bind them together as the incident at the jail had. No matter what their relationship was now, or would be in the future, from tonight onward, the girl and the mercenary would understand one another.

River discerned Jayne's concentration was now focused on the spoon. So she began her evening of truth. She held up the utensil in demonstration. "The girl is like the spoon. Rounded, with smooth curves, and no sharp edges. She is deceptive like the spoon. Capable of so much damage merely by scooping parts of someone out. Just like parts of her were scooped out."

The mercenary started at the teen's change of subject. She had shifted gears without any apparent interest in the previous controversial topic. While he wondered what the girl was up to, Jayne noticed River's attention had focused inwardly away from both him and the spoon she rolled through her fingers. She seemed lost to her surroundings as she began to speak.

"She was 14 when the Academy wrote to her parents asking for the opportunity to train the girl. Her parents were very excited that someone wanted her, someone proper who would mold and shape her as they had been unable to do. They had high hopes that she would learn the discipline necessary to retain her rightful place in society."

Jayne took a deep breath when he realized he'd been holdin' his breath since she'd begun to speak 'bout the Academy. The girl preferred not to discuss what had happened to her there, and, from all he had seen, the merc could completely agree with her choice. He figured she must have a real good reason for bringin' it up to him now so he let her continue.

River waved the spoon. "The girl had been such a bother, so wild and unpredictable, so unacceptably good at everything, so unworthy of the love bestowed upon her by her brother. Her parents had not even managed to arrange her marriage yet because she had been unable to go to school with her peers."

Jayne stiffened at the thought of the girl bein' forced into one of them loveless marriages of convenience. He'd heard from Simon that their parents weren't exactly carin' or concerned 'bout their daughter, but the big man hadn't comprehended they had always treated her that way. He shuddered inwardly at the waste, because, no matter what sorta bad things he did or was, he knew his family would always love him. The girl should have had that too, and from more than just her brother.

"The girl was a burden the school could have. She would only be permitted back to her childhood home if she changed--" her voice faltered, "if the Academy changed her into something she was not."

Jayne barely kept the snarl back cuz he didn't want to interrupt the girl.

Smiling slightly, River fondly reminisced, "In the beginning, the girl was very excited to be at the Academy. She was allowed to dance and sing and learn as rapidly as she could. She was allowed to have intellectual conversations with her fellow students and teachers, and she was even allowed to contradict them when they were wrong. The girl thought she was in heaven. She thought she had finally found a home."

The mercenary watched as the smilin' countenance drained away, leavin' behind an ominous void on the girl's face. He felt chilled.

"Then things changed a bit. She had been selected for smaller and smaller classes with fewer and fewer students yet with ever more intense curricula. The girl enjoyed the ability to stretch her wings into the new and exciting avenues before which she had never been allowed to study. She learned of machines and ships and weapons. She learned of tactics and stealth and acceptable losses. The girl learned them as she had always done, as if she had known the answers all along. Her teachers were very pleased, and she was proud of her accomplishments."

Unconsciously clutching the spoon, the void on the River's face distorted into a perilous sorrow. "Then things changed for good."

River laughed bitterly, and for a moment, remembering where she was, glanced briefly at Jayne. "For good." Turning away from the merc, she smiled maliciously at herself and laughed again, before returning to her tale.

"The girl moved past the book learning of the mechanics and the history to the actual, concrete, physical aspects of offense and defense. She was good at that too, but her teachers wanted her to be better, faster, quieter, and more accurate. Despite being better than all the other students, despite being better than her teachers, she was not considered good enough."

Even as he watched River in horrific fascination, the mercenary felt like an intruder. He wanted to stop the girl from relivin' her experiences at the Academy, but he knew she probably needed to get some of it off her chest. So he sat very still, watchin' and listenin' to her.

River's breathing became labored. "So she was sent to the doctor's."

Jayne braced himself. He knew this was where the tale would get really ugly.

The girl paused momentarily then continued, "Other students had gone to the doctors before the girl when they had plateaued in their training. The regular students at the Academy rarely saw those others after they went to the doctors, but a few of the treated students did return. They were too different and were subsequently sent away again."

River shuddered. "The girl never returned from the doctors. Like her teachers had foretold, the doctors thought she was an excellent specimen. They believed she would finally fulfill their expectations for their experiments."

A muscle jumped in Jayne's jaw as he tried to control himself. He didn't want to disturb the girl. She obviously needed to say this, and for some reason, she felt she needed to say it to him. So he would listen. He would listen and not comment until she stopped speakin'. The merc clamped his jaw tighter.

"At first, the girl only endured tests. They quantified her responses to various stimuli: heat, cold, sound, light, etc. Then the doctors decided to examine her from the inside. Her brain was very pleasing. They wanted to know not only how her brain worked, but also how they could replicate it in others and how they could optimize hers. The girl was the best, but she still needed to be better."

River desperately gripped the spoon. "So they sliced a little here and diced a little there. The surgeons had learned precisely what to remove from their experiments on the others. The girl responded better than they could have hoped for. She was nearly perfect." She shivered. "But she still had to be trained. The training of her previous incarnation was inadequate. Her brain was new and fresh, and, though it would undoubtedly be painful," River sneered, "she had to learn how to use it properly."

River turned empty eyes on the silent mercenary. She whispered, "That was when they broke the girl."

When her gaze slid away again, Jayne clenched his fists and ground his teeth. He was desperately tryin' to stay calm because she had said only strong emotions penetrated her control. He would not force her to feel his fury. He was afraid she might misinterpret it as directed at her rather than at the bastards that hurt her. She'd been through enough without him addin' anymore confusion to it.

"The surgeries were painful, and the girl no longer knew her own mind. However, she could have forgotten the pain and learned to live with her new mind," assured River, before her voice broke, "if they hadn't started pushing their minds into hers. But that had been their ultimate purpose. They had opened up her mind to make room for their thoughts and feelings and desires."

River peeked at Jayne to gauge his reaction to her words before looking away again.

The mercenary had blanched when she said desires. He wasn't sure he could hear much more of this without killin' somethin'. Obviously, Jayne knew they had never raped her body, but it sounded like perhaps they had raped her mind, her soul. And there was nothing he could do about it. Breathin' heavily, but as quietly as possible, he prayed for control of his rage.

River stared off vacantly into space as she forced herself to continue, "The girl was frightening and pretty and untouchable, but only in the flesh. Her mind was not inviolate. They could touch her there. They could ring screams from her throat, when they touched her mind, when they filled her with their thoughts. After all, they were merely training her. They were not doing anything wrong. They were just testing her reactions to see if she really felt within what they wanted her to feel."

She whispered, "And she did feel it. She felt all of their imprints on her mind."

Jayne wanted to close his eyes. He didn't want to see or hear any more of this. But he knew he had to. If she could bear to tell him, he could bear to listen. He was a fully grown adult male, and, if she as barely more than a child at the time could endure what had been done to her, then he could shoulder some of her burden. So he continued forcin' himself to breathe as regularly as possible, to retain some semblance of calm.

Caught up in her memories, River began mangling the spoon she still clutched between her fists. "However, her screams and tears were not enough. They had to be certain that she was receiving the exact thoughts they were projecting, otherwise the test results would be inaccurate. So the girl had to tell them in minute detail, to describe the events to them, to relive those moments over and over."

Stomach roilin', the mercenary flinched.

River's voice began to alternate between hers and a deeper technical male's tone as she replayed a dialogue from the Academy. "'Do you feel that?' 'Yes, I feel that.' 'What do you feel?' 'I feel your hand.' 'Where is my hand?' 'On my right thigh.'"

Startled, River snapped out of her reverie when Jayne growled and wrenched the spoon from her tight clasp. Her eyes widened. The girl had not realized she still had the spoon in her hands, but she could feel where she had dug the steel into her palms. Uncertainly she watched as the mercenary removed all of the utensils from within her reach. She raised her eyes to his in fearful questioning.

"Ain't goin' nowhere. You won't need these," explained Jayne as he placed the silverware in front of him on the table, and resettled himself in his chair.

The merc had tried not to interrupt her, but he could not sit by and watch her hurt herself with that damned spoon. He realized she had forgotten the utensil as she had attempted to crush it with her tiny hands, but he was afraid he would see blood drip from her palms soon. The large man grimaced as he finally understood why she spoke 'bout herself in third person. He vowed he would never tease her 'bout it again.

Jayne did not ask River to continue. If she could not or would not bear to relive anymore of those memories of her time at the Academy, he would understand and not push her. At this point, he wanted to know what else she had suffered, to understand who she really was beneath her fragile exterior, but he also knew that she had probably not gotten to the worst parts yet. So, he swallowed heavily, and simply waited for her next move.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Truths

Series: Choices

Author: mik109

Rating: NC 17

Pairings: River/Jayne

Disclaimer: Still not mine.

Truths (Part 2)

River stared into the merc's burning blue eyes. He did not seem to revile her, or be offended by her revelations. Jayne was angry, but the rage did not seem to be directed at her. He was prepared to listen, to hear the reasons for her nightmares. Relieved that he did not appear to hate her, she resumed her tale.

"Other than the medical procedures, the girl was not physically touched in any improper manner. Except for once."

River glanced at Jayne as he shifted angrily in his chair.

She began to recite the facts clearly, without emotion. "She was 15. It was summer she thinks because the girl could feel the warm breezes follow behind the hospital personnel. One of her doctors was left alone with her in one of the rooms. Normally, techs wandered in and out throughout the procedures, but not that day. The doctor had become obsessed with the girl. She had suffered many horrific projections from him, but he could no longer accept the distance. He had to touch her, to force the screams from her throat as she felt his actual skin. Thoughts were no longer enough."

Now, River fought for control of her face as she continued, "So when the techs were gone, he touched her knee. He smiled when the girl began to shake and tried to move away from him, but she could not because she was still strapped into the medical chair. His smile widened as he slowly slid his sweaty palm across her thigh to reach under her hospital gown." Her voice wavered uncontrollably. "But he had forgotten in his arrogant desires that she was not a normal girl. Even as she shook with fear and revulsion, she reacted with her highly trained instincts. While he looked down at his hand crossing her thigh, she broke her own hand and ripped it out of the straps. Before he could counter her movement, the girl propelled the heel of her palm into his nose pushing the broken bone into his brain killing him instantly."

The teen smiled grimly at the mercenary, and he smiled grimly back. She had done what had to be done, and they both knew that. River was glad he didn't condemn her. Jayne was glad that bastard had got what he deserved; he only wished that someone had stopped that _hundan_ before he'd hurt the girl. The merc knew that, even though the touch had only been momentary, River, with her extraordinary memory, could still feel it to this day. His need to kill somethin' beat down on him.

She looked away from the merc again and resumed, "No one tried to inappropriately touch the girl after that. They repaired her hand and replaced her doctor. No one mourned his loss because he was obviously incapable of the necessary objectivity for the experiments. She was not even punished because her handlers were impressed by her defense of self. She had reacted as she had been trained to do. She was moving along quite well."

River turned her gaze back to Jayne as she earnestly explained, "Even in her pain and confusion, the girl could tolerate the mental invasions because she knew her brother would get her out. She knew he would understand her codes and not abandon her. He would never abandon her. But as the days and weeks and months passed, the girl became lost in her own mind. She had endured so many projections and readings she was no longer quite clear where others ended and she began."

Shrugging self-consciously, but without looking away from the merc, River played with the hem of her dress as it draped around her on the table. She did not want Jayne to think she was weak, but he needed to know her state of mind.

"At the beginning of her time with the doctors, the girl had made plans, many plans to escape. She had been trained for escape and evasion as well as battle. However, the Academy personnel were prepared for any possible internal moves. So she waited for an external aid, but in the mean time, she got lost. Often the girl thought she wanted to die, but she was no longer sure she was alive so she didn't know how she could be killed. She thought she might have been killed before, but she could no longer remember. She thought she might have lived before, but she could no longer remember."

Eyes shying away, River turned from Jayne once more. "Then one day the girl knew she was alive because she knew she had to die."

The mercenary sat very straight and very still. He knew what she told him next would make the death wish he'd been harborin' these last few minutes seem like cotton candy.

River's breath became labored again, but her speaking sped up in her effort to finish. "She overheard the doctors discussing the next step in her development. While she had been undergoing treatment, they had prevented her system from fully maturing. But now they wondered if perhaps they should harvest some of her eggs. She was quite a remarkable specimen, and they thought perhaps if they combined her DNA with that of another highly touted student the next generation would be even better. However, genetic manipulation was still tricky, and they could not be certain that she would pass on the proper genes. While her brother was quite intelligent, her parents were not more than merely above average. Some argued that she might simply have been an aberration. Others thought she had an above average chance of bearing the proper next generation if she carried the child herself. With her new psychic abilities, she could bond with the child in utero and impart extra capabilities on to the child. In utero training had proved effective in other areas of medical development. It would be quite exciting to test the hypotheses. And even if the child did not meet expectations, it could be utilized as a bargaining chip to keep the girl in line because she still possessed seeds of rebellion within her."

'Will not kill' was Jayne's mantra as he sat silently in his chair. The sadness in the girl's eyes tore at the heart he'd only recently discovered he had. How could one li'l girl suffer so much?

With tears in her eyes, River looked once more at the simmering merc. "That was when she prepared to kill herself with a seizure. She would have had to do it alone in her cell between shifts so they would not have had time to resuscitate her. She could do it because they had trained her to sense when people were around." River shuddered. "Now that the girl knew she was alive, she would die before allowing them to take one more piece of her. They had contorted her brain and tormented her mind, but they would not rip a child from her body. The girl would not bring an innocent into her hell. The Academy had taken everything else from her but they would not take her progeny."

Unable to speak for a minute, River drew in deep cleansing breaths as she attempted to find the strength to finish with her memories of the Academy. There was still so much more to explain to the mercenary before she could even get back to the root of the discussion.

As he watched the girl try to calm herself, Jayne realized he'd never hate anyone or anythin' as much as he hated that Academy for what they'd done to River. Not even the Children of the Rise could displace that school from the top of his most wanted list. If he ever had the opportunity to destroy that place, the merc would not only not hesitate, but would blow that Academy up with a song in his heart.

River finally managed to push back the tears, and her voice got stronger. "Luckily, the debate over what to do in the next phase raged on for weeks. She was still completing her training and that could not be interfered with. As the time ticked down, as the girl prepared to die, a kernel of hope implanted in her breast." She smiled softly at Jayne, and was warmed when he returned her smile. "Her brother had not forgotten her. While she could not reach out to him with her new senses without alerting the medical personnel, she could feel his thoughts directed at her, even across so much space. His love and attention were so strong and single-minded he was like a meteor in her sky, drawing ever nearer. All his love and hope for her survival fueled her nearly forgotten desire to live."

Good for the Doc, Jayne thought as he realized that the younger man's unselfish yearnin' to free his sister had actually kept her from committin' suicide. Maybe he wasn't so worthless after all.

"But the day's bled into one another, and he did not come, and he did not come, and he did not come. And she became lost again because she could no longer differentiate between her brother's hope for her life and her own hope for her death. Then suddenly he was there. He was there and she was not alone. He was there and she did not have to die. When he pulled her from that chair, she escaped under blind instinct. She had no ability to reason or think. All she could do was feel, but all she could feel from him was love. He was a beacon and she followed where he led."

If Simon had been in the room with them at that point, Jayne might have hugged him in sheer relief. The younger man had saved his sister, and now, the mercenary knew exactly what the doctor had saved her from. He realized he probably knew more than Simon ever would about River's time at the Academy, and he sincerely hoped for the Doc's sake that the younger man never knew all the details.

River tensed internally. This was the part where the story became more dangerous for Jayne. Up until now, the girl had only brought the merc along a tour of her life. He may have reacted negatively to the exhibits, but he had still maintained a third person distance. However, this was where Jayne himself became part of the pictures. River didn't know how he would react to a review of his own past with his newly opened eyes.

Observing the merc very closely, River said, "When the girl came out of the cryo box, all she could still do was feel. She felt the anger and confusion and greed of new people. It was different from the love and hope she had felt from her brother and the people who had helped him rescue her. Yet it was also a different from what she had felt at the Academy."

The mercenary tensed as he remembered his first contact with the girl. She had been scared and naked as she crawled screamin' from the box, and he had merely looked lustily at her body, ignorin' her distress. When Jayne thought about what she must have felt from him as she awoke from her imprisonment, he recoiled. He knew he was not a good man, but on that day he was a man who should have been shot.

Tilting her head slightly, River's eyes squinted in remembered confusion. "The feelings were not directed at her, but at her brother or at the other crew members and passengers. She was not of interest. She was not a lab specimen to be examined, but rather more like a doll to be placed upon a shelf to be looked at and not touched. In the beginning, she was very confused by this attitude. While she was unwanted and undesirable, they kept her for her own safety. She was imperfect, flawed, and frightening. However, so were the others on the ship. They all had their demons so they tolerated hers."

Taking a deep breath, River plunged through the undergrowth of their shared past. She had to tell him. He had to know what she had done. She could not delay the inevitable in a longer. "The girl tried to stay out of the way of the others, but even when she was not in the same room with them she could still sense them. She could read their feelings and thoughts and desires."

Jayne shuddered. This was where he would find out how she truly felt about him. He could not imagine it would be very pretty, but he deserved no better.

Desperate for the large man to understand, River entreated, "Her mind was too open. She could not shut the others out. She became confused at times about who was thinking what, but she could not force them out of her mind. Even though they did not project into her head, her mind had been trained to automatically read the minds of those around her."

Jayne closed his eyes for a moment. He really didn't want to know what she had read from him durin' those first few months. The mercenary remembered all his greed and anger and desire. Sure she was young and not all there, but as he had told that law man, not all of her had to be. Shakin' his head to clear the self disgust, the large man refocused on the girl, cringin' and waitin' to hear what she remembered.

"She felt Simon's love and determination to fix her, the Captain's protectiveness, Kaylee's sadness for her and adoration for her brother, Book's reverence, Inara's care, Wash and Zoe's love for one another, and Jayne's anger."

River dropped her eyes as she reminded him. "The mercenary hated the girl and her brother. And he was mad at the Captain for keeping them rather than turning them in for the reward. Jayne hated her even more when she slashed him with the butcher's knife."

Looking up at the silent man, River apologized with every line of her body. Her eyes were wide and her palms were open. She wished she could take that moment back, but knew for some unknown reason it had to be.

Jayne unconsciously rubbed the scar across his chest. He could see the tension in River's apologetic form. The merc knew the girl had not been all there that day, and he knew now he'd probably pushed her into such an action with his wayward thoughts. That incident was in the past, merely water under the bridge of their rocky relationship. So, he smiled gently at the girl, and felt an odd urge to laugh when she immediately brightened and beamed back at him.

Relieved once more, River resumed her tale. "In those early days after her rescue from the Academy, the lost girl wandered through the memories and thoughts of those around her, trying to find her way. She was often very confused by these readings because, unlike at the Academy, most of the thoughts were not directed at her. Most of the thoughts and feelings were not about her, but rather expressed the opinions and the wants of the others."

River peered at Jayne through her hair. This was going to be difficult. The girl didn't want to embarrass the mercenary, but he needed to know she bore him no animus. Rather she had been comforted by his existence more times than he would ever know. However, he would not be pleased with how she had derived said comfort.

"Sometimes, their thoughts were about the girl, about her actions, about what could be done to help her, or about the crew's feelings toward the ones who had hurt her. Sometimes, the thoughts were about her not as a broken child, but as a desirable woman."

Jayne balked. He was a man with an active sex drive, and he'd never before been ashamed of his fondness toward sex fantasies to occupy his time in the Black. However, right now, the cold-hearted merc couldn't stop himself from blushin' like a school girl.

River blushed in response to Jayne's blush.

Unconsciously fiddling with her skirt again, River pushed forward. "When she first stumbled across those images of her, the girl had been frightened. The thoughts seemed eerily close to those projected into her mind at the Academy, but there was no mechanism to physically protect her as there had been at her school." She shrugged helplessly. "This made her very wary. She did not know what would happen to her or how she would react. In her lucid moments, the girl quite liked her new life with the crew of the Serenity. She did not want to be sent away, but, while the images continue to grow in scope, she noticed no correlative physical actions were taken."

Cringin', Jayne didn't know how to explain that just cuz he'd had sex thoughts 'bout River that didn't mean he had actually expected to have sex with her. Hell, this mind stuff was confusin'. He didn't know how the girl managed it as well as she did. His head hurt just thinkin' 'bout it much less experiencin' it.

"The girl knew that those others at the Academy who had had such thoughts of her would never have refrained from taking physical advantage if the opportunity had presented itself. However, no corresponding chances were taken on the ship, despite the frequency and the depths of the images." Completely embarrassed, River's voice dropped to a whisper. "So the girl's inquisitive nature found her delving further into the images and examining them with greater concentration."

Jayne could feel the blush returnin' in force. Some of those fantasies had been really raunchy.

"The girl began to understand the subtle differences between these images and those previous projections. For one, she was never meant to see these images, to know of the desires. For another, in these images, she was not supposed to experience pain and anguish but rather desire and fulfillment. The touches were supposed to be pleasurable rather than frightening. She was meant to enjoy not hate those moments. She was astonished."

Brow lowerin', the merc scowled at the table. The fact that River had had to carefully inspect his sex fantasies 'bout her bothered him quite a bit. However, hearin' the fact that she'd been astonished to discover he'd expected her to enjoy his touch in the fantasies made his death wish for the Academy return in full force. What in the gorram hell had those rotten _hundans_ projected into her mind?

"The girl was curious. This was a radically different attitude toward her than she had ever known before. She needed to gather more data to accurately balance the equation."

Jayne rolled his neck, tryin' to ease the ache. How long did this go on?

River peeked at Jayne. He didn't look too pleased. She swallowed heavily and forced herself to continue. "She began to understand the differences between sex and the projections she had suffered at the Academy. While those images had been sexual in nature, they had only been about control and hate. She had been an object of hate."

Jaw clenchin' in fury, Jayne finally understood why the girl had cried in the corner of that cell when she'd read the arbiter's mind. She must have felt not only that bastard's nasty desires, but also been thrown back to her time at the Academy. The merc had never realized the extent of the sufferin' River had experienced at the hands and minds of men. His heart hurt as he recognized his place in that crowd.

River could tell Jayne was deeply upset with himself. He believed he was one of those men who had hurt her, but she knew he was not. She had to make him understand.

"However, in these new images, these fantasies, she was an object of desire. While sometimes there were aspects of anger or control, everything was done with the expectation of pleasure and enjoyment for both the parties involved. She was thrilled to know that what they had taught her at the Academy was wrong, and she'd hoped that meant that someday she might be a real girl. She reveled in the acceptance."

The mercenary's eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up into his hair again. The girl liked his fantasies 'bout her? He stared at River as if he'd never seen her before.

River blushed under Jayne's incredulous stare. She knew he had not expected praise or thanks for his private predilections, but the evening was about truth and that was her truth. The girl had honestly basked in the glow of the merc's fantasies as a cat would in front of a fire.

"When she finally understood these fantasies, she was always comforted by them. They were warm and made her feel like a real girl. In fact, when she felt the others pressing into her mind too far, she wanted to wrap the images around her as a blanket. So she would entice the images to start."

Jayne's mouth dropped open. He really wasn't certain he was awake anymore.

"She knew when the fantasies were strongest and how to make them reappear. If she stood in a certain place or did a certain thing, she was more likely to induce the images."

River licked her dry lips, and began wringing her hands together.

"She knew it was wrong and unfair to continue peeping into the fantasies. But she felt so protected there, so insulated from the others. When she immersed herself in the images, no random thoughts could intrude. She knew it was wrong to partake of someone's fantasies, yet she felt worse when she intruded into the privacy of true emotions." River's dark eyes begged Jayne to understand. "It was not right for the girl to experience Wash and Zoe's love and desire. It was not right for her to feel Kaylee's yearning for Simon or to feel his yearning for the mechanic. She did not want to feel the Captain's, or Inara's, or Book's, or even Jayne's true emotions."

Whispering to the table in front of Jayne, River said, "She was a peeping Tom, a voyeur. She was bad. But the fantasies kept the everyday thoughts of the others at bay so she used them as armor until she had built the barriers high enough around herself."

Slipping up onto her knees, River implored Jayne not to hate her. "She never intruded after that. She promises she never intruded after that. And she promises she would never intrude again."

The merc looked at the girl with new eyes. She had told him so much more than he had ever expected to hear. He had never realized the depths of the depravity River had suffered at the Academy. It had been so much more than mere brain surgeries. Yet she had survived it. Hell, she had even found a way to use most of it to her advantage. He was damn proud of her.

Jayne had never been a man who was easily embarrassed. Sure it was a little disconcertin', but he didn't mind that she'd found use for his fantasies. In fact, he was almost proud of himself for not being as big a bastard as he'd always thought.

The merc's voice was a little rusty as he spoke, "Why are ya tellin' me this?"

River explained, "Because he needs to know that he has never hurt her. She has been hurt. She knows the difference, and she knows he has never hurt her."

A hard knot in Jayne's chest eased for a moment before he remembered. "I've hit you, taunted you, and tried to sell you back to those bastards. Not to mention… How can you say I've never hurt you?"

Dismissively, River shook her head her hair flying around her. "He never wanted to hurt her. He only wanted to get rid of her. She did not mind because she understands she is scary and different. The girl does not mind people who wish she would go away, but she does not like people who want to use her, who like her scary and different, who want to make her unacceptable to anyone besides them."

River looked steadily at Jayne as she brought the conversation back around to the crux of the matter. "He did not hurt her at the jail. He saved her."

When the mercenary opened his mouth to speak, River rushed ahead, "Yes, it was painful and embarrassing, but he did not hurt the girl because he did not want to hurt her. That is the difference. He did not want to touch her. He only wanted to keep the others from touching her."

Jayne snapped his mouth shut because he didn't know how to respond to that statement.

River sighed. "Once again, she used him as a barrier from others. However, this time he knew and he did not want to be her barrier. He did not want…" Shaking her head to clear her mind, River clarified, "The girl was bad again. Even though she had no other choice, she knew she would break Jayne and yet she did it anyway."

Jayne growled, "Ya didn't have another choice. And I still ain't broken."

Gesturing forcefully with her hands, River insisted. "He is broken. Stuck in the jail. Can't move forward. She understands. She is broken too. She is stuck in the Academy because they changed her, tied her to them, so that she could never move forward. He doesn't have to stay in the jail. He can move forward. She can help fix him so he is no longer broken."

Jayne tensed. He had hoped the girl had forgotten her earlier track. Shakin' his head ruefully, the mercenary realized he should not have forgotten that River never lost track she merely changed her path. He reminded her, "I already told you that I ain't no cradle snatcher."

Annoyed by his constant referral of her as a child, River argued, "She is an adult. She has the right to make this decision."

Throwin' up his hands, Jayne replied, "Fine, she is an adult, but she'll have to make this decision 'bout someone else because he ain't playin'."

River narrowed her eyes and told the large man. "Inara did offer to find the girl someone else."

Jayne's hands dropped like deadweights to his sides and his eyes bulged. "'Nara offered to do what?"

Raising a disdainful eyebrow, River explained, "She suggested finding the girl a male Companion to transition her past her painful initiation at the jail."

Jayne blinked at the girl.

River tucked her hair behind her ears. "Simon thought it was a good idea and offered to pay for the Companion. He even put her on birth control."

Snarlin', the merc decided the Doc was a worthless piece of _go se_ again. Suggestin' his sweet li'l sister, who had been through more than enough in her young life at the hands of men, find herself some whore to get it on with made the big man's blood boil. The mere thought made Jayne want to punch somethin', preferably somethin' wearin' a vest.

Clearly unhappy with the idea, Jayne growled, "You don't need no boy whore. You'll find some proper guy sometime and he can help you."

Eyes wide, River reminded him. "She is not likely to find someone proper now or ever. She is not proper, and she is never in one place long enough to form an attachment."

Looking up, as if in thought, the girl surmised, "She could pick up some stranger in a bar."

Jayne was about to erupt at the very thought of some random sack of _go se_ touchin' the girl. As he opened his mouth to yell, River changed tactics again. She had lost her place for moment. She needed to get back on track.

"Inara only offered because she feels guilty about the incident at the jail."

The mercenary tried to settle back down. He shrugged. "Weren't her fault."

River shrugged. "She still feels guilty. So does Zoe. They were the first to make the suggestion and they were there when it happened. They cannot move past the guilt."

Jayne growled again. "They ain't got nothin' to be guilty 'bout."

"They cannot help their feelings anymore than the Captain or Simon or Kaylee can help theirs. They all feel guilty because the girl and Jayne feel guilty."

Disturbed because he hadn't realized his behavior had affected the crew, Jayne yelled, "I don't feel guilty. I am guilty. I'm the one who--"

Interrupting, River stated calmly. "The girl is guilty. 75 of active females rupture their hymen without aid of sexual intercourse. If only hers had, she would have failed the examination and been considered unworthy. The girl would not have endangered the crew."

Jayne shifted abruptly in his chair. The thought of that _hundan_ examinin' River in such an intimate manner right there in the jail in front of them, hell at all, made the mercenary want to kill someone. He realized Zoe and River had barely been able to restrain him when the arbiter had merely lifted the girl's skirt. Jayne knew he would've ripped the man's head off if the bastard had placed those pudgy hands on her for a closer view.

"Being innocent isn't something you should feel guilty for."

"But she hasn't been innocent in a long time."

Startled by the girl's statement, Jayne shook his head in dismissal and crossed his arms angrily. "None of that other stuff matters. You were still a virgin so you were still innocent."

"But she's not a virgin now," reminded River.

Jayne rubbed a hand across his face. "No."

"And that's why he feels bad. He bears the burden he did not want."

Grindin' his teeth together, Jayne scowled at the girl. "It ain't a burden. It's just… I mean you didn't… It was just wrong." He finished lamely. Why couldn't she just understand how wrong it was?

River took a deep breath as she began her final push. "Yes, it was. But that's why they have to finish."

Arms tightenin' 'round him, Jayne sunk lower into his chair. "Finish? I already finished," he chided and then grimaced when he realized what he had said.

"Is that why he can't leave the jail? If he was truly finished, he'd be able to leave the jail."

Sullenly, the mercenary responded, "We ain't in the jail."

Unexpectedly reaching across the table, River tapped Jayne's temple and said. "He is in the jail up here."

Glarin' angrily, Jayne pulled his head away from the girl's hand. "Don't matter."

River sighed. "It does matter because he matters."

The mercenary didn't respond. He simply sat in his chair with his arms crossed and a black frown on his face. He was not gonna have this conversation anymore. He didn't care what else she had to say. He was not violatin' the girl again. She'd said yes the last time too, and that hadn't helped him none.

Realizing Jayne was about at the end of his patience, River asked him, "Does he want to know why the others agreed to leave them alone for the night?"

"Cuz ya asked them too," suggested Jayne sarcastically, rollin' his eyes.

River partially agreed. "Yes, but that's not the only reason. Whether or not he can continue as he has been, the rest of the crew cannot."

The merc started. What did the rest of them have to do with this? Other than humorin' the girl, he hadn't thought they'd been very involved. He knew she hadn't told him all the stuff about the Academy and his fantasies. So what else could it be?

"His change in demeanor affects them everyday. They are unhappy and uncertain and worried that something even worse than the jail will happen, that he will get himself hurt on a job because he is not paying enough attention, that one afternoon's ugly decision will haunt them forever."

The look and River's eyes turned sad and scared, and tears began to form once more. "Jayne saved the girl. She does not want him to die."

The coldhearted mercenary really wanted the girl not to cry. She hadn't cried yet, not through any of her revelations. He didn't want her to start now--especially over him. He didn't know what he would do if she cried in earnest.

Blinking back her tears, River said, "He does not have to accept the girl's offer. She does comprehend how that could make him even more sorrowful. She does not care how he does it. If he would prefer to find some other woman to help him, she would understand. She just wants him to be Jayne again."

Questionin', the large man looked the girl in the eyes.

River grinned. "She wants him to call her names, and be rude to Simon, and disobey Captain Daddy, and do all those other things that make him Jayne."

Relaxin' his stance a bit, the mercenary grinned ruefully back.

Smiling mischievously beneath her lashes, River laughed lightly, "If he wants to be a little more polite and a little less mean, she wouldn't be exactly unhappy." Her voice turned serious. "But she would like Jayne to come back. She misses Jayne. They all miss Jayne."

Sensing the mercenary's bewilderment, River assured him. "She does not ask him to be anything he is not, to treat her in any way that would cause him distress. She does not ask for commitment only cooperation. Tonight, they could make right what didn't happen at the jail. They could finish what was started so Jayne could move on. She will not speak about it again, or ask him for anything in return."

The merc frowned. The girl's suggestion made absolutely no sense, but some of her observations did. Maybe he had changed a bit since the incident at the jail. Maybe it had been awhile since he'd done… well, anythin'.

The girl crept closer to Jayne's end of the table. "She cannot change the past. She can only change the future."

The large man looked warily at the tiny girl. He was so far out of his depths. He felt like he was drownin' and comin' to life at the same time. This was all sorts of confusin'. Why couldn't the others have stayed so he could ask someone what to do, maybe 'Nara or Zoe could've given him a little direction. 'Course they had left him alone with the girl, so maybe that was their answer.

Serenely, River held out her hand to Jayne. "Death is easy. Life is hard."

Dazed, the mercenary looked at the girl's open hand, so slim and steady. How could she so calmly offer herself to him? He was not a good man, not nice or educated or honorable. He did not have relationships. He paid whores to ameliorate his sexual urges. He did not whisper soft words or place gentle caresses on innocent li'l girls. Jayne didn't care if she wasn't technically a virgin anymore; she'd never chosen to give herself to a man before. Yet here she was in the mess, where he saw her everyday, holdin' her hand out to him, beckonin' him to her bed. How could he say yes?

Jayne blinked.

How could he say no? She had bared her soul to him, in an attempt to cleanse his. River had told the mercenary things he knew she would never share with another livin' bein' in hopes of mendin' what she believed she had broken. The girl kneeled there silent and alone offerin' to ease what she believed to be his torment.

His breath caught in his throat. Jayne could not accept her on those conditions, but he would accept her on his own. He would treat her with the respect and consideration she deserved. He would give her the first time she should have had. He would provide her with all the tender touches and soothin' words he had never offered anyone else.

She'd suffered enough anguish at the hands of men. Tonight, he would show her pleasure. River had already told him his sexual thoughts about her made her feel warm and protected. This time he'd make those fantasies reality.

Jayne searched once more in the depths of the girl's eyes for any reticence, any flicker of uncertainty. Findin' none, he reached out and firmly curled his hand 'round River's.

"Okay."


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Repairs

Series: Choices

Author: mik109

Rating: NC-17

Pairings: River/Jayne

Disclaimer: Belongs to Joss.

Repairs

Staring into Jayne's solemn blue eyes, River felt his rough hand firmly grasp her soft one, and watched his lips confirm his consent.

She smiled at the mercenary as he rose to stand next to the table, and tried not to show him her nervousness. She didn't want him to think she was afraid because she wasn't, but this was new territory for her. Even though she had read through all of Simon's and Inara's textbooks, River was still just a little out of her depth because this was real.

Jayne felt silly standin' there next to the table with River's slender hand clutched in his. She still knelt on the table top with her dress flared out 'round her like a princess while he stood uncertainly beside her in his work clothes, combat boots, and holster. He thought what a ridiculous picture they must make. So the large man slowly pulled the girl's hand toward him, and, gently bracin' her waist, carefully helped her down from the table.

Never taking her eyes off Jayne, River moved where he directed and stood passively in front of him. The mercenary had agreed to her offer, but the girl was afraid she would say or do the wrong thing and he would change his mind. So she waited silently for him to decide what to do next.

Jayne stared at River and tried to swallow past his nervousness. She hadn't said anythin' yet, but her tiny little hand still tightly gripped his meaty paw. The girl had stepped off the table at his urgin', but now she stood gazin' up at him with wide eyes. The merc didn't want to push her into nothin' she wasn't ready for so he waited for her to make the first move.

After a couple of minutes had elapsed and they still had not moved, River roused herself from her dormancy. This had been her suggestion so obviously he was waiting for her signal.

"Where should we go to--" River's voice trailed off as she waved her free hand. She had thought out any number of different scenarios for this stage in her evening arrangements. However, she had never settled on exactly where there should go. His fantasies had provided her with several possibilities across the entire ship, but some of them were a little too farfetched for her to believe they could be comfortable. Maybe he'd have a safer suggestion for now.

His eyebrows raisin', Jayne peered 'round the room as if expectin' to find a big brass bed with satin sheets and an arrow pointin' down blinkin' 'HERE.' "Um."

Recognizing his confusion, River offered, "We could go to my room."

Shakin' his head, the mercenary negated that idea. He didn't feel comfortable goin' to the girl's room. That was her place of refuge, and he would not desecrate it. Instead Jayne decided, "We'll use my bunk. It's clean."

Hell, yeah, it was clean. He had cleaned it every day for the past two gorram months. There was nothin' for him to be ashamed 'bout in his bunk anymore. He'd even taken down all his girly pics from the walls. The merc could take the girl there. He winced internally at his word choice; he was really gonna have to work on that, or his life was gonna git real messy, real fast.

Noddin' his head, Jayne quietly ushered River out of the mess hall.

When they stood in the corridor above Jayne's bunk, the slip of a girl and the large man looked at each other, and then at the hatch, and then back at each other. They still held hands, but one of them was going to have to go down into the room first.

Jayne unlocked and opened the door with his free hand, and said, "Ladies first."

River nodded, and released his hand.

A second later, Jayne blinked and released hers when he realized why the girl wasn't movin'.

Trying not to be more nervous now that she no longer had a hold of the mercenary, River stepped onto the ladder and descended into his room.

When River disappeared from view, Jayne gulped in several deep breaths before followin' her.

Glancing around the merc's preternaturally cleaned bunk, River giggled, "Simon would be jealous." She ran her fingers across the grime-free bulkhead, and turned to face Jayne as he walked in to stand next to his bed.

She giggled again when the coldhearted mercenary blushed. Promptly pirouetting up onto the edge of his bed, River pulled Jayne's head down and laughingly kissed his forehead. When he peeked at her through his eyelashes, she smiled and kissed his forehead again.

This time her lips lingered. She slid her hands down to gently cup Jayne's jaw as she brushed her lips against his eyebrows before tenderly kissing each eye closed. River kissed his temples and cheeks then ran her nose down his before kissing the tip. Circling one hand around Jayne's neck to thread lean fingers through the short hairs at the base of his skull, she sighed in his ear then nibbled her way across his stubble and goatee. River slid her hand off his jaw and down his throat to rest upon his shoulder. Kissing her way from his goatee to his other ear, the girl blew across his skin then softly sucked on his lobe.

Jayne gasped. The tenderness of her caresses shook him. He had not known what to expect, but it hadn't been this. The girl was treatin' him as if he was precious to her. As if, she wanted to make up for every hurt he had ever suffered in his entire life. The merc's breath caught in his throat at the thought because, the way she was makin' him feel, she might actually do it. He gasped again as she began lickin' her way down his throat.

Brow furrowin', the mercenary wondered briefly why his lips felt abandoned. She had skipped right past them when her lips had traveled his face. Sure he had always said "never kiss 'em on the mouth," but that had been when he had been talkin' about whores.

Suddenly Jayne's eyes popped open and he pulled River's hands away from his head and shoulders. The girl's head flew back and she stared at the merc with wide dark eyes as he held her hands between them. Lookin' deeply into her confused brown eyes, Jayne carefully kissed each of her palms then closed her fingers over to hold his caress in before lowerin' her hands to her sides.

Smilin' gently to ward off her distressed look, the merc wrapped his hands 'round River's face and stroked her lips with his thumbs. Jayne leaned in until their noses were almost touchin', his breath ghostin' across her lips, and asked her, "Have ya ever been kissed?"

River blinked into his curious blue eyes. Wanting to be totally honest, she replied, "Simon often kissed my forehead when I took my medicine without yelling. And Captain Daddy kissed my cheek when I stopped Patience from shooting him that last time."

Jayne snickered slightly and shook his head. Smilin' once again, the merc stated, "A girl should always be kissed first."

River's eyes widened and she began, "But you don't --"

Jayne stopped her words by the expedient manner of tenderly placin' his lips over hers. Softly the merc kissed the girl without tryin' to deepen his possession of her lips. Neither had closed their eyes, never breakin' eye contact as his lips warmly fondled hers. Jayne pulled slowly back just enough to release River's lips. He stated again, "A girl should always be kissed first."

As the girl blinked back tears, the coldhearted mercenary leaned in once again and this time closed each of her eyelids with a delicate kiss. Then, as she had done, he slid his nose down hers before kissin' the end.

"A girl should always be kissed first, but especially this girl," he breathed once more as his lips closed over hers. This time he slid his tongue out to taste her lips.

River's mouth opened as she sucked in a deep breath before experimentally tasting his tongue with hers. They both gasped lightly then molded their open mouths together, suddenly desperate for more. She had no experience and he hadn't kissed anyone on the mouth in years, but they quickly found a rhythm.

Jayne tilted River's head back for better access to the inner recesses of her mouth. As their tongues danced, his left hand wound through her hair to cup the base of her skull, while his right hand skimmed down her neck and the side of her breast to curl 'round her slim waist and rest on the small of her back bringin' their bodies flush together. They both sighed at the contact, breakin' the kiss.

Starin' at the girl's open, moist lips, the mercenary felt the increasin' rapidity of her shallow breaths as her chest pushed against his. His hand spread out across her back, and he pulled her infinitesimally closer to him.

River gasped as he leaned her head farther back to kiss across her chin and down her neck to lick the base of her throat. The scratch of his stubble provided a delicious contrast to the softness of his tongue. She thought her heart might beat straight out of her chest when Jayne nuzzled down her sternum to kiss the hollow between her breasts and his right hand slid up to draw her dress strap off her shoulder.

The mercenary pulled his head back to watch River's face as he slipped his palm down over her shoulder and the top of her dress to cup her fabric covered breast. The girl stopped breathing for a second, before her respiration sped up. Shivering with anticipation, her sweet pink tongue darted out to lick her lips then she bit her bottom lip. Jayne took that to mean she was okay so he pressed a little harder and rubbed his thumb across her hardening nipple. He smiled when she moaned.

Returnin' his gaze back to his hand, Jayne slowly began slidin' open the tiny buttons that ran down the front of her dress. His large fingers stumbled over several buttons, but he finally had her top undone to the waist. Slippin' his fingertips along the edge of the fabric, the mercenary's fingernails barely grazed the tantalizin' bits of River's flesh being revealed. When his hand reached the neckline, he slowly peeled the dress away revealin' her lack of a bra and completely barin' the girl's breast for his perusal.

Jayne stared at her breast for a long moment. He remembered very vividly what River had looked like when she climbed out of the box, but that view was nothin' compared to up close. Her baggy clothes really did her no justice as she had filled out so beautifully over her time on Serenity. Her pale skin nearly glowed, and the dusky pink tip of her breast made his mouth water.

River felt the cool air brush against her bared breast. She was shaking with tension as she waited for Jayne to either touch her naked skin or reject her. She whimpered and arched her back when she felt his calloused palm shape her breast. She was sincerely glad that he still had a hand behind her head because she thought she might fall over without the support. When she felt his warm breath sweep across her nipple, her knees nearly buckled.

Leanin' down, the mercenary knew he couldn't wait another moment to taste the girl as her arched back and deep breathin' brought her breast that much closer to his mouth. Glancin' up, he watched her expression as his lips closed over her nipple. When she helplessly cried out at his touch, he smiled into her chest and closed his eyes to concentrate more fully on the delicious flavor that was River Tam.

She thought she might cry in pleasure at the feel of his tongue lapping at her breast. She didn't even possess the proper vocabulary to express how she felt when he gently bit the hard bud. Realizing the correct words might not have even been invented yet, River decided the only words she needed were the uncontrollable breathy sounds escaping from her open mouth.

After suckling on the girl's left breast for a couple of minutes, Jayne continued fondlin' her with his right hand, and kissed his way across her chest to burrow under the unmoved fabric to apply the same ministrations to her right breast.

River never expected the beauty she experienced from the sensations of the merc's stubble scratching the tender skin of her breast and his teeth tugging on her nipple. No book or fantasy had ever truly explained the exquisite ache she felt deep in her gut at such simple touches. Or maybe those experiences only came with Jayne.

Annoyed by her restrictive clothes, Jayne pulled back once again. Smilin' when River cried out in loss, he kissed her deeply for a minute before slowly drawin' both his hands down her body until he reached the hem of her dress. Carefully, unhurriedly, he ran his work hardened hands over her naked skin as he dragged the dress up.

River wasn't sure how much longer she could remain upright. The feel of his calloused palms against her tender skin made her legs shake uncontrollably. Luckily, Jayne caught her to his chest as he pulled her dress off and tossed it aside. The feel of his T-shirt rubbing across her sensitized skin caused her to cry out again and search blindly for his mouth.

The feel of the girl greedily suckin' on his tongue made the mercenary quickly decide to lay her down so he could get some support for his shakin' knees. Wrappin' his left arm 'round her body to support her head and back and his right arm behind her knees, Jayne lifted River briefly before gently stretchin' her out across his bed with her head on his pillow.

While grateful for the support of the mattress, she missed the sensation of being held so tightly to Jayne's body. Even though he knelt on the bed next to her and still had his arms around her slight form, River desperately wanted to experience the heady pleasure of his weight on top of her, but didn't know how to ask. So she writhed on the blanket and continued urgently kissing him.

Slippin' his arms out from beneath the girl's tremblin' body, Jayne straightened as he knelt on the edge of his bed and swept his burnin' gaze down the wonder of her nearly naked body. He drew in a shaky breath as he tried to decide what to do next. He had promised himself he would treat River gently with the respect she deserved, but the sight of her glorious skin and the feel of her guileless reactions to his caresses fueled the carnal urges he had repressed for the past few weeks.

Desperately tryin' to calm himself, the mercenary watched the girl rub against his blanket. She looked like she was doin' okay, not scared or nothin', but Jayne couldn't read anythin' in her eyes because they were still closed. Sure she had said that she liked his fantasies 'bout her, but she hadn't said what parts so he was in the dark as to what he could do that wouldn't frighten her.

River was afraid she had done something wrong. Even though it had only been for a few moments, Jayne did not move or touch her. Had she done too little or too much? Was she disappointing him, not helping him at all? She twisted her body on his bed in agitation.

Suddenly angry with himself, the large man was glad that the girl couldn't see his ferocious grimace. Of course she was squirmin' on the bed, he'd abandoned her as he knelt foolishly droolin' over her beauty and plannin' his next move. Callin' himself a gorram fool, he realized she'd probably feel better if he did somethin' besides stare.

When she felt Jayne's right hand spread across her taut stomach, River whimpered and bowed off the bed for fuller contact. She shivered as his hand crept lower to edge against the elastic of her panties. She bit her lip when both of his hands rested on her hips.

Jayne held his breath as his fingers caressed the soft skin just above River's last remainin' article of clothing. Watchin' her face closely, he curled his fingers under the waistband and gently began tuggin' the white cotton down her lovely strong legs. He began breathin' regularly again when she sighed. Then promptly lost his breath again after he tossed her underwear aside and finally looked down at a completely nude River Tam.

Oh but she was all manner of shiny. So shiny Jayne knew he shouldn't be the one touchin' her, but River was right when she said she wasn't likely to find someone else anytime soon. And he wasn't gonna let no whore, Guild trained or not, touch her. The girl was too good for that. He would just have to do this right. The merc figured he'd done okay so far because she hadn't beaten him up and fled the room, but now he'd have to get real close and she'd have to let herself go. After all she'd been through, he didn't know if she could do that. However, he reminded himself he had all night to help her so he decided he really should just get started.

River jumped slightly when she felt Jayne curve his hands around her ankles and kneel at the end of the bed between her feet. Beginning to pant lightly, River couldn't believe the exquisite sensations coursing through her body as his wonderfully rough fingers stroked up her legs followed by incredibly tender open mouthed kisses. When he licked the backs of her knees, she could barely restrain herself from hooking her legs around his neck and pulling him closer to her core.

Jayne could feel the increased tension in River's muscles as his lips crept up her thighs. He was kneelin' between her knees now, and, takin' a deep breath, could smell the girl's arousal. Oh, she smelled delectable. She still used the same soap that had so recently turned his stomach, but now, mixed with a hint of passion, the merc found the scent irresistible.

Shivering with need, River waited for Jayne to finally touch her more intimately. He'd been amazingly gentle so far, but now she needed him to take the next big step. He hadn't even wanted to look at her that day at the jail and had only minimally touched her. There hadn't reasonably been time for anything else, but tonight, she desperately wanted him to look at and touch her with desire.

Continuin' to tenderly kiss her thigh, Jayne again watched River's face as he wrapped his left hand under her hip and his right hand circled her bellybutton then slid across lower stomach. When her tongue slipped out to wet her lips, he smiled into her skin and dipped his right hand lower to cup her mound. He grasped her firmly when her hips started to rise off the bed.

Carefully he slipped a single finger down her folds. He bit his own lip when he realized she had already grown quite wet from his kisses and caresses. Baskin' in her body's approval, Jayne took the plunge and placed a firm kiss on the apex of River's thighs. With only a mere hint of her flavor on his lips, he had to have more so he pulled her knees over his shoulders and lifted her hips for a deeper taste.

Twisting raggedly at his touch, River tightened her right leg across Jayne's shoulders and braced her left foot against the edge of his weapon rack. Her breath rattled in her chest as tried not to suffocate on ecstasy. She knew they had really only just begun, but she wasn't sure anything could feel as good as the image of the mercenary finally stepping forward out of the shadows left by the incident at the jail because that's what she saw beneath her closed eyelids as he rubbed his thumb across her clitoris and licked her slick folds.

Oh, merciful Buddha, nothin' in this life could ever taste as delicious as an aroused River Tam thought a thoroughly shaken Jayne Cobb. Wallowin' in the mewls helplessly escapin' from the girl, he looked up across her archin' body to watch her forehead glisten with perspiration and her lashes flutter against her flushed cheeks as he sunk his tongue into her body. He lapped greedily at her flowin' juices. Desperately wantin' to close his eyes and savor the flavor, the merc forced himself to keep searchin' the girl's face for any signs of discomfort or dislike. Whatever she may have intended, he had decided this evenin' was gonna be 'bout her pleasure not his, and he wouldn't alter that just cuz he'd never wanted anythin' more in his life.

River writhed on Jayne's coverlet, relishing the shards of pleasure spiking through her body at his ministrations and straining against the need to reach down and touch him. Not wanting to do the wrong thing because tonight was about him, she prevented herself from giving into her greatest desire to grab him and taste him as he was doing to her. He had closed her hands and pulled them to her sides where she couldn't touch him so she lay there trying to respect his orders and ignore her own burning needs. She had planned this evening to be about helping him to remember his pleasure and his needs rather than about satisfying hers.

Both panting with desire, the mercenary and the girl strove to fulfill the other's need. He needed to give her the ultimate pleasure of a mind blowin' orgasm in an attempt to erase the memory of the pain of his possession at the jail, and she needed to have one for him. Holdin' her steady with one hand, he thrust one slick finger into her tight channel and gently bit on her nubbin, and was rewarded with her increasingly agitated breathin' and incoherent cries of pleasure. She was so close, so close, she didn't know exactly what she needed, but the quiver in her belly told her it would be soon. Needin' to ride out the girl's climax between her thighs, Jayne changed positions for the last time thrustin' his tongue deeply into her body and twistin' her clitoris with the fingers of his newly freed hand. River bucked and gasped as she finally shot away from her body and out into the 'verse, drenched in shooting stars and exploding suns she wasn't certain how she'd ever find her way home. Happily drownin' in the swoosh of the girl's juices, the merc thought he'd never felt anythin' as good as her walls clenchin' 'round his tongue or seen anythin' it is beautiful as her face when she came.

When her walls stopped flutterin' and her leg muscles relaxed, Jayne reluctantly pulled himself away from River's delicious womanhood. He carefully lifted her right leg off his shoulder and laughed internally as he still felt the impression of her heel on his back. He nearly laughed out loud when he saw were her left leg was. Smilin', he gently pulled her leg from the weapons rack and lowered it to the bed.

Turnin' his attention back to River's quiverin' form, Jayne crawled up her naked, shakin' body without touchin' her. As he straddled the girl, placin' his knees outside her thighs and his palms flat on the bed next to her shoulders, the merc noticed her hands and eyes still remained tightly closed.

River could feel Jayne's breath across her chin as his body hovered so tantalizingly close to hers, but she wasn't sure what she was supposed to do next so she waited with her eyes shut.

After starin' at her for a minute, he huskily asked, "Are ya gonna open your eyes?" Although the merc would never admit it, his belly sang with nerves as he waited for her reply because the girl had not spoken since that first kiss so many minutes ago. Jayne held his breath as River's mouth opened to speak.

"He closed her eyes. She did not want to do the wrong thing--"

Jayne's eyebrows rose as he realized that's why she'd never opened her eyes or touched him. Maybe he should have been more explicit in his directions. He'd forgotten how literal she could be. "Ya can open your eyes."

Jayne observed closely as River's eyes slowly slid open. His heart nearly stopped beatin' when he identified the nearly innocent enchantment contained within their dark depths. He was absolutely certain he couldn't breathe when her gaze met his and that enchantment flamed over into somethin' infinitely less innocent.

"Can she touch him now too?"

"Ya don't have to--"

The girl repeated her question, "Can she touch him now too?" She nudged his still fabric covered knee with the knuckles of her right hand.

The mercenary watched as the fires in River's eyes flickered higher and her tiny pink tongue slipped out to lick her swollen lips. Jayne couldn't quite get his mouth to form the correct words so he simply nodded dumbly.

Immediately opening, River's right hand crept up over Jayne's knee to begin caressing his strong thigh, and her left hand briefly cupped his elbow before meandering across his bicep and shoulder then up to snake through the hair at the back of his head. She sighed softly at the wonder of feeling the mercenary beneath her fingertips.

Jayne had not wanted her to touch or look at him at the jail. So River had dutifully kept her eyes closed the entire time. And because the only clothing that either one had removed had been her panties, she had not had the comfort of warm skin to ease her through the awkward and extremely painful initiation. She had felt his strength beneath the layers of fabric between them, but the only flesh River had encountered was the brush of the side of Jayne's face and neck as she clutched at his shoulders, the rasp of his calloused hands on her legs as he held her up, and the tearing pain of him within her as he thrust quickly through the act.

This time she needed to feel him, to experience him, to touch and taste and explore every inch of him. River looked deeply into Jayne's wary blue eyes and needed him to burn as she did. So she pulled his head down to hers and licked her own juices off his face as a cat would clean its mate. She grinned ferally as the coldhearted mercenary tried to suppress the purr that rose in his throat but could not dim the blaze now flaring in his eyes.

"Her turn."

Jayne's breath caught in his throat. He wasn't sure what his supposed to do now. He'd promised himself he'd give her the proper first time she should have had, but he really wasn't certain what was proper for a Core-bred girl like her. Expectin' to do the majority of the work, he was dumbfounded as the innocent li'l crazy girl inspected him like he was the latest flavor of ice planet. He remembered she hadn't quite figured that out properly, but that hadn't meant she hadn't tried. And by the look in her eyes, this time she didn't plan on failin'. He gulped.

While continuing to knead his thigh like a cat, River ran her left hand down the length of Jayne's spine. Treasuring the feeling of his strong muscles beneath her palm, she smiled at him before reaching up to bite his lower lip and then suck it into her mouth. She smiled once more at his raspy groan. Sitting up, she forced him to shift his body back along the bed until they were kneeling face-to-face. She lifted her right hand to his stomach, and while she twined her tongue with his, she used both hands to begin pulling his T-shirt out of his pants. Making certain to scratch her nails across his skin as she drug the fabric up his torso, the girl ripped another groan from the merc.

Jayne did not want to stop kissin' River, but eventually he tore his lips away to lift his arms and help her remove his shirt. Not knowin' what to expect next, he held his breath while she tossed his T-shirt aside and then turned to inspect him. Her gaze scorched across his shoulders and chest, and he shivered as her fingertips lightly traced the same paths. At first he was offended when her stare slid past his stomach and she giggled, he thought it really wasn't that funny because he was supposed to get aroused. However, when his gaze followed hers, he looked down at his own body and blushed.

River giggled again at Jayne's blush. Unable to stop herself, she quickly wrapped her arms around his chest and hugged him. She planted a quick kiss on his collarbone and grinned up at him. Dropping both her hands to his waist, her nimble fingers unbuckled and unstrapped his holster, finally removing his loaded pistol and Bowie knife. After grinning into the embarrassed merc's face, she calmly bent over the edge of the bed to gently place his weapons on the ground.

Droolin' over the naked expanse of River's back, Jayne smiled at the care with which she treated his weapons. His breath got caught in his throat again as she turned 'round and grinned at him once more. When she laughed lightly, wrapped her arms 'round his torso, and laid her cheek on his chest, he did the one other thing he didn't normally do with whores and hugged her back. Enfoldin' the girl's slim body in his big arms, the mercenary dropped a nearly platonic kiss on the top of her head, and almost forgot she was naked until her hands spread out across his back and waist.

Thoroughly enjoying the feel of his hard muscles beneath her soft cheek and hands, River seamlessly merged from giggling solidarity to timeless desire. Her hands explored the slick skin of his back as he began to perspire, roving shamelessly across the breadth of his shoulders and down to his trim waist. She whimpered as the bristles on his chest tickled her breasts when she began rubbing her naked skin against his.

Jayne decided if this was how Core-bred girls acted when they were sexin' maybe they weren't all bad. 'Course maybe it was just River, but that weren't all bad neither. He had always enjoyed the pleasure of touch, but he was amazed at how her innocent yet knowledgeable caresses could fill his soul while leaving him achin' for more. Tryin' to master his desire to push her down and take her immediately, the mercenary tried to make himself breathe calmly, wantin' to let the girl set her own pace on this voyage of discovery. He knew she needed the time to gauge his responses to her touch as well has her own, and he was determined to both give her the time and not hold back on his reactions to her nearness. He groaned as she turned her head and bit his nipple.

River smiled into Jayne's chest as he groaned. She liked how the rumble felt beneath her lips, and loved that she was the one who caused it. He tasted so delicious she thought as she rolled the salt of his sweat across her tongue. Needing more, she licked her way from one nipple to the other. Blowing lightly on his wet nipple, she opened her mouth against him to lave his flesh some more before chewing lightly on the hardened nub.

Oh, gorram, this was more difficult than Jayne expected. He had forgotten how River's intense curiosity could often lead her astray. Everythin' was so new to her that she was takin' it so slowly, and he thought he might die from the holdin' back. In no way was he holdin' back on experiencin' the pleasure, but the standin' still for foreplay wasn't somethin' he did much of when he was payin' for the time. He reminded himself angrily once more that this was no whore in his arms, and that this whole evenin' was about relievin' some of the pain he had caused her in the past rather than a chance for him to get off. This was about the girl and she could do anythin' she wanted no matter how long it took so he could just bite his lip like a man and take it.

River wasn't sure how much longer she could hold out. While there was a plethora of things she had yet to do or taste, her most pressing need at the moment was to get Jayne naked. Kissing her way down his chest, she dipped her tongue into his navel, and slid her hands around his sides and abdomen before coming to rest on his belt buckle. She pulled her head back slightly to watch her fingers as they struggled briefly with the clasp before releasing it and moving on to the buttons of his cargo pants. She got one button undone before she remembered it was pointless to continue for the moment because he still had on his boots. Sighing deeply, she straightened up away from his body and looked him in the eye.

Jayne tried to swallow past the lump in his throat when the girl suddenly stopped undressin' him and pulled away. The look of consternation in her eyes made him search desperately in his mind for what he could have possibly done wrong. However, before he can figure that out, he felt River place her left hand on his right shoulder and her right hand on his left hip. He looked at her in confusion for moment as she tugged, then realized she was simply tryin' to get him to lie down on his back. Okay, he could do that, he thought as he tried to remember how his legs functioned after the fright he had felt when he thought she wanted to stop.

Gently guiding Jayne to stretch out on his back, River's fingers lingered on his skin for second before she let him go and stood up. Missing him already, she quickly knelt on the end of the bed and rapidly unlaced his big black combat boots. She yanked them off and tossed them to the side along with his socks before curving her hands around his ankles. As he had, she bent her head and kissed each instep and ankle while she slid her hands up his hair roughened calves as far as she could underneath his pants. Frustrated by his remaining coverings, she pulled her hands out and then scrambled up across his legs to straddle his thighs.

Moanin' deeply, Jayne tried desperately to control his helpless twitch as River sat on his knees and her slender fingers returned to his fly. The feel of her tiny hands flutterin' against his still fabric covered cock made his own hands clench in the blanket beneath him. When the fly finally popped open, freein' his restricted member, the mercenary sighed. The breath choked in his throat though when the girl curled her fingers 'round the top of his pants and under the waistband of his boxers, and he panted heavily as she calmly lifted the clothing over his erection and pulled it down off of his body, scrapin' her nails across his skin as she went.

Throwing their last remaining articles of clothing away from the bed, River looked deeply into Jayne's eyes as she crawled back up his body. Finally breaking their gaze, she sat down on his knees once more and turned her attention to the cradle of his manhood. Oh, she thought, so that's why it had hurt so much that day at the jail. Her eyes going wide she marveled at how he had ever fit inside of her, but, as she inhaled deeply, his heady scent made her wonder lustily how much better it would feel this time because she was prepared. Smiling predatorily into the mercenary's eyes, she firmly grasped the base of his erection and bent her neck to lick the head.

Oh, yeah, this is how an ice planet must feel, Jayne thought deliriously. He didn't think he would ever be able to look at the creamy dessert without gettin' hard again. When River opened her lips and dropped down to suck him deeper into her mouth, he was sure he saw stars, but it could have just been the flames flickerin' in both their eyes. As her other hand cupped his balls, he knew he wasn't going to last long enough to sex her up properly if he didn't take action now.

River was startled when Jayne's big hands wrapped around her head and pulled her up his body. Wide eyed and scared she had done something wrong, she blinked back tears when he sat up and kissed her soundly.

"No time for that," he growled as he continued kissin' her.

Disappointedly pleased, River chided, "But her turn wasn't done yet."

Jayne laughed as he carefully turned them over until the girl was lyin' underneath him on the bed. Then looking into her smilin' countenance, he murmured, "Our turn."

Brushin' the hair away from her face, he kissed her once more as his hands stroked down her body to test if she was ready for him. Jayne groaned into River's mouth as he felt her wetness, her core drenched in readiness for him. Even though he done this to her before, he knew that one time would not have stretched her enough for there not to be any discomfort or pain this time because she was such a small girl. He would have to go slowly. The rough and tumble merc had promised himself he would treat her gently, and he would.

Crying out in loss, River twisted restlessly as Jayne's hands abandoned her folds and he shifted their bodies until he kneeled between her thighs. When he gently lifted her leg to crook around his hip, she remembered what to do and obediently locked her ankles behind his back, trying to pull him closer as she did so.

Staring deeply into each others eyes, Jayne carefully maneuvered himself to River's entrance and firmly holding her hips steady began pushing himself into her warm, waiting body. Both moaning at the final union of their bodies, they started breathing harshly as he slowly pressed farther into her. They never broke eye contact as he slid in to the hilt. Not moving his hips as he desperately waited for her to adjust to the feeling of him inside her, Jayne bent his head forward to place a gentle kiss on River's lips. She sighed into his mouth then bit his lip, encouraging him without words to begin moving within her. He groaned harshly as her hips bucked against his slow, test thrust.

Leavin' one hand to still her frantically rockin' hips and placing the other on the bed next to her shoulder for support, Jayne drew back to look down at River. Her hair flew out 'round her head in a halo as she writhed beneath him, and he could barely breathe as he listened to the moans escapin' from her throat. Pacin' himself, the merc felt the sweat drip down his brow and the strain of his muscles as he tried to take this slow and easy. He cried out when the girl slipped one hand up his arm to knead on his shoulder and the other hand curved tenderly 'round his where he gripped her hip.

River desperately wanted to kiss Jayne, to taste his breath as he poured himself into her, but she knew that he needed to watch her face, to clearly see she was neither sad nor afraid. So she stared into his eyes and let him watch the way the myriad pleasures lit the fires in her eyes as he filled her soul farther with each thrust.

Jayne leaned down to rest his chest on River's as he thrust harder and faster. Lacin' his fingers through hers, he pulled their interlocked hands away from her hip, and placed them on the pillow next to her head where he could better feel the strength of her palm against his. Breathin' erratically, he didn't know how much longer he could hold on and by the sound of her continual keenin' she was ready too. So he slid his free hand down between their bodies to briefly tweak her nipples then to rub her clitoris.

"Jaynejaynejayne," babbled River incoherently while she writhed frantically beneath him as the tension coiling in her stomach burned through her entire body.

Desperately trying to maintain his control, Jayne gritted his teeth as thrust deeply and twisted her nubbin one last time.

She did not tear her gaze from his as she felt the rays of ecstasy spike through every nerve, but when she shot over the final precipice her eyes rolled back as she screamed.

"Jayne!"

Continuin' to thrust rhythmically, Jayne watched mesmerized as River flew apart in his arms. Her face contorted in rapture, and he shuddered as her fractured breath ghosted across his face. He felt her walls clench 'round his cock tighter than he'd ever known possible. He practically glowed as he realized he'd given her such pleasure, that he had been the one who taught her what sex was supposed to be like.

River pried open her eyes to look at Jayne. He still hadn't found his own release and she needed to watch him as he'd watched her. So she brushed her hand across his lips and cupped his cheek and whispered, "Please."

At River's touch, Jayne snapped back to reality and, with her starin' intensely into his eyes, he saw her lips form a single word. It took him a second for his mind to catch up, then his eyes rolled back and he did as she asked and let himself come. Thrustin' erractically, he threw back his head and howled as he experienced the most powerful orgasm of his life.

"River!"

River continued holding his hand and cupping his cheek as she watched Jayne finally let go. She was proud of herself for not breaking the mercenary this time, but rather mending him, repairing what she had damaged in the jail. She cherished the feel of him coming within her because he wanted to not because he had to, and luxuriated in the weight of his body as it collapsed over hers, as he buried his face in her neck.

When he was finally strong enough, Jayne shifted his weight to his knees and tried to pull out of River's body. He extracted the hand from between their bodies and gently lifted one of her calves to break her lock on his waist. Smilin' internally, he thought what wonderfully strong legs she had. Pullin' his face away from the girl's neck, he peered warily into her eyes to make certain he hadn't frightened or upset her in any way. His heart stopped when she spoke.

Smiling beatifically at Jayne, River with absolutely sincerity said, "Thank you." And then she stunned him by planting a tender kiss on his damp forehead.

Humbled nearly beyond words, Jayne placed an exquisitely soft kiss on her lips and responded, "Thank you."

Smiling contentedly at one another, Jayne turned their bodies until he was once again lyin' on his back. This time he pulled River down to his side with her head pillowed on his chest. He tore down the blanket hidin' his weapons and covered their damp bodies. With their arms and legs entwined, they fell into a profoundly peaceful sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Fantasies

Series: Choices

Author: mik109

Rating: NC17

Pairings: River/Jayne

Disclaimer: Absolutely not mine.

Warnings/Spoilers: After the series and BDM

Fantasies (Part 1)

They were awoken by some small sound that others would not have noticed. However, the large man and the slim girl, lying in the bunk meant for one, were both deadly weapons with highly trained survival instincts, and anything noticeably out of place set them on high alert even to the point of rousing them from a deep sleep if necessary.

Waitin' tensely, Jayne listened for a repeat of the sound that had awoken him. As the moments passed and no new sound offended his hearin', the mercenary became aware of his other senses, of his mind. He stared blindly at the ceilin' of his bunk as he remembered where he was, what he was doin', and who was warmin' his bare side.

The girl was in his arms. The girl whose brother hated him. The girl he had once tried to sell for some coin. The girl who had beaten him up on more than one occasion. The girl who should by all rights hate him, but for some unknown reason didn't, and that's what still confused Jayne.

The mercenary knew why the girl was here. He remembered everything she had told him in the mess hall. All those awful things that had been done to her and all the things she had done to survive it. He remembered her lookin' so small and so fragile as she knelt there on the big table and offered herself to him cuz she had thought she'd broken something in him. Jayne's heart hurt for a second as he realized how much courage River must have used to brave his wrath and then leave herself so open to potential harm. She was simply stunnin', and he couldn't understand why he'd never seen it before now. He guessed he really was just a dumb sumbitch.

But that certainly didn't help him now.

River knew Jayne was awake for the same reason she was--some random noise that had not repeated itself. However, she did not know why he hadn't said or done anything yet. She wasn't certain what was appropriate behavior for this particular situation because his fantasies had never included post-coital sleeping arrangements and neither had Simon's text books. Inara's books had discussed it in the more professional terms of a Companion. Perhaps that was how she should act? Had this evening not been more like the healing intimacies Companions practiced than the more personally oriented, sexually adventurous rendezvous Jayne usually participated in?

Trying not to disturb Jayne by frowning in thought, River remembered she had never even realistically considered the Guild's suggestion of training. Unlike Simon, she had never felt the need to heal others until she had broken Jayne. Had she changed so much that she could now follow the way of the Companion? Did she now wish to heal others of their pain because she could not heal her own?

No, River recognized immediately. Unable to imagine finding fulfillment in such encounters, she concluded she still did not desire to help others in such intimate ways. She preferred to keep people at a much safer distance where no actual touching needed to be involved. However, she experienced no remorse for the intimacies she had exchanged with the mercenary. While she was uncertain what to do next, she was neither frightened nor ashamed of their actions, and, other than this bit of nervous indecision, she felt quite secure and peaceful. Because she rarely even cared for Simon's or Kaylee's loving embraces, this comfort confused her.

Still staring at the ceilin', Jayne tried to figure out what to do next. He knew the girl was awake because her breathin' wasn't even, but she hadn't moved or said anythin' so he didn't know if she was regrettin' what had happened and plannin' how best to eviscerate him or if she was just nervous too cuz this really was all new to her. The mercenary wished he could see River's face, look into her eyes, and find the truth, but that would mean she could look into his, and he didn't know if he was ready for that yet.

Without moving a muscle, River shifted her attention to consider her physical position more carefully. She was lying naked and half draped over Jayne's equally unclothed body. They were in full body contact with their skins rubbing slightly with every breath. Her torso rose and fell with each of his breaths, and she could both feel his heart beat beneath her palm and hear his heartbeat reverberate inside her head as her cheek rested on his chest. While their legs were entwined with her right thigh held between his, she was encircled in his arms with his right hand securing her right hip and his left hand resting on her right hand as it lay over his heart. Skin on skin contact tended to disturb her, but she discovered she rather enjoyed this closeness with the merc. Odd.

Oh, but this was gettin' complicated Jayne thought. His life was so much clearer before the incident at the jail. Hell, he thought, his life was a whole lot clearer before River came into it. Not that he wanted her out of it, the mercenary realized as he repressed a sudden impulse to run his calloused fingers up the smooth skin of her back and thread through her soft hair. The girl was all manner of shiny, but he knew he shouldn't be thinkin' like that neither.

When Jayne's fingers twitched momentarily against her waist, River held her breath in anticipation. She wasn't certain what she hoped would happen, but she was deeply disappointed when his hand stilled and nothing changed. More over, as she continued to lie silently in his arms, she wondered why she lacked any interest to make the move herself. Somehow, she had skipped over this awkward first moment of awareness when she had prepared for this evening.

Concerned about this oversight, River questioned herself. Was this moment awkward because Jayne regretted what had occurred and wanted her to go away? Or maybe he didn't regret anything, but still wanted her to leave him quietly in peace? She had told him there would be no recriminations for any of tonight's actions. So maybe he had expected to wake up and find her gone from his room never to mention it again? She wondered if perhaps the awkward moment would never have happened if she had simply left after the coupling. If the merc had woken up alone in his bed, would he have wondered where she was, or merely turned over and gone back to sleep?

River had said there would be no accountin' of tonight, that the rest of the crew would never ask what happened, and that she would never ask anythin' of him, but Jayne didn't know if he could handle that. The girl didn't deserve to be treated like that, like she was some nameless whore on some forgotten backwoods moon. He'd been there and done that, and he knew that this wasn't the same. He wasn't certain what this was, but he surely knew what it wasn't.

She should have just asked him before this all began, River realized as she contemplated their position. She was certain Jayne would have told her if she had only asked. When she had asked him where they should go, he had chosen his bunk. Perhaps that had been a signal for her to leave him after the coupling? Oh, she was not versed well enough in this aspect of post-coital relations. She had obviously not collected the correct information from Inara, Kaylee, and Zoe. Her study skills were slipping. She had been so focused on the aspect of healing, nonjudgmental sex that she had overlooked this. Were there other areas she had missed?

The girl still hadn't moved or said anythin'. Jayne was becomin' more nervous and he knew soon he would become restlessly agitated and then after that he would hurtle into defensively angry, but he didn't want to do any of that. He wanted to be calm. He wanted to do the right thing whatever that was. He wanted to stop yellin' so loudly in his head before she heard him.

River decided she could not be concerned about anything else at the moment because she recognized Jayne's agitation was rising. She could feel the acceleration of his heart rate and respiration. And, although her mental barriers were up so she could not actually read his mind, vibrant colors of emotion began crashing against her shields. She knew this meant the merc was thinking unpleasant thoughts. Were they about her? Was it about what had occurred this evening? Or was he still feeling guilt over the incident at the jail?

Tryin' not to sigh, Jayne realized how much more awkward this situation was because River was a reader who could infiltrate his mind without him even realizin' it. Sure, the girl had said that she had better control now. However, she had also said that sudden intense emotions could penetrate her defenses, and Jayne figured it had to be even harder to keep out someone's thoughts when lyin' bare-assed naked in his arms.

Not that he needed to be thinkin' about her bare ass. Jayne tried valiantly to suppress the groan risin' from his gut because yet again River might misinterpret it. Oh, gorramit, he really was gonna have to do somethin' other than lie there like some scaredy boy after his first time.

Maybe there's a reason for that, singsonged his conscience. Oh, shut the ruttin' hell up, Jayne snarled back. Gorramit, River blinked. He felt her eyelashes tickle his chest. She musta heard that. He sincerely hoped that she had only heard the snarlin' part and not the other part because he didn't know what to do with that part yet.

Realizing Jayne was becoming quite angry as waves of deep red pulsed from his mind, River decided she was going to have to initiate the post-coital conversation herself. She had suggested the intimacies, and therefore she must be willing to speak to him in a normal fashion to demonstrate her adherence to her no accounting promise. All she had to do was say hello. She could do that.

She could do that now.

She could do that right _now_.

Just as River finally opened her mouth to speak, Jayne's stomach growled.

Startled, they both gasped and slid their hands down in sync to his abdomen. When his stomach growled again, River raised her head, and turned to look the merc in the face.

"He is hungry." She stated as she calmly held his gaze.

Jayne swallowed heavily when River's gaze met his. He peered into her dark eyes for any signs of distress, but couldn't discern any particular emotion in the deep brown. Although he didn't know what he wanted to say, he opened his mouth to say something anyway.

Suddenly, River's stomach growled as if in response to Jayne's hunger.

Forgettin' to close his mouth, the merc watched the girl's eyes shift down to her own body as she lifted her torso away from his, and her hand slid over to cover her own abdomen. His eyes twitched under the strain as he tried gallantly not to notice that she was still completely naked.

"She is hungry."

Her clear gaze returned to Jayne's wary blue eyes as he doggedly focused on the girl's face and nowhere else.

"They are hungry. They did not eat dinner." River smiled at the merc. "She promised to make him dinner. She will make it now."

Having said that, River jumped out of the bed, and looked down at the clothes scattered across the floor. She seemed utterly unaware of her own nudity and the man's reaction to it. Despite the fact that she had forced herself to leave the warmth of his arms, she felt she had to show Jayne that she could be adult about this whole night, and that she could walk away tomorrow like she had vowed. And she assured herself that she could do just that. Tomorrow morning.

However, it was not tomorrow morning yet.

Pullin' the blanket up to hide his own nakedness, Jayne bit his own lip as he strove to contain a moan and a leer at the sight of all of River's lovely skin. Tryin' to remind himself that he had seen any number of naked women before so there was no reason for him to act like such a juvenile, the mercenary floundered into a hasty speech.

"Ya don't have to do that. I'll be--"

Jayne's speech was interrupted by another loud growl from his stomach.

"They are hungry. They need to eat. She will make them dinner," affirmed River. She decided that they needed to be fed before they…before they…before they died of starvation. Yes, that is why they needed to eat something now to stave off death.

As she bent down to the floor, the merc suppressed another moan, and tried again. "Ya really don't have to worry 'bout me. I'll just snack--"

Jayne abruptly stopped speakin' when the girl stopped in mid-motion and turned wide eyes on him. Oh, gorramit, now she was upset.

"He does not wish to share food with her?" River's breath caught in her throat as she realized he really must want her to leave him alone.

Well, when she put it that way, Jayne realized what an ass he must sound like. The girl was tryin' to act all normal, and he kept pushin' her away. He'd have to get used to bein' 'round her sometime. She seemed to think they should start now. However, the merc wasn't certain he could pull normalcy off tonight since this evening's events were still too vivid.

"No. No, that's not it. I just don't want ya to put yourself out--"

Jayne abruptly stopped speakin' again when he once more winced at his own terrible word choice. He really was gonna have to be more careful, to think before he spoke.

River blinked at him. "He does not want her to cook?"

Recognizin' that he had probably hurt the girl's feelings, Jayne shook his head and said, "No. No, it's not that I don't want ya to cook. I'm just more experienced at--"

Oh _tyen_, the mercenary wished he could stop sayin' the absolute wrong thing. If he babbled this rudely to River's face, there was no question he'd say something worse to someone else, and Jayne considered maybe he should just shoot himself now before one of the others had the chance. Even li'l Kaylee would do it.

Shakin' his head to remove all those negative thoughts, Jayne decided he may as well try to forget all the things he had learned 'bout the girl tonight, and get on with the rest of his life. He'd only agreed to this because he owed River a proper first time, and he guessed that for Core girls that included bein' friendly afterwards. Usually he wouldn'ta had no problem doin' that, but, somehow the thought of goin' back to the way it had been with her ate away at his stomach. He'd just hafta get over it.

"We'll make dinner together," stated Jayne firmly. He prayed he could do this without sayin' one more stupid thing, or droolin' over her, or just grabbin' her and doin' something he really shouldn't.

Eyebrows rising, River queried hopefully, "They'll make dinner together?"

"Yeah, we will do it together." Noddin' his head in agreement, the merc assured the girl.

River beamed at Jayne.

He blinked at her childish excitement, and continued to try not noticin' that she was still wonderfully nude, which became exponentially more difficult when she smiled at him.

River's hand hovered over her dress for a moment before she resolutely picked up Jayne's T-shirt from the floor and pulled it on. Smoothing the material across her thighs, she turned and looked at the merc to see he had continued to sit on his bed with the blanket held to his chest.

The mercenary's eyebrows rose as he watched the girl calmly dress herself in his clothing, but couldn't quite figure out what it meant. Eyebrows scrunchin' now, he wondered if she meant to take the shirt or simply wear it until… Swallowin' carefully, Jayne would not allow himself to speculate on _until_. Instead, he decided he would just ask. Askin' was safer.

"Don't ya wanna wear your dress?"

"It has so many buttons." River smiled at him again. "This is much easier."

While he recalled it did have all those difficult li'l buttons, Jayne refused to speculate as to _easier _either.

"Easier?"

Blushing shyly, River observed, "It isn't even sometime after midnight yet." She looked the mercenary straight in the eye even as her fingers nervously wrinkled the hem of the T-shirt. "Much less sometime after breakfast."

Jayne stared back into the girl's eyes. He wasn't sure what he wanted to say to River's observation. The mercenary wasn't sure if he wanted to tell her to put her own clothes back on and go back to her room like a good li'l girl so he could try to get back to his life, or if he wanted to tell her he wasn't certain he could handle anymore tonight because he was already unable to figure out how he was gonna walk away from her unscathed. But he was sure he wasn't actually gonna say either of those things because one was a bald-faced lie and the other left him too vulnerable. So he did what he always did and bluffed.

"If it was sometime after breakfast, the hole in my stomach would be big enough to eat through Serenity."

River giggled, but she continued to stand in the middle of the room with her fingers toying with the bottom of the T-shirt.

Jayne looked at her, and didn't know what to do. Normally, bein' naked didn't bother him none, whether people were 'round or not. But, for some reason, the thought of climbin' outta the bed buck naked in front of the girl disturbed him quite a bit. Which, the merc realized was really quite stupid seein' as how she was the one who had undressed him, yet he still couldn't bring himself to step to the floor for some clothes.

As if understanding his discomfort, River suddenly bent over and picked up his discarded weapons. Stepping to the side of the bed, she motioned to the rack behind him.

"She will put his weapons away."

Jayne continued to sit with the cover clutched to his chest for a moment before he shifted his legs underneath him so the girl could kneel on the bed.

With her eyes resolutely focused forward, River asked, "Does he want Betty unloaded?"

Watchin' as she calmly extracted his pistol from the holster, the mercenary was uncertain why seein' her li'l hands on his gun didn't bother him none and actually it made him feel all warm and fuzzy. Normally, he didn't like people touchin' his weapons yet he felt a small smile crawl onto his face as the girl checked the safety before positionin' her hands to remove the clip if he preferred.

Shakin' his head to clear it of this weird stupor, Jayne answered, "I like to keep at least one gun loaded all the time. Never know what's gonna happen on this boat."

When River smiled down at the weapon in her hand, the merc realized she was givin' him a chance to get up without any residual embarrassment. As she leaned forward and her hair fell around her face, he quickly slid from the bed and grabbed the first pair of sleep pants he could lay his hands on. He had pulled them on and tightened the drawstring before she had even finished her careful arrangement of his weapons and holster. Even though his hand itched to grab a shirt, he elected to forgo one cuz he was a gorram man who did not get gorram embarrassed 'bout showin' his body.

When she felt him stand still for a time, River calmly turned toward Jayne and smiled shyly at him.

He smiled sheepishly back as he felt the blood heat up his cheeks, and his arms twitched to cover his bare chest. The girl blushed prettily as she continued kneeling on his bed. He rubbed his hand around his neck before he offered a hand to help her off the bed. Eyes brightening and smiling widely, she placed her slender hand in his calloused one, and allowed him to guide her to stand on the floor.

Standing face-to-face and still holding hands, River and Jayne once again stared from each other to the hatch of his bunk to each other, neither one wanting to be the first to step away. When the mercenary shifted, shufflin' his feet, he realized he had no shoes on, and, unlike the girl, he preferred to wear his boots outta his bunk.

Peerin' down at his feet and wigglin' his toes, Jayne remarked, "I had better get my boots on. Cuz unlike some folk, my feet get cold."

The merc smiled when River giggled. Releasin' her hand, he walked across the room to where he had spotted one of his boots. Jayne picked it up and checked 'round the room for the other, but he wasn't sure where it was cuz he'd been a might preoccupied when the girl had tossed them aside. Turnin' 'round, he watched her bend over and pick up his other boot from its position at the base of his ladder. He was unable to force himself to look away as the shirt inched up her thighs as she leaned down.

Standing up, River walked over to Jayne and smiling handed him his boot. "She threw it too far."

The mercenary sat tensely on the edge of his bed hoping his body wouldn't betray him. Foregoin' socks, he tugged on his combat boots without lacin' them up. He looked up to see the girl place her folded dress onto his table. With one eyebrow raised, he watched her calmly pick up his pants, remove the belt from the loops, fold his boxers and pants, set his clothing on the table next to her dress, and coil his belt before placing it on top of the stack. He noticed she bent her knees this time rather than bendin' at her back. He wasn't sure whether he was relieved the shirt stayed in place or disappointed.

With her self-appointed task completed, River turned back to Jayne and asked, "Ready?"

Even as he nodded and tensed his legs to stand up, the mercenary halted his motion as he noticed a flash of white next to his boot. Bendin' over, he scooped up the fabric and realized once again he was holdin' the girl's underwear. Flushin' slightly, he offered her the tiny swath of clothing.

River twisted her hands behind her, and shook her head. "She does not like to wear panties to bed."

Eyebrows risin', Jayne looked in consternation at the wisp of cotton swingin' from his fingertips. He really didn't need to know that. He had already learned way too much personal information about River. For his own sanity, he stood up, towerin' over the girl, and resolutely held out her undergarments once more.

"Ya ain't goin' to bed. Ya're goin' to the mess."

When she shook her head again and took a step back from him, the merc followed. He was absolutely not gonna leave his bunk knowin' River was wonderin' 'round the boat without wearin' panties. He was already gonna have a hard enough time keepin' his eyes, and hands, off her, without addin' to temptation. 'Course, Jayne swallowed heavily as he remembered that the girl had indicated that she wouldn't have a problem with him touchin' her some more. Still, he thought determinedly it would be better if she had some underwear on because anything could happen on this ship.

"We ain't leavin' til you put 'em on. _Dong ma_?"

When River realized that he wasn't kidding, she grudgingly took the undergarments and bent over to step into them with him watching her intently to verify she did as directed.

About when they got to her knees, Jayne's eyes got real wide as he realized he was 'bout to see what he was desperately tryin' to get her to cover up. He slammed his eyes shut as she nudged his T-shirt higher on her thighs. Heart racin' at the close call, he waited for the rustle of fabric to stop before crackin' open one eye.

River tilted her head and raised one eyebrow questioningly at his odd behavior.

Jayne's eyes snapped open, and he pretended nonchalance at her expression and attire. He waved his hand toward the ladder.

"After you."

She could go first. There was no problem with that. She realized they were hungry so they needed to go to the mess where the food was kept, but leaving the mercenary's bunk made her nervous. Pausing for a moment, River recognized she was afraid to depart this space, as if everything that had happened this evening would disappear if she moved from this sanctuary. Outwardly calm, she stepped around him and climbed halfway up the ladder before stopping momentarily to unlock the hatch.

Jayne bit his own lip and suppressed another groan as he had a perfect view of the girl's long, shapely, and completely bare legs. He realized he should have gone up first as he tried not to ogle her. After she stepped off into the hallway, the mercenary leaned his hot forehead against the cool metal of the ladder for a moment while draggin' in a deep breath. When the girl's worried face appeared in the open hatch, he quickly climbed to the corridor above the crew quarters.

Swallowing anxiously, River moved back to give the merc room to stand. She had been quite frightened for a second when he did not immediately follow her up the ladder. She thought he may have changed his mind about sharing a meal with her.

In the minuscule amount of time before he had stepped off the ladder, Jayne had managed to convince himself that he had ev'rything under control, that he had himself under control. Then, he turned to face River and had to school his features to remain calm, friendly, _normal _instead of leerin', droolin', and oglin'. The girl looked so delicious standin' there smilin' at him with her hair in more disarray than usual and wearin' his T-shirt like a dress. Even though she was practically swimmin' in the cotton, the way the collar hung down barin' one creamy shoulder and the fabric curved across the swells of her breasts and hips made the merc salivate.

Jayne motioned for River to walk ahead of him into the mess, and instantly regretted it cuz the sway of her hips made him wanna throw her over his shoulder and take her back to his bunk. Closin' his eyes for a second, he tried to rein in his libido. When he thought he had a measure more control, he opened his eyes and looked fixedly at anything other than the girl.

The meal preparation was actually quite pleasant. They worked companionably and efficiently side-by-side speaking only when necessary. Both too hungry to argue, they made good time in choosing and cooking.

Jayne did have a few of bad moments--bad bein' a relative word which actually meant heart stoppin', lip bitin', drool inducin' moments of near loss of control. When River reached for a bowl from the top cabinet, the long line of her legs, the arch of her feet, and the way the hem of the T-shirt road up her thighs caused the merc to nearly burn the protein. He almost dropped the soup at the view of her backside as she leaned across the table to arrange their place settings. However, the worst moment came when her knee bumped his and her breasts brushed his arm as she leaned across him to stir the soup. He had had to grab hold of the counter in order to stop his hands from strayin' to impolite portions of her anatomy.

During their silent meal, River realized she didn't know what happened from here. Jayne had only reluctantly agreed to share a meal with her, and he had not really responded to her observation of the time they had left when she put on his T-shirt. Would he send her back to her room? Or would they return to his bunk and share some more precious moments of intimacy? Her heart sped up at the thought of being allowed to touch him once more. She knew this night was not supposed to be about her, but she was honest enough to recognize that she had received quite a bit of unexpected healing as a result of trying to repair the mercenary. She wasn't certain she wanted it to end so soon. Frowning slightly, she considered even the morning was too soon.

Durin' their silent meal, Jayne realized he was royally humped. Just sittin' next to River and watchin' her eat left him achin' to do any number of unacceptable things to her. If the girl had wanted to recharge his sex drive, then he figured she had done that, but he was beginnin' to fear that it had been reset as well because he couldn't force his mind to think 'bout anyone else no matter what raunchy memories he tried. It didn't matter that she had insinuated that the night wasn't over until the others came back in the morning, or that she'd left her dress in his bunk. He'd already touched her more than he ever should've, and no amount of consent could set that right.

Determined to be strong, Jayne decided he would send River back to her room alone. Start them both just goin' their separate ways. Needin' to get her gone sooner rather than later before his resolve faltered, the merc stood up to begin clearin' the table.

River stood up when Jayne did. Her heart racing, she did not know what would happen next so she waited for him to tell her what to do. When he didn't vocalize his plans she followed his example, and began to pile the dishes together.

As they cleared the table, River attempted to start casual conversation with an offhand observation.

"She is excited about the baby."

Jayne dropped a plate at the girl's comment.

Whipping around toward the sound of shattering ceramic, River blinked confusedly at the mercenary's dumbfounded expression. She thought back over her comment when he continued to stare wide-eyed and open-mouthed at her. Her eyes widened and her hand covered her mouth in horror as she realized why the merc had reacted so negatively to her statement.

Shaking her head and hands wildly, River explained, "Zoe's baby. She is excited about Zoe's baby."

Suckin' in a deep breath, Jayne closed his eyes and clutched at his chest for a moment before openin' his eyes and retrievin' the shards of plate from the floor. She had scared the hell outta him. What ever the others may have agreed to, gettin' the girl pregnant would get him dead right quick. And, he figured judgin' by her horrified expression and hurried explanation she was not plannin' on draggin' him down that road.

River, discomfited by her inept conversational skills, attempted again to return the discussion to a friendlier, even tone. "She has never been around a baby before. She looks forward to the new experience."

Frownin', Jayne threw a way the plate remnants and, grabbin' a towel, returned to the girl's side to brush down the table. "Didn'tcha have no family with babies when ya was growin' up?"

River shook her head sadly as she continued slowly piling up the dishes.

"Parents were only children. No aunts or uncles or cousins. No babies. Petaline's was the first baby she ever held." She looked earnestly at the mercenary. "It was tiny. She did not want to hurt it so she gave it back immediately."

Jayne stopped cleanin' the table to stare at the girl. What she'd said was just plain sad. Ev'rybody should grow up with family 'round. No wonder why she and her brother didn't know how to behave properly in a group setting.

"Zoe and Wash's baby will be on the ship. Everyone will have to pitch in. The girl wants to help, but she does not know how."

Frowning at herself for being morose, River reached for the soup bowl across the table.

Jayne dropped the towel and grabbed the girl's hand. When she turned and looked at him, he said, "Babies ain't hard. Ya'll learn. Ya're good at learnin'."

They smiled at each other.

Before the mercenary could turn away, River switched their clasp so her hand was holding his. When he looked questioningly down at her, she clarified, "This girl was never pregnant. If there was going to be a baby, she would have known at the jail."

Jayne frowned. "Ya would have known?"

Nodding firmly, she explained, "She knew the night Zoe got pregnant. It was a bright light. It spread across the ship. This girl was mesmerized because before she had only ever seen the darkness of death. The light of life was brilliantly blinding." Her voice paused for a second, and then she whispered, "That's why she didn't know."

River's face fell and she tried to move away from Jayne. However, this time he turned the tables on her, and, clasping both her hands, forced her to stay, to look up at him. She understood the burning question in his eyes.

"The light was so bright she did not see the deaths. She should have seen the deaths, but the shadows were so hard to read."

Shakin' his head furiously, Jayne negated her statement. He released her hands, and cupped his own 'round her face. "T'weren't your fault. Ya didn't kill no one, 'cept Reavers who was tryin' to kill ya. The rest weren't your fault."

"She should have known," insisted River.

"No one can know the future, not even you." He shook her slightly.

Already fraught with nerves, River became caught up in a bout of self-emulation. She insisted again with her voice rising, "She should have known. Just as she should have known that day at the jail. She should not have broken Jayne. She should have known." She shouted those last words into his face as if she wanted to make him hate her.

Jayne recognized River's defeat. He'd been haunted since the day at the jail, and he didn't like seein' her go through the same experience. He shook the girl harder, tryin' to quell her self-hatred. "You didn't break me. I ain't broken."

Clenching her hands into fists, River persisted, "She did break Jayne. She did."

"I ain't broken." Now, Jayne was starting to get angry. Why couldn't she let the whole "broken" i go se /i go? He was healthy and whole and a site better off than many people. She had to stop bein' upset over him.

River looked into the mercenary's eyes, searching his face. She thought back over all of his actions from the night. Several moments of insecurities jangled her nerves. She remembered his discomfort over his nakedness and his silence through dinner. Suddenly, all the pieces fit together in a picture that was all too clear. Distraught, she whispered, "He is broken. Jayne is still broken."

She concluded this was just like that day at the jail. Jayne did not desire her. He had only done what he had thought she had needed. Strangling a sob, she cried, "She has not fixed him at all."

"I ain't broken," growled Jayne.

She shook her head frantically and began beating his shoulders with her fists. River wailed, "He is not being Jayne."

The mercenary desperately tried to capture her flailin' limbs as she thrashed in her overwrought state, but she was damn wiggly. He had to make her stop feelin' guilty 'bout ev'rything, but he didn't know how.

"Jayne is not nice to the girl. Jayne does not like the girl. He is not being Jayne. Jayne is still broken."

Upset by her own inadequacies, River twisted in Jayne's grasping arms trying to free herself, to leave the room and lick her wounds in private.

"That ain't true." Okay, he realized maybe that stuff 'bout her was true in the distant past, but that was a long time ago. How could he hate anyone who could kill an entire ship full of Reavers? That kind of thing made a person real useful. Survivin' the screams of thirty million dead folk in your head was fairly impressive too, meant a person could withstand a whole lotta pain, which was right helpful in this life out in the Black. And just because he didn't have nothing mean to say wasn't reason enough to call him broken. She'd already told him he could be nicer. Why'd she hafta go and get teary cuz he'd taken her advice?

Throwin' his heavy limbs around her, Jayne finally got a tight hold on River. He had one arm wrapped around her waist pinnin' her hips still, and the other bindin' her back to his chest with both of her slender wrists ensnared in his hand. He trapped her kickin' legs between his stronger ones.

Struggling against the restraint, she screeched, "It is true. He is placating the girl. He is pretending. He is placating the girl. She hates to be placated."

"I ain't even sure what that means, but I'm gorram sure I ain't doin' it. 'Sides, I ain't pretendin'. Nothin' tonight has been pretend." Jayne didn't know how to convince River. He realized she was incredibly angry and hurt, but he didn't understand why. He'd done everything he could think of to make the evening right for the girl. Now she was complainin'? Why?

"Yes, it has. All pretend. Nothing real. All pretend. Jayne just wants the girl to shut up and go away."

Now that absolutely wasn't true. The only actin' he had done was when he tried not to show his newly discovered, ever-present desire for her. None of the other stuff, the stuff he wouldn't allow himself to dwell on, was made up. Why would she think it was? The mercenary did not understand what had happened, why the girl had suddenly turned on him. He had done what she asked. Hadn't he?

"That ain't true." No matter what else was goin' on he really did not like bein' called a liar.

Persisting, River cried heart brokenly, "It is true. He hasn't acted at all like Jayne. He has been nice to the girl. He has petted her and kissed her on the mouth and pretended."

That's what she was upset about? He had treated her with the respect she deserved. And she was mad 'bout it? This was why Jayne had always preferred whores cuz there weren't no feelings involved to get hurt. That's how he kept to Mal's "only lookin', no touchin'" policy 'bout the crew. No matter how rough the times had gotten, he had stuck to the policy until the incident at the jail had changed everything. So this wasn't his fault.

"I ain't pretended nothing."

"He has. He has pretended. She knows because she has seen what he wants, what he likes. She knows his fantasies." Beside herself with despair, River wondered how she could have missed it. How could she have overlooked all the evidence? How could she have been so stupid? She had thought everything was so wonderful, but it wasn't. She should have recognized that when they had been all awkward after awakening. She hadn't helped him at all. In fact, she realized she may have made the situation even worse. He would never stop being nice now, wouldn't pay enough attention on some random job, and she would have gotten him killed because she did not live up to his expectations. She wanted to weep.

Barin' his teeth, Jayne closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. He'd completely forgotten that River'd seen into his brain so she knew how he treated women. And he hadn't treated her like that all. Oh, gorram it! It really was all his fault. He was bein' punished for fantasizin' 'bout an underaged girl. Sure she wasn't that far underage, but she still would've put him in the Special Hell category. Maybe this was the Special Hell. He'd spend eternity wrestlin' with her as she cried. The wrestlin' he could deal with, but the cryin' made him frantic. He had to think of something to make her stop.

"She knows he's pretending." River stopped struggling abruptly and just drooped in his arms. Her voice breaking, she whispered, "She knows he never meant to let her help him. She knows she wasn't good enough. She knows."

Oh, gorram. That's what this was really all about? The girl felt like she had failed him, like he still couldn't imagine touchin' a woman with desire. His eyes squeezin' closed, Jayne realized she probably felt like she did that day at the jail when he'd refused to go through with the plan, but had given in at the end, like she was forcin' him to do something he really didn't want to. He wanted to howl at the unfairness. Since he had awoken with her in his arms, he'd nearly had to gnaw off his own arms to keep from grabbin' her and doin' something totally inappropriate, and now it seems that denyin' his baser instincts was the exact wrong thing to do. Why had his life become so gorram complicated?

As River hung listlessly in his arms with her breath hitchin' every now and then, Jayne realized outta the blue what he had to do. She wanted him to treat her like he did in his fantasies? He could just let loose and do that. His eyes popped open and he spun the girl 'round in his arms.

He growled, "I'll show you not pretendin'. Remember this?"

Grabbin' the collar of the T-shirt she wore with both hands, Jayne ripped the front clean in half, barin' her nearly naked body to his predatory gaze.

River stood still, stunned by the unexpected turn of events. She had been so certain the merc did not actually desire her that he had merely forced himself to physically respond to her, but the look in his eyes suggested something else entirely. Maybe she had acted hastily, misjudged the situation. She reached out a hand to gently touch his cheek.

"Jayne?"

He ignored River's tentative gesture and her breathy pronunciation of his name. She didn't think he craved her more than air? He could fix that. Drivin' her backward, he pinned her hips to the table with his own.

River's eyes widened at the pressure of his hips. She could feel not only his strength, but his arousal. That was fairly definitive evidence of how incorrect her assertions had been.

"Or this?" Jayne asked as he wrapped his left arm 'round her waist, and his right hand tangled in her hair to bare her long neck for his maraudin' lips. Leanin' down, he rained open mouthed kisses down the girl's throat. Then he slowly licked up her neck and bit the underside of her jaw. He reveled in the sound of her whimper. Beginnin' to breathe heavily, he turned his head to suckle then chew her earlobe.

River's breath escaped her when Jayne's fingers danced up her spine, making her arch into his hard body. Her nipples pebbled at the tickle of his chest hairs. Her eyes drifted closed as he nibbled down her neck to suck at her pulse. Recognizing how different this was than before in his bunk, she tried to pay closer attention as she discovered how much she enjoyed this aggressive play.

In his fantasies, Jayne usually sucked long enough to mark the girl, but he didn't feel that was appropriate for real life. Instead he chose to nip at her clavicle and lick his way over to her shoulder. Openin' his mouth wide, he wanted to swallow her whole, but contented himself with draggin' his teeth across her collar to gnaw lightly on her other shoulder.

Shivering, River twined her fingers through the merc's hair to hold his mouth to her body. She ran a hand down his neck to grasp one of his broad shoulders in an attempt to steady herself.

"How about this?" Jayne questioned as he pushed her onto the still-not-cleared-off table top.

Digging her fingers into his shoulder as she gasped for air, River lifted her dangling legs to wrap around his hips. She opened her eyes and rubbed herself against his erection. She smiled hungrily into his eyes as he groaned.

Usin' his grip on her hair, he bowed her body back barin' her chest for his amorous view. Jayne grinned lasciviously at her milky skin and heavin' her breasts. Withdrawin' his hand from beneath her, he skimmed his fingertips over her stomach and across her nipples. He watched her skin begin to flush at his teasin'. Flushin' darkly himself, he cupped her breast, liftin' it to his eager mouth.

This time River groaned. Her eyes drifted shut again as she concentrated on the delightful feel of the merc's teeth tugging at her nipples and his rough fingers sweeping across her stomach. Her abs quivered under his fleeting touch.

"Maybe this one?" Jayne growled into her chest before he straightened up. When the girl moaned in loss, he reached down, curled his fingers 'round the waistband of her panties, and ripped them from her body.

River gasped at his action. Even though the maneuver was fairly regular in his fantasies, the actual experience was quite unexpected. She thought she'd feel exposed, but instead found herself intensely grateful for the removal of the damp cotton.

Jayne swallowed heavily at the sight of the pantin' girl stretched out in front of him bare except for the remnants of his T-shirt. This was why he had tried not to look at her when she had climbed outta his bed. This was why he had demanded she wear her panties. This was why he knew he should never have touched her. Cuz this was so much better than his fantasies, and he wasn't sure how he was gonna give her up.

Shakin' his head to clear it of those currently confusin' thoughts, Jayne refocused on the task at hand--sexin' River up until she knew it was no fantasy. He didn't need to pretend when she was 'round anymore, and she was gonna know it before he was through.

She gazed up at the merc through heavy-lidded eyes. She wasn't exactly certain what the pause was for, but she remembered he had done it the last time too. From the expression on his face, she interpreted the pause to mean that she had done something right rather than wrong. River cherished the discovery because it suggested that Jayne really, i really /i liked looking at her. The idea made her feel very powerful.

All thoughts of power flew out the window when he traced one calloused fingertip down her throat, 'round each breast, and down her stomach to circle her bellybutton then finally dipped into her folds.

Jayne smiled ferally when River keened and her hips bucked against his hand. He liked the way she scrabbled at his shoulders tryin' to pull him back down onto her. Playin' with her, he held her hips still with one hand spread across her lower abdomen, and quickly slipped that one finger in and out of her channel never givin' her the pressure she craved. Watchin' as the girl writhed in front of him, he waited until she was frantic and practically drenched before pushin' his finger in all the way and thumbin' her clit.

River's fingers found purchase on his strong shoulders and desperately dug in, unconsciously drawing blood. She needed him to fill her. She needed him to fill her _now_.

"Please, Jayne. Oh, please." River begged.

At the sound of her voice and the feel of her nails, Jayne growled. He removed his hands from her body, and, ignorin' her wail of distress, unlocked her legs from 'round his waist. Frenzied himself now, he threw her legs over his shoulders, and tore his pants down just far enough to free his steel hard cock. Grabbin' hold of her quiverin' thighs, he plunged into her hot, wet core, and howled at the feelin' of bein' inside her once more.

"Jaynejaynejayne," babbled River as her hands again sought purchase on his shoulders. She needed something to cling to as he pounded into her, no slow build up this time. What little was left of her rational mind recognized the similarities between this experience and his fantasies, but the rest of her just wanted him to go harder, faster, to push her over the zenith as he had done before.

Without breakin' pace, Jayne slid one hand over River's thigh to tweak her clit. They needed to come. He knew they both needed to come. They were ready, but, for some reason, they continued to balance on the edge, unable to tumble over.

As he looked down at River twistin' raggedly on the table in front of him, Jayne understood. The reason was so simple he would have laughed had he not been so desperate. Movin' his hands to cup her face, he leaned down, smiled into her confused, burnin' gaze, and then kissed her on the mouth. As soon as their lips touched, he felt them tumble over the edge as her body pulsed 'round his, and they tasted each other's orgasm as their mouths opened to scream the other's name simultaneously.

"Jayne!"

"River!"

Even while they struggled for breath as they floated down from their release, Jayne and River continued to kiss. Their mouths open and wet as their tongues delved urgently for a deeper taste. Her hands slid from their once again bloody grasp behind his shoulders to wind through his hair and drag him closer, to prevent him from moving away. To ensure he couldn't leave, her legs slipped from his shoulders to wrap tightly around his waist with her ankles locked once again. He neither minded nor noticed her grip as he tangled his fingers in her hair to angle her head for his frenzied kiss.

Eventually their desperation abated, their kisses grew slower, their fingers caressed rather than strangled.

Taking a deep breath, River slid one hand out of his hair to cup his cheek. Searching his eyes, she asked, "Why?"

Jayne's eyes crinkled as he smiled tenderly down at her.

"A girl should always be kissed first, but especially this girl."

Seein' the tears formin', he closed each of her eyes with a delicate kiss. Then, after one last gentle kiss on her lips, he dropped his head to the curve of her shoulder and inhaled the beauty of her scent.

"Thank you," whispered River.

"You don't have to thank me every time we…" Jayne's voice trailed off.

"Why not?"

"Don't know. Just seems sorta odd. Like I just passed you a plate at dinner."

"Oh. She will try to remember."

Eyebrows scrunchin', Jayne asked, "Why do you use first-person when you say thank you?"

River shrugged. "Don't know. Probably because she never had to give thanks at the Academy, so it wasn't trained out of her."

Jayne frowned. That made sense, really ugly sense, but sense nonetheless. He thought of something else.

"I didn't hurt ya none, did I?"

"No, she is not hurt. She is sorry she accused him of pretending before, but she is happy to know for certain this time that Jayne is back."

The merc grunted, "I'm pretty sure I was there before."

River shook her head and turned her face to kiss his forehead. She clarified, "He was there, but he wasn't Jayne yet. He is Jayne now."

His eyes closed at the touch of her lips. Buryin' his mouth against her neck, he muttered, "Whatever."

This time Jayne didn't unlock her legs from 'round his waist. He decided he'd let the girl choose when to release him. Balancin' on his elbows, he shifted his weight off her as much as possible. As the minutes dragged by, he waited until finally, smilin' into her neck, he asked, " Ain'tcha gonna let me up?"

River smiled at the ceiling and wrapped her arms more firmly around Jayne. "Not yet. Not ready yet."

"Why not?"

Sighing, she glided her hands across his damp back and responded, "She likes the feel of his skin, the weight of his body. She finds him very comforting."

Soundin' disgusted, Jayne snorted, "I ain't comfortin'."

"He is comforting. This girl finds him comforting, and that is all that matters."

Wishin' that were true, the mercenary sighed softly across the girl's skin. He really was gonna hafta get up soon. Stayin' so intimately attached to her confused his thinkin', and made him want all sortsa things he could never have.

River trailed a hand up Jayne's back to thread through his hair. She liked the way his head nuzzled back into her palm, making his goatee rasp across the tender skin of her throat. Because he was trying to keep most of his weight off of her, she realized this position must be putting quite a strain on him. So, opening her eyes, she reluctantly drew her hands across his shoulders to cup his biceps, and uncrossed her ankles, allowing her legs to slide down from around his waist until her heels rested loosely behind his knees.

Sighing, she said, "The girl does not wish to be a burden. She will release him as he requests."

Hearin' the reluctance in River's voice, Jayne regretted his need for the request, but knew he had to put a little distance between them before his body ignored his commands and started gettin' too excited to be there. Because of the way they were still entwined, she'd certainly notice, and he didn't think it was quite appropriate to sex up the girl on the table again. Where would be better, queried the li'l devil whom the mercenary had forgotten lived in his head. Shiverin' at the thought, Jayne shook his head to clear that question from his mind, and pulled himself away from her enticin' body.

"This ol' man's knees ain't what they used to be," excused the merc as he straightened up.

After standin' up and stretchin', Jayne suppressed a groan as looked down and wondered if he wouldn't have been better off not movin' cuz the sight of River's gloriously naked body displayed across the table top surely made all his parts begin to stir again. He quickly yanked his sleep pants back up, tightly knottin' the drawstring to remind himself to quit takin' advantage of the girl. It's not takin' advantage when she offers, singsonged the li'l devil. Oh, shut the gorram hell up, he snarled back.

"Ain'tcha gonna get up?" Jayne questioned when he couldn't keep his eyes from strayin' downward and across the lovely expanse of the girl's exposed skin. The way her breasts moved and the tautenin' of her stomach muscles as she breathed made his mouth water to taste them once more. He figured she'd still be all River-sweet but a li'l salty from all the perspirin'.

Oh, please, get up, girl, his conscience begged. The mercenary wasn't used to bein' noble, and he began to think he might die on the spot from all the restrainin' he was doin'. Yes, you've shown remarkable restraint since you've only sexed up the girl twice tonight, reminded his conscience. That i is /i showin' remarkable restraint, he snarled in response.

River shifted then grimaced and raised a hand to touch her hair.

"She thinks she has soup in her hair."

Thankful to have a reason to force his eyes from their hungry perusal of her bare skin, Jayne's eyes darted across the length of her hair until he spied the tresses layin' in the soup bowl. Frownin', he grabbed the dish towel he'd been usin' to wipe down the table and began to lean over her, but stopped when he realized how much more of their skin would be in contact if he did. Reachin' down, he pulled the ragged edges of the torn T-shirt she still wore together to cover her body. Then he leaned over her and carefully lifted her wet locks from the bowl, pattin' the liquid residue from the ends with the dish towel.

"Can't do no more. Ya'll have to wash it."

Nodding with just the barest movement of her head, River pushed her hair off her face and collected it at the back of her head. Leaving one hand to tightly secure the mass, she slid the other hand up gathering her tresses until her hand encountered his.

Jayne immediately released her hair and straightened back up away from her body. He watched as she gingerly sat up while still awkwardly holdin' her hair. He was amazed when she swiftly twisted her hair into a negligent knot on the top of her head, but was confused when she held out her free hand.

Seeing his confusion, River explained, "She needs two chopsticks to secure her hair so she will not get his T-shirt dirty."

Noddin' his understandin', Jayne picked up the pair still layin' on the table and handed them to her. Amused, he watched her jab the utensils through her hair then let go while her makeshift hair arrangement stayed in place. She smiled up at him as she dropped her hands to pull the loosened T-shirt back together.

Raisin' an eyebrow, Jayne said, "I think the T-shirt's a goner."

River looked down at the torn fabric clasped in her hands. "She could sew it." She raised her gaze to his face and watched his eyebrow cock higher. "Or she could wear it until she finds something else, and then put it in Kaylee's rag bag."

"I think that's the best idea," laughed Jayne.

He watched contentedly as River laughed with him for a moment before he realized he could probably completely step back from her now. And he should step back from her now the merc recognized. However, his body seemed perfectly happy to continue standin' so intimately close with the girl. Forcin' his hand to take direction, he placed it on her knee in a silent request for full freedom.

Her smile fading somewhat, River nodded and slipped her heels from behind his knees releasing him. She watched as Jayne took one jerky step back then another as if he had lost all coordination of his limbs.

They stared at each other for a long minute, yet again unsure what to say or do.


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Fantasies

Series: Choices

Author: mik109

Rating: NC17

Pairings: River/Jayne

Disclaimer: Absolutely not mine.

Warnings/Spoilers: After the series and BDM

Fantasies (Part 2)

River resolutely turned her face away and climbed down from the table. She began once more gathering up the remnants of their meal. She peeked slightly over her shoulder when she felt the mercenary step closer as he too returned to the task of clearing the table. She blushed shyly and smiled as he turned his head and smiled reassuringly at her.

Jayne brushed down the table as River picked up the dishes. She set them down next to the sink, but then turned and opened a drawer. From the drawer, she'd extracted a bag clip which she then utilized to hold the T-shirt closed.

Placing her hand on the faucet to run the water for the dishes, River looked oddly at her hand. Lifting it up to her face for closer inspection, she noticed red stains on her hands. With a swift intake of breath, she finally realized she had blood under her nails. A cry strangled in her throat.

Jayne heard the girl's sudden sound of distress and quickly turned toward her. When he saw her lookin' at her hands, he was afraid she had somehow cut herself and grabbed her hands, pullin' her 'round to face him. His breath choked in his throat as she raised tearful eyes up to him. Seein' the blood on her hands, he swiftly ran experience eyes and fingers over her hands, searchin' for where she was hurt. Findin' no injury, he lifted his confused gaze to her remorseful one.

"She is sorry. She did not mean to harm him." River's voice wobbled.

Eyebrows scrunchin', Jayne tried to understand what the girl was talkin' 'bout. When she placed a tremblin' hand on his shoulder, his eyes followed her hand and widened as he finally understood the reason for her distress. He had forgotten she had scratched him pretty hard when they had been on the table. Shruggin' his shoulders, he gently clasped River's hands to his chest with one hand and tilted her chin up with the other.

"T'ain't nothing but a scratch. Don't worry yer pretty li'l head about it."

Seein' the tears still in her eyes, Jayne sighed and, givin' her a li'l shake, added, "I'm fine. I've nicked myself more shavin'."

He grinned down at her hopin' to ease her mind, but it seemed she would not be mollified.

"She did not mean to hurt him. She is so sorry." Two tears slid to her cheeks.

Wrappin' his hands around her face, Jayne wiped away River's fallen tears with his thumbs. "It's all right. You were just excited. I didn't mind." Grinnin' roguishly and wagglin' his eyebrows, he reminded her, "'Sides, ya've seen into my fantasies. Ya know I like it when ya lose control and scratch me."

Blushing again, River sniffed back her tears and grinned shakily up at the merc.

Jayne pulled the girl gently to his chest, and, enfoldin' her in his arms, hugged her tightly. Whisperin' into her hair, he said, "No more tears over me. I'm a grouchy ol' merc and a few little scratches ain't gonna hurt me none. _Dong ma_?"

River nodded into his chest. Feeling the old knife scar underneath her cheek, she leaned back and raised a hand to stroke the puckered skin.

"She is sorry she hurt him."

Jayne covered her dainty caressin' fingers with his big hand, and lifted her chin again. Lookin' into her eyes, he reminded her, "I already done told ya a li'l scratch ain't gonna hurt me none."

River's gaze darted down to his shoulder, and she raised her free hand to touch the bite scar. Peering into the mercenary's suddenly shuttered eyes, she apologized once more, "She is sorry she hurt him."

Shruggin' unconcernedly, Jayne released the girl and turned away. "Ya didn't hurt me. I was fine." That didn't sound like enough so he added, "I _am_ fine."

Letting her hands fall away from holding empty air, River said, "Simon would have tended the bite so it would not scar."

When the merc's back stiffened at the idea, she bit her lip. But taking her courage into her own hands, she stepped up behind him and tentatively touched his shoulder.

Jayne tensed even further at the feel of the girl's cool fingers.

"She will cleanse his wounds."

Shakin' his head wildly, he stepped clear of her touch. "No, I'll be fine."

River frowned and stepped determinedly in front of the mercenary. Shaking her head firmly, she stated, "She will cleanse his wounds. She will leave no more scars on his body."

Searchin' River's face, Jayne knew she would not be easily dissuaded from her self-appointed mission. He smiled ruefully as he realized she had lots of missions this evening, and this one would probably see him to less trouble than the others had.

Yes, but ya like trouble 'specially the kind the girl's been arrangin', grinned the li'l devil. Will ya please take a break before she hears ya, he complained. But don't you remember she already done told ya she likes me, even misses me, simpered the voice. Well, she also said ya should tone it down some so why don't ya concentrate on that for awhile, his conscience suggested. Happily, the merc realized that shut the li'l shit up for a bit.

Tunin' back into the real world, Jayne recognized the confusion on River's face. He didn't even want to think how stupid he had looked arguin' with himself.

"We'd better finish up in here." Havin' said that he picked the towel back up and finished wipin' the crumbs and newly spilled soup from the table. When the girl moved to turn the water on for the dishes, he stepped over and stopped her.

"Nah, don't worry 'bout those. I'll get 'em tomorrow."

"But she--"

"She's cleanin' me up. So I can clean the dishes for her."

They exchanged another smile.

Finally noticing the bag clip, the mercenary snickered. "Nice jewelry."

River stuck out her tongue at him. He laughed.

Then, Jayne turned away to dump the crumbs and throw the towel into the laundry bin. When he walked back over to River's side, he once again noticed a flash of white on the floor next to his boot. Grinnin' ruefully, he reached down and picked up the fragment of clothing. He held it up for the girl to see.

"I guess this time you won't be puttin' these on."

River giggled at the merc's expression as the remnants of her underwear dangled from his fingertips.

Laughin' with her, Jayne rolled his eyes, and threw the torn fabric away. Returnin' once more to her side, he put his hands on her shoulders, and began marchin' her to the infirmary.

He sighed, "Let's get this over."

River checked over her shoulder to see he was still grinning. She smiled at him, grabbed his hand, and began running through the ship.

"Hey--" Jayne laughed as the girl began towin' him behind her.

She laughed back at him, and continued running. When they reached the med bay, she dropped his hand and opened the door. She flipped on the light, and then giggled when she turned to see him leaning on the hatchway and panting.

Jayne made a face and stuck out his tongue at River.

She returned the gesture and then ordered, "Lay the chair flat so she can kneel behind him. Otherwise she can't reach his shoulders."

The merc raised his eyebrows. "Givin' the orders now, girl?"

"Yes. Captain Daddy left me in charge."

"Oh did he now? I don't recall bein' told that."

River tilted her head, and responded, "If a tree falls in the woods, it still makes a sound whether or not anyone is around to hear it."

"Well, there ain't no trees around here." He grumbled, but did as she demanded.

Jayne perched on the end of the table, and watched as River pulled some antiseptic wipes from the cabinet. She then walked over to the table and climbed up behind him.

Extracting a wipe from one of the packages, she began methodically cleaning the blood from his back.

Sighin' as the girl dabbed slowly, Jayne asked, "Ya gonna take that long on each scratch? That's if ya ever get to a scratch."

"Yes."

He rolled his eyes. "You're actin' worse than Simon."

"Well, Simon always was slow."

Jayne snorted. When he peeked back over his shoulder, he snorted again at River's mischievous expression.

"Bet you were a right stinker when you was li'l. Well, li'ler than now."

She grinned. "Simon always loved her, even when she was being a brat."

That couldn't have been too hard, Jayne thought. She was darned cute when she was bein' naughty. 'Course, she was darned cute all the time.

River finished cleaning the blood off his back. Then, she stuffed the used wipe back in the package and pulled another from the next package. She returned to his wounds, and began carefully cleansing each separate scratch.

When Jayne sighed once more at her actions, she explained, "They learned to be very thorough as children. It was better to act appropriately rather than quickly."

"Yeah, well, in my family, if ya didn't act quickly, ya either got beat up or went hungry."

"That doesn't sound fun."

Jayne smiled warmly at the memories. "Naw, it was great. Learned to take care of myself real early. It's how come I ain't dead yet."

"Being thorough is why she isn't dead yet either. She is calm and takes every second as it comes."

Jayne stiffened at thought of all that River had to remain calm through. But neutrally he commented, "Guess we had the right childhoods then."

River shrugged, and continued her meticulous ministrations. "She would have preferred his family."

"Why?" Asked Jayne even though he figured anyone even remotely sane would agree seein' as where she ended up.

"Because he still remembers his childhood fondly, and, unlike Simon, she does not."

"Nothing good?"

"Some moments with Simon. However, he was allowed to go to school with his peers, so he was away from home for a great deal of time, and, when he was home, their parents tried to keep him away from this girl."

"Don't sound like good parents then." Jayne hoped he'd never run across them cuz he didn't think Mal would approve of the carnage. 'Course, the merc thought, if the Captain knew what he knew Mal would be right at his side gettin' bloody.

River simply shrugged. "They were proper parents, but she was not a proper daughter."

Frownin' in disapproval, Jayne growled, "T'weren't your fault. Anyone normal would've been right proud to have such a special kid. 'Sides, parents are supposed to love their kid no matter what. Even mine love me."

"That's why she would have preferred his family."

They didn't speak for moment. She continued to thoroughly clean each scratch. He thought of his family, the one he'd left behind and the one he'd found here on Serenity.

Suddenly feelin' uncomfortable with the age difference between he and River, Jayne mentioned as nonchalantly as possible. "Bet your pa ain't much older than me."

"He was 39 when she born."

The merc's eyes widened. "Wow. They are weird. My parents were still teens when they had me."

Wanting to show at least some correlation between their families, she added, "Her mother was 19 when she had Simon."

"How much older than your ma was he?"

"Simon?" River had been concentrating on her medical task, and had lost track of the conversation so subsequently she was confused.

"Your pa." Jayne rolled his eyes. He knew the girl's mind raced so far ahead that sometimes she couldn't get back to reality very quickly, but that always made for some extremely odd explanations.

"Father was 14 years older than Mother. The husband is expected to be 10-20 years older than his bride because he must establish his place in society before he is allowed to seek a proper marital arrangement."

Jayne's eyes got real wide. "They would've married ya to someone that much older?" He didn't add out loud to someone my age, but his mind certainly did the math.

"Yes. I was expected to extend the family's wealth and further entrench its place in the Alliance hierarchy," assured River.

"That don't sound fair." He frowned darkly.

"She would not have been given a choice. The father can agree to the marriage without the daughter's consent."

"Ya mean that could've married ya off while you was away?" Now that was just all sorts of wrong, he thought to himself. While people got married for all kinds of reasons, Jayne figured, they should at least be there to make the choice no matter how stupid the choice was.

River shook her head. "No, strict rules must be adhered to. The bride must be present at the ceremony even though her consent, or lack thereof, is irrelevant."

"Your pa would've sold ya out like that?" Jayne was really beginnin' to think he should pay a visit to that ol' i hundan /i .

"Yes, he would not have seen a problem with the system."

An ugly thought abruptly occurred to the mercenary. "Bet ya thought I was like him at Ariel."

River's eyebrows lifted and her eyes widened. She wondered where he could come up with such a ridiculous idea. "No."

"No? Why not?"

"Would Jayne sell his child for some stock options and a pat on the head?"

Shocked to his core, Jayne stressed, "No."

"Then Jayne is nothing like her father."

That made him feel a li'l better, but not much. He would never forgive himself for bein' so gorram stupid, 'specially now that he knew what he would have been sendin' the girl back to. His hands clenched into fists on his thighs as he felt a wave of self-hatred wash over him.

River had stopped cleaning the scratches, but had not moved away. She tossed the used packages onto the tray near the bed. She could feel Jayne's anger at himself, and could see it in his taut muscles and the colors streaking across her mental barriers. She did not like observing his regret and guilt, so she reached out her hands to tentatively stroke his tense shoulders.

Jayne shuddered at River's light touch. He had almost forgotten she was back there, but the feel of her soft li'l hands caressin' his skin certainly reminded him of her presence. When she pressed harder, rubbin' her thumbs into his neck, he moaned and his chin dropped to his chest.

Carefully avoiding the scratches, River continued to massage the tension from Jayne's shoulders. She discovered she quite enjoyed the sounds of his helpless moans. Scooting closer, she ran her hands down his biceps and forearms. She rested her cheek against the back of his neck so that she could reach his still closed fists, to force his fingers open.

When he felt River mold her body to his, Jayne snapped out of his daze, and he tried to suppress a gut driven groan. However, he could tell by the curve of her lips against his neck that she had felt it. He really needed to move away from the girl before anything else happened, since he had already done more than enough to assure his place in the Special Hell. However, his body moved slowly because it didn't actually want to move away from her.

Feeling Jayne's muscles begin to shift, River slid her hands back up his forearms, but deviated in her reverse course by skimming them across his lower stomach. Her smile widened because this time the merc couldn't suppress his groan at all. She decided she would make Jayne squirm the way he had her. Pressing firmly, she outlined every muscle of his abdomen with her fingertips.

Jayne found his breathin' was becomin' more erratic and painful as River's magic hands teased him. When one of her fingers dipped into his navel and the other hand scratched across the skin just above his waistband, he groaned again and leaned back in her arms with his head lollin' onto her shoulder.

River took the opportunity to lick the sensitive skin behind his ear. She didn't need to hear Jayne's purr because she felt it vibrate across her lips. Grinning predatorily, she bit his earlobe and scraped her nails up his torso to finally twist his nipples.

Jayne groaned again as his body arched back farther into River. He should have remembered the girl was a dominant personality who wouldn't accept the passive role for long. Not that he minded. Quite a few of his fantasies had included a fair bit of aggression on her part, and he relished the fact that this was even better than anything he could have imagined.

River nibbled down the cord of his neck, then kissed her way back up to lick his cheek. Jayne tried to turn his head to capture her lips, but she pulled her body away from his back. When he moaned and tried to follow, she leaned back farther and slid her hands around to his back to hold him up, away from her. Teasing him as he had teased her, she ran her fingertips down the indent of his spine. Then she decided to one up him.

Allowin' the girl to direct his nearly boneless body, Jayne sat up and forward when urged by her small hands. He thought his subservience couldn't get any worse until River licked the small of his back and he whimpered. Oh, Buddha, she's gonna kill me, he thought as she drug her warm wet tongue up the center of his back and stopped to bite the nape of his neck. Then he felt her hard bare nipples grind into his back, and realized she must have let the torn T-shirt fall open. He groaned again.

River scooted to the head of the infirmary bed. Then, grasping his hips, she steered Jayne back until there was room for him to lie down comfortably. Of course for him to do that she would have to move from behind him, so she feathered her hands up his sides to clasp his shoulders. Then, after sitting him up straight, she gracefully swung herself around to straddle his lap.

Jayne blinked in confusion for a second before his body decided it didn't care how she'd managed to get there because it was rather more concerned with keepin' her there. His hands gripped River's hips of their own accord, not that he disagreed when his mind finally followed. In fact, he was quite happy that at least his limbs remembered how to operate effectively without any measly thoughts to direct them. But when his arms tried wrappin' 'round her to pull her closer for a kiss she placed both of her hands on his pecs and pushed him down onto the table.

Giggling at Jayne's petulant frown, River raised her hands to hold his head still while she leaned forward and playfully nipped his chin. He kept trying to turn his face to capture her lips, but she always outmaneuvered him, planting little pecks across his face and throat. Reveling in the needy noises escaping the merc's throat, she finally gave in and kissed him with everything she had.

Briefly, Jayne wondered how he could have ever given up kissin' on the mouth, but he quickly figured that he had just been savin' everything up for now. Astounded by the depths of the kiss, he moaned and whispered her name when they broke for air.

"River."

River smiled as the merc breathed her name. She was absolutely amazed at how primal she felt as she surveyed Jayne's vulnerability. He was completely under her power, and she was awed by the implicit trust. She knew he was not always like this, but wondered if he even recognized the difference. When his bright blue eyes opened in confusion at her pause, she smiled and bent down to kiss him once more.

Never breakin' the kiss, Jayne held River's hips to his strainin' erection with one hand, and slid the other hand up to fondle her breast. His lips smiled against hers as she mewed. However, he frowned when she levered herself away to sit back up. He groaned when she forced both his hands to knead her breasts and began rotatin' her hips against his.

When Jayne tried to sit back up, River leaned forward to suck on the pulse point at the base of his throat. While his hands continue to caress her breasts, she licked and kissed every one of his scars she could reach. Then she bit one of his nipples while twisting the other. She slid her free hand down his stomach and underneath his pants to capture his throbbing erection.

Jayne's hips bucked at the feel of River small hand encirclin' his swollen member. As she began to slowly jack him off, he realized he couldn't take much more, and said so.

"Girl, you keep doin' that and I'm gonna blow."

River's hand stopped its motion immediately. She met Jayne's scorching gaze with her own. "Well, they can't have that," she purred. When she grasped his waistband, he obligingly lifted his hips to allow her to liberate his straining cock from the restrictive clothing.

As soon as he was free of the material, River sat up and smiled down at Jayne. She placed one hand in the middle of his chest for balance and used the other hand to guide him to her entrance. He seized her hips to hold her steady as she slowly lowered herself down onto his erection.

They both groaned at the contact.

With both hands now on his chest, River threw back her head as she began slowly riding Jayne. She decided this time they would not find their release so quickly.

The mercenary panted at the girl's deliberate pace. He knew it was a challenge in response to the last time, but he wasn't certain he was up to the contest. He could practically come when she giggled much less than when her drippin' hot core surrounded him. Leanin' upward, he captured one turgid tip with his teeth, and smiled into her chest when she keened louder.

Quickening her pace, River slammed down onto Jayne. She clutched at his shoulders as she felt the tightening deep in her stomach. She knew she was getting close. When he reached up to suck on her lip and dropped one hand to rub her clit, she cried out.

"Jayne. Oh, please, Jayne."

"That's it, River-girl. Almost there," growled Jayne into her mouth. He was about to pop, but he refused to take the tumble without her, so he deep kissed her and tweaked her nubbin one more time.

River's head fell back as the sun shot through her. "Jayne!" She screamed.

"River!" He bellowed as his own orgasm overtook him at the first clenchin' of her walls. He maintained enough sense to wrap his arms 'round her to prevent her from fallin'.

As they wafted down from their high, Jayne laid back on the table once more, pullin' River with him. As she snuggled into his chest, he kissed her damp forehead.

Lookin' around the room, he wondered, "Guess this is one of your favorite fantasies?"

River giggled into his skin and smiled at Jayne through her lashes. "It is a much nicer use of the infirmary than she is used to."

He smirked and kissed her for her sauce.

She giggled again then turned her head to rest her cheek on his collar. Her eyes drifted shut.

"You ain't gonna go to sleep on me, are you?"

"No. She's just resting her eyes."

"Personally, I don't think my eyes are what need rest."

"Well, that's because you're old."

In retaliation for that comment, Jayne tickled her, makin' her squeal and shriek as she writhed on top of him.

"Stop it! Stop it!" River demanded as she tried to capture his fleeting hands.

"Hey, watch out, you're gonna poke one of my eyes out with those chopsticks." He said as she accidentally hit his chin with her head in her desperation to stop his ticklin'.

She stopped immediately and looked up at him with wide eyes.

"She is sorry. She forgot."

Jayne waved away her distress. "No more of that cryin' stuff. I'd done forgot ya have those things stickin out of your head. It's my fault for ticklin' ya." He licked his lips and added, "You've definitely still got soup in your hair."

River's giggles surfaced again.

"Best we get up and take care of that."

Nodding, she levered herself up and off of him. Pulling his torn shirt together, she waited next to him as he climbed off the table and pulled his sleep pants back up. She smiled at him as he turned to look at her. Her eyebrows scrunched together as she unexpectedly thought of something, and she reached out to touch his shoulder.

"Did she hurt him again?" River questioned tentatively.

Jayne frowned for a second before his face cleared and he grabbed her hands.

"I ain't hurt. Ya didn't scratch me this time." When she tried to peer around him on tiptoe, he backed away and added, "And I ain't lettin' ya look cuz even if I was bleedin' we ain't startin' over."

When River frowned, Jayne sighed and pulled her tightly to his chest. Droppin' a quick kiss on her downturned lips, he said, "We get back on the table and we ain't never gettin' outta here. And, no matter what we just done, I ain't that fond of the infirmary."

She blushed and giggled as he hugged her once more. He released her and stepped back then smacked her on the butt.

"Time to go."

River turned back to inspect the room. She reached out to collect the used packages of wipes. Then changed her mind and left them there.

Eyebrows risin', Jayne asked, "Ain'tcha gonna throw those away?"

She smiled mischievously at him and shook her head. "If she leaves them there, Simon will clean the infirmary for her."

The mercenary laughed and, pullin' her to him, kissed her again. "Ya really are a right li'l brat."

"She tries to be a good sister." River tried to say solemnly but her giggle broke through.

Jayne threw his big arm 'round her slight body and steered her from the room.

"We'll leave the lights on and the door open so he'll get the whole picture." When she giggled and raised an eyebrow, he added, "Well, mebbe, not the whole picture."

Huggin' her to his side, he walked her in companionable silence toward the showers. When they walked by the passenger dorms, River pointed and said, "She will need her shampoo and a towel."

Jayne nodded and released her. Rubbin' a hand across the back of his neck, he said, "I guess I should be headin' back--"

Wide eyed, she clutched his free hand to her chest. She implored, "She needs his help to get the soup out. She has so much hair, but no eyes in the back of her head."

He looked into River's pleadin' eyes and tried not stretch his fingers against the bare skin of her breast. It seemed she had forgotten that gorram clip so his T-shirt just hung open off her shoulders. He gulped and tried to look away.

Jayne knew he should go back to his bunk. He should absolutely leave her here to return to her regular life--regular bein' relative in her slightly mixed up world. And he definitely should get back to his, over on the other side of the boat with the hired help because that's what he was a hired gun, nothing more. And no matter what she did to maintain passage on this ship, she would never ever be low enough to be the hired help. She was a high bred, Core girl who was smarter than maybe anyone else in the universe, and he could never live up to her. So he should just leave now. No more…doin'…whatever exactly they'd been doin' all night.

Jayne opened his mouth to say no. He would've sworn no was on the tip of his tongue. But somehow it came out soundin' a li'l more like…

"All right."

When River beamed at him and hugged his arm, he swallowed heavily and refused to bend down to kiss her like he wanted. He was gonna slowly adjust himself to sayin' no to her big brown eyes and ready smile, so he was startin' now by not kissin' her. And to help him stick to his resolve he'd stay outta her way as much as possible. Cuz there's lotsa room for that in a shower stall, the li'l devil piped back up. Shut up, I ain't talkin' to ya so stop tryin' to distract me and makin' me look all kindsa stupid, the merc snarled. Like that's difficult, snickered the evil voice. Ignorin' the li'l devil, he concentrated on removin' himself from the girl's side for a couple of minutes of breathin' space.

Extractin' his arm, Jayne said, "I'm gonna hit the head while you get your stuff."

River nodded happily and skipped off to her room. She swiftly swept up her shower supplies and a couple of towels because Jayne would need one. She knew the night was getting late and the morning would soon be closing in, but she wasn't ready to let the mercenary go quite yet.

She paused on her way out of her dorm. This night was supposed to be about fixing Jayne. It was not about satisfying any of her own selfish needs. When had she lost track of that? Why had she? She blinked. How was she supposed to feel about any of this?

Suddenly seriously disturbed by her own lack of forethought, River struggled to stay calm. Before tonight, she had been so focused on fixing Jayne that she had not considered her own feelings. She had assumed after this evening they would go back to the way they were before the incident at the jail. All squared up. He had helped her, and she had helped him. Nothing new because she had not expected to perceive the mercenary any differently, but everything had changed since then.

Now, River realized she wanted to keep Jayne for as long as possible. To have him smile at her, and laugh with her, and hold her hand, and… all those other delightful things they'd done tonight. But that wasn't supposed to be the plan, and it wasn't what he'd agreed to. He'd only agreed to this night, not anything else. He'd offered her no words of commitment, no reasons to believe this evening had been anything more than an interlude designed to set him back to rights. When the morning came, he expected to go back to his normal life of bars and whores and single-minded selfishness. He expected to be Jayne again. And that's what she'd wanted wasn't it?

River squashed the towels to her chest. Yes, she wanted that Jayne back, but she wanted to keep this incarnation as well. Couldn't he be, to some extent, both? She shuddered as she recognized that the two may be mutually exclusive entities. Which did she want?

Blinking back tears, River realized she wanted the Jayne that would pay attention to everyone and everything around so he wouldn't wind up dead. The man of the last couple of months didn't do that very well, so he had to go back to being that other merc, the one before the incident at the jail. The one who smirked rather than smiled at her. The one who laughed at her rather than with her. The one who fantasized about her but never touched her. He had to be that Jayne, and she had to let him.

When Jayne peeked 'round the corner, he saw River standin' in front of her doorway starin' off into space. She didn't even seem to notice his presence until he was standin' right in front of her touchin' her arm. She blinked at him and offered him a tight smile, but he was concerned because it didn't reach her eyes.

Pullin' the girl closer to him, he asked, "Girl, ya okay?"

River blinked at Jayne again and nodded. Her smile brightened a little when she placed a hand over his heart.

"She is fine. She was just making sure she hadn't forgotten something."

She would let him be Jayne. She swore she would let him be Jayne. In the morning. In the morning, she would let go. In the morning, she would let him be Jayne. She just wanted what was left of tonight.

Jayne didn't quite believe River's statement, but he figured if she didn't want to tell him he probably didn't want to know, so he decided to let it slide. Unexpectedly, he found his arms full of the things she'd been carryin'.

When he blinked confusedly at her, she said, "She's going to use the facilities while he warms up the water." Then she smiled at him before giving him a shove toward the showers.

As he walked into the showers, Jayne wondered exactly when he had become a lady's maid. Takin' orders, carryin' girly smellin' stuff, not sayin' no when he should've. Shudderin', he was afraid he was on the road to becomin' as big a ponce as the Doc. However when River walked in, saw the steam, and beamed at him, he decided maybe it was okay to do those sortsa things once in awhile, but only if he'd make a girl happy, one whose smiles made him blush like a schoolboy.

Still smiling, River rolled her shoulders and let the torn T-shirt slither down her body. Then she reached up and plucked the chopsticks from her hair. With her hair cascading down her back, she stepped over to the mercenary's side.

Jayne stared down at her.

She stared back.

He waited.

River rolled her eyes and stared down at his legs.

Jayne looked down and sighed. He still had on his sleep pants and combat boots. Well, he thought, at least this was better than his holstered weapons. He kicked off his boots and, ignorin' the fact that the girl was watchin' him with one eyebrow cocked, shrugged off his sleep pants.

Claspin' River's shoulders, he steered her into the shower. "We'd better not waste anymore water or Mal will kill us." He couldn't help smilin' when she giggled.

After they stepped into the stall, Jayne realized how dangerous the situation was. If the girl looked amazin' dry, she looked unearthly wet. When the little devil in his head popped up, Jayne's conscience wrestled it into a closet and locked the door with a key before it could say anything. The merc was sincerely glad because he did not need the distraction. He had to stay focused to get this job done without doin' any more harm. Focused.

When River squeezed some soap into her hands and bent down to soap up her legs, Jayne focused on her backside. Her slick, supple back merging into her tiny waist and flaring out at her hips. He focused on the way tendrils of her hair stuck to her arms as she soaped up her stomach and breasts. He was so focused on watchin' her that he never moved until she turned and stared at him. Then he jumped.

River wasn't certain what was going on. Jayne hadn't moved at all since stepping into the shower stall. Was there some sort of etiquette that she had not observed? Was she supposed to do or say something that she hadn't? She frowned at another hole in her knowledge. She decided she had not offered him the soap yet so she extended the bottle toward him.

Jayne looked at the bottle of soap like he had never seen one before, but he took it anyway. When he poured some in his hand and tentatively rubbed some onto his chest, River smiled at him. He lifted his palm up to his nose and sniffed.

Grimacin', he said, "I'm gonna smell like a girl."

River giggled. "Well, Jayne is a girl's name."

Jayne opened his mouth to say something that he was sure would be cuttin', but he didn't get the chance.

With eyebrows up and eyes wide, she looked down his body and observed, "But he has already shown her his man parts, so she knows Jayne is not a girl. Even if he smells like one."

The merc blushed.

As River's peals of laughter echoed off the bathroom tiles, Jayne set about soapin' up his own body with the girly smelling liquid. She had already finished rinsing off by the time he had completely soaped up. While he rinsed off, she put the soap away and picked up the shampoo. When he was done, she handed him the bottle and turned her back to him. He interpreted that subtle signal to mean he should get to work on washin' her hair.

After he began massagin' the shampoo into her hair, Jayne realized how exponentially more dangerous the situation had become. He had thought it had been bad enough when he was just stuck in this tiny stall seeing her all wet and soapy and clean. It was 100,000 times worse standin' even closer and touchin' her. And the little mewls she made while he rubbed the liquid into her scalp were even more bone meltin'.

River tried to be quiet and calm while Jayne washed the shampoo from her hair, but she couldn't stop the little purrs pouring from her throat or the heady brushes of slick skin to slick skin as she twisted in desire. She didn't want to push him into anymore physical interaction than he felt comfortable with. She didn't want to break her promise to let him go without expectations or recriminations. But she needed one more moment, one more time to embrace in the dark nights through the Black to come, so she turned around and her gaze locked with his.

When River turned 'round, Jayne knew what she wanted because he wanted it too. Just this once more he promised as he stared into her endless dark eyes. He'd leave her alone after this one last time.

They moved in sync to kiss and caress. Time seemed to slow down as their tongues danced and their fingers aroused. They touched everywhere, but never broke their kiss. When they needed air, they took quick gasps before desperately returning to more important things.

When they could no longer contain their needs, he picked her up holding her to the shower wall with his chest, and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and her legs around his waist.

Standing up in a little corner, with her arms and legs locking them together, was reminiscent of the jail, except this time no one else was around, they were naked, and this was what they wanted to do rather than what they were forced to do. This time Jayne had every right to feel the smooth skin of her thighs cupped in his hands. This time River had every right to open her eyes and look at him as he thrust into her. This time their souls touched as they kissed beneath the falling water and found release.

For several minutes, they stayed there in their intimate embrace slowly sailing down from their spiritual cleansing. Their faces buried in the other's neck, neither knowing if all the liquid raining down their skins was water or tears.

As their breathing returned to normal and they remembered where they were, they turned their faces to look at one another.

Jayne peered into River's soft eyes for a moment. Then he said, "Thank you."

River smiled and replied, "Thank you."

They rested their foreheads together and hugged for a moment before River unlocked her limbs from around Jayne, and he lowered her to stand on her own.

They embraced for another moment under the cascading water.

"Mal's gonna kill us for usin' so much water."

River giggled into Jayne's shoulder. He discovered he really liked the feel of her laughter on his skin.

They looked at each other and let go.

He turned off the water while she stepped from the shower.

She handed him a towel then proceeded to dry herself off. When she was done, she knotted the towel over her breasts, and gathered up her shower supplies.

He patted himself dry then pulled on his sleep pants and combat boots.

When River turned to look at him, Jayne knew what he had to do. He knew he had to walk away because while the others may be willin' to overlook this one night they wouldn't be so tolerant if he tried to keep the girl. So he did the only thing there was left to do. He curved his hands around her shoulders, and tried to do the right thing.

"It's time for good li'l girls to be in bed." Jayne said as he turned River's body to face the direction of her room.

River bit her lip and looked over her shoulder at Jayne. If she went to sleep, the night would be over, and tomorrow would come. And tomorrow, she had to go back to being alone. She hadn't minded so much before tonight, but then she hadn't known what she was missing.

Now she understood why Zoe cried and Kaylee smiled. She understood why Inara's job was so important to so many, yet so harmful to the Captain and herself. She understood why Jayne sought comfort in the arms of strangers, and why Simon had refused Kaylee's comfort for so long. Now River understood so much more than she had ever thought she would, and with the understanding came pain.

Pain of an illusion shattered. Pain of desires left unfulfilled. Pain of turning back the clock to a time when she was only allowed to know Jayne from a distance, and never to touch him or hold him or soothe him. River was not certain how she would survive this agony because, unlike all the other torment she had suffered, this pain she had chosen for herself. However, she could not imagine going forward with her life without having known it either. She had been blessed with these moments and this knowledge, and she would treasure them.

Searching Jayne's face once more and recognizing his determination, River nodded her head, and silently made her way to her room. Refusing to acknowledge the tears prickling behind her eyes, she carefully opened her door and stepped to her dresser. She reached into a drawer and randomly selected a nightgown. Dragging the clothing from the drawer, she turned around to close her door, and nearly let herself collapse in tears when she saw the merc standing awkwardly in the door frame.

"You forgot yer towel." Jayne said as he offered her the wet terry cloth.

When River just stared at him with wide eyes, Jayne dropped his gaze unwillin' to see the tears she was holdin' back. His brow furrowed as he saw the cotton clutched in her hand.

"Ain'tcha gonna brush your hair before ya put your gown on?" questioned the mercenary.

As the girl simply looked silently at him, he tried again, "Otherwise you're just gonna get it all wet."

When River continued to stare at him blankly, Jayne sighed and pushed his way into her room. He stepped around her unmoving form, dropped the towel and ripped T-shirt onto her dresser top, and searched for her hair brush. When he spotted it amidst her art supplies, he picked it up and turned toward the girl.

While she had not left her position at the door, River had turned toward him and watched him with confused eyes. Looking uncomprehendingly at the hair brush in his hand, she stood absolutely still as he offered it to her. She raised wary eyes to meet his concerned gaze.

Jayne sighed. "You're supposed to brush yer hair after ya wash it, 'specially if you're goin' to bed."

As River continued to stare impassively at him, the mercenary stepped closer to her and said, "My Ma always brushed my sisters' hair before we went to sleep."

She merely continued to look up at him with wide, glistening eyes without saying a word. River didn't know what words were left.

Jayne gently took her by the shoulders once more, and steered her 'round leavin' her back to his front.

"It's no wonder your hair is always in tangles. You gotta keep better care of yourself." As he said that, the merc calmly lifted a section of her hair and began carefully pullin' the brush through it.

River stood there unmoving as Jayne softly yet systematically brushed the tangles from her hair. She was still holding back her tears because once more this evening, she did not know what was going on. He had told her to go to bed, and it had seemed quite clear that he meant her to go to sleep alone. However, here he stood in her room brushing her hair. Simon, Kaylee, and Inara had all groomed her hair before to calm her or to make her look pretty, but she did not know why the merc was doing it now.

It was soothing to feel his fingers comb through her hair as Jayne meticulously lifted every lock of her hair to the brush. The edge of her tears had abated as River finally felt her tensions drift away and hoped that she may finally be able to rest. Perhaps that's what his intentions had been, to send her to sleep like a good little girl. She swallowed heavily and blinked back the ever present tears at the thought.

Jayne knew he should've just left, and should never have followed River to her room. Returnin' the towel to her had just been a poor excuse to be with her for a little while longer before the reality of the morning intruded. He shouldn't be standin' here now, feelin' her silky hair slide through his fingers, watchin' little droplets of shower water sparkle on her pale skin. He shouldn't continue to touch her when he knew how close to outright tears the girl was, but the mercenary couldn't make himself leave her alone.

River didn't deserve to be alone. She deserved to be held and pampered and loved. She deserved so much more than he could give her. She deserved so much more than him, but Jayne didn't know if he could give her up.

River had promised him he would suffer no recriminations from her or the others because of this night, but what neither had realized was the heaviest recriminations would come from within him. For these last two months he had been angry at himself for takin' the last of her innocence and for ruinin' one more moment in her life. Now, though, he felt that he was doin' the same thing by crushin' this tenuous bond that was developin' between them.

Jayne had accepted River's offer because he had wanted to show her that there was still beauty left in the world--the beauty that the girl had rarely been allowed to see. But the merc had not realized how much beauty he too had forgotten could exist in the world. Whatever he had wanted to give to her, she had given him more, and, now, he didn't know how to let go.

It didn't matter that River seemed as unwillin' as him to let the enchantment of the evening fade away. She was still so young, and he was still so very wrong for her. Jayne knew that. He had always known that. It was why he had kept her at such a distance for so long. No matter how coldhearted he was, the merc had never wanted to sully such innocence. No matter what had been done to her, she was still so fragile and in need of protection. While he would protect her with his life, he was terribly afraid that he would break her, shatter all that was left of her wrecked world.

But Jayne didn't know where to go from here. They had already been through so much together. Was there any way they could really go back to how it was before that day at the jail? He realized River was upset now except that she didn't seem to be upset about what had happened between them, but rather she seemed upset about lettin' it go. As if she too felt the need to hold onto what they had found together. Maybe it would be all right if he stayed a li'l while longer?

"D'ya have a hair band?" Jayne asked as his hands dropped to his sides when he realized he had already finished brushin' her hair.

River nodded and pointed to a container on her dresser. She did not turn around. She continued standing still, waiting for the mercenary to tell her what to do, hoping every minute for a reprieve, for just a little more time spent with him. She needed to hoard every single moment spent in his presence to pull around her like a cloak when he left, so she remained silent, hoping to draw out this precious time.

When she heard him place the brush on the dresser, River tensed waiting for Jayne to finally leave her. Her breath choked in her throat as she felt his fingers once more comb through her hair. She sighed shakily as she felt him expertly braid her hair.

"If you braid yer hair before ya go to bed, you won't have so many tangles when ya wake up," explained Jayne as he used the hair band to secure her thick braid.

After considerately layin' her braid down the center of her back, the mercenary dropped his hands once more to his sides. However, he could not make himself step away from her.

Just as she could not step away from him.

As time ticked slowly away, these two extremely dangerous individuals failed to find the strength to move away from one another. Failed to live up to their own expectations for the evening. Failed to follow their own promises to walk away from each other unscathed. Failed to care what the others would think. And, finally, failed to believe in all the reasons why this wouldn't work.

Jayne cautiously raised his hands to gently turn the girl 'round to face him.

River let him direct her without resistance. She didn't know what to do or say. Something had changed in their time together tonight, but then she wasn't even certain something had. Perhaps this evening had only brought an ignored aspect of their relationship out into the light.

River looked at Jayne with shadowed eyes.

As his thumbs unconsciously stroked the smooth skin of her collarbone, the mercenary peered deeply into the girl's eyes, searchin' for all the answers to questions he didn't know how to ask.

When River shivered suddenly, they awoke from their shared daze.

Jayne's hands curled 'round her shoulders for warmth rather than caresses, and frowned at his own carelessness as he realized the girl was still standin' there dressed only in a small damp towel. Spottin' the fabric she still clutched in her tiny fist, he asked, "Is that your nightie?"

When River nodded dumbly, Jayne calmly extracted the wrinkled nightgown from her clenched hand and shook its folds out. Then he carefully bunched up the material in his big hands and drew the collar of the gown over the girl's head. Layin' the fabric on her shoulders, he slipped the knot of the towel loose and let it fall into a puddle at her feet. He then gently maneuvered each of her arms into the sleeves and pulled the billowy material down over her breasts and hips.

Jayne stepped back and surveyed her. He realized River looked even more heart-stoppingly young in the high-necked, longsleeved, barely above the ground nightdress.

She saw the mercenary's features tighten as he inspected her in her nightwear. River appreciated how she must appear to Jayne in this childishly innocent gear, but she had to make him understand that this was not her rather it was only an incorrect image of her. Clutching the overly large gown, she hastily explained, "Simon picked it out. She has not been allowed to do most of her own shopping."

With his features softenin' somewhat, Jayne nodded sympathetically. He suddenly realized how much more difficult River's life must be when everyone saw her through her brother's eyes. Searchin' her face, the mercenary tried to look past all the misleadin' outer trappings, to finally see the strong young woman she really was. He recognized it may take some time for him to always see her true self, but he decided he would be more than amply rewarded for the time and effort.

Jayne smiled tenderly down at River for a moment. When she smiled tentatively back, he gave her shoulders a small squeeze before he let go and stepped toward her bed. The merc turned down her covers, and, takin' the girl by the hand, guided her onto the bed.

Looking at him with solemn eyes, River quietly asked him, "Stay with her awhile."

When he nodded, she smiled again and allowed herself to rest gently on her side. Her eyes closed sleepily as she felt him lie down in the bed behind her, spooning his body to hers, and covering them with her blanket.

Jayne watched River quickly fall into sleep as soon as he wrapped himself 'round her slight form. As she smiled and snuggled more deeply into his arms, he let his head drop down to share her pillow. He leaned forward to smell her hair and place a tender kiss on the top of her head. As his eyes slipped closed, he wondered how long awhile could last.


	9. Chapter 9

Title: Rules

Series: Choices

Author: mik109

Rating: NC17

Pairings: River/Jayne

Disclaimer: If I owned them, would I be here?

Warnings/Spoilers: After the series and BDM

Rules (Part 1)

"Okay, it would've been nice for someone to have opened up before we got here, but this is fine. I'm sure there's nothing to be concerned on."

The members of the crew of Serenity who had stayed in town overnight stood outside her cargo bay doors. Mal was punching in the code. Zoe stood with her hand on her lower back as she tried to shift her body into a more comfortable position with a baby on her bladder. Simon and Kaylee held hands, reassuring each other through this minor delay.

They waited nearly patiently for the Captain to unlock the ship so they could finally make their way into their home. No one was quite sure what they would find inside, but they were all definitely ready to find it out. With the possibility of so many different outcomes occurring from last evening, the holdup was killing them. Of course when the ship opened, they realized they could find someone actually ready to kill them so they tried thinking a little more positively.

As he stepped into the cargo bay, Mal searched the area for anything out of place. He was not one hundred percent sure he'd made the right choice by allowin' River to carry out her "plan." The Captain knew she and Jayne had never had the most stable of relationships, and he was always vexed by the necessity to pair the two up for any time period because they were quite capable of damagin' anything that got in their way includin' each other. So, while he hoped that the evening had set his merc back to his ornery ol' self, Mal would be eternally grateful to whatever powers that may be if no one had to die in the attempt.

"Well, it doesn't look like anything is broken. Or anyone. No blood splatter or the like."

"That's very comforting," observed Simon dryly as he and Kaylee entered the ship after Zoe and they walked past the Captain. While he did not think his sister had come to any physical harm overnight because she could more than take care of herself, he was concerned about her state of mind. He was not certain what had happened between River and Jayne last evening, and, from what little Kaylee had told him of his sister's plans, he wasn't convinced he ever really wanted to know. However, he did love his sister, and needed to verify for himself that she was safe and sound.

Zoe hoped she had done the right thing by encouraging River to deal with Jayne alone. Whether those two or anyone else on the ship realized it, she saw a depth in their relationship that had not yet been charted. She understood all the reasons why any seemingly aberrant aspects of their relationship had been roundly ignored by all parties; there were quite a few glaring differences between the two: age, education, temperament. However, the former soldier also saw the similarities, the possibility of a truly symbiotic relationship between the two, and she knew firsthand that time was too precious to waste on outside difficulties. She had felt dreadful when she had forced them to take a step they weren't ready for yet, but it had been the only available option and she had been left to hope that their strengths would see them through the darkness. She hoped now for everyone's sake she was right.

Cloaked in her ever-present sunshine, Kaylee knew everything would be okay. She loved these people and this ship, and no matter what crises they'd suffered they'd pulled through because they were together. She was certain this time would be no different. She trusted River to help Jayne past his temporary personality change, and she trusted Jayne to have enough self-preservation to allow River to do so. The only thing that concerned her was what would happen next because neither one was as emotionally untouchable as they liked to believe, and sex included a whole lotta touchin'.

The unexpected sound of a hatch opening startled the assembled crew. As everyone on the bay floor looked up towards the noise, they released a collective breath when they saw Inara emerge from her shuttle.

The Companion's eyes met the questioning gazes of the crew.

"Have you seen--"

"No. I've just arrived. I take it no one else has--"

Everyone shook their heads, and silently raised their eyebrows at her.

Interpreting their expressions, Inara's gaze scanned the catwalks, peering through the shadows. When she noticed nothing out of place around her, she shook her head at the others, and descended the stairs to the cargo bay floor to join them.

The Companion was just as nervous as the others who called Serenity home, but her extensive training shielded her true feelings from surfacing. She'd leant River her manuals and answered all the girl's questions and offered some pertinent bits of advice. However, she knew from experience that not all the answers could be found in text books or explained by well-intentioned individuals. Some aspects of life had to be discovered on one's own, and Inara prayed that last night would not be a learning experience that ended in regret.

"Does anyone see--"

Simon suddenly sprinted ahead of the crowd. "The infirmary is open."

"Open?" Mal asked as he and the rest of the crew sped up to follow the Doctor.

"The doors are open. The lights are on." Simon called back as he stepped into his sanctuary. "There are used, bloody wipes on the tray. It doesn't look like that much blood though, and there are no blood drops anywhere, but..." His voice trailed off as he frowned and picked up something from the floor. He wasn't certain what it was called but he recognized it. "And a plastic kitchen thing."

Kaylee piped up as she stepped over to the Doctor's side, and took the doohickey from him. "It's a chips clip."

"A chips clip?"

"Yeah, Cap'n. We use it to close the--"

"That's not normal equipment for the med bay. Is it, Doc?" Today, anything out of the ordinary made Mal wary, even a molded bit of plastic.

"No. Nothing else seems to be out of place." Simon replied after he completed a rapid assessment of his supplies. No bandages had been utilized so he considered maybe a nosebleed or some superficial abrasion. He reminded himself that either of those could have occurred anytime or place on this ship so he had no reason to worry. Not yet anyway. However, he would feel much happier when he found his i mei mei /i .

Mal quipped, "Well, that's comfortin'."

"I should check on River." Simon stated as he exited the infirmary and started toward the passenger cabins.

"Sounds like a plan. I think we'll all go." The Captain agreed as he and the others followed the Doctor down the corridor.

Simon stopped for a moment and suggested, "I don't think--"

Mal decisively cut the comment off. He commanded, "But I do. So we'll all go."

The Doctor restarted his trek to River's room when he realized the Captain would just as soon leave him standing alone in the hallway as wait any longer for some answers to his burning questions. He tripped ahead of the others, determined to at least be the first to see his sister.

When they reached River's cabin, Simon and Mal stepped forward together to open the door.

"She's my sister. Perhaps I should do this alone."

The Captain raised his eyebrows, but the only change in his stance was to spread his feet as if preparing for a battle. "She is your sister so you can open the door."

The Doctor could tell from the older man's expression the he had been granted as much leeway as he was likely to see. The Captain took his responsibilities for the crew very seriously, and he would not be dissuaded from his self-appointed duties by anything as common as blood. As far as Mal was concerned, family was too important to be determined by DNA alone.

Taking a deep breath, Simon reached out to the handle of River's door. He absentmindedly noticed the lock had not been engaged then pressed the release to slide open the door.

Everyone in the hallway unconsciously held their breaths.

When the door finally slid fully open, the light from the corridor threw shadows across River's room. All anyone could make out was a lump on the bed that was rather too bulky for the slim girl and a pair of combat boots next to the bed which were certainly too big for her.

The not excessively happy Captain, with Simon at his side, stepped forward into the room and switched on the overhead light.

The first thing they saw in the brightly illuminated room was River's wide open eyes as she peeked out from underneath the bedding. Her clear eyed gaze suggested she had been awake for a while, but, for whatever reason, had not yet roused herself from her bed. This disturbing development did not sit quite well with her brother and the Captain who were visibly trying to calm their breathing.

Kaylee, Zoe, and Inara crowded into the room behind Mal and Simon.

Having awoken when the others had arrived at Serenity, River had predicted the discomfort they would feel at her continued presence in the bed with Jayne. However, she had yet to establish how to best clarify the slight alteration of her plans' end game so she had taken the coward's way out, and remained hunkered down in her warm bed relishing these possible last moments with the merc. She realized she needed to say something to smooth over some already disgruntled nerves, but before she could say anything, or anything could be said to her, another head appeared from beneath the covers behind her.

With eyes as yet unopened, Jayne threw his still covered arm 'round River's waist, and began to nuzzle his lips into the side of her neck. His hand slid down to a place to Simon and Mal preferred not to think about. Then he spoke.

"We really need to get ya some new nighties. These have way too much fabric." Jayne mumbled into her skin. He knew the others were there. He'd heard them clomp their way down the corridor to the passenger dorms, makin' as much noise as possible. He also knew that had been their version of a wake-up call, tellin' River and him to arrange themselves all neat and tidy for inspection. However, he wasn't in the mood to pretend the 'Verse today was the same as it had been yesterday. Besides, he figured the others had to find out sometime, may as well start now.

As if the statement wasn't disconcerting enough, the others could see the merc's hand move again as he slowly massaged the girl's lower stomach. The women raised their eyebrows and exchanged quizzical looks. The Doctor and the Captain winced in unison.

Fightin' back a slow burnin' anger, Mal loudly cleared his throat.

Jayne's eyes opened lazily as he turned slightly to look at the Captain and the others. With his mouth still buried in River's neck, he observed a little more distinctly, "Looks like breakfast is over."

"Yes, breakfast is _over_." Mal stressed. "Time to be gettin' back to _normal_. So I need my pilot at the helm, and my hired man movin' the cargo."

"What cargo?" The merc asked as he finally lifted his face away from the girl's skin.

The Captain's mind had been broadcasting quite openly since he walked onto the ship so River began to explain, "Captain Daddy met a man at the bar--"

Jayne snickered, and his eyes lit with unholy amusement at her unintentionally comical choice of words.

"Hey--" Rollin' his eyes, Mal admonished as everyone behind him laughed too.

The mercenary snickered again which proved more than anything that he was back to his old self because he hadn't made a lewd or suggestive comment in the past two months. It seemed the li'l albatross's plan had worked. However, at this moment, Mal just wanted to not look at, or think about, what had finally set the man back to rights. That meant gettin' him out of the bed and away from River. Now.

"Don't matter. We got a job. We got cargo. You get to stow it. So get your ass up and do the job I pay you for."

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," grumbled Jayne without changin' position on the bed.

A muscle twitched in Mal's jaw. "This side is gettin' wronger the longer we have this discussion."

The mercenary's entire body tensed. He had never liked bein' ordered 'round, 'specially in that you-better-stop-misbehavin' tone of voice, because he didn't like to abide by other people's often arbitrary rules. Besides, he had already decided that this was no one else's business. This was between he and the girl and everyone else could just lump it.

River finally spurred into action when vibrantly colored waves of anger from the men began streaking across her mental barriers. To forestall any more argument, she acceded, "Yes, Captain."

While she was perfectly happy to prolong her time curled up with Jayne, River recognized the discomfiture of the others was steadily growing into disquiet. So she sighed, realizing it was time to get up. She contemplated her position in the bed, and decided she was going to have to scramble over the bed to get off at the end because she didn't think the others would take well to her crawling over the merc.

However, he seemed to have different plans.

Wrappin' his arms securely 'round River's chest and hips, Jayne pulled her on top of his body and then rolled them over until she was on the outside edge of the bed. While she found the maneuver quite sweet and very pleasant, she could tell Simon and Mal were somewhat less thrilled with the view of even more contact between her and the mercenary.

"Thank you." River murmured as she turned her head, and offered Jayne a private smile.

"You're welcome, darlin'. Anytime." He responded huskily against her cheek.

Eyes drifting shut, River felt the vibrations all the way down to her toes. Her stomach quivered, and she repressed a purr. She forced her eyes open. She could not allow herself to indulge in anymore fantasies. She had to get up now before blood was shed because the Captain's hand was already inching toward his sidearm.

After one more special smile for Jayne, River pushed back the covers, removed his arms around her, and stepped to the floor. She primly straightened her nightdress as she stood up, but quickly noticed no eyes were on her. Eyebrows twisting in confusion, she followed the gazes of the others to the unashamedly reclining mercenary. Her face cleared when she understood what they were staring at. In fact, she couldn't quite suppress her giggle when she realized the others weren't certain he was wearing anything at all under her covers.

Jayne smirked when he heard River's giggle. He knew the others were glaring at his naked chest and wondering whether he had any clothes on. Their expressions didn't change when he shifted higher on the pillows and put his arms beneath his head. Although the bedding had fallen to below his waist, his sleep pants had yet to be revealed.

Simon nearly swallowed his tongue, and Mal's hand was twitching on his gun. Unfazed by the entirely predictable contact between River and Jayne, the women were trying to neither laugh aloud nor let the men know how entertaining they found the situation.

When River giggled again, Simon forced his gaze away from the smirking mercenary, looked at his sister, and finally truly grasped her amusement. Inspecting her carefully, he noticed she was neither embarrassed nor unhappy. In point of fact, he couldn't remember when he had last seen her this carefree. This was all very odd, and he wasn't certain what his next move should be. So he decided to switch tracks and ask about the blood.

"There was blood in the infirmary--"

Seein' River tense out of the corner of his eye, Jayne quickly cut the doctor's question off. "That was me. Cut myself sharpening my knives. Forgot to clean up the med bay afterwards. Sorry."

Simon looked at the older man suspiciously because he hadn't noticed a cut of any kind on the merc's hands when he'd put them behind his head. "Are you certain? It seemed like a--"

"Yeah. I'm fairly certain it's my blood. But there's no call for any more doctorin'. It's all been taken care of." Jayne shook his head dismissively.

Mal's eyes narrowed as he considered the scene. He didn't like being dismissed especially when the way River looked at the mercenary who was fixedly not looking at her reeked of a cover-up. However, neither appeared too injured so he supposed it didn't matter all that much. Right now his most pressing concern was getting the larger man out of the girl's bed, and he fervently hoped the man had something more than boots to wear out of this room.

As the seconds ticked by with no one moving or saying anything, the tension started to rise again. River nervously fingered her nightgown. Because Jayne continued sprawling insolently on her bed, the Doctor's and the Captain's tempers built higher. Inara, Zoe, and Kaylee would have preferred to close the door to give the pair some much deserved privacy, but they knew it was a little too early to push Mal's already tenuous control over his temper.

In an effort to break the tension, Kaylee held up the chips clip, and asked what she figured would be a lighthearted question. "We found this in the infirmary. Were you eatin' something while you were bleedin'?"

The rest of the crew was startled when both River and Jayne blushed.

Mal was absolutely certain he didn't want to know why his two fearsome killers were blushing like naughty children. Simon made a mental note to scrub the med bay from top to bottom. Inara and Zoe couldn't quite prevent their lips from curving up into smiles, and Kaylee tried to turn her giggle into a cough when the Captain and the Doctor glared at her.

River's giggle broke loose in response to the mechanic's giggle. Jayne quirked his eyebrows at the girl, and snickered when she blushed. She smacked him on the stomach, and stuck her tongue out at him. While rubbing one hand over his wounded stomach, he kicked out a leg in an attempt to trip her as she danced away. She just grinned and laughed as she dodged his well-aimed foot.

With a sly grin at River, Jayne turned to Kaylee. "You know me always eatin'. In fact, I believe I forgot some chopsticks in the shower room."

River blushed again and would've swatted the mercenary once more but she realized he was tensed ready to spring on her if she tried. So she contented herself with sticking out her tongue at him again and crossing her arms in a pout. Relaxin' further into the girl's pillows, Jayne allowed another smirk to creep onto his face.

Relieved to see the merc had on pants, Mal and Simon were less than exuberant at the sight of the childish antics of the two. In fact if possible, the seemingly innocent play made them even more uncomfortable with the situation because it suggested more than a mere truce between warring parties. And it also seemed the two had developed some sort of private code. Chopsticks in the shower? A chips clip in the infirmary? What the hell did any of that mean?

Once again in an attempt to release the elevating tension, one of the women spoke up. This time, Inara tried, "That's a nice braid, sweetie. Did you do that before you went to sleep?"

Reaching up to touch her hair, River blushed again. She didn't think the rest of the crew needed to know the exact details of her grooming so she responded harmlessly, "She won't have so many tangles if it's braided before she goes to bed."

Simon wasn't certain why his sister's innocuous statement and hairstyle could disturb him so. The women again exchanged amused gazes while Mal squinted suspiciously at Jayne who merely raised his eyebrows.

Finally tired of the awkwardness, Zoe stated firmly, "I think it would be nice if everyone had the chance to get dressed. So why don't we wait outside."

The women stepped back out of the room, but neither Simon nor Mal appeared to take notice of the last half of her comment as they crossed there arms to wait.

Undaunted by the men's rising anger, Jayne continued his staredown with them while River looked thankfully at Zoe, Kaylee, and Inara before she walked to the door to stand in front of the two men.

"She needs neither help nor an audience."

For a second, it didn't seem as if Mal and Simon had even heard River's comment. Then, when her words penetrated their rather thick skulls, they looked as if they were about to yank the merc out of the bed and into the hall with them, but she balanced more resolutely in front of them.

Glaring pointedly at her brother and captain, she clarified, "They can go." She glanced back at Jayne who still lounged lazily on her bed. "He can stay." Having said her piece, she calmly pushed Simon and Mal out her door, and firmly closed it.

River turned to face Jayne who was now neither lounging nor lazy. He was sitting up in her bed and had moved his feet to the floor. Their gazes connected.

Before he could speak, she added, "That would be more effective," she thumbed at the door, "if her door locked from the inside."

The Captain did not take well to being pushed out of River's room with Jayne still inside. However, when he reached out for the door, Zoe and Inara each seized one his arms from behind and towed him forcibly away from the girl's dorm. Even though Simon stood absolutely motionless with a shellshocked expression on his face, Kaylee carefully steered him away from the room as well.

"I don't like--" Mal demanded.

"It isn't any of our business, Sir," explained Zoe.

"It is her room, and she is an adult." Inara added.

"This is not what I agreed to--" insisted the Captain as he shrugged off the women's hands and turned to face them.

Trying to unruffle Mal's feathers, his first mate stated calmly, "Well, Sir, to be quite honest this part of the plan was always a little fuzzy. Let them do whatever it is they need to do and then let them say their piece before you start getting angry. Until we know for certain what's going on, there's no call to be upset."

Refusin' to be handled, Mal blustered, "No call? My mercenary was smirking at me from the bed of a girl half his age. A girl by the way whom I have taken under my protection. And I have no call to be angry?"

"Sir, River is an adult. You can't make these decisions for her," reminded Zoe with Inara and Kaylee nodding in backup. They were not shocked in the least bit by Jayne and River's display of affection and solidarity. However, the women did find it unsettling that Mal and Simon had managed to stay completely blind to the slowly evolving relationship between the merc and the co-pilot. Even though the men had reluctantly agreed to last night, they recognized the havoc the two men could still play upon the fragile bonds of the emotionally insecure couple.

The Captain angrily reminded the women, "She is an adult with lucidity issues."

The women grimaced, that was the one difficulty with the plan. No matter what true feelings may be involved in this new relationship, no one was truly certain that River was even capable of full, enduring consent.

Surprisingly, Simon defended his sister. "Yes, she does have her less than cogent moments even now, but the rest of her choices cannot be disregarded because of them."

Staggered by the unexpected defense, Mal glared at the younger man. "Are you saying you're all right with this?"

Simon sighed and tugged on his ear. "I'm not saying that all. I am incredibly uncomfortable with the thoughts swirling around in my head, but my discomfort cannot be the reason for me to ignore my sister's wishes." Disconcerted by his own comments, he turned away from the others and resumed staring at his sister's door.

Mal was too astonished by the Doctor's attitude to say anything more for a spell.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Kaylee was anxious enough to finally speak up. "Simon, are you all right?" She asked as she placed a concerned hand on his arm.

Still staring at the door, Simon responded as if in a daze, "She keeps giggling. She's smiling and… playful. She's… happy."

Kaylee gently turned him toward her and smiled into his confused face. "That does happen sometimes."

"But--"

"Don't you want your sister to be happy?" queried Inara as kindly as possible.

"Yes, but--"

"But what?" asked Zoe.

Simon searched the faces of the three inquiring women. They all watched him with deep compassion but as if they knew something he didn't. Feeling as he had when confronted by a teacher in school, the young doctor wracked his brains for the correct answer.

"But this is just…" Simon's voice trailed off as the obvious answer finally occurred to him. "I thought she was happy."

Pettin' his arm, Kaylee assured him, "She was. She's just happier now."

Puzzled, Simon once more searched their faces as he thought out loud. "This wasn't supposed to be about her though. This was supposed to be about Jayne. She had been so concerned about fixing him. She had never mentioned fixing herself. In fact, she had point-blank refused the offer of healing."

Finally remindin' them all of his presence, a glowerin' Mal demanded, "What do you mean? What offer?" He was becomin' exceptionally aggravated by his crew's plottin' behind his back so the good Doctor had better have an excellent reason for his aberrant statement.

Simon gawped at the Captain. He had forgotten the man was even still there as he conversed with the women. Realizing what he had unintentionally exposed, he wracked his brains this time to find an answer that wouldn't cause the older man to shoot him. Luckily, he was saved from having to respond by the sound of River's door opening.

When a minute passed without the door being thrust back open, Jayne and River breathed easier. They continued to search each others eyes for another heartbeat before he stood up and she walked into his open arms.

Huggin' her firmly, he dropped his face into her hair and mumbled, "I should have left earlier."

With her nose pressed into his chest, River shook her head. "No."

They continued to embrace for another moment. Neither knew quite what to say. They hadn't discussed what to do next so they were both back to their nervousness of the night before. The one thing that was obvious to both was their mutual preference to not let go. They just weren't certain how to accomplish that goal without the rest of the crew throwing an almighty fit. They were both new to serious emotional attachments, and they hoped they were strong enough to withstand whatever pressure the others would throw at them.

River sighed, "She needs to get dressed before Simon and Captain Daddy can't wait any longer."

Jayne nodded slightly without raising his face from her hair. "Yeah."

Forcing herself out of his hold, she walked over to her dresser and began pulling out her clothes for the day.

Never takin' his eyes off River, Jayne stretched tryin' to loosen his tense muscles. He noticed a curious tightness across his shoulders, and it took him a moment to remember what the cause was. Then with a slight smile on his face, he decided he might be better off coverin' up his back from the pryin' eyes of the rest of the crew. So he reached 'round the girl and took the torn T-shirt off the dresser top before shruggin' his shoulders into it. He realized he had to look even more ridiculous than she had last night with the fabric flappin' 'round his still bare chest, but he figured it was better than the others seein' the scratches.

Raising an eyebrow, River silently questioned Jayne's actions for a moment before she realized the necessity of the T-shirt. When she blushed bright red, he laughed lightly and kissed her cheek before turning her back to her task because he figured the sooner she was dressed the less likely he was to throw her back in the bed and damn the consequences. However, when she lifted her nightdress over her head completely baring her body, he had to force back a groan as she drew her panties up her long legs. If he had thought it would be easy to watch her dress, he had been dead wrong because all he wanted to do was drag anything covering her back off.

Sensing his sudden stillness, River raised another questioning eyebrow at Jayne who turned steadfastly away and proceeded to neatly fold the used towel that still rested on her dresser top. Realizing he was avoiding her gaze but unsure why, she shrugged and picked up her bra.

"So, you do have at least one of those." He laughed when he glanced at her as she pulled the garment 'round her ribcage and attempted to fasten it.

Confused for a second, River stopped in mid motion to look at the merc then, comprehending his meaning, she flushed. "It didn't fit under the dress."

Jayne reached out, slipped his fingers over hers, and fastened the bra for her. "Maybe you should've worn a different dress." He murmured as he drew the straps up her arms. Leanin' down, he leisurely kissed each shoulder before finally liftin' the straps into place.

Watching him over her shoulder, River felt her eyes flutter half closed as she sighed with each kiss. "She didn't hear any complaints last night."

"Didn't have any last night." Jayne grinned wolfishly before kissin' the tip of her nose. "But, we were alone then. Like the thought of you more covered up when we ain't alone." Havin' said that, he picked up the dress and dropped it over her head.

As the mercenary carefully slipped her arms into the sleeves, River quirked an amused eyebrow at him. "Because Simon or Captain Daddy is going to notice or care?"

"Well, I'd notice and care." Jayne rejoined as he smoothed the skirt down then began slidin' the zipper up, concealin' the unblemished skin of her back from his amorous gaze. He needed her completely covered if he was gonna be able to let her leave the room without him attached. Hell, he may still be attached, but first, he was gonna hafta deal with the rest of the crew. And he'd already decided the girl's presence wasn't needed for that conversation so he was packagin' her up to send her on her way to the bridge.

River peeked mischievously at him from underneath her lashes. "And she's supposed to dress accordingly?"

Laughin' at his own foolishness, Jayne responded, "If she wants to leave her room, then yes." He planted a lingerin' kiss on the top of her back before finally closin' the zipper. Restin' his cheek on her shoulder, he slid his arms 'round her waist and stroked her flat stomach through the soft material.

Leaning her head back onto the merc's shoulder, River laced her fingers through his. She inquired on a whisper into his ear. "How does he plan on making her stay?"

"Oh, I have my ways of makin' ya stay." Shiverin' at the brush of her breath, Jayne purred and hugged the girl's slim body closer to his. He knew he could not kiss her now as he wanted because they had too few moments left together before the others intruded again, and there were still a couple of things to discuss. So he held her snugly but kept his newly acquired kissing-River-as-often-as-possible urge in severe check.

River smiled and bit her lip, trying not to turn around to kiss him. She knew they didn't have much more time left before they would have to leave the shelter of her bedroom. If she kissed him, time would cease to exist, and this morning she couldn't let that happen because the others simply would not appreciate catching them in a clinch, especially one she knew would rapidly escalate out of control.

"'Course, right now, I should be leavin'." Jayne sighed but still didn't release her.

River shook her head, negating his comment. "He can stay as long as he likes."

"That may be for a very long time." Jayne wanted to say forever but he'd never even thought about a woman in those terms before so the words tangled in his throat.

"She would like that."

He allowed himself the luxury of holdin' the girl for just one more moment. Then he turned her around in his arms, and cupped her solemn face in his large hands. Lookin' deeply into her eyes, he told her, "I'd like you to head up to the bridge and leave the others for me to deal with."

Eyes wide, River wanted to violently shake her head, but his grip on her face prevented movement. She curled her hands around his wrists. "She won't abandon--"

Jayne asserted, "Ya ain't abandonin' nothing. This is all my fault--"

"Not _fault_--" She whispered fearfully.

"Not fault." He assured her. Frownin', he searched for the right words. "But I am the one who needed fixin'. I don't even want to imagine what ya went through tryin' to get the crew to agree to last night. I'm gonna take the heat this time. It's my turn."

Blinking back her momentary fears, River grinned slightly and sent him a sly glance. "Your turn?"

Rollin' his eyes, Jayne laughed. Gorram girl couldn't play anything straight for long, he thought. He released one of her cheeks and pinched her butt, enjoyin' her squeal and wriggle. "My turn to convince the others not to flip out or shoot me."

She once again recognized his determined look, but knew this time he would not change his mind. Regretfully resigned, she agreed, "If she senses anything wrong, she will be back."

"If anything goes wrong, particularly if the airlock is involved, I'll be yellin' really loudly."

River laughed lightly, but she knew Jayne would never call for her help. If the others weren't ready to accept this new relationship, she realized he would most likely let Mal shove him out the airlock before letting her get into trouble. Frightened but trusting, she turned her head and placed a kiss on the center of his palm. Wrapping her arms around the merc, she embraced him fiercely.

Jayne enfolded her in his strong arms, nearly crushin' her with his instinctive need to feel her in his bones.

They permitted themselves another moment to gain strength from the press of bodies and combined breathing before she sighed.

"She has to go now. Simon is about to get into trouble."

"He's always about to get into trouble," grumbled Jayne, but he loosened his grasp on her slight body.

"He takes so much looking after," agreed River as she reluctantly freed the mercenary and opened her door.


	10. Chapter 10

Title: Rules

Series: Choices

Author: mik109

Rating: NC17

Pairings: River/Jayne

Disclaimer: If I owned them, would I be here?

Warnings/Spoilers: After the series and BDM

Rules (Part 2)

Startled by the sudden noise, the rest of the crew turned to face the newly cleared doorway. Shifting his focus to the couple, Mal forgot his questioning of Simon, and Simon breathed a silent sigh of relief at not having to answer the Captain.

River gazed wide eyed at the gawking crew for a second before turning to pick up her morning supplies. Showing them her toothbrush, she addressed her audience, "She needs to cleanse her teeth." After that announcement, she disregarded their curious eyes and walked into the bathroom, loudly closing the door behind her.

Ignorin' the others as they stood skeptically watching his every move, Jayne sat down on the bed and pulled on his boots. When he finished, he stood up and turned 'round. Then, much to the astonishment of the onlookers, he bent over and began straightenin' River's bed. He carefully pulled up the sheet and the cover, smoothin' each layer as he went. He plumped up her pillows and centered them neatly at the head of the bed.

When he had completed makin' the girl's bed, Jayne straightened up and slowly surveyed the room for anything out of place. He rolled his eyes when he noticed her boots still in the corner. He walked over and grabbed her boots before turnin' to her dresser where he rummaged through the drawers for a moment until he found a pair of matchin' socks which he pulled out just as she returned.

Reaching around Jayne, River set her bathroom supplies down on the dresser top.

Turnin' to face the girl, he held aloft her footwear. "You forgot your boots."

Her eyes widened. "She didn't forget. She--"

"Put yer boots on," commanded the merc.

River frowned at him then tried to explain. "She thinks better with her feet bare. She can't feel Serenity properly through the soles."

Jayne rolled his eyes, and then insisted. "Ya'll learn. You're good at learnin'."

"She doesn't want--"

"I don't want to lug yer scrawny ass around when ya finally freeze yer toes off or step on something you shouldn'ta. Now put yer boots on."

River decided the mercenary wasn't listening to her so she shouldn't have to listen to him either. Ignoring his order, she stepped away from him and attempted to leave her dorm.

When she tried to exit the room without her footwear on, Jayne detained the girl by throwin' an arm 'round her waist, and draggin' her back to his chest. "Ya ain't goin' nowhere until ya put yer gorram boots on. _Dong ma_?"

River peeped over her shoulder at the merc, and recognized his do-it-now face. She rolled her eyes, and, after taking hold of the footwear, was allowed to wriggle out of his grasp. Huffing, she sat down on her bed and pulled her socks and boots on.

The rest of the crew continued to watch the interaction with amazement. The girl could rarely be talked into wearing her shoes, even when leaving the ship. However, she didn't seem all that unhappy to do as Jayne asked. She hadn't thrown a fit or even tried all that hard to talk her way out of it.

Mal and Simon were extremely confused. First, the two had acted like little kids. Then the mercenary had performed domestic chores for River. And now, he seemed to be expressing concern for her well-being. This was all new and rather dramatic evidence that something significant had changed quite drastically overnight. However, it was not the something they had expected because, while Jayne had demonstrated some of his old obnoxious manners, he was also revealing some new rather troubling behaviors toward the girl.

The Captain and the Doctor weren't certain how to deal with this new side of the large man so they continued to simply and silently observe the two.

When she finished putting on her boots, River bounced off the bed, stuck out her tongue at Jayne, and curtsied. Still deeply bowed, she peeked up at him from beneath her lashes, and queried in an overly subservient tone. "Is she now presentable enough to adjourn from her room?"

"You're presentable enough to get thrown over my knee and spanked."

Her giggle was deceptively childish. However, the look she gave the merc was wholly adult.

Recognizin' her look, Jayne swallowed heavily. He knew he was already treadin' on thin ground in front of the others, but, oh, how he wanted to kiss River. However, he did not want to_kiss _her rather he wanted to _KISS _her. He wanted to haul her slender body to his, to feel the edge of her hip bones cut into his palms and her soft breasts flatten against his hard chest. He wanted to lick past her smile and taste her impudence. At this moment, the mercenary wanted to do any number of things to the girl that would most likely get him shot, but he almost didn't care.

River realized she may have overstepped her mark with her cheeky attitude and smile. She hadn't intended to push them to the edge of this precipice, but now she wasn't certain how to step back. She could tell Jayne desperately wanted to kiss her by the hungry look in his eyes, and she knew that look mirrored her own because at this moment she wasn't certain if she'd be able to draw another breath until he kissed her.

Kaylee felt her face flush when she recognized the sexual intensity of the look shared between River and Jayne. Inara held her breath, and Zoe's eyes twinkled even as she felt a momentary twinge of pain and envy. The ardor of the look astounded Simon and infuriated Mal. Things had definitely changed.

Forcing themselves to breathe, neither River nor Jayne moved as they tried to rein in their desires. This was not the way to start the day, at least not when they had an already unhappy audience. Had the watchers not been on site, the two would have welcomed such a start-me-up for the day. Alas, if wishes were horses, they'd all be eating steak.

River swallowed heavily and straightened up. Closing her eyes, she turned her face away from Jayne in order to break out of the spell. She knew she couldn't push the others too hard or too fast to accept her new relationship with him. So she attempted to be a little more circumspect. After all, the rest of the crew had already received the shock of finding her asleep in the mercenary's arms. She decided that was probably enough of a push for the morning.

Recognizin' River's attempt to calm their passions, Jayne inhaled what he hoped was a deep cleansin' breath. His hands clenched momentarily at his sides as he prevented them from reachin' out for the girl of their own volition. He knew he had to maintain strict control over his body until she left for the bridge, but he recognized the inherent difficulty because his limbs appeared to have a mind of their own and that mind liked to keep the girl close. So he would just have to keep her out of arms reach.

"She will get to work." River said as strode out of her room with Jayne at her heels. While the merc switched off her light and closed her door, she stopped in front of a very bewildered Simon.

She hugged him and kissed his cheek. Smiling at he and Kaylee, River asked, "Did you have a good dinner?"

Kaylee grinned. "It was great. The restaurant we went to had real fabric tablecloths and napkins and even had several pieces of silverware Simon had to tell me when to use." She would have continued gushing, but was interrupted by Mal's throat clearing.

Everyone turned to look at the riled, albeit mystified Captain.

"As much as I'd like to hear about that fancy restaurant you went to last night, li'l Kaylee, I'm still stuck on what exactly is goin' on here on my boat."

When River opened her mouth to respond, Jayne cut her off by grabbin' her hand and pullin' her tightly to his chest. He was not gonna let her get involved in this most assuredly heated discussion. "After I get dressed and stow the cargo, I'll bring ya some breakfast."

River held her breath for a second as she reminded herself to let Jayne take care of this. She had already agreed to do so, and, after her inability to keep last night's promise to let him go when the morning came, she needed to show him he could trust her word. So she beamed her thanks up at him.

In response to her silent acquiescence and smile, Jayne dropped a kiss on River's mouth lightly but not platonically. He wanted to express not only his thanks but his willingness to publicly acknowledge the status change in their relationship. He was stakin' his claim, and everyone knew it.

Ignorin' the crew's gasps and his increasingly irate captain, Jayne smiled down at the young woman in his arms, and realized he'd never even greeted her on this fine new day. "Mornin'." He murmured.

River blushed shyly at the unfamiliar public display of affection. Then she smiled widely at him again, and seemed perfectly unaware of her own public display as her fingertips leisurely swept across the mercenary's bare chest. "Morning."

When they didn't let go immediately, Mal loudly and quite angrily cleared his throat again.

Neither member of the new couple even flinched or glanced at the Captain as they continued to gaze tenderly into each other's eyes, conveying without words how important they'd become to one another.

After one more quick peck on the lips, Jayne released the girl, and, with a smack on her butt, sent her off to work. "You best git. It's time to get off this rock."

River cast one last glance at the others before squeezing the merc's hand and smiling once again at him then she headed to the bridge.

Watchin' her walk away, Jayne held his hand up for silence until he could no longer hear her boot steps. Then he turned to the rest of the crew to face their wrath alone.

"Jayne, what the gorram hell is goin' on here?" Mal asked as he grabbed the remnants of the mercenary's T-shirt forcin' the larger man to face him.

The mercenary's eyebrows rose as he looked down into the Captain's face.

"I would've thought it was fairly obvious."

"Obvious!" Mal questioned angrily, his nostrils flarin'. A bewildered expression crossed his face, and, leanin' forward slightly, he sniffed his hired gun. "Well, obviously you smell like a girl--"

Jayne grimaced and rolled his eyes. Kaylee giggled, Zoe's eyebrows lifted, and Simon looked horrified.

Biting back a smile, Inara said, "That isn't exactly unexpected after --"

Lookin' disgusted, Mal brushed those thoughts aside. He restarted his interrogation. "And obviously you're pushin' the limits of my no-walking-around-naked policy--"

"Hey, I'm fully dressed. I have on pants, boots, and a shirt."

"This ain't much of a shirt seein' as how it's ripped down the middle. Why by the way?"

Jayne just shrugged.

"Another knife incident?"

The mercenary's refusal to answer once more only incited Mal.

"So you can see ain't nothing _obvious _here that I approve of."

"Yeah?" Jayne flung the Captain's hands from his shirt. Now that River was no longer in the vicinity, he could say what he'd been waitin' all night to say to the crew. Lookin' at each of them individually, he growled, "Well, I don't approve of the way y'all handled this whole gorram situation. If y'all had a problem with me, then ya should've said something to me rather than sendin' in the li'l girl to deal with the situation for you."

Mal's face tightened as he tried to leash his temper because in some ways he agreed with the larger man about how they'd handled the entire situation since the incident at the jail. If they'd conducted themselves correctly, he conjured they wouldn't have been required to pursue River's plans. However, that was in the unchangeable past, so he pressed forward and ground out, "Hey, firstly, I did not send River in to deal with you. That was her decision, and I didn't much appreciate it. However, you left me with no other choice because, secondly, you wouldn't talk to anyone. And, short of either shootin' you or havin' the Doc drug you, you weren't gonna sit still and listen neither."

Jayne didn't much care for the reasons why they'd agreed to River's plan no matter how solid they were. He didn't approve of her being used to rectify the situation when she'd already been the one to suffer the most. So he snarled, "Either of those would have been preferable to lettin' her sacrifice herself again."

A vein throbbed in Mal's forehead. "You didn't have to let her."

Rubbin' a hand across the back of his neck, Jayne grimaced. He realized that just because he didn't approve of the others goin' along with the plan didn't mean he hadn't been swayed by her arguments himself. "Girl can make a whole lot of sense when she puts her mind to it."

He stopped his nervous motion, and scowled threateningly at Simon. "'Sides, I wasn't gonna sit there and let the Doc's plan to go through. She's better than that."

"Plan! What plan?" Eyebrows up, a confused yet incensed Mal turned to Simon. "Did you have a plan?"

This time the Doctor refused to say anything. Amazingly, he looked much guiltier than Jayne had.

The Captain gritted his teeth as he recalled the younger man's lack of response to his earlier questionin'. He glared at each member of his crew. "Was there another plan I wasn't made aware of?"

Kaylee stood with her eyes wide, her mouth hanging open, and her palms up. Zoe cocked one eyebrow. Inara looked serene.

Motionin' with his head, Jayne pointed out the other guilty party. "It was 'Nara's plan too."

"'Nara?" questioned Mal as he peered incredulously at the Companion.

Inara stared tranquilly back. She was not sorry for her suggestions because she truly believed River required some form of healing after what had occurred at the jail. And, while her offer to find a male companion had been legitimate, she had also realized that the mere hint of someone else touching the girl would probably be enough of an impetus to push Jayne into following through with River's plans. So fully cognizant of her decisions, she stayed unapologetic.

The mercenary added understandingly, "Of course, 'Nara's part of the plan made some kinda sense seein' as how it is her job and all."

"Job? What--" The Captain seemed perplexed for a moment before he fumed about ready to boil over. "Oh, no. You did not offer--"

Inara rolled her eyes. She calmly stated, "No. Of course not. I'm sure that would have made River more uncomfortable."

Relieved, Mal relaxed for a second.

"I merely suggested--" explained the Companion.

The Captain appeared ready to have an aneurysm. If Simon hadn't been so afraid he was already about to be shot, he'd have told the older man to sit down and try to breathe regularly.

"You suggested! You suggested what?" Mal pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to regain his calm. With all these new revelations, this day seemed to be gettin' worse rather than better. "Or should I say whom?"

"I know several very kind, very discreet--"

The Captain pointed furiously at both Inara and Simon. "Now, that I would never have agreed to."

Unperturbed by his anger, the Companion asserted, "River deserved better--"

"Yes, of course she did. I ain't arguin' with you there. However, I conjure she also deserves a site better than some stranger--"

"You agreed to Jayne--" scoffed Inara.

Jayne took offense. He hadn't never attempted to touch the girl before the incident at the jail, and he wouldn't've afterward if she hadn't told him all that personal stuff. He wasn't some gorram Reaver, and he said so. "Hey, I would never've hurt River in that way."

Contrite, the Companion apologized, "Of course you wouldn't have. I'm sorry if I implied that you would. It's just my friends are trained--"

"Which is why I would never have agreed--" yelled Mal.

Finally, Simon intervened, "It wasn't your place to agree or not. As her brother--"

The Captain rounded on the younger man. "As her brother you should have had more respect for your sister then to suggest that she…" Unable to find the proper words, Mal threw his hands up in the air and made some awkward twisty movements with his fingers. "With some stranger. Trained or not."

The Doctor's eyebrows rose. He began, "Companions are highly respected--"

"Respected or not. Your sister warrants more."

"And obviously she agrees with you because she said no," confirmed Simon as he wondered if, in light of today's events, there hadn't perhaps been more to his sister rejection than she had articulated at the time.

Jayne furiously puffed up and moved closer to the younger man. He growled, "Damn right she said no. I should still kick your teeth in just for the thought though."

The Doctor's eyebrows rose again, and a hard glint developed in his eyes. Whatever River's feelings were, Simon still did not like the uncouth and shameless merc so he angrily confronted the older man. "It wasn't any of your business. It still isn't."

When it looked as if Jayne was goin' to argue that point, Mal stepped in. He didn't want bloodshed between those two while he was tryin' to figure out exactly what was goin' on. Now, afterward, he just might let them go for it. However, until then, he had reminders to set. "Whether it was his business or not, it has always been mine. This is my boat and my crew and nothing like that goes on that I don't know about."

Inara coolly assured, "It wouldn't have happened on the ship."

"So what? She would have just disappeared from the ship one morning and come back all…" Mal made weird finger puppets again.

"Yes," stated the Companion.

The Captain ran a hand through his hair then threw his arms open wide. "And you would never have told me."

"It wasn't your--" interrupted Simon.

Stalkin' over to the good Doctor, Mal leaned menacingly into his personal space. "Doctor, we have had this conversation before about you keepin' secrets concernin' your sister. And as I recall, the last time I got very angry. Is that what I'm supposed to do now? Get very angry?"

Simon held his ground. He was not the bad guy in this scenario, and he refused to be treated as such. He explained tightly, "It wasn't about me. It was about River. She had earned some semblance of privacy. Unlike when--"

The Captain cut off the Doctor's speech. "I ain't disputin' your sister's call for privacy. I'm disputin' not bein' kept in the loop."

Mal revolved slowly, starin' each member of his crew down. He pointed vehemently at himself and reminded them, "No one here seems to remember that I am the Captain, and that as such I am kept in the loop."

Zoe stayed stoic. Kaylee seemed chastened for a crime she hadn't committed. Inara and Simon remained unrepentant.

Jayne shrugged. "I didn't keep ya outta the loop."

Mal returned his attention to his hired gun. "No, but you don't seem to be followin' the plan either. Because this," he waved his hands between River's door and Jayne, "ain't what I agreed to."

Willfully indifferent, the mercenary shrugged again. "Don't rightly care."

Grindin' his teeth as he realized the old insubordinate Jayne really was back, the Captain grimly addressed the larger man. "See there were rules. Rules I reluctantly agreed to when assured they would be strictly adhered to. But I'm not seein' any adherence here."

Jayne too remained unrepentant as he stared at Mal. "I didn't agree to no rules, and I probably wouldn't've followed 'em anyways. I ain't givin' the girl up."

"She ain't yours to keep."

"She is now."

Jayne ducked the punch Mal threw at him then yanked the Captain's arms behind him into a solid hold.

As the Captain thrashed, the mercenary argued, "It don't need to go down this way, Mal. Nothing ya say or do is gonna change my mind. Hers neither."

Mal abruptly stopped strugglin' so Jayne let him go. Wearily watchin' the merc back away, the Captain questioned, "You've talked to her about this?"

Extremely ill at ease, Jayne only managed a shrug. "Sorta."

"Sorta?"

"We ain't talked about the specifics exactly."

"What _exactly_ have you talked about?"

Frownin', Jayne rubbed his hand across the back of his neck again. He realized they hadn't ever actually decided what would happen next which made him all sorts of uncomfortable. The whole situation was difficult enough without havin' to try to explain the rules that had yet to be chosen.

Mal recognized Jayne's uncertainty, and decided that meant that whatever was goin' on between the two had yet to be written into stone. So he wondered if maybe he pushed a little the 'Verse could still right itself.

The Captain decided to push with some well-directed anger. "River doesn't need to be toyed with just for you to get some free trim--"

Whatever else Mal had intended to say was cut off by Jayne's fist.

Zoe and Kaylee grabbed the mercenary's arms and forced him away from the fallen Captain. Inara bent down to help Mal to his feet.

"Don't ya ever say something like that about her again," snarled Jayne as he wrenched himself out of the women's arms. This is why he hadn't wanted River near for the discussion because he knew some nasty words would be exchanged and a fight would erupt. He would not allow her to be hurt once more by words spoken in anger. Still seein' her head snap back like she'd been hit, he would never forgive himself for what he'd said to her that day in the mess. He would not let her endure anymore moments like that in his presence.

Wipin' the blood away from his split lip with the back of his hand, the not-quite-satisfied Captain tried again, "Well, you seem to have the possessive/protective part down. But that don't mean I'm gonna sit here and accept this unnatural--"

"There ain't nothing unnatural about it. We're both adults--"

"Barely."

Nostrils flarin', Jayne stubbornly ignored his own qualms about River's age. "Don't matter. She's an adult. She has the right--"

"She's an adult but she ain't always all there," reminded Mal. He recognized the anger hadn't worked so maybe he could appeal to the conscience the merc seemed to have recently developed.

Jayne's jaw tightened as he spit out, "That ain't her fault. She shouldn't be penalized for what those gorram Bluehands freaks did to her."

The Captain had one more ace up his sleeve, and figured now would be the best time to play it.

"Do you love her?"

Everyone held their breath as they waited for the merc's response.

Jayne's face shuttered and his neck bent. This was the one question he was afraid of because it was the one he truly had no answer for. Coverin' his eyes, he whispered, "I don't know." With his resolve returnin', he dropped his hand, straightened up, and looked stonily at the crew. "But it ain't yer business. It's between her and me."

"Jayne, that girl has been through enough--"

Something new flamed in the mercenary's eyes. Something so brutal and unforgivin' Mal nearly took a step back.

"I know that." Jayne forced himself to swallow the residual rage thoughts of the Academy brought up. He knew this situation was volatile enough without mixin' in the things that absolutely could not be changed, but, gorram, it was hard to shove his anger aside.

Simon blinked at the merc's merciless expression.

Zoe, Inara, and Kaylee held their breaths once more. While they hadn't been told the content of River's revelations, they were aware that in her effort to enlist Jayne's cooperation she'd anticipated enlightening him on some of the less savory aspects of her time at the Academy. They had encouraged her to tell them as well but she'd been adamant about keeping those disclosures to a minimum.

"Do you?" The Captain questioned warily. His pushing had not gone quite the way he expected, and he now had the distinct impression that more had changed last night than merely his merc's physical relationship with the li'l albatross. Some feelings were definitely involved. He just wasn't certain how deep those feelings went.

Clenchin' and unclenchin' his fists, Jayne growled, "I know more than you. I know more than all of ya. So ya just stay outta it." While he would never expose her secrets, he believed the others needed to understand how close he and River had become over the course of the night, to understand that this wasn't merely some trivial sexual escapade designed to slake their lusts. This may or may not be love, but it was genuine and soulful and could not be resolved in one night.

Simon rapidly comprehended that River must have revealed something to Jayne about her time at the Academy, something she hadn't felt comfortable telling her own brother. Ignoring the twinge of hurt he experienced at his sister's confessions to the merc, he grabbed the larger man's arm. "What do you know? What did she tell you? What did they do--"

"Not tellin' ya." Jayne insisted as he tried to twist his way out of the younger man's grip without hurtin' him. He understood the Doctor's desperation, but on this point he would not be swayed. He figured if River had wanted her brother to know she would have told him herself.

Refusing to release the older man, Simon persevered, "She is my sister. I'm her doctor. If there is something I need to know, if there is something that could help her, please tell me."

Injectin' as much sympathy as he was capable of into his words, Jayne said, "Doc, I ain't gonna tell ya. For yer own sake, I ain't gonna tell ya."

Thunderstruck by the unsettling light of compassion in his mercenary's eyes, Mal interrupted fiercely, "What in the gorram hell does that mean?"

"It means exactly what I've been sayin'. I ain't gonna tell ya."

"Jayne--" warned the Captain who was very tired of being left in the dark about things that concerned his crew. He would not be blindsided by River's past again.

The merc took a deep breath and addressed his boss' unspoken concerns. "It don't affect the ship, Mal. No new dangers. So it ain't your business anymore than it's anyone else's."

"Jayne--" barked the Captain.

"I already done told ya it ain't yer gorram business." Jayne growled with absolute finality.

Mal clamped his mouth shut, choosin' not to force the issue now. He recognized clearly his hired gun's obstinacy would not break any time soon so perpetuatin' the argument would solve nothing. Drivin' back his anger, he would simply wait for a more opportune moment.

When Simon looked like he however needed to ask one more time, Jayne added, "Doc, you knowin' isn't gonna help yer sister none. It's only gonna make the both of ya feel worse." He tried again to shake the Doctor off.

Holding on, Simon continued restraining the larger man, determined to compel River's confessions from him. He needed to know. He had every right to know. He was the one who had rescued her body from that hell, and he was unwavering in his aim to free her mind from it as well. So the merc had to tell him.

Jayne sighed because he realized the Doctor had yet to be convinced. So he reassured the younger man as comfortingly as he could. "She's fine. She ain't always been fine, and she ain't always gonna be. But, today she's fine, and for as long as I can help it, she will continue to be fine."

The two men stared into one other's grave eyes and reached a silent understanding. Jayne would tell Simon when and if he believed the younger man needed to know, but no sooner.

Finally relenting, Simon released Jayne. He watched contemplatively as the man stepped back. Simon was bemused by the larger man's actions and inactions. There had been no violent reaction to the restraint or the pointed questioning. The only blood that had been shed was Mal's when he had referred to River in a derogatory manner. The mercenary appeared not only to be sympathetic to their disapproval, but also firm in his determination to protect River, even to the point of sending her away to take the brunt of their anger on himself. After all that he had experienced this morning, the young Doctor was completely baffled by what the appropriate thing to do next was. So he did what a proper Core raised gentleman always did when confronted by the unknown and asked.

"Why?"

"Why?" Jayne repeated confusedly. He'd thought this discussion was coming to a close. Now there were more questions?

"Why are you doing this? What's in it for you?" The Doctor blushed. "I mean besides--"

Jayne narrowed his eyes. "Just because I've been off my game for the past couple of months don't mean I need help in that department. I already done hit Mal--"

Simon took a cautious step backward because he really didn't want to be on the receiving end of a punch by the mercenary. "That's why I'm asking. Your actions indicate this isn't about," he winced, "sex. However, you can't state clearly what your feelings are toward my sister. So why are you doing this?"

Jayne shrugged and ran his hands over his face. Half turnin' away from the others, he addressed the empty air because it was easier than lookin' anyone in the eye while he got all sappy. "Because I have to. Because we have to. Because we don't know the answers yet."

The merc opened his arms wide and faced the crew as he appealed. "We may never know the answers. We may discover that the answers are wrong or that the questions are wrong or that everything is wrong. But right now, the only thing that feels wrong to us is givin' up on the answers before we've even searched for them."

"But--" started Simon who was only becoming more bewildered by this new philosophical side of the mercenary.

Annoyed that he had to say more, Jayne turned to the younger man. "But what? I know I don't go 'round havin' these types of relationships, but I'm fairly certain that people don't know all the answers from the beginnin'."

"But--"

"Do you?" Jayne decided to turn the tables on the Doctor and question him about his relationship with Kaylee. Maybe then the younger man could see the similarities and finally let go of this tiresome conversation.

Still reeling from his observations, Simon was unprepared for this change in tactics, and wasn't even certain what the merc was asking him. "What?"

Pointin' at the mechanic, Jayne began his interrogation. "You and Kaylee've been sexin' it up for months now. Do you know all the answers? Do you love her? Do you wanna--"

Offended, Simon blubbered, "That is none of your business--"

Jayne poked a blunt finger into the Doctor's chest for emphasis. "And my relationship with your sister ain't none of your business neither. Ya wanna threaten me with death or dismemberment if I break her heart? I'm okay with that. You're her brother that's what you're supposed to do. But that's all the right you have to do."

Pausin' his speech for a second, Jayne looked around at the rest of the crew. Then, he explained, "That's all the right any of ya have. Threaten me. Hit me or pull a gun on me. Fine, I ain't gotta problem with that. I know I'm not the person anyone would have chosen for someone as special as River, but we've decided to see where this relationship goes and ain't none of y'all gonna stop us."

While he may be willin' to wait until a later date for fuller answers, Mal still stirred, needin' to reassert himself. "I don't like being given orders."

"I ain't givin' ya orders, Mal. I'm just tellin' you the way it is. Ya didn't stop Zoe and Wash. Ya haven't stopped Kaylee and Simon. And none of us are gonna try to stop you when ya finally get off yer ass about 'Nara." Jayne paused for a moment to roll his eyes when the Captain huffed. "And ya ain't gonna stop River and me. If we decide to end it, it will be our choice. Not yours."

Runnin' a hand through his hair to stall the conversation, Mal tried to find a legitimate response to that comment, but realized he couldn't because, surprisingly once more that morning, the merc was right. He hadn't managed to stop any of the other crew members from developin' relationships and havin' real lives so he had no reasonable expectation to influence River and Jayne's decisions.

Jayne recognized the Captain's resigned stance, and breathed an internal sigh of relief. He'd survived the grillin', and could now resume his cautious dance with River. Proud of his accomplishment, he felt a smirk creep once more across his face.

"Fine. I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but you're right," Mal ignored Jayne's newer, brighter smirk. "I ain't got call to stop ya as long as it don't interfere with the runnin' of this ship. If it begins to interfere with my boat and the rest of my crew, we will revisit this conversation possibly in the airlock, probably with firearms."

When it looked as if the conversation had finally dwindled to an uncomfortable close, Jayne nodded at everyone, and began to walk to his bunk. Haltin' suddenly, he turned to once more face the others who had yet to move.

"Oh yeah. If you don't want River livin' in my bunk, Kaylee needs to adjust the lock on her door because I ain't lettin' her stay in a room where she can't shut us all out if she wants."

Startled by the unexpected statement, both Mal and Simon sputtered, "There are reasons--"

Jayne held up a hand and partially agreed. "They were valid reasons, but she's better now and she should be respected for her accomplishments. She's an adult and she's earned the right to be alone if she wants." He could tell the others still weren't persuaded, so he added, "I can cut through a door to get her out if necessary, but she ain't sleepin' or dressin' in a room were anyone can walk in any ol' time they please. _Dong ma_?"

This time the others seemed to have fully grasped the picture as all their heads began to nod in varying degrees of compliance.

Kaylee smiled and assured Jayne. "I'll do that as soon as I check on my girl."

Tryin' to regain the captainly independence he seemed to have lost over the course of the conversation, Mal growled, "I still don't like bein' given orders."

"I still ain't orderin' anything. I just figured y'all would be happier if ya knew River could shut me out whenever she wanted." Jayne raised his eyebrows. "Don't y'all feel better?"

Finally feelin' secure with the other's acceptance of his and River's new relationship, Jayne allowed himself to be amused by their still rather shellshocked expressions. Then for an additional bit of fun, he demonstrated once more that he was back to his old self when he smirked, winked, and began saunterin' off to his room.

Watchin' his hired gun strut away, Mal shouted to his back, "Ya break my li'l albatross' heart and I'm gonna take Vera and shoot you with her. Then I'm gonna keep her for my very own." When everyone stared at him, the Captain added, "The gun not the girl. I ain't goin' to the Special Hell. But, Jayne, you break River's heart, and you'll be on the fast track there before the pieces hit the floor. _Dong ma_?"

Jayne nodded one last time as the group broke up. Just because the future had arrived unexpectedly, didn't stop them all from having jobs to do. And part of the mercenary's new duties was to feed a hungry pilot who could kick his ass if he took too long so he smiled and moved faster.


	11. Chapter 11

Title: Day One

Series: Choices

Author: mik109

Rating: NC17

Pairings: River/Jayne

Disclaimer: If I wish upon a star… Wait that's Disney not Whedon. Maybe I own Disney?

Warnings/Spoilers: After the series and BDM

Day One (Part 1)

Jayne paused outside the hatch to his bunk. Lookin' up the corridor and stairs to the bridge, his eyes met River's as she briefly glanced behind her from her pilot's chair. He smiled reassuringly at her, and she blushed and smiled back before returnin' her attention to the controls.

Still smilin', the merc watched her work for a moment. Then, shakin' himself from his reverie, he dropped down into his bunk. He closed the hatch behind him, automatically engagin' the lock.

Jayne stepped over to his dresser and pulled out some random work clothes. He didn't bother lookin' at 'em because all of his clothes matched, which was the uncomplicated way he had always liked his world to be. He quickly kicked off his boots and shucked his sleep pants. As he pulled on his boxers and cargo pants, he realized his world was no longer uncomplicated. However, for some unknown reason, this thought didn't bother him as it once would have. In fact, he decided he was quite enjoyin' this new complication. She really was all manner of shiny.

He smiled blindly at his socks.

After ploppin' down on his unmade bed, Jayne pulled on his socks and boots as he mentally listed what he needed to do this morning. He was nearly dressed so that could be marked off. Next, he needed to go to the cargo bay and stow whatever stuff Mal had arranged to ferry someplace. Then… he unconsciously smiled again, then, he needed to make some breakfast for the pilot.

The mercenary shrugged off the remnants of last night's T-shirt, and pulled a clean, unripped one over his head and arms. He stood up and tucked it in. Then he reached over to grab his belt off his table top. His hand hovered over the belt for a moment as he fondly recalled River so carefully coilin' it up. Yellin' at himself for wastin' time again, he picked up the strap of leather and quickly threaded it through his belt loops before finally bucklin' it.

As he turned away from the table, Jayne couldn't stop his hand from brushin' across the soft fabric of River's dress, rememberin' the way it floated around her lithe body and the way it glided over her smooth skin as they kissed and the way it framed her pale breasts as he slowly... He curled his fingers into his palm when he realized he'd lingered over the material for several minutes before finally rousin' himself to move forward with his already packed morning.

He leaned across his bed, grabbin' his holster from the weapon rack. He repeatedly refused to allow memories of River carefully handlin' his weapons to overtake his mind as he swiftly and efficiently weaponed up. He shouldn't need a gun anytime soon, but, on this boat, he thought it best to stay vigilant because anything could happen.

Jayne knew he should head immediately to the cargo bay before Mal threw another fit. He was dressed for duty, now, but it seemed that more than one of the habits he'd developed over the past two months could not be easily unlearned. Sighin', he began settin' his room to rights. He picked up his own neatly folded pile of clothes from next to River's dress, and tossed them into the corner basket with the rest of his dirty laundry. Then he turned to neaten his bed.

As he leaned over, he picked up the torn T-shirt and considered throwin' it away. However, he frowned at that option, for some unknown reason he was unwillin' to part with the scrap of fabric. So instead, he reached under the bed for the unmarked box and opened it up and stuffed this unwearable T-shirt in with the last. Still refusin' to think about why he kept them, he thrust the box back under the bed, and returned to straightenin' the bedclothes.

He arranged the blanket over the rack, hidin' his arsenal, before adjustin' the other covers on the bed. As he smoothed those covers, the merc recognized a hint of River's scent waftin' up from the disorder. Instinctively, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, rememberin' how her warm skin smelled, how the scent strengthened as she became more aroused, how... He shook his head and opened his eyes. He had to stop daydreamin'. He had work to do, and the sooner he finished his work the sooner he could see River in person again, no daydreamin' necessary.

Jayne finished straightenin' the covers and tried plumpin' up his one meager pillow. He wondered if he should get a new one the next time they were in port somewhere with an actual store rather than a tumbleweed in drag. He knew girls liked pillows, and he remembered that River had had several on her bed. So he decided he would get her a nice new one for here.

Blinkin' momentarily, the mercenary reminded himself that the girl would not necessarily be sleepin' here. She might prefer not to, and, after all, they had slept most of the night in her room. He wasn't certain why the thought of River not bein' here in his bunk made him uncomfortable, but it did. He had never been one for cuddlin', and he preferred to sleep alone because it left him less vulnerable to attack. However, he hadn't thought about that stuff at all when he actually lain down to _sleep_ with River.

Sure, he'd passed out overnight in more'n a couple of beds over the years, but, then, he had always been anxious to get away when he had awoken. Now, he knew when…_ if_ he reminded himself, _if_ he woke up in bed with River he'd want to stay. No anxiety, only contentment and desire. He'd learned that astonishin' lesson this morning. He figured the next lessons would be even more unbelievable, but, for once in his whole life, he realized he was lookin' forward to learnin'. He guessed that was why he wanted her to be here, where he could learn without anyone just wanderin' in like they'd already done today. It was more private here; the others didn't treat it like some gorram central spaceport.

Shakin' his head, Jayne forced himself outta his unproductive thoughts. He nearly laughed at himself because it was only yesterday that he was forcin' away unhappy memories of River, and now, the memories weren't at all unhappy yet he was still required to push them to the back of his mind. That girl was damn distractin'.

He had to go to the cargo bay and get the cargo stowed. That was all he needed to think about right now, securin' the payload. He'd have to think about River later, and, as his mind tried to drift off tangent again, he realized he'd find more than enough ways to fully occupy his mind when that time came. However, for now, he was only concerned about the cargo.

Stow. Cargo. Stow. Cargo.

That was the mercenary's mantra as he finally found his way to the cargo bay, after pickin' up his gloves and forcin' himself from his bunk where his mind kept focusin' on more pleasant things.

Luckily, Jayne had not encountered anyone on his way to unload the mule. Yes, he had smiled briefly up the hallway at River while he was lockin' his room, but it wasn't like he had dawdled over the mechanism or nothin'. He just figured she must feel lonely and left out sittin' up there on the bridge all by her lonesome, and he didn't want her to think he had forgotten her or nothin'. So he had shared a slow smile with her before he hurried through the rest of the ship to get to work.

'Sides, the mercenary knew he wouldn't have the luxury of bein' alone for too long. Some people might think he was dumb enough to believe that this morning's confrontation was the end of the this-ain't-right discussion. However, he knew someone was bound to come along to find him for a chat which would most likely include both subtle and overt threats against his person if he hurt River.

Jayne rolled his eyes at the mere thought, like he had any intention of doin' anything that would get him dead right quick. He hoped at least someone on this ship remembered his general preference for self-preservation.

"Is that eyeroll for Mal or Simon?" asked Zoe him from the entrance to the cargo bay.

Glancin' back over his shoulder, the merc saw the first mate, the mechanic, and the Companion headin' toward him en masse. He liked that idea just fine because he figured the group discussion would at least cut down on the argument time when he would rather spend his day doin' other things like readin' his new gun magazine on the bridge while sneakin' peeks at the pilot. Not that he needed to sneak around because everyone already knew about their relationship. He just wasn't certain how much lookin' was allowed before it became freakish and annoyin'. So he thought he should keep some of the looks to sideways glances and the likes until he had a better notion of what was proper and seemly.

"Both," responded Jayne with a smirk before turnin' back to the cargo.

"Well, it sounds like you're feelin' better today." Kaylee grinned cheekily as she perched atop a large cargo container near the mule.

The mercenary sensed his cheeks heat up as he hefted a box outta the mule and pushed it into one of the smugglin' compartments. He hoped the women attributed the redness to exertion rather than embarrassment. He'd never suffered more embarrassment in his whole life than he had in the past twenty-four hours, and he really didn't like it. Oddly enough, he felt perfectly content with the reasons for his embarrassment; he just didn't appreciate everyone pokin' their noses into his reasons.

Straightenin' up away from the hole, Jayne turned to face the women. "I'm fine. I was fine before…" His voice trailed off as he waved his hand in wordless description.

While Zoe and Inara merely raised their eyebrows, Kaylee snorted. "No, you weren't."

"Was too." Jayne frowned petulantly. Bein' un-fine wasn't manly, made him sound weak. He didn't much like the thought of anyone thinkin' he was weak.

"So you don't feel better today than yesterday?" Inara queried as she and Zoe leaned against the box upon which the mechanic sat. As far she was concerned, the question was redundant because she could see the improved health and clarity of the mercenary's mental state. She had immediately recognized the improvement in the ease of his facial expressions and full body language. After all, while some people like Mal may forget, she had been schooled to help others find happiness, stability, and release through the physical acts of pleasure. Sighing, she remembered how remarkable a student River had been over the past few weeks. She knew River had put all those sweet, wonderful girls at the Training House to shame, and she wondered once again how truly noteworthy a Companion the 'Verse had been denied when the girl had chosen the Academy.

Miffed, Jayne grumbled, "Well, 'course, I feel better today than yesterday. But that don't mean I wasn't fine yesterday."

"If you were fine yesterday, then why did you agree to River's plan last night?" Zoe's low voice didn't even attempt to veil the threat that he had better come up with an acceptable answer quickly.

Recognizin' that glare, Jayne felt his anger drop away. He gulped because, profusely pregnant or not, the former soldier's hard stare still intimidated anyone with a pulse, and he had one of those. He decided to try placatin' like River thought he'd done last night. He still wasn't for sure what the word exactly meant, but he figured it was a better word than grovellin', more manly and all. "Okay, so I wasn't perfectly happy. But that don't mean I wasn't fine. I just didn't realize anyone had expected me to be all chipper until River told me."

"Chipper!" laughed Inara. "Scandalous, rude and insubordinate? Yes. Chipper? No."

Rollin' his eyes, Jayne said, "Well, whatever. I didn't know that y'all thought I was actin' weird until she told me last night."

"We, everyone on the ship including Simon, tried to talk to you. However, you were less than co-operative." Zoe mused, "Which was really the only bit of hope any of us had over the past two months that the real Jayne might still be in there somewhere."

"You're not gonna start in on all that Jayne-wasn't-Jayne _go se_, too. Are you?" grunted the merc.

"Whether you could see it or not, your behavior had undergone a severe alteration. That radical change disturbed us all greatly, especially River," said Inara.

Noddin' energetically, Kaylee agreed, "She was all sortsa miserable while you was actin' all weird."

Frownin', Jayne questioned, "Miserable? What d'ya mean?" She had said that it had been a distraction for the crew, but he didn't realize i she /i had been the most unhappy.

"She's been cryin' a lot."

"Cryin'?" parroted Jayne as he recalled the wet spot on Mal's shirt yesterday. At that time, he had wondered if she had been cryin', but now he was certain. Made him all kinds of mad at himself for makin' her cry. Didn't much like the thought of her cryin' on Mal neither. He should be the one comfortin' her not the Captain. Didn't matter none if he was the one makin' her cry.

Understanding the merc's anxiety, Zoe clarified, "Not about you. For you."

"She's been very upset about hurting you," asserted Inara.

Jayne grimaced as the conversation circled back around to him. He really hated this touchy-feely part of the talk. He hoped they'd get to the threats soon; those he didn't mind. "Yeah. Back to all that broken _go se_ again."

"Was it _go se_?" questioned the first mate.

Shruggin', Jayne casually dismissed his own less than easygoing reactions over the last couple of months. "Maybe not, but it wasn't her fault none."

Inara soothed, "No, it wasn't her fault. We've assured her of that repeatedly. However, lack of blame did not stop her from feeling responsible."

In an effort to delay his response to that unpleasant observation, the mercenary lifted another box from the mule, and pushed it into the smuggling compartment.

"Do you think that's why she's doin' this now? Cuz she feels guilty?" Jayne asked uneasily as he stood up to get the next box from the mule. He didn't much like the thought of her continuin' with whatever their relationship was now outta guilt. Not that he really understood why she was willin' to try stickin' with him since he'd never even given her a reason to not hate him before.

"Do you?" asked Zoe quietly.

Unbidden images of last night flashed through Jayne's mind: River smilin' and laughin' and kissin' him and breathin' heavily and… He cut his brain off right there because he still didn't have time for anymore of those daydreams. So maybe there were reasons for her to try, he couldn't recall ever seein' her smile so much or be so relaxed or…

Jayne shook his head both clearin' his mind and answerin' the question. "No. Don't think so. All this has just been a li'l unexpected, ya know? And I get confused on why she'd bother with me anymore than she already has."

Ratcheting up the interrogation, Zoe demanded, "Why are you _bothering_ with her?"

Blinkin' bewilderedly at the abrupt change in tone, the befuddled mercenary cautiously examined the women. "Already told ya. Because I have to."

"That's not exactly an excessively illuminating answer."

While Jayne didn't know the precise definition of that statement, he understood its meaning. So he tried to explain, "It don't feel right to walk away. Me and River, we connected," he winced at his still incredibly bad word choice. He tried again, "We just… reached an understandin'. Not many people understand me, and practically no one understands her. But we understand one another now."

Jayne shrugged self-consciously. "I suppose that's why."

Broodin' over such weighty thoughts, he moved the next box into the compartment. Keepin' his back to the women, he commented in a nearly off-handed manner, "I know I'm not the kind of guy a Core girl like River should be involved with."

"Why not?"

"I'm not exactly her type, am I?" questioned Jayne derisively as he turned to face them once more.

Zoe laughed, "I don't think she's had time to develop a type."

"Well, it should have been someone better than me. Someone smarter, richer, younger… Someone with a future."

"Jayne, don't make the same mistake Simon does," suggested Inara.

Jayne frowned darkly at bein' likened to the Doc.

The Companion hid her smile at the mercenary's frown. She added soothingly, "He still sees her as the young girl from Osiris. He has trouble seeing her as the girl, the young woman, she is today."

Grimacin' understandingly, Jayne recalled he too had come to that conclusion last night, but, by this morning, he had already forgotten. He was gonna have to pay more attention to the realities of the situation and not merely the appearances. Otherwise this would never work out, and, while he wasn't certain what exactly _this_ was, he knew he didn't want it to end badly or, quite possibly, ever.

Unexpectedly, Zoe further clarified Inara's remarks. "She can't go back. Unlearn what she's learned. Be that other person she may have originally expected to be. This is who she is now. She shouldn't have to be unhappy or ashamed about it. She should be allowed to take her life lessons and move forward to find her happiness in this new life without regret for the one she left behind."

Kaylee, Inara, and Jayne all carefully inspected Zoe, observing her anew because quite obviously the first mate spoke from personal experience. The former soldier didn't talk much about her life prior to the war, and her revealing comments suggested that her previous life may have been slightly different than what they had all imagined. Maybe she had more in common with River than she had previously let on.

Zoe regarded the others silently. She felt no need to bring anymore of her past into this conversation. They already kept getting distracted from the main point without her muddying up the waters more.

Breakin' the lengthenin' silence, Jayne nodded at the former soldier, but still growled, "Still wish she could've had that life without any interference from that gorram Academy."

"It's okay to wish. Just keep the expression of those wishes to a minimum," ordered the first mate.

Runnin' an angry hand through his hair, Jayne nodded again. He had to control his rage over the way she had been treated. He understood River would only feel worse over his fury, and he knew she didn't need to feel worse about anything.

Suddenly speaking up, Kaylee questioned timidly, "What did she tell you?" When Jayne blinked in confusion, she added, "About that place?"

His face shutterin', he turned his back to the women again. "Already said I wasn't gonna talk about it."

"She said she could help you understand how you had never hurt her. Did she do that?" asked Zoe.

Jayne nodded pensively without turnin'. He would never have touched her if he thought he was still hurtin' her. Only when he'd realized how badly she'd been hurt at that place did he agree to her plan. While he may be a little more than averagely selfish, he would never have accepted her offer if it had really only been about him. He knew he would get over the incident eventually, but, after what she told him, he realized she would have a much harder time forgettin' any of what had happened to her at the hands of men.

Determined to offer River as much support as possible, Inara carefully broached the subject with the protective merc. "She wouldn't tell us about her experiences at the Academy or how they might influence you to accept her offer of healing. We all want what is best for River, but we realize not all of her remembrances may be appropriate for general knowledge. Is there anything you think we should know that you did not feel you could tell her brother?"

Briefly shakin' his head, Jayne answered, "I think she would prefer y'all not to be put in a position of lyin' to the Doc or the Captain. And, like I said before, neither of them needs to know what those i hundans /i did to her at that place."

The women nodded sympathetically. They knew the mercenary now shouldered a burden that was most likely more weighty and encumbering than the one he had carried before. However, this burden did not appear to drag him down as the other one had, and, in fact, he seemed stronger than ever despite, or perhaps, because of it. He may have not only returned to his previous personality but grown up a little overnight.

Kaylee didn't feel comfortable leavin' the subject without knowin' a little more, specifics or not. So she asked apprehensively, "Was it real bad? What she told you."

Jayne nodded again.

"Worse than the other--"

"Not like Miranda or nothin'. Just real bad."

Peekin' back over his shoulder, Jayne saw Kaylee's tears. He turned and walked over to her. Placin' a comfortin' hand on her shoulder, he said, "It's over, Kaylee. Ain't nothin' gonna change what happened. So there's no need for cryin'."

"We don't even know what happened, but I know it just ain't fair whatever they did to her." The mechanic's voice trembled.

"No, it ain't. But that's what we're here for now, to keep her life from gettin' unfair again."

Snifflin' back her tears, Kaylee offered him a watery smile. "She was so little, and special."

"Still is." Jayne grinned. "Well, I guess she is gettin' older so she's not so li'l anymore."

"Which is good for you."

Tryin' to lighten the moment a little more, the mercenary waggled his eyebrows. "Which is a _very_ good for me."

Kaylee giggled and smacked his shoulder while Inara and Zoe smiled at him.

Jayne was utterly baffled by the women's easy acceptance of his new relationship with River. He had not expected this. After all, Simon and Mal had been less than thrilled. However, Kaylee, Zoe, and Inara had never even appeared to be shocked by the change in the plan.

"Ain't any of you even surprised or upset about how this has turned out? 'Bout me and River…" Jayne's voice trailed off again as he waved his hand in mimed explanation once more.

The women exchanged shrugs and looks before shaking their heads. They hadn't been shocked, and they didn't feel the need to hide it either.

Clearly unsurprised, Zoe stated, "You have both been very concerned about one another since that day at the jail. Whatever your relationship may have been prior to that day, it had clearly changed. So this was not an unexpected consequence of what happened last night."

Now, Jayne was the one who was shocked. Shaken, he asked, "Y'all knew this could happen, and yet ya let River go ahead anyway?"

Zoe reminded him dryly, "We couldn't exactly stop her. She is an adult after all. Her decisions are her own."

Obviously still stunned, the mercenary simply nodded like a marionette to the first mate's statement. He couldn't believe they had known River and he weren't likely to end this association after last night, yet had helped her plan anyway. Women became more inexplicable the more he knew about them.

Tiltin' his head to the side, Jayne slanted a glance at the Companion. "You're not even upset, 'Nara?"

Inara merely raised her perfectly shaped eyebrows. "Why do you think I would be upset?"

Jayne blinked at the unexpected response. He grumbled, "Ya are the one who wanted to get her a boy whore."

Amused by the merc's obvious jealousy, the Companion asserted, "While I meant my offer sincerely, I knew River would never agree. However, the offer did make Simon feel better even if he was slightly deluded to assume his sister would follow his medical recommendation. I also knew if River's plans ever had to come into play that the mere suggestion of another would encourage you to accept her offer."

With his eyebrows risin', Jayne snorted. "You mean you played Simon?"

Inara smiled serenely. "In some circles, it could be interpreted as such, but, as I said before, the offer of assistance was genuine."

Jayne smirked, snickerin' at the Doctor's expense.

"'Sides, in some circles, it could be interpreted as she played you, too," reminded Kaylee in a huff, miffed by the laughter he directed at her i bao bei /i .

That shut the mercenary up right quick, wipin' the smirk from his face. Rankled, he frowned because he liked it better when the prissy Doc was the only one gettin' skewered.

Jayne griped, "Well, I wasn't gonna stand by and let some stranger touch her. She deserved better than what I put her through, and no one else, Guild trained or not, was gonna be able to set that right."

Kaylee nodded wisely. "We figured that was how you felt, but you wouldn't talk to any of us. So we couldn't be for certain. Bet ya didn't even realize it until last night though. Did ya?"

Jayne shrugged. "Didn't think about it."

"Didn't want to? Or didn't?"

"Don't matter."

Inara observed, "If you hadn't actually thought about it, I don't believe you would have undergone such a drastic personality shift. You would have been able to walk away relatively unscathed from the incident at the jail. Conversely, by attempting to ignore your own thoughts, you dwelled to your detriment on the incident. Thus you were prevented from moving forward, and forced River's hand."

Closin' his mouth that had fallen open during that big worded speech, Jayne told the Companion. "You've been hangin' out with River for too long."

Inara laughed lightly, as embarrassed as anyone with her extensive emotional control could be. "Yes, well, we have had this discussion once or twice."

With one eyebrow cocked, Jayne smirked again. "When y'all were conspirin' to get me into bed?"

Rolling her eyes, Zoe responded, "We weren't conspiring to help River bed you. Normally, that conversation would have been extremely short because the only advice required would be 'get naked and say yes'." She paused to slant an eyebrow when the merc stuck out his tongue at her and Kaylee snorted. Getting serious, she added, "We were discussing ways to keep you from getting yourself or anyone else dead."

The smirk slid off Jayne's face as he grimaced because that's what River had said too, and, now that Zoe was corroboratin' her, he'd have to accept it. Contrarily, he complained, "I wasn't that bad."

"Yes, you were. If I had been available for runs, Mal would have, long ago, locked you in your bunk until you came to your senses."

The mercenary threw his arms wide. "Well, it's over now. Plan worked. I'm all better. No one's gonna get dead."

"As long as you stop being so overprotective of River on jobs, that'll be true."

His arms dropped heavily to his sides as the merc thought over that statement. River would still be goin' on jobs. She would still be in danger, and he wasn't gonna be allowed to stop her. Gorram, this relationship kept gettin' harder and harder and it was only the first day. Now, he understood why the Doc kept tryin' to punch Mal.

Noticing the droop in the man's shoulders, Inara inquired, "Haven't you talked about this at all?"

Sighin', Jayne mumbled, "No. We never exactly got around to talkin' about anything new. Just all the old stuff."

"Too busy with other things?" giggled Kaylee.

Rubbin' a hand around his neck, Jayne flushed. He hadn't been embarrassed in how many minutes? It had been a new record for the day. "Yeah."

"I guess you two need to talk then," suggested the Companion.

"Still don't know if I'm ready to talk about it." Talkin' made it real. He wasn't certain he was ready for any of this relationship with River to be real. It still felt like one of his fantasies only with a helluva lot more talkin' and a lot less sex. The little devil popped up, sex? The mercenary ground his teeth in annoyance and snarled, go away.

"Are you sure that's wise?"

"Just because I ain't ready to talk about it don't mean I ain't ready to try. I just have to figure the rest out first." Tryin' was easier than talkin' because it involved doin' rather than thinkin'. Jayne preferred action. Action, queried the wicked voice. Please, go away, the merc groaned.

"First?"

"Don't I need to know what I want to say before I can say it?"

The women sighed, but they understood the merc's reasons. They realized he was not a man of words, and he would need time to ruminate over any important words before he could speak them. However, they couldn't leave this discussion without giving him a little push, because River was definitely a woman _of_ words.

"I suggest you figure it out sooner rather than later. Otherwise it may be too late."

Grimacin', Jayne nodded his understandin'. He knew he and River needed to hash out the details of this little relationship experiment before someone got hurt, namely her, or killed, namely him. He just truly had no clue what to say or how to say it when he did know.

"I hate to break up this party, but we all," Zoe glanced at Inara, "well, most of us, have work to be doing. We should get back to that."

Kaylee smiled. "Yeah, I gotta go fix the lock on your girl's door."

His girl. Jayne stood dumb at the notion. He hadn't thought of River in that way before. His girl. Made his insides feel all sorts of tumbly.

"Later," said Zoe.

"Later," repeated the dazed mercenary.

As he slipped out of his daze, Jayne curiously watched the women head for the exit. He frowned and called out, "Ain'tcha gonna threaten me or nothin'?"

"Should we?" asked Zoe, as the women turned to face the mercenary once more.

His face still scrunchin' in mystification, he mumbled, "I dunno. It just seemed the sorta thing that women would do for one another."

"Well, River can take care of herself, and you, if necessary. However, just to set your mind at ease, I will shoot you if you hurt her." Zoe said that all very lightly, but the look in her eyes boded ill for him if he crossed her.

Bouncin' with excitement, Kaylee waved her tools and added cheerily, "And it would be real sad if the environmental controls in your room stopped workin'."

Jayne couldn't help but grin at Kaylee's enthusiastic threat. Then he looked expectantly at Inara.

The Companion raised her eyebrows. "I, like all Companions, am trained in the use of any number of poisons. A couple of which I have with me at all times."

Jayne' s, Zoe's, and Kaylee's eyebrows all rose as they contemplated where she might keep said poisons. Inara's smile was cryptic to say the least. At least it was before Kaylee giggled. Then they all laughed.

"Well, it's good to know where I stand," chuckled Jayne.

"Don't hurt her, and we won't hurt you," stated Zoe clearly.

Smiling sagely, Inara assured, "We don't really need to do this anyway because Mal will probably threaten you again sometime soon."

"And I'm sure Simon will get around to it too," chirped Kaylee.

Jayne rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that'll be fun."

Knowing Simon could get a little hot headed over his sister, Kaylee pleaded, "I don't think he'll take a swing at ya, but, if he does, don't hurt him none."

"I won't." Jayne agreed, but added with a twinkle in his eye, "Not much anyways."

Kaylee nodded. She couldn't expect more because Jayne had the right to protect his own as well, and River had already chosen him. Simon would just have to get used to it. She wondered how long that would take.

Finally reaching a mutual understanding, the woman began filing out of the cargo bay once more, leaving Jayne to his work.

When they stood in the common room out of the merc's earshot, the mechanic asked, "We gonna talk to River now?"

Zoe smiled. "We'll let Jayne cook for her first. Food will give her the strength to answer the questions."

Kaylee giggled as she headed off to River's room.

River sat quietly in her pilot's chair, calmly guiding Serenity through the Black. She could smell food cooking in the mess so she knew Jayne would be bringing her something to eat soon. After all, he had promised.

Of course, last night she had made promises too. Promises she had been unable to keep. However, he had not seemed upset or angry with her because of it. In fact, he seemed ready to accompany her on this little unplanned adventure. She had been afraid when she awoke he would be gone from her bed and intimate personal life, but he had stayed and appeared willing to stay even longer. She flushed at the very thought of what their relationship could bring. She didn't know what would happen, but she was ready to try.

River wished she knew what Jayne wanted from their liaison. She didn't think it was just about the sex. She blushed, glad no one was in the room to see her. That part had been amazing, but she didn't think that was why he stayed. After all, he had never had problems finding willing partners before so that couldn't be the only reason. She believed they had connected on a much deeper level even before the coupling. She had told him so many things she had never expected to tell another, and she knew he had understood her better from that point forward. Their appreciation for each other grew so much more after each of their talks.

The couplings had added to that. River didn't deny the heightened sensitivity they had experienced with each touch. It had been glorious. She frowned because she still did not comprehend how she could have predicted less. She had enjoyed his fantasies, but had not anticipated the actual physical touches to affect her so deeply or so differently. His fantasies had always made her feel safe and real, yet the reality of his physical presence magnified those feelings more than she could calculate.

River smiled at her own thoughts because she could calculate extremely well.

Her musings were interrupted by the mercenary himself. She turned to smile at him as he came clattering onto the bridge with his arms full.

Seein' the girl smile at him, Jayne stumbled forward from the hatchway, tryin' not to drop anything. He was tryin' to make a good impression, but thought he must look very silly hunched over the tray carryin' their food. He looked up awkwardly at the still smilin' pilot.

"I brought you some food. Like I said I would. It's breakfast food even though it's closer to lunch. So it's sort of a brunch. I remembered you always tried to steal my protein cakes so I made those. Brought you the syrup too, and some juice." Jayne rambled through his list of brunch materials, pointin' at each item with his left hand while balancin' the tray with his right. He put his free hand back under the tray quickly when the wobblin' became too dangerous.

Continuing to smile, River said shyly, "It looks delicious. She is very hungry. She thanks him for his consideration."

Jayne was enveloped in that pink glow again. He hoped this stage would stop soon. If he was to keep up with her, he needed his blood to rush to his brain not his cheeks. The blood could rush somewhere else, quipped the little devil. The merc blushed harder at that truly unhelpful thought. He wasn't even gonna think about that sort of thing right now. This was all about the today stuff, not the last night stuff. He could think about that other stuff later.

River peered quizzically at the mercenary when he paused. He seemed to do that a lot around her now. He must be thinking about something. She wished she knew what it was, but she refused to infiltrate his mind. She had promised he would be safe there, and no matter what happened in their relationship she would maintain that promise. She would not search through his mind because he could not search through hers. It would be unfair of her to control such an edge.

Jayne blinked himself back into the moment. He smiled at River and set the tray down in the copilot's chair. Picking up a plate and a juice, he offered them to her.

When she turned back to her controls, he pulled back the meal and stuttered, "Is it wrong? Should I make something else? Should I come back later? Or--"

River finished setting her controls before turning her chair back to face Jayne who still stood clutching the food. She interrupted his hurried questions, "She needed to engage the autopilot."

"Oh." Now the mercenary felt really stupid. Of course she had to do that first. She didn't want them to fly into a star or go the wrong way or anything just so she could have something to eat.

River held out her open hands.

Jayne looked at them confusedly for a second before he realized he still held her meal in his hands. Smilin' sheepishly, he handed her the plate and cup. When she continued to look at him while holdin' her food up, he frowned before he realized she still needed utensils. Tryin' to keep the latest blush at bay, he quickly handed her a fork and knife then offered her the syrup.

River bit her lip as she looked at the syrup. She was going to have to put the juice down anyway, but still wasn't certain she could pour the sugary substance very easily without tipping her plate.

Jayne rolled his eyes at his own stupidity once more. He offered, "Just tell me when." When she smiled gratefully at him, he felt his toes curl. Ignorin' his over-the-top physical responses to her, he calmly and carefully poured the syrup for her until she said thank you. Then he stood cradlin' the syrup against his stomach and watchin' her eat.

After she took a couple of bites and the merc had still not moved to join her, she wondered if she had forgotten some form of etiquette where she was supposed to ask him to join her or if she was simply supposed to have waited to eat until he was ready. She frowned at herself. That was probably it. She was supposed to have waited. She sighed because this was not going very well, and it was all her fault.

Frownin' at her frown, Jayne thought maybe the food was bad. Maybe he was supposed to leave. Maybe--

River set her utensils down on her plate. "She is sorry she started without him." She peered up anxiously at the mercenary.

Jayne blinked, and his mouth fell open. He was so stupid. Makin' her uncomfortable. Makin'her believe she had done something wrong. This was all goin' wrong, and it was all his fault.

He waved her worry off with a smile. "I just wanted to make sure that the food was okay before I sat down, in case I needed to go back and start over or somethin'."

Shaking her head briskly, River assured, "Oh, no. It's very good. He is an excellent cook." She smiled her thanks once more.

Jayne smiled back and decided he would just have to get used to the blush because it seemed to be as permanent as his tattoo.

"I used to help my ma cook back at home when I was li'l. She made sure I knew how to take care of myself." The mercenary said as he picked up the tray and sat himself down in the copilot's seat to join her for brunch.

"She is a good ma."

Jayne stopped the forkful of food midway to his mouth to reply. "She's the best. You'd like to her."

River blushed.

Blushin' in response, Jayne berated himself for bringin' up family. He knew her parents weren't any good, and it was impolite to rub her nose in it. Besides, he figured he was probably not supposed to say something like that to a girl on the first day of their romantic association. Didn't matter if it was true or not, which it was cuz he knew his ma would hug the girl till she couldn't remember what it was like not to have a proper family.

Not certain what to say, River covered her lack of conversation by eating everything on her plate.

Jayne didn't mind because he had run out of incredibly inane things to say to her this morning. He was gonna hafta think up some better conversation to hold her attention later. He was sincerely glad they had the food to occupy them for now.

When their meal came to a close, River held her empty plate and cup in her hands while Jayne did the same. Once more neither one knew what to say next.

Luckily, an interruption arrived before either professional killer could launch into another rashly thought out conversational assault. They looked up to see Inara, and Zoe, and Kaylee standing just inside the doorway to the bridge. The guns wore identical expressions of dismay when they realized the women had snuck up on them without even probably trying to sneak.

Though amused by the new couple's synchronicity, Zoe commanded, "Jayne, don't you have somewhere else to be?"

He blinked uncertainly at the first mate. "Ahh."

"Somewhere else not here," encouraged the first mate.

Finally, the order clicked in his head, and Jayne stuttered, "Oh, yeah. Somewhere else. I'll go be… there." He quickly collected the dirty dishes and turned to leave the bridge. After ditherin' uncertainly for a few seconds, he leaned down and kissed River's cheek. "See ya soon."

The merc blushed at the raised eyebrows and smiles of the other women. Nervously, he skirted past them on his way off the flight deck. He knew what they were gonna talk about, but he certainly didn't wanna be there for the details. He had a strange feelin' that those could make him blush even more, and, until yesterday, he hadn't blushed since he was fifteen. If anyone had asked him before today, he would have vehemently denied ever even havin' the ability. Now, he couldn't seem to stop blushin'. So he did the only thing a right-thinking man knew to do when confronted with women talk, 'specially centered 'round him, and ran as far away as he could find, which unfortunately on a Firefly wasn't really very far.

Not that it mattered none because Jayne realized he still had dishes to do. So the mess was as far as he could go. He hoped the women at least closed the door to the bridge before Mal or Simon wandered by and heard something they maybe shouldn't. The women of Serenity seemed to be much more level headed than the men, and he knew that for sure because he couldn't seem to find solid ground anymore and expected the Captain and the doctor to be even less steady as usual.

Kaylee, Inara, and Zoe amusedly watched the big bad, blushing mercenary leave before turning to face the not at all intimidating looking, blushing pilot/assassin.

River smiled slightly in embarrassment as she bit her lip and kept her eyes carefully trained on her control panel even though she had yet to disengage the autopilot.

Kaylee wandered over and sat on the floor next to the pilot's chair. "So you're lookin' good." She grinned up at the girl.

Inara leaned against the copilot's control panel while Zoe lowered herself into the copilot's seat just vacated by Jayne.

The women waited patiently for River's response to the mechanic's statement.

"She is well."

Inara smiled and said, "I don't believe _well _covers that glow."

River blushed harder and added, "She is _very _well."

With a baby dancing on her bladder, Zoe decided to skip to the chase embarrassment bedamned. "We have heard from Jayne more than once today." She paused when River looked questioningly at her. "He has been only slightly forthcoming. So we thought we would get the scoop from you." She looked expectantly at the girl.

More than passingly curious about what Jayne had said to them, River hinted, "She does not know what he said. She would not want to repeat him."

"Repeat him all you like," assured Kaylee.

The girl bit her lip, but didn't say anything. She really didn't know where to begin, and she didn't want to enlighten them on any subject that was supposed to remain private. There had been no time for this type of girl talk at the Academy so she did not know the rules for such an interaction.

After a few moments of silence, Inara took pity on her. "It seems your plan to fix Jayne has worked. He's been nearly back to his old self, smirking and aggravating and disobeying. However, he seems to have developed a fondness for you that I do not believe was supposed to be in the plan."

River nodded. This was a good place to start. "This does alter the plan's endgame, and she knows the others may be mad at her for not strictly adhering to what was previously agreed upon. However, she did not feel as comfortable ending her intimate relationship with Jayne as she had expected. In fact, she found it quite impossible." She shrugged helplessly. "And he too did not seem eager for their liaison to end."

Zoe laughed, "We've got all that. It has been quite obvious this morning that you two have decided to continue what was started last night." She leaned forward as much as possible to look the girl in the eye. "What we want to know is how you feel and what you expect from this relationship."

Expanding on the first mate's comments, Kaylee added, "We don't mean to pry or nothin'. But we figured you couldn't talk to Simon or the Captain about much of anythin'. 'Sides, a girl always needs to talk to her girlfriends about her first time."

With eyes downcast, River whispered, "Wasn't her first time."

Kaylee laid her hand on River's knee, and Inara stepped around the mechanic to brush her fingers across to River's hair before tilting the girl's chin up.

"Yes, _mei mei_ it was."

River smiled thankfully at the Companion. She regarded all the women with thanks. "It was very nice. He was very… kind to her."

Zoe cocked an eyebrow at the girl. "Sweetie, I don't believe _kind_ makes a grouchy ol' merc like Jayne blush that hard."

"But he is cute when he blushes," giggled Kaylee with a waggle of her eyebrows.

"Yes, he is," agreed at River.

Kaylee gently knocked the girl's knee. "Bet you think he's cute all the time."

"He is quite nice to look at."

"Even with his clothes off?" questioned the mechanic eagerly.

"Kaylee!" admonished a shocked Inara.

"What?" Kaylee glanced innocently at all the women. "You know some guys look all pretty with their clothes on, but the moment you get them off you wish they would put them back on. I was just curious."

Beginning to relax, River giggled and grinned. "He looks very nice both ways."

The women shared a laugh.

Inara brushed her fingers across the pilot's hair. "Did you experience any pain? I could--"

In her haste to defend the mercenary, River interrupted, "Jayne would never hurt her."

"Of course he wouldn't,_mei mei_. I just wanted to make certain that you were all right because, unfortunately, he had hurt you before."

"She was not hurt. He did not hurt her."

Biting her lip and tugging on the end of her braid, River looked sorrowfully at the other women. "She did hurt him though." When they looked at her with friendly inquiry, she added, "She scratched him. Made him bleed."

"That good?" gasped Kaylee.

Patting the girl soothingly on the back, Inara assured, "That does happen sometimes."

"She knows that, but she did not expect to lose control in such a manner. She has been trained to regulate her physical responses yet she became overwhelmed."

"You were trained to deal with pain not pleasure. Responses to pleasure can be quite extreme and unexpected, especially when first experienced."

Bewildered, River assured them earnestly, "But she was not overwhelmed to the point of puncturing his skin each time."

Kaylee snorted. "How many times did y'all do it anyway?"

Before the girl could respond, the door to the bridge opened as Mal tried to gain entrance to the flight deck.

Inara swiftly blocked his entrance onto the bridge. "What do you need?"

Annoyed, Mal groused, "I don't need anything. I simply have captainy things to do."

"Can't you do them elsewhere?"

"I like to do them on_my_ bridge," replied the aggravated Captain.

"Well, we are having a private discussion on _your_ bridge."

Noddin', Mal gestured between he and the women as he stated, "That's fine. I don't mind. I expect y'all can go about your business while I go about mine." Havin' said his piece, he tried to push past the Companion and onto the bridge.

Standing her ground, Inara's eyes narrowed at the Captain's oblivious insensitivity. Determined to make the knuckleheaded man retreat, she drawled, "We were about to discuss how many times Jayne and River had sex last night."

Mal blushed and paled and swiftly whirled away from the flight deck. While he stomped away in as rapid and manly a fashion as he could muster with the ringin' of woman's laughter in his ears, he thought there were just some things he should not know. He only wished he could wipe out what he had just learned.

The Captain was happy to hear the bridge door slam shut behind him, cuttin' off the laughter and the conversation he hoped would stay permanently private. It was really too bad he hadn't paid attention to that closed door's great big glarin' turn-back-now sign before he had learned when he couldn't unlearn. He didn't quite know why he could never remember that when a woman closed a door he should stay the hell away until she opened it up again. If he could only learn to follow that simple rule, he knew his life would be so much more pleasant, but, shruggin', he also knew that he would never be able to keep to that regulation.

Walkin' still slightly dazed into the mess, Mal saw Jayne standin' at the sink where he had last seen him, washin' the dishes from his dinner and brunch. He was very confused by his mercenary's sudden domesticity. This couldn't all have happened overnight. The Captain wondered where he had possibly been to have missed when these changes began occurrin' with his hired gun. He thought he paid more attention than that. Obviously, he was wrong once again today.

Feelin' the man's hard stare, the mercenary looked up in puzzlement at his unmovin' captain.

Mal could've responded to that look in any number of ways. However, he was still rather mystified by what Inara had said. So disbelievingly, he questioned, "Times, Jayne?"

Jayne blinked and gulped. Because the Captain was walkin' away from the direction of the bridge, he was fairly certain he knew what Mal was talkin' 'bout, but he wasn't certain how best to respond. His mouth droppin' open, he searched through his own bewildered mind for the correct thing to say. However, before he mustered enough cooperatin' brain cells, another voice intruded into the conversation.

"Times!" queried Simon incredulously.

The merc and the Captain both whipped around to see the young Doctor standing in the other doorway to the mess hall. His mouth was also hanging open and his eyes were saucered as he stared at the large, armed man with the soapy hands.

Swallowin' heavily once more, Jayne tried to force back the now excessively common blush he felt surgin' to the surface. This was just gettin' worse by the second. He had known it wasn't over after this morning's discussion, but he had hoped for a little bit of breathin' space before the men started questionin' him again. And this was certainly not a topic he wanted to chat about with River's brother. Not that the Captain would be any better apparently. She did refer to him as Captain Daddy and he seemed to take those parental duties quite seriously, much to the mercenary's dismay.

Realizin' this situation could quickly turn ugly, Mal elected to control any problems by stalkin' across the dining room and draggin' the staggered yet still reluctant doctor down to the infirmary.


	12. Chapter 12

Title: Day One

Series: Choices

Author: mik109

Rating: NC17

Pairings: River/Jayne

Disclaimer: If I wish upon a star… Wait that's Disney not Whedon. Maybe I own Disney?

Warnings/Spoilers: After the series and BDM

Day One (Part 2)

Simon struggled only briefly. He knew the Captain what only get mad if he tried to evade him.

"Times!" The Doctor stammered as Mal shoved him inside the med bay and then closed the doors behind them.

The Captain said tersely, "Ain't none of our business."

"She's my sister--" disagreed Simon.

"Still ain't none of your business," stated Mal as he crossed his arms and leaned back against the medical chair.

"But--"

The Captain held up his hand to quiet the younger man. "I didn't want to know that, and I certainly don't want to know more. Neither should you."

"But I'm her doctor--" disagreed Simon.

Mal snorted. "I don't think she'll be comin' to you for advice or assistance on this subject."

"But--"

"Be happy we have a bona fide Companion onboard. She probably knows more about this area than you do. Top 3 or not."

Realizing the older man was probably right about Inara, Simon concentrated his argument on the mercenary's actions. "He said it wasn't just about--"

"Just because it ain't the only reason doesn't mean it ain't _a_ reason."

The Doctor grimaced. "I don't want to think about it." The mere mention of River and Jayne together made Simon want to scrub out his brain.

"No more, I suspect, than the li'l albatross likes to think about you and my mechanic," reminded Mal.

The younger man's face scrunched even tighter. He preferred not to think about River thinking about he and Kaylee together in that manner. "It's not the same."

"You think not?"

"Kaylee and I have known each other for over a year. We waited to--" Simon waved his hand.

The Captain prompted patiently, "River and Jayne have known each other for just as long, and they've waited longer."

"It's not the same. They weren't--"

"Fussin' around one another? Stickin' their feet in their mouths? Generally bein' boobs?" suggested Mal dryly.

Annoyed by the blatant truthfulness of that comment, Simon responded shortly, "Yes."

Pinchin' the bridge of his nose, the Captain groaned as if in severe, unendin' pain. "Doc, you really don't pay enough attention."

"What do you mean?" asked a clearly befuddled Doctor. Where was this conversation going? Why did he keep losing track? Perhaps the oxygen mixture in Serenity was off? That could account for his continual bemusement. He would have to ask Kaylee to check.

"I am a man. Therefore, I was born stupid and foolish about these things. However, I conjure I ain't never been as clueless as you are."

Simon tugged thoughtfully on his ear. "I don't understand."

Sighin', Mal explained, "When my hired gun ain't tryin' to get your sister off this boat and she ain't beatin' the crap out of him, they tend to act like children--"

Simon defended, "She and Kaylee play--"

"Kaylee plays. My mercenary don't."

"But you said--"

"I said they act like children, but not in a friendly playtime kind of way."

When the young Doctor still looked perplexed, Mal rolled his eyes and finally spelled it out for him. "I don't know what happens in proper Core society, but out here in the rest of the 'Verse when two kids like one another they tease. They steal each other's things. They call each other names. Does this ring any bells for you?"

Appalled, Simon blubbered, "But that doesn't mean--"

"It means exactly what I've done my best to ignore."

Now, the younger man was both shocked and angry. "You've known for all this time? And you didn't stop--"

Aggravated by the doctor's anger, the Captain argued, "Wasn't nothin' to stop. Don't think they ever really even knew till last night. And I was rather hopin' they would miss it then too."

"How could they not--"

"You managed to ignore Kaylee for eight months."

"But I always knew--"

"Well, your sister and my merc both seem to have been a little stunted in the romantic area because I'm certain neither one of them knew. I would've had to say something if I thought they knew. Besides, Jayne wouldn't have been the one to worry about. If either of them was gonna figure it out, it most likely would have been your sister because, while Jayne has more years under his belt, she's the more mature of the two." He laughed, "Even when she's a little crazy."

Attempting to calm down, Simon nodded ruefully. Maybe he hadn't paid enough attention to the context of River's behaviors. And as far as he could tell Jayne had never attempted to touch her in a sexual manner, at least, not without her permission.

"So you're saying this would have happened eventually no matter what."

Mal shook his head. "No. I'm not saying that all. I don't know that either one of them would ever have acted out on the attraction even if they ever recognized it for what it really was. After all, there is a lot goin' against them, and at least Jayne has enough of a highly developed sense of self-preservation to think twice about crossin' me. However, they were forced together in a most unhappy and unhealthy way, and now they have to find their way out of it."

The Doctor grimaced because that was the only reason he had agreed to leave his sister alone on the ship overnight with that man. He knew they had both suffered severe emotional trauma due to the incident at the jail, and needed to work it out alone. However, this was simply not the outcome he had expected.

"But that doesn't mean they have to start a relationship. I thought her plan was to act as more of a Companion than a true lover."

"They're not the same?" queried the Captain.

Shaking his head, the younger man explained, "No, they're not. I know you do not esteem the Guild or its practices, but I have always been taught to value those willing to and capable of giving others clarity and peace."

Snortin', Mal mocked, "Clarity and peace? I hate to break this to you, Doc, but sex with a Companion is still just sex."

A bewildered Simon asked, "If you thought it was just sex, why did you agree to last night?"

The Captain sighed. "Because a man like Jayne don't do much right in his life. He's a hired gun, someone whose job it is to hurt or kill people. He maintains his sliver of sanity by doin' one thing right, and, for Jayne, that one thing is doin' right by women."

"He is mean to River, and teases even Kaylee too far, and leers at Inara --"

Mal raised a hand to halt the Doctor's possibly unending list. "He is rude and crude. I will give you that. But he does not take from women, like he feels like he had to take from your sis. He don't have to take, and I wouldn't accept him on the ship if he wanted to. The women he beds are willin'. Yeah, most of them are bein' paid, but you ain't never noticed that they come back to Jayne even if they already have someone else on the line?"

Simon's nose scrunched in distaste. "I've tried not to pay attention."

"Which is one of your problems, Doc. You tend to only see the easy picture not the real one."

Confronted once more with his lack of observational skills, the younger man defended himself by returning the conversation to the problem at hand. He stressed, "The real picture is that, whether or not he is good in bed, my _mei mei_ is sleeping with your mercenary."

"You didn't have a problem with it when you thought it was all Companion-y."

"It was supposed to be only the one time, and, since my parents seriously considered sending her to the Guild training house, I would never have regretted her acting as compassionately as any Companion would."

Mal was shocked because he had never heard this story before. Would the secret life of River Tam ever be completely revealed? "River was goin' to train to be a Companion?"

Shrugging nervously at the older man's anger, Simon cautiously explained, "She read over all the course materials, but she never seriously considered training. However, my parents did because it would have been a way to save face when they realized how difficult it would be to place her on the marriage market."

The Captain rapidly rose above furious. In fact, he was dangerously close to exploding. He snarled, "They wanted to send her away to be a whore because they couldn't sell her off wholesale?"

The Doctor had the sense to wince. Living outside his rather insular Core society, he kept discovering the disturbing darkness in some of his previously unshakable notions. "I guess you could say that."

"Yeah, I guess I could say that because I happen to have a conscience," countered Mal belligerently.

Simon clenched his jaw. He wanted to defend his former life, but he found the unspoken words empty because his heart had already uncovered the ugly truths of his upbringing. However, the nastiness of his past was not the most important issue of this discussion.

Gesturing wildly, the doctor exclaimed, "Whatever lifestyle my parents may have tried to force River to endure is beside the point. Today, my only concern is the relationship she is currently starting with your hired killer."

Crossly, the Captain looked down his nose at the younger man's overly aggressive actions. He recognized the aggression was to some extent a defensive reaction to the questioning of his family's motivations. However, that didn't alter the realities of this situation. "Doc, you are really going to have to get over this. Now, I know this ain't what either of us would prefer, but it ain't our choice."

As much as he loved and trusted his sister, Simon remained unconvinced that the rest of the crew couldn't do something to stop this association from advancing.

Mal sighed. Rubbin' a hand across his neck, he asked, "Would you really prefer them not to have any feelings for one another? For your sister to be just another notch on Jayne's bedpost?"

"Of course not," shouted the Doctor. Lowering his voice, he added, "I've already said River deserves better--"

"And Jayne in his own way is tryin' to give her better. We're gonna have to give him a chance to prove he's worthy of my li'l albatross."

"And if he can't live up to our expectations?" inquired Simon grudgingly because he already knew he really had no choice. No one else had shown even the least bit of interest in stopping River and Jayne. Continuing to complain would only make him an outcast. He would simply have to wait to determine how this relationship was progressing or not.

Mal shrugged. "Well, there's always the airlock."

The two men stared at each other, sizing up the other's determination and commitment to see this experiment through. Recognizing once more their mutual and unshakable fidelity to River's health and well-being, they reached an agreement.

"We'll just have to see how it goes."

"I guess I can wait until then."

The Captain and the Doctor nodded, formally binding their settlement.

After straightenin' away from the medical chair, Mal abruptly grabbed the seat of his pants. Cringin', he asked, "You did clean in here, didn'tcha?"

Nodding, Simon assured dryly, "Top to bottom."

The Captain's fingers unclenched. "Good."

Once they stopped laughing at Mal, the women's gazes all turned back to River, who once again found herself blushing.

"So how many times?" asked Kaylee.

Instead of answering the question, River tugged on her braid and said, "She does not feel it is appropriate to disclose that number."

The mechanic's eyes goggled as she choked, "That many?"

Although she couldn't stop herself from grinning, Inara seriously inquired, "Are you certain you're okay?"

River's blush deepened but she still replied to the Companion's question. "This girl is certain she is fine. She feels… different, but not in a bad way."

"Well, yeah. No wonder it took you so long to get out of bed this mornin'," joked Kaylee with another nudge the pilot's knee.

"Honey, you know you don't have to--"

"He never forced her. In fact, she initiated…" River's defense-of-Jayne speech abruptly came to halt when she realized what she was about to reveal.

Kaylee giggled again as Inara and Zoe grinned. The image of the girl getting sexually aggressive with the mercenary struck too funny a chord. Their little girl had grown up overnight. They were so proud.

Embarrassed again, River tugged on her braid one too many times as the flimsy hairband broke releasing her curls. She looked mournfully at the broken hairtie and her rapidly unraveling hairdo.

Seeing the girl's distress, Inara offered, "Oh, sweetie, do you want me to re-braid your hair?"

River shook her head and felt more of her hair free itself from the restriction. "No, thank you. She will just leave it down for now."

The older women watched the girl sadly fondle the broken band cradled in her palm.

"Did Jayne braid your hair?" asked the Companion as she carefully combed out the last vestiges of the pilot's morning's hairstyle.

Blushing, River nodded.

"Well, that was very sweet of our grenade loving little mercenary," asserted Zoe with a smile.

Grinning hugely at the description, River nodded again and they all laughed once more.

"And that was a real interestin' shirt had on this mornin' too," grinned Kaylee. When the girl reddened, the mechanic asked, "Did that happen when ya went all shecat?"

"This girl did not rend the T-shirt."

Inara halted the mechanic's follow-up question with an inquiry of her own. "The proper question may be: who was wearing the shirt when it was bisected?"

River's increased blush told them all they needed to know.

The women found themselves sharing another hearty laugh. The enactment of the plan had proved more adventurous and entertaining than had been projected. Mal and Simon would die if they knew. Well, the Captain would die if he knew _more_.

Sobering, Inara needed to make certain that the girl understood one last thing. She stated calmly, "Just because you've had sex does not mean that you have to continue an intimate relationship with Jayne."

River hastily assured them that was not the case. "She is not continuing their association because of the sexual activities. She… likes Jayne." Gazing wide-eyed at the older women, she murmured, "He makes her feel warm and soft and trembly. She has to find out why."

Zoe smiled. "That's the only reason there should ever be."

The women exchanged looks. After much nodding and eyebrow gymnastics, they decided that everything that required discussion had already been discussed. So it was time to get back to other, less amusing, things.

With Inara's and Kaylee's help, Zoe levered herself out of the chair. When she was fully upright, the first mate said, "You be safe, and if you need anything--"

Smiling thankfully, River nodded. "She knows where to find them."

As Inara opened the door to release them from the bridge, Zoe swung back once more. She asked, "In case it gets brought up again, I need to clarify the blood in the infirmary was from--"

"When she scratched him."

"Okay. I'll make certain Simon gives the infirmary a thorough cleaning."

River explained, "That's why she left the used wipes." When the others looked questioningly at her, she continued with a grin, "She didn't want to do it herself."

On that final laugh, the other women of Serenity left the pilot to her duties.

Simon stepped hesitantly onto the bridge. He did not know what to say to his sister. He thought he would be angry, but he was mostly concerned. He wanted the best for her, but, while Jayne was not the best at anything besides killing people, she had chosen him. And, as he had assured the others this morning, he would not disregard her feelings merely because of the off-color moments that still occurred, though more and more rarely, in her recovery. He would wait, as he had agreed, until something new changed to properly evaluate his sister's relationship.

The young Doctor quietly watched his sister expertly pilot the ship for several minutes. He realized anew how much she had matured over these past few months. Now, when he made himself really look at her, he saw a smart, strong, capable young woman, who could make her own decisions and had to learn from her own mistakes. As he had always dreamed, she was better now, and he had to let her go so that she could continue to grow.

River knew he was there behind her. With her finely tuned senses, she could recognize anyone on the ship without seeing them, most especially her beloved, if sometimes over-protective, brother. She could also see the ripples of his anxiety stream across her mental shields, momentarily darkening the skies of her mind. She knew he needed some time to calm himself, to see she had changed but had not disappeared. When the skies brightened, she finally felt he had reached his normal state of composed uncertainty, and she threw a wide smile over her shoulder at him.

Unable to doubt the joy stamped across her features, he smiled back. He walked over to stand behind her chair and looked down into her happy face. Wrapping his arms around her shoulders, he hugged her fiercely and pledged, "No matter what happens, _mei mei_, I will always love you."

She curled her left hand around his arm and squeezed, reciprocating his hug. Smiling tenderly, River promised, "She will always love her _ge ge_, too."

As the Tam siblings embraced in devotion and support on the bridge, Jayne stood just down the corridor outside his hatch. He smiled warmly at the pair's backs glad he was not the cause of more strife between the intensely loyal brother and sister.

Realizin' River's time would most likely be occupied for another long while, the mercenary frowned at the gun magazine he had only moments ago picked up from his bunk. He had planned to rejoin his girl on the flight deck, but he didn't want to intrude into their private moment. So, sighin', he unlocked his hatch to return the magazine before headin' down to the cargo bay to lift weights until he felt enough family time had passed.

Seein' the Albatross alone on the bridge, Mal returned to the flight deck determined to accomplish his previous goals. He sat down in the copilot's seat to do the captainy things he'd been denied earlier, and began checkin' the Cortex for messages or job opportunities.

Without turnin' to look at the girl, he asked, "You sure you want to do this?"

River, too, continued to look directly ahead. "Yes."

Flippin' switches while squintin' at the monitor, the Captain stated, "Fine. But if he hurts you, I get to shoot him."

Biting her lip, River reminded him, "This girl could be the one to hurt Jayne."

Mal's head snapped around to face the pilot after her unexpected comment. Inspectin' her tense form and shadowed face, he recognized how truly concerned she was that she could be the destructive one in this new relationship. Abandonin' his captainy things, he moved from his seat to stand next to the pilot's chair. When she steadfastly refused to look at him, he leaned forward and laid his arm around the top of the backrest.

With absolute confidence, the Captain assured, "No, li'l albatross, you couldn't. They may have tried to make you a cold-blooded killer, but they failed because you care too much to hurt anyone without cause." Then Mal kissed the top of her head.

Blinking back tears, River rested her head on his shoulder and whispered, "She's just like her Captain Daddy then."

Mal hugged the girl firmly for a moment.

"Now, you're just tryin' to butter me up." He complained before kissin' the crown of her head one last time. Straightenin' up away from her, he reminded, "But I will still shoot him."

River smiled gratefully up at the Captain. She assured gravely, "She will make him aware."

"I've already done that myself, but you can add in a little extra reminder if it makes you feel better," said Mal as he turned and saw Jayne standin' in the corridor outside his bunk. His mercenary stood starin' into the cockpit and lookin' mighty unhappy.

The Captain smirked.

Wondering about Mal's smirk, River glanced behind her and saw Jayne. She beamed at him, and he automatically smiled back at her until she returned to her controls only then did he return to glaring at the Captain.

"Best you get back to work. This ain't some free ride," asserted Mal, with a hearty pat to her back.

"Yes, Captain."

Mal left the flight deck and sauntered down the corridor past Jayne. The Captain felt much more lighthearted now that he was the one angerin' the merc.

When the other man simply passed by him, the confused and miffed mercenary called him back.

"Ain't you gonna threaten me again?" Why was no one threatenin' him properly? Why couldn't they just get it over with? His nerves couldn't take this kind of abuse.

Mal stopped and swung around to study his hired gun. Cockin' an eyebrow, he questioned, "Do I need to?"

Shruggin', Jayne said, "No. I got the message this morning. Hell, I knew last night and you weren't even here yet."

"Then I got no need to threaten you again. Hate repeatin' myself." The Captain turned and began struttin' toward the mess again, whistlin' in glee.

Unable to let the issue rest, the merc asked the man's back, "You're still mad though, ain't ya?"

"Yup. Probably gonna stay mad, too," replied Mal without turnin' or haltin'.

"Got any idea how long?" hollered Jayne as the Captain rounded the corner.

"I'll let you know when I forgive Zoe and Wash." Mal's disembodied voice floated back.

The merc grimaced at the empty hatchway.

The Captain's head popped back into the corridor. "Just keep it out of the common areas. Or I'll shoot you earlier than expected."

"Sure, Mal."

"And because you are now so domesticated, you're on kitchen duty tonight."

"But, Mal--" whined the mercenary.

"Don't burn it," added Mal before disappearin' once more into the mess hall.

Jayne frowned sullenly at the place were the Captain had stood. He hated cookin' for the crew cuz it took too much ruttin' time. 'Sides, he hadn't even had a chance to sit with River since he brought her the food he'd prepared, and they'd never really had much of a chance to talk because everyone kept interruptin'. This constant separation from his girl caused by the others grated on his already worn nerves.

The merc looked regretfully at the back of the girl's head and the gun magazine in his hand before unlockin' his bunk to, once again, put his readin' material back inside. He had better get started on dinner before Mal got testy and tossed him outta the airlock for his continued amusement.

"Jayne--"

Continuin' to lay the silverware down on the table, the mercenary interrupted the Doctor's speech without lookin' up. "If I hurt yer _mei mei_, you'll slice me up with some of them fancy doctorin' tools of yours."

"Ahh… yes," stammered Simon.

"That's fine. All the other ways to kill me were taken anyway."

The younger man's eyebrows rose as his eyes widened. Tugging on his ear, he gurgled questioningly, "Hunh?"

Usin' the utensils gripped in his hand, Jayne ticked off the threats. "Kaylee's got the environmental controls. Inara has the poison. Zoe and Mal both took shootin' me, but I'm gonna give that to Zoe and leave Mal with the airlock. I figure your sister would just beat the crap outta me like she's nearly done before. So that left sharp things and explosives. But I wouldn't wanna see you use explosives."

Simon was dumbfounded by both the merc's considered reasoning and apparent unconcern for said threats, but still managed to find a voice. "Inara has poison?"

"She says it's a Companion thing."

"Oh." The Doctor blinked. "So that's it?"

"Yup. Unless there's somethin' more ya really have to say."

"About what she told you--"

"Still not tellin' you," growled Jayne as finally looked up to glare at the younger man.

Holdin' up his hands, Simon clarified, "I know. I know. However, if I need to know someday--"

"I'll tell ya if it's in River's best interest, but, right now, it ain't." The mercenary halted his table setting for a moment to stare intently at the younger man. "And Doc, like I said before, for both your sakes, I hope that time never comes."

Nodding warily, Simon agreed to their pact. He hadn't felt comfortable this morning when they'd left the issue to an unspoken accord; he'd needed to hear the merc say the words, to know he hadn't been completely left out of her disclosures.

Jayne thrust the silverware into the Doctor's open hands. "Since you're here, you can set the table while I check on the food."

Simon looked quizzically at the utensils for a moment before shrugging and politely finishing the table preparations.

Jayne waved River away when she walked into the mess for dinner and tried to help him serve.

"You just sit down. You've been workin' all day. I've got this."

Nodding hesitantly, the girl took her normal seat at the table. Except for a couple of quick glances, she had not seen the mercenary in hours, and she wanted to verify their relationship had not reverted back to its former distance. Therefore, she was uncertain how to read this casual dismissal. Because he hadn't called her a name but he had looked her in the eyes, she decided he was simply too busy for her at the moment.

Wishin' his girl could stay nearer, Jayne sighed. He knew River deserved to relax some because she had been hard at work all day either tryin' to shave off time between quadrants in an effort to get the cargo delivered on time or defendin' her decision to stick with such an unpleasant old gun-for-hire.

He'd been forced to hang out doin' nothin' without her around until the Captain demanded he cook. Now, he simply wanted to get the food on the table so he could sit down next to his girl and see if she even wanted to continue bein' his girl, to continue forward with this new phase in their relationship. After all, he realized the emotional bubble they had maintained from last night and through the morning may have finally burst after the hours spent apart.

With that unhappy thought in mind, the merc made several swift trips to the table with the food before finally pullin' up the chair next to River. When she beamed at him, he blushed a little and smiled back, hopeful her smile meant she had not changed her mind. Maybe she still wanted to be his girl. Maybe this would work out after all. Maybe the meal would be easier than he thought.

He learned quickly how wrong that last thought was.

River and Jayne found it difficult to regain their comfort of the previous evening with everyone watching them like they were some sort of zoo exhibit. At least, the women were only mildly curious. Mal and Simon scrutinized every single one of their moves as if expecting them to suddenly jump up and go at it on the table in front of them.

Well you did enjoy some moments on the table last night, reminded the little devil. Yeah, but there was no one else around at the time, snarled the mercenary, so just you shut up and leave me to my dinner in peace.

When the only response was the sound of a raspberry bein' blown, Jayne smiled slightly.

Simon twitched at the older man's unexpected facial expression.

The merc rolled his eyes and went back to his meal. He had to find some way to break the ice with River. Something. Anything. He wracked his brain. Nothing.

Sighin', Jayne reached for the last roll at the same time as she did. Their hands collided over the bread plate.

They glanced at each other then at their nearly intertwined hands. They both quickly snatched at the roll, each coming away with roughly half the bread.

River frowned at her half and nudged Jayne shoulder's with her own. After taking a big bite out of his own half, he nudged her back. They grinned shyly at each other. The initial cautious maneuvering soon faded away as they began elbowing each other and stealing food off the other one's plate and generally acting like two extremely annoying teenagers.

"Will you two please stop actin' like children," ordered Mal who had finally had enough of the juvenile antics of his extremely effective muscle.

Pausin' momentarily, Jayne asked, "How do you want us to act?"

"Like adults would be nice, adults in some form of adult relationship."

River's and Jayne's heads snapped around to look each other in the eye. After a couple of odd eyebrow twitches and eyerolls, matching smirks spread across their faces.

The couple seemed to be reading each other's minds which the others knew the girl could do but were suddenly wondering about the mercenary. Could River possibly send messages as well as receive them? The others weren't sure they wanted to know the answer to that new question.

The couple's exchange truly frightened Mal, causing him to increase his grip on the utensils. Everyone else at the table tensed in readiness. Whatever those two weapons had mutely agreed upon with those identical wicked smiles could not be terribly fun for all the table's occupants.

Still smirking, the couple shifted their chairs closer. Wiping their faces clear with grinning difficulty, they faced their meals again with neutral expressions.

Suddenly, as if a silent curtain had risen, River picked up a heaping forkful of food from her plate then turned toward Jayne. Smiling sweetly, she lifted the fork toward his face. "Have you tried this? It's really good."

Jayne's eyes and mouth rounded in surprise. He stammered hesitantly, "I don't know--"

His speech was cut off by River's forceful insertion of the forkful of food into his conveniently open mouth.

"Isn't that great?" She beamed up into his full face when he closed his lips around the fork to accept the food. After he reached up to gently curl his hand around hers, she finally pulled the fork out. Then she dropped the fork and grabbed up her napkin to dab at the corners of his mouth.

Holdin' the food in his cheeks, he nodded his head politely. He chewed thoughtfully before swallowing heavily.

Smiling sheepishly at the girl, Jayne said to her in an overly polite tone, "That's really very nice."

River batted her eyes up at him while smiling widely at him. Next, she brushed back her hair coyly, and, as she brought her hand forward, leisurely swept imaginary lint from the mercenary's shoulder.

Jayne looked blankly at his shoulder, but to the opportunity to gently touch her hand once more. "Oh, thank you. I didn't realize--"

Continuing to smile breezily, River leaned toward the mercenary who still held her hand. "Oh, it's no problem. Just wanted to make sure you looked all perfect like normal."

Jayne leaned toward the girl until their shoulders touched. His voice dipped as he began to stutter, "Oh, I'm sure I never look perfect. At least I never try to look perfect. You're the one who tries to look perfect… I mean you are the one that is perfect… I mean--"

"Stop it," ordered Mal.

The extremely dangerous couple stared innocently at the Captain, but didn't move away from one another.

Tryin' to unclench his jaw, Mal commanded, "Just stop it. Do what you want. Throw food for all I care, but you will be cleanin' up what ever mess you create when you're done. Just stop doin' that. It's bad enough watchin' them do it. I don't need it in stereo."

Jayne and River burst out laughing, collapsing heavily against each other. Inara and Zoe revealed only small smiles as they managed to control their amusement.

Kaylee stuck out her tongue at the laughing couple.

Embarrassed, Simon couldn't hold back his blush. He stammered, "We do not act like that."

"Yes, you do," assured Mal.

"Well, you wanted us to act like two adults in an adult relationship," snickered Jayne as he righted River back into her chair.

Annoyed, the Captain suggested, "Try bein' yourself in an adult relationship."

"Never tried that before so it may take awhile."

"Just be Jayne." Mal gestured between the merc and his copilot. "You know the Jayne all this was supposed to bring back."

The mercenary raised an eyebrow at the Captain.

"Act like he did before with the girl," explained River.

"Yeah. Like she said." Mal motioned to her with his fork.

Pursin' his lips, Jayne looked thoughtful for a moment before he grinned. "I could do that, but I don't really want her to slash me across the chest again."

River made a mad face and punched the mercenary in the arm.

"Ouch. You ain't gotta hit me." Jayne said as he rubbed the sore spot on his arm. Girl hit hard. He had never noticed how much that turned him on. He was beginnin' to think he might have been as blind and clueless as the Doc about the women on this boat.

River's eyes narrowed. "He was being mean."

The merc's eyes glinted with unholy amusement. "But you told me that I wasn't bein' mean enough to you."

"Told him he could be less mean too." The girl reminded him. Then she tried to punch him again for good measure, but he was expecting that and grabbed her wrist before she could land a blow.

"Nuh un, li'l girl," mocked Jayne as she struggled tryin' to pull her arm away from his iron grip.

When he didn't liberate her fast enough, River picked up her spoon with her left hand and pointed it faux menacingly at the mercenary.

Jayne cocked an eyebrow at her. She slanted one back. He thought about seein' how far she would go, but, when she began twirlin' the utensil around her competent and quick fingers, he decided he would probably get in trouble if he didn't release her.

Lettin' go of her wrist, the merc growled petulantly, "Why ya always gotta threaten me with the spoon? Why not the knife again? Or a fork? A fork at least has sharp pointy bits. Makes it more frightenin'. Usin' the spoon is just wrong."

Wide eyed with confusion, Simon asked, "When did she threaten you with a spoon?"

Droppin' his eyes to his plate, Jayne mumbled, "Oh, nevermind. It's nothin'."

Leanin' back in his chair, Mal drawled, "I don't know about that. I would like to hear about the time my big bad killer for hire was cowed by such a teensy girl wieldin' an extremely dangerous lookin' spoon."

For the millionth time that day, Jayne felt the heat rise in his cheeks.

Trying to ease the mercenary's embarrassment, River inserted earnestly. "She did use the butcher's knife first."

Laughter sounded from around the table.

Amused but still shocked, Simon queried, "Is that why there was blood in the infirmary?"

The Doctor noticed how all the women of Serenity sucked in a breath and looked slightly flabbergasted by the question, as if they knew something he did not. He realized they probably did when Kaylee blushed nearly as red as River.

Raisin' his eyebrows, the Captain inspected his crew and wondered precisely how much the women had learned during their discussion on the bridge. Then he reminded himself that he really didn't want to know anymore than he already did. So he should leave that thought be.

Bright red, River dropped her gaze and stared blankly at the table top. Her fingers nervously traced the pattern of the wood grain.

Jayne didn't much like bein' embarrassed, but he _hated_ seein' his girl embarrassed. He wished the Doc would just drop the subject of that blood. After all the humiliation she'd endured, he decided should've just cleaned up the infirmary himself while she was sleepin'.

Coverin' her restless hand with his own steady one, the merc moved the subject back to the relatively safe incident with the knife and defended, "I ain't stupid enough to let her slice me with that knife again." When Simon and Mal stared, he added, "She threw it at me. Missed me by… you know, inches." He shrugged dismissively.

Mal frowned at his copilot.

Without looking up, River mumbled, "She just wanted him to sit down."

"River--" admonished Simon. He had told her over and over again she wasn't allowed to threaten Jayne when no one else was in the room. When would she ever learn?

Continuin' his girl's defense, Jayne growled, "I should've just done as she asked. I'm the one that made her resort to threats."

"_Threats_?" asked Mal in his captainy, no nonsense voice. The Albatross had actually physically threatened his hired gun and yet they'd still managed to develop this romantic liaison? This definitely went deeper than he had estimated.

The mercenary shrugged again. "If she had wanted to hurt me, she would have. As y'all can see, she didn't. No harm, no foul."

"That's very big of you, Jayne," responded the Captain drolly. Watchin' the large man defend the li'l girl was all manner of disconcertin'.

"Well, I'm a big guy--" smirked Jayne until River punched his arm again. Frownin', he griped, "Hey, I thought I asked ya to stop hittin' me."

"She will stop hitting him when he stops deserving to be hit."

Jayne stuck out his tongue at River and she responded in kind.

Finally giving up tryin' to tame their mealtime behavior, Mal rolled his eyes and returned to his dinner.

After the meal, there hadn't been much to say. River and Jayne had loosened up enough to play at dinner, but the moment they were alone all their insecurities came back in full force. So their awkwardness with each other grew once more.

However, despite the awkwardness, Jayne didn't want to leave River alone on the bridge for any more of the day. So he sat in the copilot's seat finally readin' his magazine while she stayed busy with her flyin'. He would never admit that he didn't want to be alone either, especially now that he didn't have to be, and, for someone he had been wary to be alone with for so long, he found his girl's presence remarkably relaxin'.

Their intense uncertainty eased slightly as they sat in fairly comfortable silence for several hours before Mal finally intruded.

"I think it's about time to shut down for the night."

Nodding, River was already reducing down the ship's systems as he spoke. "She's just putting Serenity to sleep now, Captain."

Mal looked at Jayne.

Jayne stared back, squirmin' a bit under the Captain's heated gaze, but didn't get up from the copilot's seat. He didn't have to leave yet. His girl wasn't done workin'. He would leave when she was finished for the night. Whatever happened at that point was up to her because he wasn't gonna make the girl do anything she didn't wanna do, but he'd be damned if he let Mal take that decision away from her. Everyone had already agreed that they were adults in adult relationship so Mal couldn't order him away.

"I guess I'll take my leave," sighed Mal unenthusiastically.

River smiled gratefully. "Goodnight, Captain."

"Night, Mal."

The Captain turned and left the flight deck. He hoped this would work out better than it felt right now because he did not need the bloodshed. He preferred outside people to make his crew bleed.

River finished flipping the switches and stood up. Then she stepped around the chair toward Jayne.

Jayne was standing now too. Unexpectedly nervous, he rubbed his palms against his pant legs. He didn't know why he was so nervous. After all, they had just spent the night before having sex pretty much all over the ship, but, for some unidentifiable reason, he was still nervous.

The merc guessed it was because he wasn't certain what was appropriate for this kind of relationship. He'd never actually tried to have one of these soft, long-term things before. He'd had fun sex and all, but that was the problem. That had been about sex and this was about more.

What that more was exactly he wasn't certain, but he was certain that there was some i more /i to be found.

"I guess this is good night."

"Yes, it is time to go to bed."

"Yeah, bed. I…" Jayne really didn't know what to say now. Bed was surely a place he wanted to go, but sleepin' wasn't on the top of his priorities' list quite yet. And he certainly didn't want to be there alone. However, he simply didn't know what River wanted or how to start the process of findin' out.

Jayne figured there had to be something to help him because he balked at sayin' "hey you wanna have sex?" That was truthful but just too crude and wholly inappropriate for a girl like River, Core-bred or not, because she was proper and this was to be some kind of proper relationship. Yes, a right delicate flower of an assassin, snickered the little devil. The mercenary ignored the unhelpful voice. He needed to be more subtle, have some other reason to get her to his room. Etchings, the obnoxious little shit drawled. The merc nearly flinched at that thought, but managed to stay on track anyway. He expected he wouldn't feel so awkward in his bunk. He'd worry about the next step when they got there.

A light brightened in his head. That could work, he thought.

Jayne mentioned as nonchalantly as he was capable of, "You left your dress in my bunk. Did you want me to get it for you? Or did ya want to… um…"

"She could--" River took a tiny step forward, closer to Jayne. No more duties remained undone. Their time was their own. She had been patient all day, waiting to touch him, to know him, to substantiate the insubstantial.

"Yeah, my bunk is just right… right there." Jayne gestured toward the corridor above the crew's quarters.

"Yes, she could--" Please…

"Yeah."

Neither moved toward the corridor.

"But you don't have to. I mean if you don't want to. I could just--" floundered Jayne.

Nodding reluctantly, River backed up that same minute step. He wasn't ready yet, she understood. "Yes. Yes, of course. She could just stay here and wait--"

"But you could come in. You know if you wanna--"

"She does not wish to make him uncomfortable."

"Oh no, I'm not--" Hell, yes, he was uncomfortable. This situation was all manner of confusin'. It was easier to pick up a whore.

Jayne blinked. Gorramit, he hoped she didn't catch that thought because it really wasn't what he meant. Sure it was, piped up the little devil. No it wasn't, he growled. She's not like that at all, and he refused to treat her as such. Droopin' internally, he realized he just wasn't certain how he was supposed to treat her, and he appeared to be failin' at his current attempts. So he decided maybe he should just go back to his bunk alone and think up something new to try tomorrow.

Rubbin' a hand around his neck, Jayne lamely ended the conversation. "I could give you the dress tomorrow. You're probably tired after sittin' and pilotin' all day."

"Yes, tired. She should probably go to get some sleep." Even though they had only shared a bed for one night, she didn't know how she would sleep without him next to her.

"Yeah."

"Yes."

They halfheartedly agreed to go their separate ways for the night as their glances flitted around the room trying not to meet the other's.

"Well, good night." Jayne droned.

"Good night." River intoned by rote in response.

Once more neither moved.

Then each decided that they should go first so they both moved.

First, they bumped into one another. Next, they both shifted trying to let the other one pass, and bumped into one another. Then, they both tried to stand still, but, somehow once again bumped into one another. Laughing and blushing, they grabbed hold of each other's arms to balance themselves, and finally managed not to bump into one another.

Their eyes met briefly before River's eyes skittered away in bashful confusion.

Jayne bit the inside of his cheek as he prevented himself from pullin' her closer without permission. She had to be willin', and, right now, she didn't appear to be. He could wait until she was ready.

"You should go first. Ya know, ladies first." He tensed slightly at those words because they were the same ones he had used to usher her down into his bunk last night. He didn't want her to feel pressured for a repeat of something she wasn't yet ready to repeat. Which time would we be repeating, scorned the little devil. Jayne sighed in aggravation because he really wished his own mind would stop bein' so unashamedly obstructive.

Hearing his annoyed exhale, River nodded obligingly to this statement. Without looking up, she gave the merc's arms a slight squeeze before releasing him and stepping toward the hatchway. Unexpectedly, she whirled around, rose up on tiptoes, and whispered, "Good night." Then she kissed the corner of his mouth.

Jayne stopped breathin'. The exquisite feel of River's lips against his was something he had begun to think he had imagined, but, with the merest brush, he realized he had not. Unconsciously, his hands slid around her back and pressed her to his chest. Now that he knew it was real, he needed more.

Even before the mercenary pulled her closer, River could not step back. Her lips did not wish to leave his, and the rest of her body wasn't far behind. So, when his hands clasped her to him, her own hands were already reaching for the steadying strength of his broad shoulders.

Their eyes met, again. This time holding fast as their gazes burned brightly, expressing what they had not been able to find the words to say.

Then, without breaking their locked gaze, Jayne turned his head fractionally, allowing River's lips to glide over his. As their mouths instinctively opened, their eyes drifted closed to facilitate further concentration on their still unexpectedly life-altering kiss.

Inhaling deeply, they tasted each other's breath momentarily before they fused their mouths together and tasted each other's tongue. Wet and warm yet nearly timid, their kiss intensified as they encountered no resistance, only acceptance and desire.

They had waited all day for this, the chance to reconnect, to remember, to reclaim. With one small brush of their lips, they recognized once more why they couldn't let go, why they hadn't been able to walk away from one another as they had promised, why they had to continue forward to find the answers that still eluded them.

Jayne's left hand slid up the curve of her spine and underneath her hair to cup the back of her head, tiltin' it for a deeper angle to their kiss. Simultaneously, his right hand slipped to her hip, both holdin' her to him and greedily kneadin' the rounded flesh he found there.

Stretching up on her toes as far as they could take her, River wound her arms around Jayne's neck, and either pulled him closer to her or her to him. At the moment, she neither knew nor cared how they moved nearer. All that mattered was the feel of his hard body against her soft one.

River's hands twisted through Jayne's hair, and his knee rubbed against her inner thigh as his hand wandered downward from her hip to her knee to curl her leg around his. The intrusive need for air was becoming an issue when their mouths cleaved together ever longer, refusing to relinquish the other.

An unexpected and loud throat clearing forced them to break their kiss and drop their hands.

While dragging in the much needed oxygen, they spun around to see Mal leaning against the hatchway to the bridge and frowning in disapproval. He commanded, "You both have rooms. Use one of them."

"Yeah, Mal." Jayne grumbled.

"Yes, Captain." River replied softly.

With a roll of his eyes and a shake of his head, Mal turned and walked down the steps away from the flight deck. He had known they would forget his edict about keeping those displays out of the common areas. He would return in five minutes to confirm they had at least left his bridge. Otherwise, he would have to have Simon begin disinfectin' the flight deck as often as he did the infirmary.


	13. Chapter 13

Title: Day One

Series: Choices

Author: mik109

Rating: NC17

Pairings: River/Jayne

Disclaimer: If I wish upon a star… Wait that's Disney not Whedon. Maybe I own Disney?

Warnings/Spoilers: After the series and BDM

Day One (Part 3)

Embarrassed at being caught in a clinch by the Captain, River blushed, and hid her face in the mercenary's shirt front.

Jayne petted her hair, tryin' to soothe the girl. He knew she had to be embarrassed because he was embarrassed, and, until today, he i never /i got embarrassed. He realized again how life today was certainly much different than yesterday. He used to be able to pick up whores in front of Mal and now he got all tongued-tied and red-cheeked over a little kiss.

Li'l kiss, mocked the little devil, oh I don't think so. Sighing unconsciously, he thought, okay maybe it was a bit too fiery to call it a li'l kiss. The little shit laughed, you could probably have flown into a blackhole without noticing, but a simple throat-clearing by the girl's father figure and you're a teen again. The mercenary reminded, I ain't never done the Dad-meetin' thing as a teen, no time for relationships only survival. But you thought about it, knew you'd have to if you decided to go acourtin', derided the wicked voice. He groused, I ain't courtin'. Aren't you, queried the demon.

Jayne sighed again. If he really was courtin', then a kiss was probably all he should expect. Courtin' took time, and it wasn't like there was anything else to do out here in the Black. So he should be able to do this right. He would wait.

Ignorin' the ache in his gut, he said, "We don't have to do anythin'."

The girl looked up at the merc with wide eyes. Had she misunderstood his kiss? He had felt so marvelous in her arms, she wondered if she had misinterpreted the situation. Fearfully, she inquired, "He doesn't--"

Negatin' her comment with a shake of his head, Jayne interrupted, "It's not that I don't want to. It's just that we don't have to. You know if you're sore…" which he suddenly realized was a possibility, "or just don't want to."

River demurely lowered her eyes, and ran a shy hand up his forearm. "She wants to."

Okay, maybe he wouldn't have to wait. A girl had the right to say yes if wanted. Forcin' himself to breathe, Jayne couldn't recall ever bein' quite so turned on, especially by such a light touch on an innocent part of his body. The ache in his gut tightened at the feel of her slender fingers caressin' his skin. He had never been so happy he preferred T-shirts in his life, gave her free access to touch some of his skin whenever she wanted. He would have to make certain he tossed out all of his long sleeves because he would rather get gorram frostbite than miss a single brush of her fingertips.

In an effort to speak, Jayne swallowed heavily, tryin' to clear his throat for words. He gruffly forced out, "Well, I guess we should go--"

"Your bunk is closer," River looked up wide eyed again, afraid she was being too pushy, "but we could go to mine."

"No. No, mine is closer. It's just right here." Jayne motioned vaguely toward the corridor once more.

"Yes, it is. Right there." River glanced briefly out the bridge door.

Jayne couldn't believe how ridiculous they kept actin'. They had danced to this same tune last night. Yes, but that dance led to the other more enjoyable one, reminded the little devil. It's not about that, he growled. It's not, the wicked voice queried. As images of the night before flashed across his mind, he responded peevishly, not exactly. That little devil sure had a girlish giggle.

Graspin' River by the hips, Jayne flipped her 'round to face the exit. Without breakin' the motion, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her waist anchorin' her firmly to him.

"My room's that way." Jayne gestured with his chin when the girl glanced up at him.

River giggled as he began marching them in lockstep out the door, down the stairs, and through the corridor until they reached his room. Before the mercenary could release her to open his hatch, she automatically leaned down and expertly disengaged the lock on his bunk.

His eyes widenin' as he watched her unexpected actions, Jayne asked curiously, "Did you get that from my head?"

Stiffening in his embrace, River hid her face behind the fall of her hair. "No. She did not invade the sanctity of his mind. She just knows how to open locks."

Jayne recognized once more that what should've been an innocent question wound up bein' a loaded one. If everyone's innocuous questions were so loaded, he understood why River stayed to herself most of the time. He knew she didn't want to lie, but, most often, probably didn't want to share the whole truth either so she simply found ways to steer clear of the inquiries. He would have to be more circumspect about his own curiosity because he didn't want to upset the girl. 'Sides, he wasn't certain he could stomach the answers anyway, and he realized that would probably upset her even more.

Gently straightenin' River up, Jayne held her newly tensed form against his chest. When she didn't raise her head, he calmly tucked the veilin' locks of her hair behind her ears, and cradled her cheek in his palm without tryin' to lift her unwillin' face. He hadn't had much cause to comfort anyone since he left home at the ripe old age of sixteen, but he suddenly realized he would probably be doin' a lot of this in his relationship with the girl. Oddly enough, he didn't mind. In fact, he found it quite pleasant, made him feel all useful and such. Plus, he smiled slightly, it gave him a reason to hold her close no matter who was around.

Kissin' her temple tenderly, Jayne asked lightly, "Can you open all the bunks?"

River nodded slightly, but still didn't raise her face.

"And all the other doors too?"

Nodding again with a little more interest, River raised her head but still refused to meet the mercenary's eyes.

"Any lock on this boat you can't crack?"

River shook her head.

"Handy skill that," chuckled Jayne.

River peeked up at him over her shoulder. Upon seeing his smile, she blushed and relaxed a little, burrowing into his arms.

Rubbing her cheek against the merc's chest, she asked quietly, "He's not mad at her?"

Eyebrows rising, Jayne tilted the girl's face up to his, and responded firmly, "Do I look angry?"

"No."

"Then I'm not." The mercenary grinned down into her troubled face. "And we both know I can't hold my temper."

Giggling softly, River curled her hands around his, twining their fingers. She smiled gratefully up at him.

Tryin' to change the heavy mood, Jayne grumbled, "If I'd known that before, I wouldn't have bothered takin' the time to lock it."

River smiled mischievously before reminding him huskily, "It still keeps the others out."

Jayne waggled his eyebrows down at her, and pulled her imperceptibly closer. He purred, "Very true."

Just as her eyes slipped closed and he was leaning down to kiss her, River tensed again in his arms and her eyes abruptly opened.

"The Captain is about to check on them."

Sighin', Jayne rolled his eyes. "Well, I guess we'd better get outta sight then," his voice dropped low, "before he interrupts us again."

River shivered at his tone, but her heated gaze showed she was far from afraid. Pushing his hatch open, she stepped onto the ladder and laughingly threw back over her shoulder, "Better hurry up or she'll test _his_ lockpicking skills."

Jayne grinned widely as the girl quickly climbed out of view.

As Mal's hatch opened and his head popped up, Jayne stepped onto his own ladder, saluted the Captain, and dropped down to follow River into his room.

Mal grimaced as the mercenary's hatch closed and the lock slammed on. Shruggin', he climbed back down into his own room for some hard earned sleep. He was gonna be damn mad if they got loud over there.

Meanwhile, his two highly competent weapons had finally moved past their extremely awkward stage. Now, they were merely slightly nervous as they stood in the middle of Jayne's bunk staring at each other.

River brushed her hand across the dress still folded neatly on his table. It seemed so long ago since she had left it, since he had slowly removed it from her body, since… She pulled her hand away from the material to smile shyly at the merc. They were here in his bunk together; she didn't have to fantasize or remember because now was the time to re-create.

Watchin' her hand linger over her discarded dress, Jayne felt a curious tightness in his chest. He recalled doin' the same thing only that morning, and, flushin' with heat, he wondered if her thoughts were the same as his had been. When River pulled her hand back and lifted her gaze to meet his, he drug in a ragged breath because, behind the shy smile, the flame in her eyes assured him her thoughts had been just as reminiscent.

Quickly takin' the two steps to reach her, Jayne brushed his rough fingertips across to her smooth cheek. His last remainin' resistance burned away in the fire of her gaze. He cupped her jaw in his calloused palm, caressin' her soft lips with his thumb. When her lips dropped open and the tip of her tongue darted out to taste his skin, he growled harshly in his throat, and swooped down to devour her mouth.

River's open mouth waited an eternity to be filled with his breath and tongue. When the masculine tang of his breath teased her taste buds, she moaned and reached up to knot her fingers in his hair, preventing him from moving away from her.

Jayne never wanted to move away again. He would be quite content to forever bask in her beauty: the beauty of her breath as she moaned, the beauty of her taste as her tongue stroked his, the beauty of her rising scent, and all the other beauties he had yet to name. He had meant to take this slowly but once more she confounded him with her eagerness.

Leaving her left hand in his hair, River curled her right arm around his neck eagerly hauling her body up to his. When they both sighed at the fuller contact of their bodies, she greedily thrust her tongue into his open mouth, desperate to drink from him once more.

Desperate to feel more of her, Jayne's left hand stroked down the curve of River's back to spread open at the base of her spine, strainin' her body to his. His right hand curved around her face to cradle the back of her head while leavin' his thumb to caress the junction of her jaw. Anglin' her head back further, he swirled his tongue, dancin' her tongue back into her mouth so that he could once again plunder her moist recesses.

River groaned in frustration at her inability to angle her body properly closer while on extreme tiptoe. So she forced the mercenary's body backward with her own until they bumped into the side of his bed. Jayne automatically sat down when he felt the edge of his bed press into the backs of his legs, towin' the girl with him. She spread her knees and straddled his lap and suddenly her face was above his as she took control of the kiss once more.

This was much better, River decided as she wrapped her hands around his face to control his impatient movements when she pulled back slightly and sucked his lower lip into her mouth. Then she completely released his mouth to nip at his jaw and nibble his ear. At the sound of his whimper and his eager attempts to follow her mouth, she smiled fiercely because for a man who would have professed only yesterday that he didn't kiss on the mouth he seemed quite unwillin' to abandon hers.

While Jayne quite enjoyed what his girl was doin', his mouth felt abandoned and alone as it waited for her return. He could not imagine how he had survived all day without her kiss. He could not imagine how he had survived all day without the feel of her skin beneath his, and, with that in mind, his hands moved to the zipper of her dress. As his right hand slid the zipper down, his left hand drew the material aside, slippin' the dress off one fresh, creamy shoulder.

As the fabric slipped aside, River drew the mercenary's head to her shoulder. She rubbed her cheek against his hair as he lapped at her skin. All she could do for the moment was breathe heavily and hold on as his tongue moistened her skin. She sighed as his hands finally finished carefully pulling her dress down her arms, allowing it to pool at her waist.

Jayne decided his girl tasted even more delicious than he had remembered. The mouthwaterin' sweet of her skin liquefied his bones. He was practically a puddle in her arms as he licked his way across her collarbone and dipped down between her breasts.

When his hands slipped underneath her dress and stroked up her velvety thighs, River remembered there was a question she had still not had answered. One she would need answered before too long. After nibbling his ear for a second, she murmured, "Should she leave after?"

It took a moment for those words to penetrate through Jayne's pleasure clouded mind. However, when they finally tunneled in far enough, he paused bewilderedly in his trek toward her cloth covered nipple. Pullin' back to peer up into her face, he asked, "What?"

"After the coupling. Should she leave after the coupling?" inquired River as her hips shifted restlessly in his suddenly stationary grip.

When Jayne just stared at her with his mouth hanging open, she anxiously rushed ahead, "This girl forgot to ask last night and the post-coital awakening was awkward. She does not wish to make him feel uncomfortable again so she thought she should ask before they had relations. Then she would know what to do after."

Wide-eyed, River looked trustingly into Jayne's stunned eyes. He would know. He would tell her. Then she would understand.

"Maybe we shouldn't--" began the merc as his hands released her hips and started to slide out from beneath the long skirt.

Fretfully, the girl explained, "Was she not supposed to ask? Was the asking wrong? She forgot to ask Inara and Zoe and Kaylee what was proper. She meant to ask today but she forgot."

"Maybe you're not ready--" He continued as he tried to still her frantic movements with his strong, steady hands.

River grasped his shoulders, her fingernails pricking lightly into his skin through his shirt. He seemed to be sending her way. She must have made an egregious error, but she did not want to leave. She had to make him understand she had only meant to learn not to leave.

"How is she was supposed to learn if she does not ask the question?"

Jayne stilled because he hadn't thought about it that way before. How was the girl supposed to know what was expected? He knew she had no personal experience so her only real option was to ask, unless she wanted to flounder around learnin' those tough lessons at the school hard knocks. That was how he had done it, but he realized that should never be her place. She was smart enough to ask questions first rather than get bloodied anymore by life. So, whatever she needed to know, he would tell her.

"Stay," stated the mercenary as his hands gentled, returnin' to soothe her quiverin' body.

"Stay?" River queried hopefully.

"Yes, stay." Jayne stated firmly as he carefully pulled her shakin' body closer. When she wrapped her arms around his waist and burrowed her face into his neck, he petted her hair and stroked her long back, ashamed he had frightened her so.

River mumbled into his neck, "She does not wish to make him uncomfortable."

The merc quietly assured her, "He would be more uncomfortable if she left."

"He would?" asked the girl as she peeked up through her eyelashes into his face.

"Yes." Jayne smiled down at her.

Raising her head, River licked her swollen lips and asked timorously, "So she should stay?"

Windin' his right hand into her long locks, the mercenary reassured decisively, "Yes."

River timidly reached up a hand to touch his red swollen lips. When his tongue slid out to wrap around her fingertips, she asserted breathily, "She would like to stay."

Watchin' the flame replace the fear in her eyes, Jayne felt his own breath deepen. He growled low in his throat, "Good, cuz I would like ya to stay."

They leaned toward one another, suddenly desperate for another kiss. However, a large section of her hair suddenly fell over her face, obscuring her lips.

When he looked puzzled at the fallen veil of her hair, River hastily explained, "The band broke and her hair reclaimed its former appearance."

Jayne grinned. "No problem. I like your hair like this too. Gives me something to hold onto." He said as he twined those coverin' curls around his hand and pulled her closer for another knee bucklin' kiss.

When they broke for air between kisses, he added, "But I guess we'll need to get you some new hairties the next time we're planetside."

He was willing to be seen with her in public on the ground, not just on the ship? River thought her heart might burst. She had not known if he was ready for her to accompany him through town. She would have to take extra care to look suitable and behave calmly no matter what kind of crowds they met. It would not do for her to embarrass him on their first public outing.

The girl solemnly assured, "She would like that." She looked up at him as she earnestly clarified, "She put the broken band in her pocket. She could not throw it away."

Just like he could not dump those T-shirts he kept in the box under the bed. They were reminders, and he did not wish to let them go. Jayne smiled because his girl only got better the more he knew about her.

As his left hand tilted her head closer for another kiss, his right hand stopped massagin' her back to wander around her ribcage and up to cup her breast. When she keened into his mouth, he flicked his thumb against her already hard nipple, encouragin' even more sounds to escape into his breath.

River clutched at the mercenary's back, needing something to stabilize her as her body began to vibrate in tune with her rapidly beating heart. When his mouth freed hers to nibble down her neck, she arched her back, pushing her breast more tightly into his palm while also raising them both closer to his meandering lips.

Jayne finally reached the summit of her breast after the trek he had begun so long ago. He laved the hardened nub with this tongue through the soft cotton as her right hand traveled around his chest to skim up his throat and cradle the base of his skull. When she pressed his face more firmly into her soft curves, he bit down on her nipple, rollin' it between his teeth.

Moaning in excitement as the pleasure/pain from his bite shot through her entire body, River began rocking her hips against his lap and his increasing erection. When he groaned against her breast, she smiled and bent forward to nip his ear. Her left hand strolled around his torso counting his ribs until it deviated north to pluck at his covered nipple.

Slidin' both his hands down her body, Jayne covered her swingin' hips, gentlin' her frantic motion. His fingers curled into the soft flesh of her backside when she licked down the side of his throat and bit the juncture of his neck and shoulder. He released her breast and leaned back to stare at the soaked material's adherence to her skin. Growlin' at the encumbrance of her clothes, he bunched her dress in his hands and lifted it from her accommodatin' form.

When he next tried to remove her bra, River shook her head and halted his hands. She smiled wickedly at his quizzical gaze and tugged on the front of his T-shirt. She purred, "He is still overly dressed."

Jayne had no problem gettin' nekkid for the girl. So he let her go and reached down to yank his shirt off, but her hands once more prevented him from accomplishin' his goal. He frowned petulantly.

Drawing his hands to his sides, River leaned in and admonished against his lips. "No. It is her prerogative to undress him as she sees fit."

Talk about turnin' a frown upside down. He returned her grin as she slowly slid her hands down his chest, caressin' each muscle as it tautened beneath her roamin' fingertips. When she unhurriedly pulled his T-shirt out of his pants, he thought he might die from the torture of waitin' for her to touch his skin again.

River leisurely lifted the merc's shirt up his torso, making certain not to brush her fingers across his gradually revealed stomach and chest. She knew by the way he bit his lip and shivered restlessly beneath her that he needed her to touch him almost as much as she wanted to touch him. However, she was determined to make them both wait until the concealing fabric had been completely removed and tossed aside.

Jayne raised his arms to allow her to ease his T-shirt over his head and to finally toss it behind her with another lascivious grin. He waited impatiently for her to touch him, but she seemed happy to continue her torment as she merely drew trails of fire across his torso with her burnin' gaze.

When neither could take the separation for another nanosecond, she curled forward to rest her weight on her palms and licked his untouched nipple. He jackknifed in her arms, whimpering at the simple yet terribly erotic touch. Pushing on his broad shoulders, she forced him to lean back on his elbows to open up his entire torso to her. She knew he needed more touch so she bit down hard on his tight bud and lightly scraped her nails up his back then around to meet on his lower stomach.

The scrape of her nails, even though light, reminded Jayne of the night before when River had lost control and drawn blood. He wanted to make her lose control again. He wanted her to writhe beneath him and call out his name, but he knew she wasn't ready yet. Last night, things had only moved quickly after their initial time here in this bed. He would not, could not, i should /i not rush her because, if he did, he doubted they would both find their climax. And he was not flyin' away without her so he needed to seize control of his base instincts once again, to find a way to hold off his own release while preparin' her.

River knew Jayne needed to find his release now. However, she also realized that no matter how excited she felt she was she was not yet ready for his penetration. So she would provide him with the same outlet he had given her last night. After all, he had not let her finish her turn. However, this time she was determined not to let him deny her.

When the girl's hands stole down across his waist and off his skin, the merc recognized he had yet again forgotten to remove his weapons. Somehow he was always so caught up in undressin' her that he never noticed his own clothed state. From now on, he would have to remind himself to disarm before kissin' her because he knew, once the kissin' started, his mind would wander off to think more pleasant thoughts again. Thankfully, he smiled, her nimble fingers always made short work of the weapon removal process.

River was forced to allow Jayne to sit up for the final extraction of his holster and weapons. She took the opportunity to rub their bare stomachs together, eliciting mutual moans, before lifting the holster away. Leaning backward, she gently set his weapons on the ground beside the bed.

She smiled. "She will properly put them away later."

Returning her smile, Jayne decided to take this opportunity to begin the final removal of her last articles of clothing. However, as his hands teased up her abdomen and around her sides, she curved her hands around his forearms, haltin' him once more.

"Ain't I ever gonna get ya nekkid?"

River laughed at his pout. She reminded him, "He still has on his outer covering, and she is only clad in her undergarments."

"They are both still wearin' their boots," reminded the mercenary with a nod of his head.

The girl peered over her shoulder at her dangling feet. Turning back, she smiled and said, "She will remove hers, if he will remove his."

Jayne grinned. "Sounds like a plan."

Unfortunately, they had to separate to take their combat boots off because the very nature of the footwear was to stay on until specifically removed. So River swung off his lap to perch beside him on the edge of the bed as they quickly rid themselves of the molded leather and socks.

With those tasks accomplished, she shoved the merc back down, and straddled him once again. "She has lots of plans. Would he like to know one?" She asked as her slender fingers swiftly unbuckled his belt.

Likin' her way of thinkin', Jayne grinned and began, "Sure. What kind of plan--"

His voice cut off abruptly with a groan as River quickly unbuckled and unzipped his pants then reached beneath his boxers to encircle his swollen member.

She purred, "This kind."

The mercenary swallowed heavily as the ache in his gut he had been tryin' to ignore flared up again. He groaned, "Girl, I'm pretty sure you ain't ready for that yet."

Stroking him firmly, River bent down and licked his skin at the edge of his boxers.

"She knows."

The girl smiled as she stroked Jayne once more before curling both her hands around his waistbands. Looking intently into his eyes, she stated, "But he is." Then she pulled his clothing down, carefully lifting it over his erection and waiting an eternity for him to raise his hips to assist her.

Because she kept stoppin' him from completely undressin' her, he was fairly certain he knew what she meant to do, but he wasn't certain he was ready to let her do it, no matter how much his mind burned at the idea. At least, not until he _knew _this was what she wanted, not what she thought he wanted.

It nearly killed him to say, but he did it anyway. He hoarsely asserted, "You know you don't have to do anything you don't want to."

Smiling up at him, River asked with a wicked glint in her eyes. "What does she not want to do?"

Jayne's heart beat faster at the mere thought. Oh, he realized, she was gonna kill him, but he rapidly decided what a way to go. He smiled back, and for the first time in years, eagerly anticipated the future, especially the very near future.

As he raised his hips in implicit acceptance, allowing her to remove his final articles of clothing, River pouted prettily, "Besides, she was not allowed to properly conclude her turn last evening."

She knelt between his feet as she shucked his pants and boxers. Then, after throwing those inconveniences aside, she crawled up his legs to lean across his lap and told him with a feral grin. "This time she will not be stopped."

"Oh, yeah?" queried Jayne on a moan as the girl teased the hair on his thighs with her fingertips. Never lettin' his eyes drift from hers, he sprawled back farther, restin' his head against the hangin' blanket as it covered Vera's grip.

"Yeah," assured River as she lowered her mouth to enclose the head of his cock.

Clenchin' his fingers in the covers rather than her hair, the mercenary tried to will himself to remain calm. At least, he hoped, to remain calm enough to enjoy the indescribable pleasure of her inquisitive mouth suckin' on his throbbin' erection and her slim hands fondlin' his already tightenin' balls. He wanted more time to savor this moment because her shy yet purposeful caresses smoothed his tattered soul. Every stroke and kiss and moan healed a part of him he hadn't known was broken. He desperately wanted to hold on to this moment, but knew he could not because he wanted her more than he had ever wanted anyone or anything; and the feel of her eager mouth on him spiked every pleasurable experience he had ever had until they were indistinguishable from this moment with her.

"River!" howled Jayne into the back of his hand as the 'Verse splintered away. He'd barely had enough presence of mind to raise his hand for sound control, but his instincts to stop anymore undesirable interruptions thereby keepin' his girl here kicked in at the last moment. As he nearly bit down on his own hand, he tried to pay attention to the feel of her lappin' at his cock, drinkin' him down. However, the depth of his orgasm temporarily strained his tenuous grasp on reality. So he found his eyes squeezed shut, and his body wracked with shivers as his arms fell to his sides and he tried to remember how to breathe.

River finished licking up the remnants of his ejaculate before she climbed up onto the bed and straddled his hips once again. As she watched his face muscles twitch, she wondered if she had performed the procedure correctly. She had enjoyed it, and he had found release. However, she was uncertain if he would have reacted to nearly any stimulation in such a manner because he had been on the verge of orgasm practically when she had first encompassed him. She decided she would once again have to ask.

When his face relaxed and his eyes opened, she could not wait for him to speak and inquired tentatively, "She did all right?"

Sensin' her anxiety, Jayne wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down onto his chest for the most bone meltin' kiss they had yet shared. As he tasted himself on her tongue, he knew it wouldn't be long before he needed her once more. Smilin' up into her heavy lidded face, he tenderly assured, "Ya did better than _all right_ ."

"Really?"

"Really."

River squealed and kissed him, driving her tongue behind his smile as she ran her hands across his slick shoulders. Twining his right hand in her hair and rubbing his left hand against the small of her back, he returned her overwhelmingly amorous kiss for a minute before he pulled back to ask her a question.

"Are you okay?" asked the mercenary anxiously. When she tilted her head to the side in inquiry, he said, "Some girls don't like the taste--"

She smiled, and stated as if it needed no further explanation, "Tastes like Jayne."

"And that's all right?" He asked warily.

Recognizing he was truly concerned, River decided to ease his mind with a little humor. So she canted her head to the side once more and pursed her lips, contemplating him wryly. "She will have to perform several future experiments before she can establish an appropriate answer to his question."

Realizin' she had just used Riverspeak in order to relax him, he griped laughingly, "Brat." Then he smacked her butt and stuck out his tongue at her.

"She already knows his tongue tastes _all right_, but she will re-verify if he so requests." She giggled as she leaned forward to caress his tongue with hers.

After kissing and caressing for a moment, Jayne reminded her dryly, "Well, ya'll have to wait a while to _perform future experiments_ anyways."

"The refractory period of the human male lasts--" River's scholarly exposition ended abruptly on another deep kiss from Jayne.

When the need for air intruded once more, the mercenary avowed, "Got other things to do when that ends."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah."

"She eagerly awaits the end of his refractory period then."

They exchanged intimate smiles.

Jayne's hands slid down to pet River's sides and back. Drawing happy mews from her, he licked her throat and nibbled across her collar. "Why don't we talk about what we're gonna do in the meantime?"

"Like what?" She moaned breathlessly.

"Like this." He said as he swiftly unhooked her bra and captured one turgid tip in his mouth. Although he never released her breast, he efficiently extracted the unwanted scrap of material from her readily obligin' form.

"That is acceptable."

Jayne grinned against her skin on his trek to her other peak. He growled, "Only acceptable?"

The rumble of his growl combined with the tug of his teeth crashed her system into erotic overdrive. Wriggling as her panties grew increasingly wet, River whimpered, "More than acceptable."

"Well, I think I'll still have to try harder to get a better response." He said as his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of her panties to tease her silky skin before gently tuggin' them down over her hips.

"She would like that," agreed the girl ardently as she considerately lifted her knees, allowing him to completely withdraw the damp fabric.

Finally gettin' her naked, Jayne straightened her back up above him so that he could minutely inspect her slender body. He rested his hands on her thighs as he watched the spread of the warm pink flush caused by the intensity of his stare, and smiled at her body's reaction merely to his gaze. However, when she tilted her head forward lettin' her hair once again obscure her face, he ran his right hand up her body and underneath the fall of her hair to cup her cheek before tuckin' the concealin' strands behind her ears.

"Hey, now, ain't I allowed to look?" He asked as his hand returned to cuppin' her cheek and his thumb drifted over her wet lips.

Shyly, River assured, "She does not mind. She is simply not used to being looked at in such a manner."

"Ya _don't mind_?"

Afraid she had said the wrong thing, she rushed forward, "She likes it when he looks at her." When he raised his eyebrows in question, she blushed and explained, "She likes to watch his expressions when he views her body."

If he looked anyway near as fiercely possessive as she did when she looked at him, Jayne could fully understand her enjoyment. He could watch her watch him all day long. He wondered what else she enjoyed.

He questioned airily, "Oh, ya do, do ya?"

Not waitin' for her response, he slid his right hand around to the back of her head and pulled her face down to his. He lightly licked her lips, never lettin' her deepen the kiss, until she answered.

"Yes, she does," murmured River as she tried to capture his tongue with her own.

Jayne briefly dipped his tongue into her mouth before withdrawin' to ask against her lips, "Well, what else do ya like?"

When the girl didn't reply immediately, he stroked his left hand up her thigh and over her hip before unexpectedly dippin' a finger into her moist folds. Feelin' her high-pitched keen and hearin' her hands scrabble at his sweat-slickened shoulders, he smiled and queried politely, "Does she like that?"

Despite the pleasure/pain of the ever-increasing void created rather than filled by his teasing hand, River managed to respond in the same polite tone, "Yes."

"Only _yes_?" inquired the merc in a suspiciously officious voice as he inserted another finger into her tight channel. While lightly caressing her inner walls, he rubbed the base of his thumb against her clit.

Rocking her hips against his tormenting fingers, she hissed on a desperate exhale, "Yes, very much."

Jayne simply grunted in satisfaction at her response because he, suddenly, had to taste her once more. He hadn't sipped from her core and rolled her juices across his tongue in far too long. So he drug his right hand down her back to grab her hip, and he pulled his left out hand out of her center to curve around her thigh. Ignorin' for the moment her whimper of distress at the cessation of his ministrations, he maneuvered her into a higher position above him.

When he slunk down in the bed beneath her, River realized what he was doing and leaned forward to brace herself against his weapon rack. She blindly rubbed her cheek against the fuzzy blanket as she rested her arm along Vera's back for much needed support. She reflexively gripped Vera's barrel when she felt the mercenary's mouth on the top of her inner thigh.

Cradlin' her bottom in his big hands, Jayne swooped up to taste her arousal. He groaned deep in his throat at the first slither of her wetness against his tongue. She was ready and willin' and delicious. In the mass confusion of his precarious day, he had nearly forgotten how much he craved her flavor and couldn't imagine a time when he wouldn't need another taste. He lapped at her core like a parched man, and absorbed her incoherent cries of pleasure. He knew she was on the brink the moment he touched her center, just like he had been. However, this time i she /i would splinter apart so _he _could put her back together again.

The pressure was building. The ache in her lower body began to tighten unbearably. With perspiration slipping down her cheek, River panted and writhed as much as the merc's hands would allow. He held her securely with his right hand while he inserted two fingers of his left hand into her channel and chewed lightly on her clit. As the tension in her thighs and her frantic moans increased, he licked down her swollen folds and plunged his tongue deeply into her core as his slick left hand twisted her nubbin.

"Jayne!" screamed River into the blanket to mask the sound, keeping it from reverberating around the ship.

As she slumped down, Jayne shimmied back up the bed beneath her to gather her sated form into his arms. He held her tremblin' body against his chest as he gently brushed the matted tangles of her hair away from her face. While placin' tender kisses across her smilin' face, he massaged firm circles across her back with his left hand and dropped his right hand to caress her hip.

"She _definitely_ likes that," murmured the girl against the mercenary's cheek.

He laughed gruffly and hugged her tighter. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him back.

When her trembling had mostly faded, leaving her soft and warm, River peered up into Jayne's eyes. She beamed up at him, and propped her glowing face up on his breastbone with her chin. Because he continued to merely look at her while absentmindedly fondling her skin, she reached up and nipped his lips before dipping her tongue into his mouth to taste the heady blend of their combined flavors.

Jayne groaned into River's mouth as their tongues twined and her erotically draped form shifted slightly, eliciting another response from his already overloaded system. Not that he was complainin'. He was more than ready to start anew, as his burnin' erection could attest. However, once more this evening, he had to wait until she was ready, until he knew this was what she wanted and was not merely a reaction to his desires.

River knew Jayne was holding back once more. She could feel the increased tension and agitation in his body as he waited for her to settle down from her orgasm. She smiled into his mouth thankful for his patience and understanding, but, now, she wanted his body. She wanted him inside her, filling her up, helping her find her own soul. Pulling back from his kiss, she licked her lips as she fought her shyness to tell him that she needed him i now /i .

As she leaned back, she felt his hardness brush against her. Her breath caught in her throat as she smoothed her right hand down his body until she could encircle his throbbing member again.

Smiling naughtily, River purred, "His refractory period has ended. Is he ready for _other things_?"

Jayne laughed. Damn his girl was great. He couldn't understand how he had missed that all these months on the same boat with her. Of course, she had been frequently crazy and mostly under age for that length of time so he decided he would cut himself a little slack for missin' it. However, he wasn't gonna miss anything now; she weren't goin' nowhere without him. Huggin' her securely, he rolled them over until they were lengthwise on the bed with her slender body beneath him.

River smiled brightly as she twined her fingers in his short dark hair and pulled him down for another 'Verse shattering kiss. As he sucked her tongue into his mouth, she trailed her heels up the backs of his legs until she could wrap them around his waist. Accepting the strength of her embrace as extremely encouraging permission, Jayne grasped her hips firmly, and, after balancing his weight on his knees, slowly slid into her warm waiting center.

They both sighed at the long-awaited union of their bodies.

Never breaking eye-contact, he slowly began thrusting into her as her fingers tightened in his hair. Tilting her head forward, she nuzzled her forehead against his.

"Jayne," whispered River on a choked breath. She had forgotten how this felt. She had never forgotten anything in her life, but she had forgotten the torrent of sensations that flowed through her when he filled her. "Please, Jayne."

Plantin' gentle kisses up her long white throat, Jayne soothed, "Shhh. It's all right. I got ya."

Even as he tried to ease the girl's ardent agitation, he struggled within himself to remain calm. He wrestled with his blind need to pound into her as her body warmly accommodated his, passionately envelopin' him into her central heat. The mercenary reminded himself to steady their gradually increasin' pace because he neither wanted to hurt her nor to reach the end without her. In an effort to distract himself from the pleasure coilin' in his belly, he sunk his tongue into her open mouth, kissin' her deeply as the rhythm built.

River twisted and turned and clasped Jayne closer as the tempo quickened, and the pounding pleasure within her raced forward with a deafening roar. Panting, incapable of dragging enough air into her oxygen-deprived lungs, her voice fractured. "Oh, Jayne."

"Almost there, River-girl. Almost there." The merc only responded to the sound of the girl's voice because he could no longer remember his own name. As the ache in his gut clamped down, he knew he would not last much longer. His right hand released her hip and stole between their synchronized bodies, tweakin' her clit, attemptin' to send her over the edge with him.

Wrapping her shaking arms around his strong shoulders, River buried her face in Jayne's neck and cried out his name as she fell over the precipice. Colors crashed through her and over her, surrounding her soul before stealing back out into the void from whence they were born. She cradled him to her as she felt him pulse within her, and heard his hoarse shout muffled by hair.

As their quaking began to subside, their bruising holds loosened and their mouths found each other again. Leisurely, they kissed their way through the aftershocks, cherishing another breathtaking moment together.

"Thank you," murmured River against Jayne's wet lips.

Lockin' their gazes, he peered into her open soul. He felt privileged once more to be allowed to see both the steel forged brilliance and the depths of her innocence. The very essence of her shattered innocence strengthened his resolve to do right by her, to never let her again feel fear or doubt or hurt.

The mercenary regarded the girl silently for another moment as she lay on his pillow with her tangled hair fanned out around her head. For such a beautiful young woman, he knew she would never look more gorgeous than when her dark eyes were sleepily driftin' closed in her satiation softened face.

As he tenderly kissed her sweet lips, Jayne whispered, "Thank you."

River tried to keep her eyes open as she beamed him a drowsy smile, but her body was so replete after a day of so much stress that she could no longer lift her eyelids. Her legs slipped from around his waist, but her arms twitched as they attempted to maintain their dogged embrace of his solid form.

Smilin', Jayne carefully turned them over and nestled her supremely relaxed body into his side. As he cushioned her head on his chest, Jayne decided that, while he would still buy her a shiny new pillow for his bunk, he quite preferred supportin' her himself. Feelin' the colder air of the artificial night creep across his damp skin, he once again pulled the blanket down from his weapon rack to cover them for the night.

As his eyes slipped closed, he realized that they still hadn't talked about what was goin' on. However, for now, he decided that actions spoke louder than words, and that they could always talk later, when they weren't so sleepy. He hugged her firmly, and knew he would remember to get around to that talk eventually.


	14. Chapter 14

Title: Regrets

Series: Choices

Author: mik109

Rating: NC17

Pairings: River/Jayne

Disclaimer: If I was Joss Whedon, then I'd be… Well, I'd be Joss Whedon, but, alas, I ain't. Poor me.

Warnings/Spoilers: After the series and BDM

Regrets (Part 1)

For once, the drop had actually gone well. They had been paid without argument or bloodshed. So here they were outside this seedy bar on some backwater moon the name of which they had already forgotten. They frankly just wanted a drink to celebrate a good honest day of crime. Yet somehow that sort of simple request never seemed to work out the way the crew of Serenity expected.

"Jayne, why don't you head in while I have a chat with my li'l albatross?" Mal suggested as he watched his mercenary lift the girl off the mule and stand her gently on the ground. The Captain couldn't see much of the larger man's face beneath his hat or behind his sunglasses, but he recognized the big man's disapproval by the way his head snapped around and his lips thinned.

Eyes narrowin', Jayne balked. "I'll wait."

"It's a private chat." Mal clarified firmly.

"Don't see why you need to have a private chat with my girl," grumbled Jayne. Hadn't they all warned River off him enough? He'd thought the crew had accomplished all the necessary threats that first day, but, every now and then, Mal or Simon still felt it necessary to remind them how doomed their relationship was. Why did Mal have to go do it in public now? What was different about today?

"Jayne--" cautioned Mal.

Because he had yet to release River, Jayne tightened his hands around her waist and stepped infinitesimally closer to her. The Captain had complained about his merc giving the girl some more breathing space before he suffocated her, but Jayne didn't like leavin' her without his protection when they was dirtside cuz she was still wanted by the government. He figured just because she wasn't defenseless didn't mean she had to defend herself.

River laid a calming hand on Jayne's arm. When he turned his head to look down at her, she smiled and said, "It's okay. The Captain has some things he needs to say to her. She will be fine."

Jayne wanted to argue, but River's tender touch and smile always melted a part of him he hadn't even known could melt. He found himself smilin' down at her and squeezin' her waist before he turned his face to Mal. Grudgingly, he agreed, "Okay. Just don't take too long."

Although Jayne's eyes were still covered by his sunglasses, Mal could feel the bright blue laser through him in an absolutely not subtle warning to keep River safe. Mal resisted the urge to snort and remind his mercenary that he, the Captain, had been guardin' the girl since long before the big guy had jumped on the bandwagon.

Turnin' to look down into her face, Jayne squeezed River's waist again, but refrained from kissin' her. They had also been ordered to keep the handsy stuff to a minimum when on planet because it attracted too much attention. It seemed people had trouble forgettin' the rather unexpected sight of the large mercenary cuddlin' with the slip of a girl. So, to keep the local interest down, Jayne had agreed to keep his lips to himself. Since the edict, he hated being on planet.

Resolutely, Jayne stepped back from River and, after one more heated glare for Mal, headed through the entrance of the bar with only one small glance back at his girl.

When Jayne's broad back disappeared through the doorway, River, without turning to face her captain, commented. "He won't hurt her."

"He may not want to, but that don't mean he won't."

River gave no response. She simply turned to gaze solemnly at her captain waiting for him to finish what he felt he needed to say.

"You wanted him to be the same old Jayne, and for the most part he is." Mal grimaced. Sometimes he couldn't quite remember why he'd wanted this version of his merc back because it had actually been kinda nice having his orders followed without question. "However, bars, and all the things they… serve, are part of Jayne being Jayne."

Mal paused to verify River had gotten his meaning. He knew she had to have understood. Hell, he figured she'd sent Jayne away into the bar knowin' what this discussion was going to be about. However, when she merely continued to watch him without expression, he felt a bit twitchy, like she knew something that he didn't. Not that that woulda been a surprise either. He rubbed his neck as he wondered why was he always the one stuck havin' these conversations. He didn't want to be the one to break the girl's heart, but she had to be prepared for the time when Jayne would finally start actin' like _Jayne_.

"We haven't gone down this road yet. Are you really prepared for what could happen?" Mal was tryin' to be as delicate as possible under the circumstances, but, even now, there wasn't much that could be described as delicate about Jayne. And when it came to the mercenary's past, there was nothing that even came remotely close to such a definition.

"Jayne is an adult. He has to make his own decisions in his own time. And she has to let him even if she is hurt in the process." River let the moment the fill with silence before she assured her Captain, "But Jayne won't hurt her."

"Do you know that for certain?"

"Nothing is ever certain until it has already come to pass."

"So I should just shut up and get this over with."

Eyes wide, River smiled slightly as she asserted, "She would never tell her captain to shut up."

Mal's gaze narrowed on her sweet, innocent face. He could see her holdin' back a smirk that threatened to overrun her smile. Rollin' his eyes, he realized how much of his merc was rubbin' off on the girl and it had only been a month since they had started up this relationship.

"Young lady, when we get back to the ship, we are gonna have a serious discussion about these tendencies that you're pickin' up from my hired gun."

Giggling, River nodded and motioned for the Captain to precede her into the bar.

Mal frowned and gestured her ahead of him.

River allowed the smirk to overtake her face as she waved the Captain to take the lead.

Scrunchin' his face up in an effort to prevent his smile from showin', Mal reached over and gave River a small push toward the bar. She smiled back at him as she preceded him through the door. She loved her Captain.

Tryin' not to dwell on whatever Mal was sayin' to River, Jayne brushed the dust from his jacket as he stomped up to the bar. He hadn't had a drink out in months, not since the incident at the jail, and he was ruttin' ready for one. His mouth watered at the mere thought of whatever rotgut this establishment provided.

Something had interrupted his quest for a drink every opportunity they'd had for some free time on planet this past month. The first chance, Mal had been shot, and even though it had only been practically a flesh wound, River had given him that _look_ when he suggested hittin' the bar. He couldn't even sway her when he suggested he do it to have a drink in honor of Mal's recovery. The next time, they'd been so far away at the back butt of beyond there hadn't been so much as a town nowhere, which was probably why they'd had free time. The last occasion, River had rushed them through the job before tellin' them that Zoe had gone into early labor before they'd left the ship. Mal had not been pleased to be left out of the loop yet again by the women of Serenity. However, when shortly upon their return the first mate had presented them with Michael Reynolds Washburne, the Captain had relaxed enough to hold the baby and smoke a cigar with Jayne and Simon on Wash's behalf.

This time out, Jayne had decided there would be no stoppin' him from havin' a gorram drink. He had been patient. Hell, he was gettin' frighteningly good at all that ruttin' patience i go se /i since the incident at the jail. It was one of those new habits he had yet to kick. Not that he wanted to completely kick it because it came in awful handy at times with his girl. Like when she'd had a couple of episodes or woken up all distressed from a nightmare or spoken in those big, long, loopy sentences he didn't quite comprehend. However, he figured sometimes Mal needed more of a kick in the pants rather than patience, and today was one of those days. So the Captain could chatter all he wanted while his hired gun had at least one ruttin' drink.

As he waited not that patiently for the bartender to take his order, Jayne felt a soft li'l thing sidle up to him. Well, he thought that wasn't a long conversation; River must've told Mal what for, and then proceeded inside to be with her man. Damn, she was great. He couldn't believe how much crap they'd had to go through before he had finally figured it out. He was lucky she had more than a little patience herself.

Throwin' an arm around his girl, he smirked at the greasy guy next to him who shifted uneasily away from the merc with a mixed expression of both shock and admiration. Yeah, he thought, my girl is all that and more. Allowin' his smirk to transform into the smile, he pulled the woman at his side closer as he turned to lean against the bar and look down into her lovely face.

"Maybelle!" A very stunned Jayne spluttered loudly.

The buxom blonde working girl leered up at the tall man and tried to burrow under his coat. Dragging her painted fingernails up his chest, she simpered huskily, "Well, if it isn't Jayne Cobb. I haven't seen you in a longtime, sugar."

As the surprise wore off, Jayne felt abject horror creep over him as he frantically tried to disentangle himself from the clingin' woman. This was so not good. He grabbed the blonde's wrists and tried to step away from her at the same time as he looked wildly around the dimly lit room to see if River and Mal had come in yet. He didn't see them anywhere, which was good because maybe he could extricate himself from this extremely unhealthy predicament before they came inside. Then everything in his life would continue to be shiny.

If not, Jayne knew they was both gonna be damn mad if they caught him in this position. He realized that just because he hadn't encouraged any female company, findin' him all huddled up with a whore from his less than reputable past was not liable to go over well. Wincin', he doubted anyone'd care whether the huddlin' was accidental or not. Mal'd probably shoot him before he could even attempt to explain. And he didn't even want to imagine how River would feel. The very thought made his stomach churn.

However, he recognized that he did not have time to think about the what-ifs. He needed to be more concerned about the right-nows. Mostly, he figured the sooner he got away from the tinted blonde the sooner he could get back into his girl's good books, even if she didn't know he had to. And, if they came in and saw the whore still attached, the merc decided he could take a swing or two from the Captain to help demonstrate his innocence cuz they had to know he'd fight back if he were really tryin' something so gorram stupid.

Unfortunately, Maybelle did not seem intent on helping out Jayne. She had him pinned to the bar, and she was not giving up her claim. She pushed closer.

Most unfortunately, unbeknownst to the otherwise engaged the mercenary, River and Mal chose that moment to finally walk through the doorway of the tavern. They came to a dead halt when they spotted Jayne and the blonde cozied up at the bar. The smiles slid off their faces. While it was hard to see much through the bad lighting and the crowd, as usual, the merc stood head and shoulders above most of the patrons, and the woman's bright blond hair and gaudy dress were hard to miss as well. It was also hard to miss the way their bodies were pressed together, the way his hands curled around her wrists, and the way her hands clawed at his chest.

Mal clenched his jaw as he angrily thought this was exactly what he knew was gonna happen. He _knew_ it. But did anyone listen to him? No, of course not, he was just the Captain he didn't know anything. Grindin' his teeth, Mal discovered he could not even enjoy his well-earned moment of I-told-you-so because, with a quick glance at the young woman at his side, he recognized her struggle for composure. Damn Jayne for puttin' her through this. All the merc had to do was walk away that morning like he was supposed to and this would never have had to happen. Unlike then, Mal promised this time there was gonna be a reckonin'. Too bad the airlock wasn't available because shootin' him would be too quick.

River was trying to breathe. She knew her body was supposed to automatically perform the rather mechanical function, but somehow in these last few endless seconds, it seemed to have lost that simple ability. So she was trying to remember how to inhale. However, she was having trouble forcing her lungs to expand with such an unexpected and colossal weight on her heart. She was trying not to think the worst but, after the conversation she had just had with the Captain, it was very difficult to put a positive or even neutral spin on this situation. She attempted to assure herself that it could still simply be a mistake because, after all, they had only presently walked in. So they could have missed something like the woman falling and Jayne rescuing her from an injury. It could all be perfectly harmless.

Directin' his full attention to the rapid removal of the blonde, Jayne decided to try playin' nice in hopes of encouragin' the woman to let him go. He stuttered with a as charmin' a smile as he could currently muster, "Maybelle, I… ah… thought ya was… ah… still workin' on Persephone."

Controlling her breathing and standing very still, River thought, okay so Jayne was smiling his charming smile. She realized it could still be a mistake, a mistaken impression, not what it appeared to be. If she could only hear what he was saying over the din of the bar, she'd probably feel better because he could simply be saying hi to an old friend, nothing more. That would be okay because he was allowed to have friends, even female friends of the working girl variety if he so chose. And they were probably just pushed together by the mass of people here in the tavern. Not that anyone was all that close to the two. In fact, the other patrons seem to be giving them a bit of a wide berth. What was that all about?

The blonde laughed, "Nah, left there a couple of years back."

"Oh, is the work better here?" Jayne's voice got higher at the end as the working girl ignored his attempt to brush her off and began rocking her pelvis against the leg he had bent up to protect himself from any unwanted incursions into his nether regions.

River could see the anger and anxiety stream off Jayne in crashing waves. She had promised not to violate the sanctity of his mind, but the colors of his emotions rebounded around the room, striking her at every turn. Unfortunately, she could not determine to whom those emotions were directed, whether they were meant for himself or her.

Jayne cringed at how bad this had to look if his girl and captain walked in now, but he knew he hadn't done anything wrong. So, he should be able to explain how innocently it had all come about, and that would fix everything because River would realize he wasn't dumb enough to cheat on her cuz she could kick his ruthless ass from here to Osiris. Blinkin' at the incompleteness of his own unspoken explanation, the merc added not that he wanted to cheat cuz he didn't. And his girl would understand that because… because… because…

Gorramit, Jayne choked back a howl when he recognized he'd never actually given River a real, concrete reason to trust him. Sure they'd been at this li'l dance for nigh on a month, but they'd never actually _talked_ about what was goin' on, or what the future held, or nothin'. He kept meanin' to have that talk, but he remained uncertain about what he wanted to say. So he'd pushed it off over and over again despite more than a few chances to hash out some kinda plan. He realized that too was his fault because he'd always preferred actions to words, which he knew in this case was really gonna damn him.

Jayne closed his eyes.

Oh, River was gonna kill him, if he was lucky, because she'd kill him quick. If he weren't lucky, she might let Mal or Simon do it for her, and they'd happily drag it out for days. He shoulda just stayed the hell outta the bar. Bars were never good places for him to be, especially now that he was in a relationship that he desperately wanted to keep. Where was that girl? He'd know everything was gonna be all right if he could just see her, so his keen eyes opened to resume the hunt through the murky bar.

River's fingers twitched over her trusty pistol because Jayne hadn't stepped away from the blonde yet. Why hadn't he stepped away? If this wasn't what it looked like, he wouldn't be holding on to that woman who kept moving against him in a most improper way.

Maybelle purred, "Now, that you're here. Yes. We've always had some good times."

Swallowin' past the constriction of his throat, Jayne tried to force another fake smile onto his face as he contorted his body as far away from the whore's girly bits as the tight space trapped against the bar allowed. "Yeah, some good times. But ya see--"

"We could have more good times. I'm available for some fun." The blonde assured him as she pushed her cleavage against the backs of his hands.

Unmanly as it was, the mercenary squeaked cuz this was only gettin' worse. He really wanted to close his eyes again, and pray this was all some nightmare induced by bein' shot during the drop because at the end of the dream he would awaken all patched up in the infirmary with River beamin' down at him. Alas, he knew this situation was all too real, and was regrettably one that every person on Serenity had dreaded. He had simply been hopin' that his relationship would be a tad more solid before his past came back to haunt him. As usual, no such luck.

"That sounds real nice, Maybelle. But you see I've got this girl--" Jayne tried to explain as his searchin' eyes finally found River in the gloom. She was standin' next to Mal in the shadows of the doorway. He couldn't see her face, but her stance showed a whole lotta tension. So did the Captain's. The mercenary gulped and tried again unsuccessfully to shift past Maybelle.

"Oh, does she want to play too?"

"No!" With a look of disgust flittin' across his face, Jayne nearly shouted before lowerin' his voice once more. He attempted to clarify. "No, she doesn't want to play. It's just that she wouldn't like--"

"Well, she doesn't need to know. Now does she?"

"Well… um… that would be rather… difficult cuz she's… ah… she's here. 'Sides, I wouldn't--" Jayne's stammerin' confession of fidelity was rudely interrupted by a large, overly fed man who trudged right past Mal and River on his way into the bar.

"Maybelle, what in the ruttin' hell do you think you're doin'?" demanded the nameless man belligerently as he unknowingly stopped directly between the two often unpredictable individuals with homicidal tendencies.

Jayne nearly roared in frustration. He needed to see into River's eyes, for her to see the sincere apology in his. This was not why he had been so adamant about goin' to the bar. Honestly, it wasn't. He'd simply wanted a drink to know he was all back to himself and yet could still keep his girl. Then everything would be perfect because he'd thought it would finally make their relationship feel real rather than like some extended fantasy. It wasn't supposed to drive her away.

Abruptly, he realized that she wouldn't be able to see his eyes whether the fat head was in the way or not because he hadn't taken off his hat or his sunglasses. Gorramit! The whole 'Verse was conspirin' against him. She probably couldn't see his face at all, and was most likely imaginin' the worst, thinkin' he had that wretched ol' leer on his face. What she couldn't know because he'd never fessed up was that no one else made him leer anymore, just her.

The mercenary desperately needed to get an arm free to pull the damn coverings away from his face so River could see this wasn't what it had to look like. While he'd never been on the other side, he knew how awfully similar this situation had to look to when he used to pick up female company in front of her and everyone. However, he didn't need, nor want, any female company but hers. And, she'd know that if she could just see his eyes.

However, the big headed lunk of a whore's boyfriend still stood in his way. As far as Jayne was concerned, the lunk and Maybelle could just wander off into some remote corner to argue because, right now, the merc knew he had some grovelin' to do.

The mercenary'd seen Wash and Mal and Simon and even his own Pa on occasion grovel to get back into a woman's good graces, and he knew that they didn't always even understand what they had done wrong when they set to grovelin'. Yet they groveled anyway, and so could he. At least, he had the luxury of knowin' what he'd done wrong. He hoped that might give him a leg up in the conversation.

The whore retained her possession of Jayne as she merely turned her head to glare over her shoulder at the lunk. With a disdainful expression marring her painted face, the blonde simpered, "I'm having a talk with an old friend, Roy. One who has always known how to show a girl a good time."

"An old _friend_?" Roy mocked as he sized the merc up.

Jayne tried to edge past the blonde again as he addressed the lunk as cordially as possible with the guy's girlfriend still regrettably attached. "Hey, buddy, I'm just tryin' to have a drink. I have my own girl--"

"Maybe I should show your girl a good time then--"

A muscle clenched in Jayne's jaw as he bristled. He may be havin' a bad day, and his girl may kill him at any moment, but he was not gonna stand there while some_hundan _made threatenin' remarks about said killer girl. He snarled, "That ain't even funny."

"Weren't meant to be funny," sneered Roy.

The two large men glared at each other.

If the merc could have gotten an arm free, he would have knocked out what little remained of Roy's teeth. However, the whore seemed to have more hands than Badger at a buffet. So Jayne's hands were still too busily engaged in a spirited defense of his manhood to start the inevitable tussle with Maybelle's estranged beau.

"Maybelle, we had a deal--" grumbled Roy.

Turning up her nose, Maybelle sneered, "The deal ended when you dumped me here on this good for nothing rock. I ain't staying. I'm just working my way to pay for passage to anywhere else."

"I already done told you; you ain't workin' no more." Roy ordered. "Or do I have to remind ya what happens when you try?"

At that pronouncement, all the townsfolk in the bar shifted a couple of paces away from the arguing individuals. They didn't want to get shot over something that wasn't their business. Those in the know avoided Maybelle like the plague because no matter how good a lay she was it couldn't make up for the being dead part that, if the person was lucky, came after the deed. Obviously, this guy wasn't going to be that lucky. Stupid bastard should've found someone else to scratch that itch. The more conservative townsfolk drifted even farther away from the kill zone.

Now, Jayne could appreciate a man defendin' his own. He'd do the same thing if someone started hittin' on his girl. However, seein' as how all he had wanted to do from the very beginnin' was to get away from the blonde, he thought it was beyond ridiculous for him to be threatened over some trim he didn't even want and certainly didn't need.

"I ain't--" tried the frustrated merc again.

"You can't kill off all my customers," scorned Maybelle as she looked away from Roy and redoubled her assault on Jayne.

"Let's see about that." Roy muttered as he reached for his gun.

Click.

Suddenly everyone in the bar grew silent as Roy felt the burning cold metal of a pistol brush against the nape of his neck. It wasn't the possible gunplay that had quieted the rowdy crowd because that was normal around these parts. What was not normal was the presence of the person holding the gun.

A slim girl, who didn't look quite out of her teens yet, held the weapon to the heavyset man's skull without a waver. None of the other patrons had even noticed her in the room before she cocked the gun. That thought made them all a mite uncomfortable because how could anyone miss a pretty slip of a girl with long dark hair wearing a bright orange dress, combat boots, and a shoulder holster.

Yet somehow they all had.

Except for the man in the long brown coat and the extremely uncomfortable mercenary caught up in the middle of all the fuss. One had been watching her throughout the whole ordeal, and the other had been trying her to reach her side. The Browncoat had his weapon up as well, but he looked like he was trying to decide which of the larger men to shoot first. And the merc still couldn't get to his own sidearm because he hadn't even managed to shove the whore off yet.

Not that Jayne's immediate need was for a weapon of self-defense, because bein' shot was fairly far down on his list of worries. Mostly, he just wanted to have no more contact with the whore. He figured more'n a few of his problems would begin to fade if she would simply stop touchin' him.

Newly impressed, the townsfolk happily tuned back in to the saga of Roy and Maybelle. Maybe the stupid bastard could provide a little more entertainment than a swift death. The patrons began to crowd forward with glee to view the possibility of some unexpectedly novel carnage.

Now that she was close enough, Jayne could finally see into River's face. He looked into her eyes expectin' to find them ablaze with anger, but instead found them shimmerin' with tears. His breath caught in his throat as he realized she was not so much furious, but rather she was hurt, nearly heartbroken. As he took in the distraught yet protective form, he felt the tears prickle at the back of his own eyes. Oh, i go se /i .

This was all Mal's fault. He was the one who had to discuss something i alone /i with her outside. He was the one who had told Jayne not to smother River, not to keep her attached to his hip at all times. The Captain was the one who'd said they wouldn't attract so much attention that way and she needed some more space to breathe. Well, from now on, if he survived this infraction, the mercenary decided his girl could gorram breathe with his arm 'round her then he would never have to worry again about some random woman from his past slidin' up so close to him. And it wasn't like they weren't attractin' a bit of attention now.

Swinging fully around at the sound of the click, Maybelle's mouth dropped open when she saw the teen holding a gun on her man. Her first instinct was to tear the girl's hair out, but, when she looked into those dark eyes, she knew that would not be the wisest thing she could do today. Of course, as she belatedly realized this was probably the girl Jayne had been talking about, she figured she hadn't done anything wise yet today. She abruptly released her hold on the merc and raised her hands as she carefully stepped back from the large man. Pouting, she thought she didn't much care to be included in someone else's domestic troubles.

Jayne could not remember ever bein' quite so relieved as he did when he finally managed to escape Maybelle's clutches. Pushin' her aside, he stepped away from the bar and around the unmovin' Roy before stoppin' in front of River's still upraised gun. He knew by the way she continued to hold the pistol steadily aimed at him that this was not gonna be an easy fix. She may be teary, but she was also an eternal threat to anyone who crossed her. Needin' her to see his eyes, he knocked the brim of his hat up higher on his head and pulled his glasses off before unconcernedly shovin' them into a random pocket.

"River-girl, this ain't what it looks like."

Slowly twisting around to see who was holding the gun on him, Roy blinked at the sight of the slender girl armed with the very big pistol. He noticed she hadn't moved the gun so now she held the weapon on Maybelle's_friend_. With Jayne in the line of fire, Roy decided the little girl would be too pre-occupied to see him as he once more made a grab for his revolver because he did not like to be threatened by anyone much less a slip of a girl who couldn't control her own man. He halted in mid-motion, however, when he felt the end of a gun tapped against his back. The lunk glanced behind him and, when he saw Mal's severely aggravated face, decided now was definitely not the right time to make a play for his gun. So Roy carefully and slowly raised his hands palms up to show his cooperation. He'd just watch the entertainment like everyone else in the bar.

River trusted Jayne. She really did, but this situation was so similar to how he used to act that her insides were shredding. Their whole intimate relationship had started because she'd been determined to put Jayne back together again after she'd broken him at the jail. So, if he was acting like himself, it was all she had ever really asked him to be. She had only hoped he could be himself and yet still be with her.

From the beginning, River had doubted her abilities to keep a man like him happy enough to need no others. Knowledgeable but not experienced, sometimes she still felt so very young and naïve and unsure. She knew her mother had ignored her father's other women, and now she wondered if Jayne expected her to ignore his. However, she knew she would never be able to accept that kind of relationship. If he wanted other women, she would have to let him go before she hurt someone. Whether him or the woman or herself she didn't know, but someone would experience the wrath. She'd been trained to fight and those instincts could only be denied so far.

Gritting her teeth, River forced herself back into this moment. She had to listen to Jayne, to hear him out, to find out what was really going on here. Peering into his wary gaze, her eyes took on more of a hardened glare. She would not let his soft expression cancel out all that she had seen. He still had to convince her that this wasn't what it appeared to be.

"What does it look like?"

"It looks bad. I know it looks bad. But I was just standin' at the bar, and I felt a woman lean up against me, and I swear I thought it was you."

River cocked an eyebrow when she glanced skeptically at the curvy form of Maybelle.

Jayne peeked over his shoulder at the blonde and grimaced. Flexin' the tense muscles of his shoulders, he started again, "She don't look like you. Or feel…" His voice trailed off when River's face tightened at his choice of words. He swallowed the lump in his throat and continued, "But I was expectin' you so when she showed up and I wasn't lookin', I thought she was you. But she wasn't you. She was her. And I know her… from the past. But I got no need to know her now… because I know you now."

Jayne tried to smile, but, when River's lip began to tremble despite the angry glint in her eyes, he realized once again he had said the wrong thing. Somehow likenin' his girlfriend to a whore didn't sound the same when spoken aloud as it had in his head.

Tryin' to appear unfazed by his own verbal incompetence, the merc stumbled forward, "Not that I know her like I know you… Well, I sorta do… but not really because you're you and she's… her. And you're not like anyone else because you're you… which is why I don't need to know her… nor anyone like her no more. Because you're way better--"

Snickers erupted from the audience milling around the bar.

Without botherin' to look at the offenders, Jayne whipped out his own gun and pointed it to his right at the loudest voice he could hear. He never broke eye contact with his girl. He knew she needed to see the truth in his eyes because he knew even in this ugly situation she would never break her vow to not read him. Oh, how he wished she would though. In fact, if he made it out of this with his relationship still intact, he would insist she read him whenever she wanted then this gorram stupid sorta misunderstanding could never happen again.

River barely noticed when Jayne drew his gun. She was too intent on trying to read the truth in his eyes to bother with his use of weaponry. However, when someone on her right took exception to the mercenary's unexpectedly threatening maneuver, she swiftly swung her arm around to aim her pistol point blank at that new intruder.

Those who didn't have firearms aimed at them found this gunplay added immensely to the couple's entertainment value. In fact, some patrons were making silent bets as to whether or not the two could hit what they were aiming at without ever turning to look at their targets. Oddly enough, the girl was getting better odds.

Jayne felt a little better now that River's weapon wasn't pointin' at him. However, he felt a lot better knowin' his girl was still protectin' him even though he didn't seem to be able to form his words into a coherent apology. Maybe she trusted him enough to let him clarify what was goin' on. So the mercenary enthusiastically took encouragement from his current lack of death.

With newly found buoyancy, Jayne dived back into his flounderin' speech. "Not that that's why. I mean you are… but it ain't i why /i . I mean it is why… but it ain't _the reason_."

Gorram, this was confusin', thought Jayne. Somehow the conversation had moved from clearin' up the situation with the whore to explainin' what River meant to him, to havin' that talk he'd been delayin'. The biggest problem was that he still wasn't sure how to describe how he felt about his girl. He grimaced because explainin' away Maybelle was a whole lot simpler than explainin' why he didn't want to lose River, why Maybelle and those others simply didn't exist any longer to him and he didn't want them back neither.

River bit her lip when Jayne's face contorted. It wasn't his I'm-looking-for-a-good-lie-give-me-a-sec face, but he was obviously wracking his brains for some kind of an answer. Why did he need to search for an answer? If this was all a simple mistake, why was the explanation so complicated? Why couldn't he just tell her the truth?

His jaw clenched so hard his head ached as Jayne realized he was still hurtin' her. Seein' her bite her lip, he knew that his disorganized words had not cleared him of wrongdoing. Not that he blamed her he wouldn't have believed someone like him neither. He was simply so bad with words. He didn't know how to verbalize how his toes tingled when she smiled at him or how a simple touch by her could drop him to his knees faster than any bullet. For some reason, the words to describe how eagerly he looked forward to everyday with her kept eludin' him. Weren't there any gorram words that could convey how much River meant to him?

Outta the blue, Jayne understood. He blinked. The words must've been hoverin' right over his tongue. The answer was so clear and uncomplicated and true he wasn't sure how he could've missed it because it simplified everything he had been tryin' to say.

Wide-eyed, Jayne peered down into River's uncertain eyes and asked with obvious and absolute sincerity, "You wouldn't happen to know how long I've been in love with ya, would ya?"

Jayne figured River would know because she was perhaps the smartest person in the whole gorram 'verse so she should know the answer. She always knew the answer. So she could tell him when she stopped bein' just a girl or just his girl and became the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Doe-eyed, he waited expectantly for her to enlighten him.

However, River remained silent as her eyes filled once more with tears.

With his eyebrows twistin' into a confused knot, Jayne tried to understand what he had done this time to make her cry. Was he not supposed to love her? Did she not want him to love her? Was that why--

"He loves her?" River's voice wobbled and a tear slipped over her lashes, but the gun in her hand never wavered.

Even though he too still steadily aimed his weapon at the crowd, Jayne automatically reached up with his left hand and brushed the tear from River's cheek. When more tears rushed to touch his fingertips, he curled his hand around her neck and pulled her to his chest. He couldn't bear to see her cry. He hadn't meant to make her cry. He'd simply finally understood what was happenin' and wondered when it had started. Tryin' to soothe her, he petted the silky fall of her hair.

Although she hadn't said anything yet or lowered her weapon, River wrapped her free arm around Jayne's waist and burrowed into his chest. She hadn't known this would happen which was extremely odd because she always knew what would happen. However, with Jayne, she never knew what would happen anymore. He was an absolute mystery to her. So she was completely unprepared for his announcement of love. Uncertain what to do and embarrassed by the staring crowd, she closed her eyes and tightened her grip on her mercenary.

"My parents love each other. I shoulda known." Jayne blurted out contritely. He recognized this was not the proper occasion to tell his girl he loved her, but as usual he had said the wrong thing at the wrong time because his mouth ran too fast for his brain. He hoped she'd give him another chance to do it right.

River's voice was muffled by his shirt. "Her parents didn't. She's not certain what love is. All the definitions have been fuzzy and contradictory. Empirical data has not produced a cohesive definition either. Zoe and Wash's love felt different from Simon and Kaylee's. Captain Daddy and Inara's doesn't feel like either of those. Neither does what this girl feels for Jayne. What is love? How is she to know without a proper definition?"

"My Pa told me long ago that someday I would just know. And he was right," assured Jayne.

When River's arms tightened around him in response, Jayne didn't know what to say or do next, but he was fairly certain it was something Mal would not appreciate him doin' in public. So he decided the Captain could figure out how best to get them to someplace private. After that thought, he closed his eyes and rested his cheek on the top of River's head and stopped doin' anything besides hold her.

The crowd sighed.

Mal rolled his eyes. This was way worse than he had imagined his day would be. If not for River's pain, he knew the whore would've been easier to deal with. When the entwined couple still hadn't moved after another minute had elapsed, he concluded they were not goin' to do anything except stand there until they were given some form of privacy. Glancin' around at the onlookers, he realized that privacy would not be found here so he needed to get them back to the boat. Then they could do whatever it was they needed to do somewhere far away from him. Exhalin' heavily, he holstered his gun and stepped up to the bar.

"I need two whiskeys."

When the distracted bartender placed two glasses on the countertop, the Captain covered them with his hand and tossed over several more credits than was necessary for two mere drinks. "Bottles."

The bartender raised his eyebrows, but handed over the requested alcohol.

"Gonna have to celebrate." Mal suggested sourly as he waved the bottles. Turnin' back to inspect the stationary couple, he frowned darkly before thrustin' the whiskey into the stunned Roy's arms. "Hold these."

"Jayne, I'm gonna take Debbie out of your hand and holster her for you. I ain't tryin' to steal her, and I'll touch her as little as possible."

Mal carefully pried the mercenary's thick fingers off the gun while makin' sure not to squeeze the trigger. He efficiently put the safety on and strapped the gun into the larger man's holster. Meanwhile, Jayne's newly freed hand found something better to do as it wrapped around River's waist to fasten her more securely to him.

Rollin' his eyes again, the Captain then walked around to the other side of the embracin' couple and spoke loudly once more. "Li'l albatross, I need to take your weapon now too." Once more, his words fell on nearly deaf ears. However, as he reached for the pistol, she uncocked it and let it dangle from one finger in the trigger guard.

Sighin', Mal retrieved and safetied the weapon. Practically before it was even out of her hand, River's arm had joined her other one in her tight clasp of Jayne's waist. As the Captain went to secure the gun, he realized not only was the holster obscured by her arm, but its position would put him into contact with rather untouchable parts of her anatomy. Knowin' his muscle for hire would snap out of his stupor just long enough to deck him for improperly touchin' his girl, Mal quickly decided he would keep the pistol until later.

"I'll give you this back when you're not so busy." Mal said as he tucked the gun into his waistband. He plucked the whiskey out of Roy's unresistin' arms, and ordered, "Okay, this has been fun, but it's time to go."

"Awww." The crowd grumbled in unison. This had been the best show any of them had seen in a long time. And the couple hadn't even gotten to the big kiss yet. Gorramit. These newcomers couldn't leave 'em all hanging like that; it wasn't rightly fair.

When his suddenly happily-ever-after couple of hired thugs didn't budge, Mal sighed heavily once more. "Okay. Fine. I'll just give you a little direction so you can find your way out to the mule. Then we can be on our way." Holdin' the whiskey bottles in the crook of one arm, he grasped one of Jayne's elbows and began steerin' the couple out of the bar.

River and Jayne went willingly enough, but their eyes never opened and their embrace never loosened as they shuffled along under Mal's guidance.

The bar patrons tagged along behind them. Hoping they'd get to see that kiss after all, the usually bored bar goers followed the trio out of the tavern.

When the group, bar crowd and all, finally made it to the mule, a hideously embarrassed Mal commanded, "You're gonna have to let go long enough to get in. So let go, and get in."

Jayne simply picked River up and reached out blindly for the machine.

Grunting at yet another horribly humiliatin' inconvenience, Mal grabbed Jayne's hand and placed it on the handrail. He frowned and decided it was still too dangerous to let them move around much without some more direction because they had yet to open their eyes. Tryin' not to touch the big man anymore than absolutely necessary, the Captain lifted Jayne's foot onto the mule and guided the man's other leg over the side. Thankfully, the mercenary managed to pull the rest over without anymore assistance. Once the couple was inside the vehicle, Mal let them sit down on their own as he pulled himself into the driver's seat.

Mal released the brake and turned the engine on, but decided to check on the couple one last time before drivin' out. Twistin' in his seat, he noticed two things wrong.

"Jayne you can't have both arms around the girl. You ain't watchin' where we're goin' so you have to hold on to the mule with one hand. Otherwise, y'all will get tossed."

Jayne sightlessly grasped the handrail with his left hand, and pulled River closer with his right.

Sighin', the Captain realized the next problem was gonna be a little more difficult to coordinate because his hired gun only had two hands and at least one of them was obviously goin' to stay around the Albatross.

"Jayne, your hat's gonna blow off if you don't hold onto it." Normally, Mal wouldn't have cared, but he knew Jayne was goin' to be damn pissed if he lost his favorite hat. So the Captain figured it was for the best that they dealt with the situation now before the hat couldn't be retrieved. This whole situation was already headache enough to last him for months, if not years. He didn't need to add eternal grumblings about a lost hat into the mix.

When neither man moved, River offered her own solution by reaching up one hand and securing Jayne's hat to his head, thereby allowing both of them to maintain a one armed embrace.

Annoyed but as satisfied as he realized he was likely to experience today, Mal started up the mule. The bar patrons clapped and waved and a few even sniffed back tears (from the blowing dust, nothing more) as the crew headed back to Serenity. The Captain hoped to never meet any of those people again and that none of them spread this little ditty around. Sighin', he knew it was a faint hope, but he hoped nonetheless.


	15. Chapter 15

Title: Regrets

Series: Choices

Author: mik109

Rating: NC17

Pairings: River/Jayne

Disclaimer: If I was Joss Whedon, then I'd be… Well, I'd be Joss Whedon, but, alas, I ain't. Poor me.

Warnings/Spoilers: After the series and BDM

Regrets (Part 2)

The others were already waiting for them when Mal pulled the mule into the cargo bay. Sitting on the stairs playing with baby Wash, they barely turned to look at the occupants of the mule because if something had gone wrong they would have commed earlier.

Upon seeing his sister with her eyes closed and held firmly to Jayne's chest though, Simon rushed forward. "Is River hurt?"

Mal hopped outta the mule, held up a hand and stopped the doctor's forward motion by pushin' the bottles of whiskey into the younger man's chest. "Ain't no one injured. Not that I didn't think about it, but still no one got injured. So, Doc, no need for you to go all overprotective and punch me. I conjure I'm not the one you'd be wantin' to punch today anyway."

"Then why do they look like that? Why is River sitting on his lap?"

Mal raised his eyebrows.

Simon realized what a dumb question that last one was. So he concentrated on the first. "Why do they… look like that?"

"Because they're happy. Don't they look happy? I know I'm just thrilled and you will be too which is why I got the whiskey," drolled Mal as he pried Jayne's hand loose from the rail and used the larger man's elbow to maneuver him into a standing position with River cradled in his arms.

"You got the whiskey because we're happy?" Simon blinked in confusion. The bottles clattered in his arms when he shuffled away from the mule at the Captain's urging. He couldn't comprehend why Mal was moving Jayne and River about as if there were dolls. What had happened to render them this abnormally pliable? And why hadn't they opened their eyes?

"Yup." Mal dryly assured of the Doctor. Tiltin' his head to the side, the Captain inspected his lovebirds, tryin' to figure out the best way to get them out of the mule. After formin' a plan, he tried to place the hand Jayne had underneath River's knees back on the rail, but Jayne resisted releasin' his girl until the Captain bent him over far enough for his forearm to remain supportin' her knees. Then when the Captain tapped the big man's left leg, Jayne automatically lifted it over the rail for Mal to position his foot on the running board. Once that leg was over Jayne required no more help to pull the rest of his body and River's out of the mule. However, the Captain still thought it best to guide them safely to the ground. He'd gotten them this far, and he wasn't goin' to have his plan thwarted by a stupid misstep at the end.

Extremely bewildered by the odd puppet show, Simon couldn't find his voice until the others had stopped moving. "Okay. What are we happy about?"

"Why today we are celebrating the fact that my mercenary," Mal patted Jayne on the shoulder then pointed to River, "has declared his love for your sister."

Simon's mouth fell open. This was certainly not what he had been expecting. He'd been worried about how Jayne would act if they actually made it to a bar after the job. Visions of the mercenary spouting words of love to his sister had not been part of his anxious contemplations. "What--"

"Which, as I said before, is why I got the whiskey." Mal carefully turned the couple so they were facin' the way out of the cargo bay. If only Jayne would open his eyes, the Captain was more than willin' to let them leave the bay.

"But--"

With his annoyin' little task mostly accomplished, Mal took one of the bottles back from Simon. Clinkin' the bottles together, the Captain explained, "That one's yours."

Simon looked down to the unopened, completely full bottle clutched in his hands and ruefully thought that it probably wouldn't be enough. He tugged on his ear and politely inquired, "What happened?"

Pursin' his lips, Mal considered the situation minutely before answerin'. "Well, there was a bar, a whore, said whore's boyfriend, guns, a declaration of love, purchases of alcohol, and then we came home."

"A whore?" Simon was extremely confused. A situation with a whore was what he'd been worried about, but he didn't understand how it led to an assertion of love. Shouldn't a whore have been a reason for a breakup and not for some form of commitment?

Mal shrugged. "It was Jayne in a bar. Could any of us really expect less than the appearance of at least one working girl?"

"But--"

Ignorin' the mystified Doctor, Mal turned to address the women of Serenity who had yet to speak up even as they now stood on the bay floor watchin' the goings on with extremely amused curiosity.

Since Zoe had her arms full up with baby and Inara never took his orders, Mal addressed his mechanic. "Kaylee, could you be a little darlin' and kindly escort our li'l lovebirds to their bunk."

Kaylee's eyes widened even as she stepped forward to do her Captain's biddin'. "Their bunk?"

Mal shrugged. "It's not like they're ever a part. And after all the love talk, I conjure they ain't gonna be apart anytime soon. Hence their bunk because I ain't wastin' space."

Kaylee put one hand under Jayne's elbow and one on his back before she swung back to her Captain to ask, "Which one is theirs?"

"For the moment, just take them to River's room. I doubt they'll let go long enough to get down the ladder into Jayne's."

"Okay, Cap'n." Kaylee grinned as she began directin' the silent couple out of the cargo bay.

Rollin' his eyes, Mal added, "And I suggest you run like hell after you close her door because I'm not certain how much longer they'll be able to keep their hands off one another. In fact, I think we should all steer clear of the passenger dorms until they vacate the area."

Kaylee giggled. "Yes, Cap'n."

Refusin' to watch his hired guns be manhandled like sleepy children anymore today, Mal turned to address his first mate who was clearly strugglin' not to laugh. "So the job went well."

Zoe managed to hold her merriment to a twinkle in her eyes. "We got paid?"

"Yup. No violence neither."

"That's good, Sir."

Mal leaned forward to check on his now sleepin' godson. "Yup." He bounced there fingerin' his suspenders for a moment. He jerked his head toward the bridge. "I'm gonna go fly the ship away from here."

"Good idea, Sir."

"Yup." As he sauntered toward the exit, Mal tossed back over his shoulder, "Could y'all take Simon to the mess? I conjure he'd be easier to watch get drunk there while y'all had dinner."

"Another good idea today, Sir," asserted Zoe as she stepped around the already drinking doctor and walked over to the controls to close the cargo ramp.

Simon hiccuped at the approaching Companion. He blinked glumly into her kind face. "At the rate this is going, someday I'll have my very own mercenary-in-law."

As she calmly cupped the elbow of the arm the Doctor wasn't using to knock back the whiskey, Inara suggested over her shoulder, "Mal, you might want to stop thinking up good ideas now before you permanently run out or more likely injure yourself."

Mal paused momentarily in the doorway, but chose to rise above such petty bickerin' on this happy day. So he blithely continued his trek to the bridge where he could think about flyin' and not about his recalcitrant crew. He decided he'd give the lovebirds a couple of hours alone time before his copilot would have to take the helm so he could join Simon in a deeply inebriated stupor for the rest of the day.

When the trio reached River's room, Kaylee left the couple in the hallway for a moment as she opened the door and switched on the light. She turned back to the pair and cheerfully steered them into the middle of the girl's cabin. Pattin' them both on the shoulders, she smiled into their closed eyes before exitin' the room. As she slid the door shut, she advised, "Have good sex."

When the door clicked closed, Jayne's and River's eyes snapped open as the sound of privacy released them from their trance. Without releasing their tight hold, they both leaned back slightly to look into each others' eyes.

Jayne kept his left hand on her waist as he reached up with his right to wipe away the tracks of her tears. Self-conscious, he didn't know what to say about what he had blabbed to her. So he started with something else. "I don't think Mal's very happy."

River knew Jayne was delaying, but she wasn't certain she was anymore prepared for the rest of the conversation herself so she let him. Shaking her head, she agreed, "No, Captain Daddy's very embarrassed."

"Yeah." Jayne grimaced and lowered his eyes. "I'm sorry about that whole thing with Maybelle. I really didn't try to pick her up. She just sorta latched onto me and wouldn't let go."

River cupped his jaw with both of her hands to make him look at her. When his eyes met hers, she assured, "She knows. She trusts him. She is sorry she doubted him for a moment. Please, forgive her."

Shocked, Jayne sucked in a breath. He didn't like her thinking she was to blame for anything that had happened today. Made his chest ache. "Nothing to forgive. It's not your fault. A few months ago I would definitely have been tryin' to get some female company at that bar." His hand slid down to cup her jaw this time because he too wanted her to see the truth in his eyes. Earnestly he explained, "But I got no desire to go lookin' for time spent with anyone besides you."

Wincin' at his own foolishness, he shrugged his shoulders in apology. "Didn't even think about workin' girls bein' there when I insisted on a drink. Stupid of me really."

"Why did he?" asked River. When he looked bewildered, she added, "Insist."

Jayne flushed and mumbled, "I thought it'd make everything real. Show this was real because I wasn't pretendin' to be something I'm not."

"What isn't he?" queried River softly.

His eyebrows scrunched together as he tried to come up with the right words. He wanted to answer her question as honestly as he knew how. Looking directly into her eyes, he said, "I ain't a good guy. I go to bars and I drink and I get into stupid fights." His eyes flickered away for second before he determinedly returned them to meet her gaze as he added, "And I say the wrong thing at the wrong time."

River bit her lip and her eyes shimmered once more. "Wrong thing?"

Seein' her renewed tears, Jayne rushed to reassure her, "Not that what I said was wrong. It was right… I mean it was true… I mean it i is /i true. It's just that it wasn't what I shoulda said… when I said it. I--"

His rambling speech was cut off by River's fingers as she covered his mouth.

She smiled up into his bemused face. "She loves him too."

Jayne blinked. She hadn't said that before. She had said she didn't know what love was so he didn't know if she was simply tryin' to make him feel better now or if she really meant it.

"Before you weren't--"

River cut him off again. Beaming brilliantly up into his hopeful face, she reminded him, "His Pa told him that someday he'd just know. That's how she knows."

His eyes brightened and an enormous smile spread across his face. He couldn't believe his luck. She was so perfect and beautiful and… expectant. His eyebrows twisted in confusion. What was she expectin'?

Jayne blushed when he realized why River was waitin'.

She raised her eyebrows and giggled.

After lickin' his dry lips, he rasped out, "I love you."

When she laughed and threw her arms around his neck, Jayne rambled on, "I do love you. I'm sorry it took me so long. I--"

This time River shut him up with a kiss, a very deep and heartfelt and overwhelmingly satisfying kiss. When she drew her head back, she saw he was blushing again. Smiling up into his embarrassed but loving face, she brushed her fingertips against his red cheeks then kissed their warmth just as softly. She heard his breath catch and felt his hands grip her waist more firmly.

Jayne was already tryin' to find his breath, but when his girl pulled back to peer up at him through heavily lidded eyes, he found what little breath he had mustered escaped again. Slidin' his right hand up her back to tangle in her hair, he leaned down to lick her breathlessly parted lips. When her tongue welcomed his, he pulled her closer and kissed her with all he had.

Acknowledged love added such a heady spice to their kisses that neither one knew how long they stood there kissing. It could have been a minute or eternity. However, in that time, they conveyed all of their pent-up longing as well as their ever present desire for one another. Slowly, their bodies began to shift as their kisses and caresses became urgent.

"River," whispered Jayne across her temple as she licked down his throat. The curve of her smile was his only answer. He moaned when she began to lightly suck on his pulse point.

As the throb of desire became ever more insistent Jayne's hands stroked across her body to meet at the zipper of her dress. He knew her now. He knew her looks and her smell and the sounds of her breathing and the way her body reacted and everything. However, at this moment, it all felt new again. So he pried open his pleasure-laden lids to watch the slow revelation of her glorious back as he slid the clasp down.

As he tried to push the dress off her shoulders, River tightened her arms around his neck and laughed against his throat. When his fingers stopped their motion, she lifted her head to grin up into his confused face. "He is always wearing too many clothes, and this time so is she."

Jayne felt the blush rise again. Once more, he had been so anxious to get her undressed that he had forgotten his own attire, and this time he was not only armed but also had on a hat and a coat. Ruefully, he was thankful he had removed the gloves and glasses earlier in the day. Plus, he belatedly realized he couldn't get her dress off now without ripping it because she still wore her shoulder holster. It was so sexy on her he had forgotten it had to be removed first. Someday, he'd have to have her wear it and nothing else, except maybe the knife strapped to her thigh and those combat boots. His eyes glazed over at the thought.

River laughed again as he lifted her off her feet in a bear hug and mumbled a sorry into her hair. After he gently set her back down on her feet, she playfully swatted his hands away when he reached up to pull off his hat. She waggled her eyebrows up at him when he managed to roll his eyes despite the grin he couldn't keep from his face. It was their unwritten rule that once one of them began removing the clothes of the other reciprocity precluded the removal of one's own clothes without permission. Now, he had to wait for her to undress him which was both pleasure and torture because she liked to tease him with her deliberately unhurried pace.

Jayne loved the look of concentration on his girl's face when she undressed him. As always a possessive growl arose in his throat when he watched her eyes sharpen and the tip of her tongue sneak out between her lips. Wagglin' his own eyebrows, he held his arms out at his sides palms up then winked at her. He could barely restrain his arms from wrappin' around her when she took his mischievous invitation as encouragement to run her nails up his chest. Even through the soft material, he could feel the scratch, and the tension in his body ratcheted up another notch. He couldn't hold back his groan when she raised herself up on tiptoe to top off her maneuver with a nip to the underside of his jaw.

Feeling the rumble in his chest beneath her hands, River smiled saucily and licked his cheek before removing all points of contact between their bodies as she snatched off his hat and dropped her heels back to the ground. She grinned possessively as his eyelids slid to half mast and his fingers twitched in his effort to keep them from grabbing her. Her grin widened into a smirk as she carelessly tossed his hat over her shoulder and it landed with perfect accuracy atop her dresser. When Jayne bit his lip, she giggled because she knew how turned on he became by displays of her physical prowess.

Nearly unmanned by his girl's giggle, Jayne tried to remember how to breathe. The fun she found in all their private moments always swelled his soul. He would never be able to describe how heroic he felt when she bubbled over so lighthearted and carefree with him. After all that she had been through, the fact that he could make her giggle made him more proud of himself than anything else he had ever done in his life. Famished for her taste, he couldn't prevent himself from swoopin' down with a deep kiss to swallow her giggle.

Leaning up into the kiss, River twined her fingers in Jayne's short cropped hair to hold him steady as her tongue took control and plundered the recesses of his mouth. When the irrational need for air broke their kiss, she slid her hands down his strong neck to push the jacket from his broad shoulders. She unconcernedly let the coat drop to the floor as her fingers skimmed down his sides to alight upon his holster. She watched his darkening eyes as her fingers feathered across his thighs to release the ties before darting back up to efficiently unbuckle the well-cared for leather. Carefully, she slid the holster from his waist and stepped over to lay it gently across the back of her chair.

Every time she treated his weapons with such implicit respect, Jayne's heart nearly burst. No one before her had ever understood how his arsenal was as much a part of him as his own limbs. He knew the consideration with which she handled his weapons was the same care which she offered him. However, until today, he had not realized how much he required her tender treatment to simply exist from one day to the next. He was heartened to know he had figured it out before it was too late.

River stepped back in front of Jayne with her arms held to her sides palms up in invitation. Noticing his faraway gaze, she tilted her head to the side and cocked an eyebrow. She knew his mind tended to drift away somewhere she believed to be quite pleasant when she handled his arsenal, but she also knew his glazed eyes would refocus on her momentarily with a stomach curling hunger. So she waited patiently for him to return his attentions to undressing her.

Jayne returned from his musings to see she was waitin' for him once more. He quirked an eyebrow in response to her amused expression. Then he leaned forward to lick the outline of her lips until her mouth fell open and her soft breath turned to warm pants against his face. He dipped his tongue into her lonely mouth briefly before resumin' his original goal of removin' her dress. This time he remembered he had to start with her holster first. So he cupped her shoulders in his palms and rubbed his thumbs against the soft leather for a moment before slidin' the rig down her arms. As he lifted the oddly light holster away from her, he realized for the first time she was no longer properly weaponed up.

"Where's Bridget?"

River smiled. Even in the midst of passion, her mercenary would remember his weapons. "She has to get her back from Captain Daddy later."

"Hunh?"

"He couldn't put her back at the bar."

Jayne looked at her questioningly for a second before rememberin' why Mal had kept the pistol. He growled possessively, "Damn straight he couldn't put her back. I'd have decked him if he had tried."

River giggled. "He knew."

Jayne rolled his eyes inducin' another giggle before steppin' around her to lay the rig down on the chair. He turned back to stand behind River. His hungry eyes burned trails across the endless expanse of her exposed back. Strokin' his roughhewn hands up the ivory perfection of her skin, he nearly purred at her tremble. He leaned down and licked the indention of her spine before pushin' the dress off her shoulders and down her arms, allowin' it to pool into a ring of fire around her feet.

Eyes too heavy to open, River leaned back against Jayne as his hands brushed down her sides. Turning her head, she rubbed her cheek again his chest while his calloused palms scraped over her hips and across her thighs. Her breath hitched in her chest as he tormentingly unfastened the knife sheath and eased it away. She moaned when he stepped back to lay the weapon on the chair with the others.

Finishin' that task swiftly, Jayne swung around and unexpectedly pulled River to his chest, liftin' her high into the air. He laughed at her undignified squeak. After she snaked her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist, she stuck out her tongue at him so he quickly leaned forward to capture her playful tongue with his own naughty one. When she moaned and rocked her hips against him, he smiled into her mouth and pushed her up against the door. Holdin' her steady with his chest, he reached behind him to unfasten and remove her footwear managin' to never abandon her mouth in the process.

Once Jayne had tossed aside her boots and socks, River pushed on his shoulders, steering him toward the bed. She peppered his face and neck with kisses as he supported her with one arm while he backed up and blindly pulled down the covers. She waited until his whimper at her provocation before joining their mouths once more.

Turnin' around, Jayne tumbled them onto the bed with River beneath him. Their kiss broke on mutual groans as their bodies came into fuller contact. He slid his hands beneath her back and unhooked her bra before shiftin' his weight to his knees in order to completely remove the currently in the way garment. After tossing the wisp of fabric aside, his hands returned to her body to mold her breasts. He brushed his thumbs across her hardenin' nipples even as of his mouth descended to her firm slopes. Lickin' a path of liquid fire from one summit to the other, he thoroughly laved each nipple before suckin' one into his mouth while his calloused fingertips enticingly twisted the other.

Writhing on the bed, River savored Jayne's caresses for another minute before deciding it was time for her to taste him. Sitting up, she forced him away from her chest and into a more upright position. In fact after she quickly shed his boots and socks, she decided she would prefer him to stand. So she knelt up and tugged on his hips until he stood at her bedside. Smiling lazily up at him, she brushed her fingers across his stomach before slowly untucking his T-shirt. Normally, she preferred to keep their skin from touching as she removed his clothing, but today she decided she didn't want to wait. So the instant the skin of his stomach was revealed, she leaned forward and licked a meandering course to his navel.

Jayne groaned as his stomach quivered beneath River's wet caress. His knees had nearly given out at the unanticipated touch. Oh, what his girl could do with her tongue. It was a wonder that he ever let her leave his bunk. When the removal of his T-shirt reached his pectorals, he bit his lip because she bit firmly on his nipples before pullin' back her head to encourage him to lift his arms for the material's final removal.

River carelessly dropped his T-shirt on the floor as her eyes turned his belt buckle, and she licked her lips. She grinned predatorily up at Jayne before her hands slowly slid open the clasp of his belt. Even more slowly, she unbuttoned and unzipped the fly of his cargo pants. When he sighed at the release of his straining erection, she trapped his breath again by cupping him firmly and running the pad of her thumb over the head.

Groanin' deep from his gut, Jayne captured River's face between his big hands and kissed a respondin' groan from her. When her slender fingers eased beneath his waistbands, he facilitated his last garments removal with a shimmy of his hips. He stepped out his clothes as he kneeled back on the bed and lowered his girl to lie on her back again. He deftly flicked her panties from her enthusiastic form, and only when they broke for air again did he lever himself back onto his knees to straddle her recumbent figure.

Running a lazy hand down his face and chest, River smiled enticingly up at her mercenary. How she loved having her very own protector, one who chased away all her demons yet let himself be vulnerable enough to love her. Her heart swelled once again at the memory of his gruffly voiced acknowledgement of love, as he bared the final piece of his soul to her, and in public no less. She knew now his devotion would never sway, only grow day by day until the 'Verse itself was dwarfed by its size.

Jayne's heart thundered at the ardent expression on his girl's face as she ran her fingertips across his eager skin. No matter how many times he saw her like this he knew he would never drink his fill of her beauty. His blunt fingers tenderly stroked down her throat, outlined her clavicle, and roved down her sternum. He deftly used their roughness to elicit heavier pants from her as his fingertips skimmed back and forth across her nipples before trailing lower to count her ribs.

River arched off the bed for fuller contact with his hands when they leisurely trekked across her stomach. She could barely take in enough oxygen as she felt his love pour into her with every touch. This was the same as it had always been yet their confessions had fundamentally altered every fiber of their beings so every moment was simultaneously brand-new. Twisting raggedly against her pillows, she wasn't certain how much longer she could wait to hold him in her arms and let their love surge through her.

Bending down, Jayne blew passion across her skin while his hands slipped beneath her. As his hands supported the cradle of her hips and his lips smoothed across her stomach, he thought maybe someday.

"Someday the light will be theirs." River whispered.

Jayne rested his cheek on her abdomen. She could feel his tears pool in her navel as he mumbled against her skin, "This hurts."

She ran soothing fingers through his hair and brushed away his tears when he lifted his face to peer bewilderedly up at her.

"It's never hurt before. Why does it hurt now? Shouldn't it feel better?" The innocence in his bright blue eyes stole her breath for a moment.

"It does. That's why it hurts," assured River.

Jayne lowered his head back to her stomach and wrapped his arms around her hips, huggin' her securely to him. He had always known love was not something to fool with, but he had never imagined the exquisite pain which came with this forever after feeling. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to bear much more.

Needing to be one with him, knowing he needed it to, River reached down and gently raised his face into the sunshine of her love. Smiling, she said the words necessary to complete their bond. "Make love to me."

Eyes wide, Jayne stopped breathing. He was afraid the words were merely an illusion. "Me?"

River beamed even more broadly as she slid a hand down to cover his heart. "Words are easier to find here."

Jayne felt the prick of tears once more as he inhaled like a drownin' man who had just broken the surface of the water. Delicately framin' her face with his strong hands, he devotedly smiled into her eyes as he settled his body across hers. He kissed her breathless as his hands feathered down her body to verify she was really ready for him because he knew this moment was too important to rush.

River's heart turned over at the gentle probing of his hands. No one would ever believe how caring and considerate he was every time he touched her. He never pushed or demanded; he simply followed where she led, even if that meant leading her forward inch by inch. She had never been allowed to learn in such an open and accepting atmosphere with no hidden motivations. He wanted them both to feel pleasure and would not proceed unless they both did.

Moanin' at the slickness between her thighs, Jayne knew she needed him as much as he needed her. He drew back from their kiss to hold her gaze as he slipped his knees between hers. As their arms wrapped around each other, he gently cupped her bottom and unhurriedly slid his body into her willing warmth.

Their knowledge of each other combined with the newness of their love to build an astonishing symphony of textures and emotions. They were swept away by the pounding rhythm. Unable to bear the beautiful ache alone, they kissed more deeply than they had ever kissed her before, so deeply their souls merged as they rode the music to its ultimate crescendo calling out each other's names.

Struggling for breath and composure, the strength of their embrace never wavered as their kisses slowed and their silent tears of joy mixed with the perspiration of their love. As their heartbeats gradually returned to normal, their languorous bodies shifted to rest facing one another side-by-side. Their humble yet carefree smiles punctuated their shared intimacy.

Jayne gently brushed the sweat slicked tendrils off River's face. She was flushed and glowing and the brightness of her sated smile nearly burst his heart. He had been alone for so many years that he had long ago given up hope of ever findin' someone with whom to share his life, but she was here now and he would never let her go.

Peerin' into the perfection of her face, he had only one regret. "I wish--"

Knowing his unspoken wish, River covered his soft lips with loving fingers. She smiled wisely and shook her head. "No regrets."

"But--" Jayne could not shake this one blemish on their relationship. No matter how many times they made love he knew he would never be able to forgive himself for the manner in which he took her innocence.

"Would he have ever touched her if not for the incident at the jail?" asked River as her fingers stole into his hair.

His eyebrows scrunched together. "I--"

"Would he have continued to have fantasies about her?" She inquired as her body shifted closer.

His eyebrows twisted ruefully. "I--"

"Would he have ever approached her to turn those fantasies into reality?" She breathed across his lips.

His eyes widened. "I--"

River smiled, her expression open and honest and true. "She would not change the past because to do so would change where they are now. And she would not change where they are now. Not for anything. So, no regrets."

She dipped her head forward and kissed him, her lover, her friend, her mercenary, her Jayne.

In that moment, Jayne believed her and finally found within himself the ability to forgive himself. He would never be broken again.

Their kiss had never been as sweet, as the wine of forgiveness flowed through them. They caressed with steady hands feeling the unbreakable chains bind them even closer.

Just as their tenderness began turning to hunger once more, banging suddenly interrupted their interlude.

They jumped at the unexpected intrusion.

"Hey, y'all better stop the sexin' cuz it's time for the li'l albatross to take the helm so I can get drunk like any self-respectin' Captain Daddy at a time like this."

River and Jayne blinked, trying to clear the haze of passion.

Mal hammered on the hatchway again. "You hear me in there?"

"Yeah, Mal, we hear ya!" growled Jayne.

"And, Jayne, you get to haul our asses to our rooms when we're totally sauced. Simon's nearly there already. So get dressed and start with him." Mal paused for a second before adding, "And you ain't allowed to hit back when we take the inevitable swings at you. Just let us fall flat on our faces. _Dong ma_?"

The Captain followed this pronouncement with by more banging.

Rollin' his eyes, Jayne hollered, "Yeah, Mal. I'll be there in five."

Jayne and River looked deeply into one another's eyes, remembering all they had shared today and in the past, and recognizing all they would share in the future.

Sighing, River slanted an eyebrow and said, "Okay, maybe one regret."

As their smiles widened and their joyous laughter rang out, they fiercely embraced once more, and Jayne realized he would never tire of the feel of River's laughter against his skin.

THE END


End file.
